Chapter 24 Brad
Brad
Noah’s a quick learner.
The past week, he’s really found his stride. Picking up on the odd tasks we haven’t had the time to do, he’s actually helped us move a lot faster. I’m not exactly sure if he actually enjoys the job, but it’s not like he’d tell me if he didn’t.
As much as I hate to admit it, having him around isn’t so bad. For work? He’s been a godsend. For my heart that dies a little inside every time I can’t touch, kiss, or have my way with him? It’s fucking torturous.
Eight-hour days with the guy who once blew my mind in a tent might be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And it’s not like he’s making it easy.
He flirts. Smiles. Winks.
He’s doing everything he can to make this harder on me. And fuck, has it been hard.
My nightly showers have become record-breaking. Knowing he’s right down the hall turns solo time into a damn sprint.
He really hasn’t changed. And that both thrills and scares the hell out of me. Just like it always has when it comes to him.
It’s Saturday morning. Our first real day off. Veronica, being Veronica, is off running errands, which leaves me with some quality time with Paislee. Which I happen to love.
Only this time, it also means Noah will be home. Just me, Paislee… and him.
I’ve gotten a handle on crying babies, year-long dry ruts, and back-to-back sixteen-hour shifts. But one morning alone with Noah? This might actually break me.
I finish changing Paislee’s diaper and slip her into a cute little flowery jumper when Noah knocks on her bedroom door. My heart speeds up instantly.
“What’s up?” I ask, refusing to turn around. If I can maintain a professional tone and keep my comments platonic, I may stand a chance.
“Whatcha doing?” Noah asks.
“Just finished changing and now we’re going to play downstairs. Maybe go for a walk outside,” I say, picking her up from her changing table.
“Cool. Can I come?” Noah asks cheerfully, stepping into the room.
I stiffen. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Paislee reaches over my shoulder, giggling, reaching out for him. Noah steps closer, and now I can feel his heat beside me.
I swallow thickly, trying not to soak in his scent. But it’s no use—I have to breathe.
He smells so damn good, and it hits me hard. The memories flood my mind all at once. Sunlight. Fresh air. Heat.
He’s a damn aphrodisiac. My mouth waters instantly.
“Well, I think Paislee wants me to come,” he smiles, tickling his finger in the palm of her hand.
I turn to make my way to the door. “Don’t you have other things to do? Friends to hang out with?”
“I don’t exactly have a car to get around in, Brad,” he says my name, and it makes my cock twitch.
This isn’t good. I’m losing this battle.
“Plus, is it so bad that I want to hang out with my baby sister?” he asks, following me down the stairs.
“And my step-daddy?” I can hear the joke on his lips, but it doesn’t do what he thinks it does.
My stomach twists, dirtiness climbing my bones. I can’t fucking resist.
I clench my jaw. “Fine. You’re pushing the stroller.”
A teasing grin pulls at his lips. “As long as we stop for ice cream.”
***
Ice cream is a bad idea.
The sun’s out, the day’s hot, and now Noah’s ice cream is melting too fast to keep up.
Walking with Noah and Paislee through the subdivision has been…nice. But with ice cream involved—nice turned dirty quickly.
I watch, helpless, as his tongue—that fucking pierced tongue—drags slowly up the swirl of chocolate and vanilla before wrapping around the tip.
I knew getting ice cream in particular would be a risky decision for this very reason.
But Noah—Noah doesn’t think about risk. Now, we’re stopped in the middle of the sidewalk as he struggles to catch the melted treat before it drips even further down his hand.
The long, lazy strokes of his tongue flash images in my head. Him on his knees, eyes locked on mine, licking slow and deliberate, like it was what he was born to do.
Fuck. Why’d he have to be so good at that? I knew then I wouldn’t be the same. And I was right.
“You’re doing this on purpose,” I mutter, trying—and failing—to look away.
“Do what?” he asks with a low chuckle. But that smirk? Yeah. He knows exactly what he’s doing.
This little shit.
I could just…
I scan for a distraction. Or a bench. Or a cold shower.
“There’s a park up ahead,” I say. “We’ll sit under the shelter so you can finish… your dessert.”
He nods his head. “Good thinking. Always so smart, Brad.”
I take over pushing Paislee as we make our way over to our destination.
We take our seats across from each other, and I go right to pushing Paislee back and forth, making her giggle. I give her a small bite of my ice cream, which she immediately loves, reaching out for some more.
“You’re really good with her,” Noah says softly, watching us. “You’ve really fit into this dad role.”
My mouth goes dry. That’s the first time he’s actually said something nice to me about Paislee since being here. “Thank you,” I mumble.
