8. Meadow
Chapter 8
Meadow
June, Seattle
T rying to write a comparative literary analysis on Chaucer stories would usually be a breeze. Except that I was working on it in the waiting room of the campus clinic, feeling like death warmed over. Finding out I was pregnant was stressful enough, but none of the baby-safe remedies I had tried were helping at all. So, back to the clinic I went, hoping they would have some magic cure I hadn’t thought of.
“Meadow Reed?” the nurse called out.
I closed my book and clutched it to my chest as I followed her back to one of the exam rooms.
“The doctor will be right with you.”
My PCP was too far to go to, and I wasn’t entirely sure how confidential it would be since both of my parents went there as well and it was a small town outside Seattle. Despite privacy regulations, no one kept anyone’s business to themselves in small towns. For now I would stick to the campus clinic for my own sanity.
I fidgeted while I waited, reading over the same sentence about twenty times before the doctor finally knocked and slipped into the room. “Hello there. I hear you’re having some struggles with your symptoms?”
“It’s miserable,” I confessed. “I’m exhausted and nauseated all the time. Nothing really helps, and I can’t keep powering through. I cannot start failing my classes.”
“We’ll get everything figured out. Let me ask a few questions so we can narrow down the issues. Have you been having regular contact with your pack?”
“Um…”
“Oh dear.” She gave me a concerned look. “Have you still not told them? Are there safety concerns?”
I huffed out a sigh. “It’s not that. As far as I know, the father’s not even in the country right now. I haven’t tried getting in contact yet.”
“Well, I can give you some medication that might help, but honestly, the best cure is going to be your pack. The hormones released when you’re in close proximity, specifically with the alpha who fathered the child, reduce most symptoms for omegas. I strongly encourage you to reach out to them and see if they’ll come back and take care of you.”
“I’ll just take the medicine, thanks.”
The doctor frowned, muttering something about how unusual I was for an omega. “Do you have any support system to aid you during your pregnancy?”
“My roommate’s been great,” I told her.
“At least you have someone . I do have to warn you, though, that it’s entirely possible your symptoms are worse because you’ve separated a recent bond. I cannot believe an alpha would be so irresponsible as to leave the country after bonding an omega.”
I held my tongue, refusing to give her any details about how I had slipped away while he was asleep, totally disgusted with myself that I had basically thrown myself at him. Hendrix was busy being Apollo, the lead singer of Hard Knot Life. Even if I did manage to tell him, there was no way he’d be interested in a baby. Probably the best I could hope for would be some ass-kicking child support so I didn’t have to rely on my parents to give this kid a good life.
Thinking about him made my nausea worse. Apparently, reminding my body that he existed made it pissed off he wasn’t here.
“Meadow, I truly don’t want to scare you, but I’m not confident any of your symptoms are going to improve without your alpha. If you can’t find him, or you’re not safe to do so, then I would recommend starting to look for another one.”
I froze at her words. I didn’t want any alphas right now, let alone multiple. These were supposed to be my years of independence, when I figured out my life.
“There’s no other option?”
“Well, we don’t like to overmedicate during pregnancy, and most omegas tend not to need much medication for this, so the options are limited compared to betas. A safe alpha is always what’s best for the pregnancy. Do you perhaps have a friend who could assist?”
I bit down on the urge to scoff. I didn’t have alpha friends. I had Clover. Plus, the odds of me finding any alpha who was happy to hop on board when I was pregnant by someone who already had a pack was pretty low. I had to pull on my big girl panties and reach out to Hendrix. Once I knew for certain he wanted nothing to do with me, then I could look at other opportunities, but for now, I was kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place.
“How much worse could it get?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. It’s difficult to separate the symptoms between what’s caused by the pregnancy and what’s caused by the bond separation. Only one responds to treatment, so I suppose we’ll find out soon enough. I should warn you that the medication can make you drowsy, so keep that in mind.”
She wrote me up a prescription after checking all my vitals to make sure there wasn’t anything immediately obvious going wrong. At least I had something to try, even if we weren’t confident it would do anything. Maybe the placebo effect would be extra strong and I could avoid the inevitable for a while longer.
I took my first dose in the bathroom at the clinic, scooping water with my hands to swallow the little pill. It was too much to hope for that it would magically fix all of my struggles, but I was disappointed anyway that there was no difference the second it touched my tongue.
I bought myself a ginger tea and took myself back to the dorm, determined to finish this paper, even though all I wanted to do was nap.
“Hey there, sleepyhead.”
I lifted my head that felt akin to a bowling ball, my cheek sticking to the pages of my book and my eyes bleary.
“You haven’t passed out that hard since finals last year. Feeling okay?”
