Chapter 14 Brad
Brad
Walking back from the showers, one thing has been consuming my mind: Noah.
Today I’ve got to return home to Veronica.
The thing is…how could I be okay with looking her in the eyes after what I did with her son?
This weekend has shown me just how much I’m not in the position to marry her.
I should feel overwhelmed with guilt. I should be drowning in it.
But I’m not. I…liked it. A lot. And maybe that’s what scares me the most.
I’ve always been a loyal person. I stick to my word and I don’t let people down.
Cheating on her wasn’t anything I ever pictured myself doing.
But, with Noah…it felt like I had no choice.
My mind and body acted of their own accord.
If anything, feeling the weight of returning back to her feels more like betrayal.
I’m almost forty and he’s half my age, yet this feels better than any relationship I’ve ever been in.
Noah feels…right…to me.
So, now what?
Arriving back at the campsite, I walk up just as what looks like Dakota is leaving.
My jaw clenches as I make my way to Noah.
“What did she want?” I huff out.
He looks down at his arm and then back to me. “She wanted to give me her number.”
I stop in my tracks, feeling the weight of his words on my chest.
I reach out for his arm and look down at the number scribbled on his skin.
This is the reality of our situation. Staring at me right in the face. Noah is single. I am not.
And until I figure out how to fix that, I’ll have to deal with these things happening.
“Does this make you upset?” Noah asks, scanning my face.
I drop his hand. “I’m in no position to say anything.” I answer truthfully. “Come on. Let’s finish packing.”
Noah licks his lips, but looks away. “Let’s.”
***
I snap the truck bed shut, the sound signaling we’re finally packed and ready to go.
Getting everything in the truck took us longer than expected.
Our steps were slower. The bags were heavier and everything seemed…
harder. It’s already way later than I thought we’d be leaving.
At this rate, we won’t be getting home until after dinner.
Something heavy hangs in the air between us as we slide into the front seats.
Noah hasn’t said all that much since I gave him back his phone. I don’t miss the way he’s barely looked at it either. Of course, I don’t blame him. Neither have I. I took one look at my screen, saw a message from Veronica saying she’s excited to see me, and decided to shut it off.
I stare out at the vacant lot where our tent once stood. So many memories folded into a single weekend. Noah made me confront so much of myself that I’ve kept buried…and I don’t want to go backwards from here.
I don’t want to lose him, but I can’t shake the feeling that once we get back home, I will. And if that means staying here forever…I would do that.
Yet, I know that’s not real life and I understand that I have to face the repercussions of what I’ve done. I hurt someone this weekend. As explosive as it may be…I have to own up to it.
I lift the keys to the ignition.
Still, the fear of flipping my life upside down tickles at my neck. What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if it was all just a one-time thing for him? I wouldn’t just be losing Noah…
I drop the keys on my lap. Thinking more about it, I lift the keys again.
Then, drop.
Lift.
Drop.
“Brad,” “Noah,”
We speak at the same time. Looking at each other, soft laughs break through the obvious tension.
There’s a quiet beat that settles between us as the words fight their way to the surface.
“Don’t… don’t marry her,” Noah says softly, turning toward me in his seat. “I’m not sure what this is… but I want a chance to figure it out.” He swallows deeply, collecting his thoughts. “I need more time with you.”
My chest tightens at his honest words.
“I won’t,” I answer, honestly. “Not after this.” I exhale, looking down at my hands.
“Don’t say that just because of me,” Noah shakes his head.
My eyebrows pinch. “I’m not. I mean, yeah, this weekend was the best weekend of my fucking life.
It feels like you’ve woken me up from being asleep for so long.
” I drag my hand down my face and lean back in my seat.
I’m never this open and vulnerable but hell, why hide it now?
Noah will see right through it, anyway. “I can’t go back to living a lie. Not when the truth feels this good.”
Noah’s shoulders relax as he leans back in his own seat too. I glance over and see his eyes gleaming over at me. He looks so beautiful when he’s happy.
I do have to be completely real with him though.
He deserves to know what this means. “But, this isn’t going to be easy.
You'll have to be patient with me. I don’t need to tell her I’m with you…
but I will need to break up with her which will bring its own consequences.
Add in our age difference. This isn’t exactly going to be a cake walk—”
“Fuck it. It’ll be so worth it.” Noah smiles, grabbing my hand and pulling it over to his lap. “I want this, Brad. If you need me to wait, I’ll wait.”
I laugh, squeezing his hand. He’s fucking wild. I can’t believe I’m doing this but…I’m so fucking happy at the same time. I cannot wait to explore this. Learn more about him. Be with him.
“I want this too.” I admit.
“I meant what I said last night. I’m yours.” He locks his eyes with mine as he brings my hand to his lips, kissing the back of my hand softly, sending ripples through my whole body.
“Fuck yeah you are.” I pull him in with my other hand on the back of his neck, and we lock lips instantly. We kiss deeply until we have to come up for air.
“Come to Hawaii with me.” Noah smiles against my lips.
I pull back slightly, chuckling softly. “I have a whole ass company to run. I can’t just leave.”
Noah laughs, his teeth grazing my lip as his fingers tighten on my thigh. “Okay then, hire an interim manager or whatever. Then, come meet me there. ”
Once I realize he’s serious, I let the thought sink in.
Noah in Hawaii… Visions of us splashing around in the clear blue water flash through my mind.
His beautiful green eyes glistening off the water’s reflection.
Lounging with him in a hammock or fucking him on a canopy bed.
How carefree that would feel. The thought fills my chest up with such hope.
I look at his beaming face, already trying to figure out how to make this real.
“Okay…yeah. I’ll figure it out.”
He blinks slowly. “You’ll do that for me?” He grips the back of my neck, leaning his forehead against mine.
“I’ll do whatever you ask me to.” I press my lips to his feverishly. Is it normal to be this addicted to a human being? I need his taste, his body, his heart. Seeing the way he looks at me like I can solve everything fills me up with such pride.
We keep kissing for a while until I sadly need to pull out of our lot. But this time, the keys don’t feel so heavy.
It’s almost funny; a week ago, I was planning for a wedding, thinking this part of myself was dead and put to rest. Now, I’ve met this young man who’s made me feel more alive than I ever have before.
I’m not letting that go. I can’t. I won’t.
This might be the end of the weekend, but it’s not the end of us. Not even close.
This is just our beginning.