When I glance up, he’s staring into the distance. Deep in thought. I hate how much I wish I knew what he was thinking. Before I can stop myself, my mouth is moving.
“You ever want to be a dad?” I ask. I flip my baseball hat around so it covers my face. I don’t need him to see more of my face than he already does.
He quirks an eyebrow, unable to hide a sly smile. “I don’t know. Guess I never really thought about it.”
“I wasn’t exactly thinking about kids at your age either, so I can understand that.” I nod.
“Maybe…if I found the right person, at the right time, it wouldn’t be so bad.” He smiles softly, nudging his shades up higher on his nose. “Paislee makes it seem pretty fun.”
“Yeah, she’s pretty cool.” I agree, nodding my head. “I seriously never thought it’d happen to me so—”
“Why not?” he asks.
I swallow deeply. I guess I never really talk about it.
“Children have always felt pretty final to me. I mean, they are—really final. And that used to scare the hell out of me.” I admit, honestly.
“When I’m not sure about making decisions for my own life, how am I supposed to make decisions for someone else? ...is how I used to think.”
His eyebrows raise. “I never would’ve guessed that answer from you.”
I laugh softly. “Yeah, why would you? It’s not like you really stuck around long enough to ask how I felt about it.”
Noah shakes his head, looking down at his ice cream cone. “You know that’s not what happened.”
“Really? You didn’t freak the hell out as soon as you found out?”
“Oh, no. I definitely freaked the hell out.” He smiles. Cocky as ever.
I shake my head, focusing back on Paislee, who looks like she’s drifting to sleep in her stroller.
“I just…wanted you to be happy,” Noah mutters softly.
My heart aches the moment the words leave his lips. He left for me?
“I can’t fucking believe you.” I look down at my shoes, unable to look him in the eyes. My anger pulses through me. “I wish we had talked about it. I wish you had stayed.”
“Well, we’re talking about it now.”
“Well, it’s too fucking late now,” I bite back, looking at him. “You left. I’ve moved on.”
As much as I want to let him in again, I can’t. I was an idiot then, trusting him so easily. I can’t let that happen again.
He looks like my words visibly push him back. “Have you really?”
“Excuse me?” a frail voice interrupts from behind.
I turn to see a sweet elderly woman, smiling graciously at us both.
“Yes?” I ask, trying to steady my breathing.
“May I please say hi to your little one?” She smiles.
I look over at Noah, whose eyebrows raise.
“Yeah, she’s just drifting off to sleep right now, but you can go ahead.” I shift the cover of her stroller back so the older lady can get a better view.
“Oh, what a precious little peach. What’s her name?” she asks, clasping her hands together.
“Paislee,” I answer.
“Beautiful name, for such a beautiful little girl,” she coos.
It warms my heart to see it.
“And you two are very lucky.” She adds. “Handsome fathers.”
I feel the blood drain from my face. My gaze shifts to Noah, who tilts his head at me, a cocky grin plastered on his face.
“Thank you,” he answers for me.
“You know, my daughter’s husband has an older brother who’s gay, and he and his partner just adopted. Such a precious couple. Such a wonderful family,” she says, lightly patting me on the back.
Fear creeps up my back at the misunderstanding, but as my eyes connect over the table with Noah’s beautiful face…that fear dissipates.
Sadness of what could’ve been replaces the feeling. Why the hell did he have to go?
“Yeah, that is wonderful,” I say softly.
“I'd better go. You three have a great day.” She pats me on the back a couple more times before slowly making her way, continuing down the trail.
Swallowing deeply, I look over at Noah, who is looking away from me, arms crossed over his chest.
“You’re not forgiving me any time soon, are you?” he says it more like a statement than a question.
I think about how much anger I have for him.
A whole fucking year—gone. Stolen from us.
If that one weekend we shared was any indication of how incredible we could’ve been, it kills me that he took that away.
Sometimes, I almost wish that weekend had never happened at all.
I wish I didn’t know how good his lips tasted, or how it felt to hold him close.
Maybe then I wouldn’t be so twisted up inside.
Maybe I’d still be with Veronica, content in the ignorance of what I never had the chance to keep.
Because if I never knew how good having him felt, not having him wouldn’t hurt this fucking much.
“No. I’m not.” I shake my head slowly. “I think it’s best if we just…leave it alone. Forget it even happened.” The words taste like acid in my mouth.
He nods his head, looking away. “Okay. If that’s what you want.” Throwing his ice cream in a nearby trash can, I watch as he walks off. The same way he did over a year ago.
Only this time, I’m the one who told him to go.