I blinked up at Clover, rubbing my eyes and reaching for my tea, which was now stone cold. Fuck. Apparently the doctor had understated the medication’s drowsy effect. “I feel like ass.”
“What did the doctor say?”
I wrinkled my nose. “She gave me some meds that knocked me out but said I probably won’t get better because it’s pregnancy symptoms on top of bond separation. She wants me to find the father.”
“You say the word, and I am ready to go full Internet stalker on that man. He’s gotta have some social media I can snoop, so we can reach out.”
“Clover, he’s not going to want to.”
“You don’t know that. At least give it a chance. It’s not fair to you or him to assume he’s going to abandon you before he’s proven that one way or the other. If he’s going to be a dick, then you can haul his ass back to the country.”
“How the hell would I do that?”
“Well, it’s against most international laws for an alpha to leave the country without their omega if they’re newly bonded. Doubly so if the omega is pregnant.” Clover beamed. “We learned that in my family law class yesterday. You could sue his ass to kingdom come if he doesn’t step up.”
I was ninety-nine percent sure that would go terribly. If I dragged Hendrix off a world tour, I would probably nuke any chance of a future amicable relationship with him. “That seems a bit extreme.”
“What’s extreme is him not trying to find you after realizing you were bonded.”
“Maybe he didn’t notice.”
“How would a person not notice that? He should be tripping over himself trying to find you.”
“He doesn’t even know my last name.”
Clover rolled her eyes. “That’s not an excuse. How many Meadows can there be in Seattle?”
She did make a valid point, which only tipped the scales a little further into the probability of Hendrix wanting nothing to do with me. “We’ll talk about it later, okay? I really need to get this paper done.”
“All right, but if you need help hunting this guy down, let me know.”
“You know I will.”
“I’m supposed to meet some people for a study group. Are you gonna be okay? I can totally cancel.”
“I’ll be fine,” I insisted. “Go get your study on.”
Once Clover left, I chugged down my cold ginger tea and resolved to get to work. I was halfway through my reading when it felt like I had been struck by lightning, my heart and mind racing, my eyes flicking over the page and absorbing every word in rapid succession. The paper formed in my head, the arguments, the analysis, and I dragged my laptop over, fingers flying over the keys. I had no idea what was going on, but this was infinitely preferable to passing out on my book.
I finished one paper, and then another that was due two weeks later, then notes for two of my upcoming exams, before I finally got too restless sitting in one place and set about cleaning the dorm.
“Meads, I’m ba—” Clover stood frozen in the doorway while I was on my hands and knees, scrubbing baseboards. “Holy shit, girl.”
“Hey, Clo.”
“What are you doing? I thought you had a paper?”
“Finished it.”
“Why are your eyes so big?”
I shrugged, turning back to a pesky scuff I was determined to buff out of existence. “Dunno.”
“Girl, stop cleaning. The whole place is sparkling already.”
“But the scuff.”
“You can’t even see the scuff when you’re standing. It’s fine.” Clover herded me over to the couch and got me a glass of water, but I was still buzzing with energy.
I chugged down the water, sating my thirst and apparently triggering my hunger. My stomach growled loudly.
“How long have you been cleaning for?”
“Not sure. A while.” I felt twitchy and unsettled, a bit floaty, like my body was struggling to keep a hold on my brain. I clung to the couch arm, staring at Clover.
“Is this a weird reaction to your medication? You kinda look like you’re cracked out on caffeine. Should you call the clinic?”
“I’ll go back if I still feel like this tomorrow. Maybe I have zoomies because I had a really solid nap? I haven’t been sleeping well lately.”
Clover frowned. “I guess that’s possible. Do you want me to make you something to eat, or should we order something in?”
“Pizza?” I asked hopefully.
“Double pep, extra cheese?”
“Yes, please.”
Clover put in the order, and by the time it finally arrived, I was ravenous and pacing. Half the pizza disappeared before I realized I’d been inhaling it, and I ate the next slice at the speed of a reasonable human.
“That was a little scary,” Clover admitted. “I’ve never seen you eat that fast.”
“I was hungry.” I pouted.
“I see that.” Clover passed me another water. “Got to stay hydrated after all that sodium.”
It was past two a.m. when I finally crashed. I felt normal when I woke and fended off Clover trying to lovingly bully me into going back to the clinic.
“I promise I’ll go if the same thing happens when I take the medication again.”
“You’d better, or I will personally kick your ass.” She made kissy faces at me as she departed for her first class, and I dragged my ass all the way into consciousness with a hot shower and a package of Pop-Tarts. I added a banana, in the interest of at least pretending to be healthy.
I looked up Hard Knot Life because I apparently liked to torture myself, and stared at the band photos that had been posted since their concert last night. I watched clips of Hendrix rocking out on stage, closing my eyes and pretending like I was right there with him.
