Chapter 35 Morgana
Morgana
“Inoticed it just when we were leaving, so I stayed to make sure. And, well—just wait and see.”
I try to focus on what Tira’s saying as she leads us back down to the gaidonesti chamber, but my mind keeps flitting between a hundred different thoughts.
It didn’t work. I worried that maybe Caledon would see through our trap, or else he’d be smart enough to avoid the cursed star. But neither of my worst predictions came true. Instead, we’re left with a possibility I never considered—one that is so much worse.
I want to hit myself, I want to scream, but both require too much energy—energy I’m putting into staying calm right now, into not losing it in front of my guard.
These are Trovians who’ve put their faith in me, who are ready to lay down their lives for me.
I can’t reward that by going to pieces, even if we might just have doomed us all.
Leon’s horror emanates across the mooring—even he thinks we’ve monumentally messed up.
As Tira leads us back into the chamber, the light of the gaidonesti looks dimmer than before.
I’m sure I’m not imagining it. We promised the dryads a solution, forcing them to give access to their most sacred objects, and now Caledon has taken away the power they hold most dear and will probably destroy their country.
There has to be a solution. This can’t be the way things go, not when we’ve tried so hard to do the right thing. Would the gods really punish us like this?
The gods—Ethira. Someone speaks his name, and I look to where Tira’s pointing across the chamber floor.
The tokens of Ethira still lie there, forgotten: the bow on one side and the belt with the other items a few feet away where Caledon dumped it.
They look pristine, nowhere near as old as legend says they are.
I frown, my tense mind at last focusing enough to understand what Tira’s getting at.
The ground around the tokens is pristine too, untouched by the dark substance Caledon’s shedding with every step. It covers the chamber floor, oozing with a malevolent shine, but the ground is completely clean in a foot-wide perimeter around the artifacts.
“Their power must repel the curse,” Tira says, proudly. “That means we can use them against Caledon, right? If they were owned by a god, couldn’t they be strong enough to help kill whatever Caledon’s become?”
“If Caledon thought the artifact weapons could be used against him, he never would have left them here,” Leon points out.
“But there are stories,” Tira replies, looking around at the other Trovians for backup. “Maybe not in any of Ethira’s myths. But there are legends where mortals managed to use a god’s weapons against them, right?”
“Like Keliop and Ralus’s sword, you mean?” Captain Drisha grunts.
“Or Leande and Firesta’s torch,” Etusca adds in agreement.
“But in both those stories, the mortals had a special affinity for the object—Keliop was a master swordsmith and Leande an incendi of Firesta’s own making, and even then they only wounded them.
I suspect that’s all the artifacts could do in the hands of a mortal too. ”
It makes sense. Caledon knew he didn’t need to be concerned about some random mortal picking up the artifacts—not when he’s so much more powerful than any of us now. After all, only a god can kill a god.
Only a god.
The phrase sticks in my mind like a thorn. Trova needed a queen, so I became one. But that’s no use to my subjects now. Not as long as Caledon walks the earth.
“What about in the hands of an immortal?” I ask Etusca.
She blinks, not understanding. “I’m sorry?”
“What if an immortal used the weapons?” I clarify. “Then they could kill Caledon, right?”
I feel a flicker across the mooring, some reaction from Leon that I ignore for the time being, keeping my eyes fixed on Etusca.
“Yes,” Etusca says, dragging the word out doubtfully, “I suppose so. You’re saying we should try to summon one here?”
“No, she’s saying we should make one,” Leon answers. His voice is steady, neutral, but there’s turmoil reaching me through the mooring that I can’t quite read yet.
I nod at Etusca. “Do you know the ritual? I saw some of it in the Miravow, but not in detail.”
Etusca stares at me in shock. In fact, that’s how everyone stares at me. Except Leon, who looks thoughtful.
“Who?” Tira says. “You? You want to follow in Caledon’s footsteps? Ana, that’s insane.”
“Forgive me, my queen, but I would like to second her sentiment,” Captain Drisha says.
“But it can only be me,” I say, hearing the frustration in my own voice.
It’s not like I don’t realize this is a drastic move.