That was a stupid idea.
My body rebelled, hearing him, thinking he was close, and getting no relief. I lost my Pop-Tarts to the porcelain god and consoled myself with a bottle of water and a slice of leftover pizza as I dragged my ass to my first class.
It was just morning sickness. Absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I was bonded to a rock star and he was thousands of miles away, instead of tucked up in bed with me. This was so fucking unfair. Why wasn’t there a biological undo button?
I could get through this.
I had no choice.
Emailing the management for the band via the contact form on their website was degrading, but I was bordering on desperate. After hitting submit, I resolved to wait, albeit impatiently.
The universe didn’t make me wait long, though. By the next morning, there was a response in my inbox, but not the one I wanted.
I knew it.
I read over the message again, even though it made me both queasy and furious.
Unfortunately, due to the unverified nature of your claim, we are unable to put you in contact with any members of Hard Knot Life. Once the child in question is born, you may submit a formal request for a paternity test. Should that prove positive, we will take necessary steps.
– Sincerely, Gary Williams, Manager
I closed my eyes against the blur of tears. Had Hendrix personally rejected me, or had management decided I was one of god only knew how many women or omegas who had reached out with a similar claim? I wasn’t certain which one was worse.
I threw my phone down onto the bed and stumbled into the bathroom to toss my cookies.
A soft hand gathered my hair into a ponytail and rubbed my back.
“Cloveeer,” I whined.
“I know, babe.” She smoothed my sweaty hair off my forehead while I lay in misery on the bathroom floor.
“I need your help.”
“Absolutely. What can I do?”
“Can you get me backstage at Hard Knot Life’s Salt Lake concert?”
Clover brightened. “You’re going to try to find the roadie?”
“Yeah.” I closed my eyes, refusing to look at her as guilt snaked through me. I wasn’t sure what she would do if she knew who the father actually was. “I emailed the company, and they were no help.”
“Of course they weren’t.”
“I have a…small confession.”
“Oh?” Clover was staring at me with the excited intensity of a thousand suns when I finally looked at her. “You never have confessions. Gimme!”
“I may not have been entirely honest with you about who the father is.”
Clover’s mouth dropped into an O. “It’s not the roadie?”
I shook my head.
“Do you actually know who the dad is? Oh my god. Did you sleep with more than one someones? Is it a baby daddy mystery?”
I pressed my lips together.
“Meadow Marie Reed. You tell me who your baby daddy is right now if you know.”
“Um…” I sucked in a slow breath. “It might be a band member?”
“A what ?!” Clover shrieked. “You slept with someone from Hard Knot Life? When? How? Who? I need every illicit detail you can scrounge out of that beautiful head of yours.”
“I didn’t know it was a band member when we met. I never bothered to look them up before we went ’cause it’s your thing, not mine. He was just really cute and smelled amaaazing . It was a weak moment, nothing more.”
Realization dawned in Clover’s eyes. “Oh my god. Apollo dipped out of the VIP early. MEADOW! IS APOLLO YOUR BABY DADDY?!”
I grimaced. “Unfortunately.”
“Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh. My. God. I think I might faint.” Clover snatched up one of our couch pillows and screamed into it. “My best friend is having a rock star’s baby! Holy shit. Meads, why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was mostly trying to live in blissful ignorance.”
“Girl, you’ve been hurling your guts out. This is the opposite of bliss. You have to tell him.”
“I tried. Management said I could reach out and ask for a paternity test once the baby is born, but otherwise, they’re not letting me contact him.”
“Those absolute fuckers. Do they know that you’re bonded?”
I shook my head. “It already felt vulnerable enough telling them I was pregnant.”
Clover got up to pace the room. “Okay. Their Salt Lake show is already sold out, but I bet you we can get some tickets from scalpers. Let me snoop.” She hauled her laptop out of her bag and got to work searching for tickets while I lay on the cool tile.
“What if he doesn’t want me?”
“Then Hard Knot Life is going to be down a lead singer.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, despite my misery. I would never ask her to, but it was sweet that Clover’s first response was to threaten homicide on my behalf.
“These assholes are trying to sell tickets for twelve hundred bucks. That’s obscene.”
“I can’t ask you to pay that. I can go by myself.”
“Absolutely not. I’m not letting you drive to Salt Lake City by yourself in this condition. We’re going on a besties road trip. I’ll use my emergency credit card.”
“And what about when your parents ask what it was for? They’re not going to think a concert is an emergency.”
“Don’t worry about them. My parents are my problem.”
Within the next fifteen minutes, Clover had negotiated purchasing tickets. No one was selling backstage passes right now, but if I could at least get into the building with them, maybe someone would take pity on me.
Hopefully I survived until then.