“The whole reason Caledon needed me in the first place is my power. He thought I had enough to make him strong so he could survive the ritual. With the gaidonesti to help me, I’m sure I will. ”
“My dear, I can’t let you do this,” Etusca says, grabbing my shoulders. “What Caledon has done to himself is unnatural. It breaks the laws of—”
“I’ve heard that before,” I cut her off, pulling free from her grasp.
“When I had to save Leon, we broke those rules. There were consequences, but we faced them.” I stare her down.
I need her to remember that I’m not the sickly girl who needed to be shielded from harsh realities.
I’m not just a grown woman who has come into my powers—I’m a queen, with all the responsibilities that entails. And I have my own choices to make.
“I’m ready to face these consequences too,” I continue. “Now, I’m sure you can work out what kind of strange viatic transformation was taking place when Caledon used the tokens. I’ll use them too, and then we can make me strong enough to stop him before he hurts more people.”
Etusca wrings her hands, looking around at the group before turning back to me. She takes me in, and her expression changes as she seems to make a decision.
“I suppose I could take a guess at most of it.”
“Stop!” Tira shouts. “I can’t believe you’re even considering this. Sophos said he wasn’t even sure what would happen to Caledon once he used the tokens. What if this kills you, Ana? What if you become something none of us recognize?”
There are tears in her eyes as her voice rises in panic. I understand that she’s afraid of losing me, just like she’s lost everyone else. But as much as I love Tira, she’s only one of the people I have to protect.
“That’s a chance I have to take,” I say. “When I decided to claim the throne, I was accepting that the country is mine to look out for. If I have to risk my own life and happiness to save the lives of my people, that’s a sacrifice I signed up to make.”
I don’t feel noble or brave saying this.
Even if the ritual goes to plan, I don’t want to be immortal.
I want to age and die like everyone else, and I have no desire to inhabit some strange inhuman form that sets me apart from them, which might even separate me from Leon.
We don’t know what this ritual might do to the mooring.
But what leader has the chance to save their kingdom and doesn’t take it because they might get hurt?
I’ve been hurt plenty in my lifetime, and rarely for as important a cause as this one.
Tira turns to Leon with a pleading expression. “Aren’t you going to stop her?”
Leon closes his eyes, thinking.
“No,” he says a few seconds later. I feel his emotions more clearly now—there’s some fear and sadness there, true, but something burning stronger than both. I think it’s…pride?
Warmth bubbles inside me when I understand. He’s proud of me for making this choice.
Tira looks at him like he’s as crazy as me. “You’re really telling me you don’t have a problem with this?”
“I can think of much worse things than Ana being unkillable,” he says calmly.
Tira throws up her hands as if imploring the gods to bring some sanity to the room. I meet Leon’s gaze. We’re in this together, bound body and soul, and that means I won’t do this without his approval.
“Are you sure?” I ask.
“I’m not sure, no. And neither are you. We don’t know how this will go. But that doesn’t matter.”
He looks around at the others, speaking aloud so they can hear his reasoning.
“Certainty isn’t always the savior you think it is. In war, there’s rarely a truly right option. We shouldn’t expect things to be easy just because we’re doing them for the right reasons. I made the mistake of thinking that way once, and I won’t ever forget it.”
“So you’re saying this might be as disastrous as our last plan, but at least we know that going into it?” Alastor sums up weakly.
Leon rolls his eyes at his friend. “I’m saying this is Ana’s choice to make, and I won’t take that away from her. I love her too much.”
I look over to Tira, silently asking her to understand.
“Fine,” she says, shaking her head. “Fucking fine. I guess if Leon of all people can accept you throwing yourself into danger, then I have to.” She wipes tears away and rolls her eyes, clinging to her usual snark.
“Of course, you just had to go and be the most selfless bloody queen the world ever saw.”
I walk over and pull her to me, hugging her tight.
“Make that monster suffer,” she murmurs in my ear.
“I will,” I say.
“Are you sure you know how to do this?” Drisha asks Etusca as she and I step carefully around the seeping darkness Caledon left behind to pick up the tokens.
“Yes, and no,” she says. “I know enough of the legend and of viatic magic to understand the general principals of it, but I also suspect it’s not very complex. We’re probably safe to do some improvising.”
I know Etusca is a brilliant healer, so I have faith in her judgment, but not everyone feels the same.
“Not very complex?” Alastor asks. “Are you talking about the same make-me-a-god ritual as we are?”