Chapter 6 Guns and Other Foreplay
GUNS AND OTHER FOREPLAY
ALEXIS: SIX DAYS UNTIL THE FIRST TITAN ASSIGNMENT
Nyx was a heavy, snoring scarf around my neck.
“Holy Kronos, I can’t do this,” Helen said as she sat on her bed, waving one of her bedazzled “emotional support” guns in the air.
Dragging my hands over my face, I closed my eyes and imagined Carl Gauss praising me for my work on the Riemann Hypothesis. Emmy Noether smiled as she looked over my calculations. Tension melted out of my shoulders at my heroes’ approval.
“What in Kronos’s land am I going to do with Ceres?” Helen wailed despondently. “What have we done?”
My eyes shot open—Carl and Emmy were dead.
Welcome to Hell.
“I did it, technically,” I said. “Not you.”
“We’re both in so much trouble.” Helen waved the gun at me.
At least everyone’s staying calm.
I took a deep steadying breath.
Knock. Knock.
I jumped and Helen pointed the gun at the door.
“Alexis, we have to go right now before Augustus murders us!” Drex shouted from the hall.
Funny story, Drex, you’re actually in more imminent danger than you think.
Helen stared up at me, face contorted with pure panic. She didn’t lower the gun.
“It will be fine,” I lied.
“We can do this,” she lied back.
Nothing in life was more powerful than two women affirming each other’s horrible life choices.
A few seconds later, I ran out into the hall.
Drex grabbed me. “We’re supposed to meet in the villa’s training complex right now. If we don’t hurry, we’ll be late.”
“How far can it be?” I asked.
Our eyes widened with terror as we both realized I’d just cursed us. Crap.
We sprinted out of the villa into the rain.
Nyx sputtered on my neck. “Ughs—I’m melting.” She slithered underneath my clothes.
Lightning flashed.
The electric fence towered thirty feet into the air. Small silver boxes protruded from its base. Spartan solar-powered generators. Sparks sizzled.
Drex pointed at a rock-colored hatch.
Fluffy Jr. pushed his wet nose against my leg. I glanced down at him. What?
He picked up a twig and held it in his mouth.
Don’t you dare. I don’t have time for this.
He choked it down.
Wagging his tail, his tongue lolled out of his mouth—it was covered in bark.
Drex opened the door, revealing a dark stairwell that led into the earth. My kidneys twinged with phantom pain—bomb shelters in Montana were infamously used to store harvested organs.
Drex grimaced. “Ladies first.”
Fluffy Jr. sprinted down the dark creepy steps, tail wagging as he gagged.
I made the sign of the cross and followed him down.
Finally the dark stairwell opened up and I stumbled to a stop.
Drex ran into me. “What is it—”
He gasped.
A cavernous concrete bunker bigger than multiple football fields spread out before us.
Flickering overhead lights covered everything in shades of green, as a chrome Spartan generator sputtered loudly in the corner.
Pockets of fake trees, mimicking a dense forest, were positioned around piles of junk cars, and a quarter of the room looked like an old movie set, crumbling brick buildings standing as tall as the trees.
It was a training course, designed to kill (literally).
Case in point, on closer inspection, the dotted pattern covering everything wasn’t a design choice—they were bullet holes. Oh nice.
Five masked figures stepped forward from the fake trees.
Each of them held a short dagger.
White tank tops, white exercise pants, and white ski masks completed their ridiculous ensembles. If they were trying to disguise themselves, it didn’t work.
Agatha crossed her arms, propping up her boobs, one of which was bigger than both of mine combined (a devastating observation).
Next to her, Poco sat on Augustus’s shoulder, eating his long two-toned hair.
Kharon’s skeleton tattoo stretched across his right arm, and gruesome chest scars peeked out from beneath the scoop of his tank.
At the other end of the line, Patro was wrapped possessively around Achilles.
He winked at me.
Does he have something in his eye?
Achilles only wore the top half of a mask; his lower face was covered by the muzzle.
They stared at us, creepily silent.
Drex shuffled closer to me as he cleared his throat. “So, what are we doing—”
“Pick up your weapons and strap on your holsters.” Augustus pointed at the Spartan guns lying at the bottom of the steps. “NOW!”
We both jumped and obeyed.
“Oh—this is going to be so much fun,” Nyx hissed (our ideas of fun were not the same).
“Here are the rules.” Kharon stepped forward, a dagger swinging between his skeleton-tattooed fingers. “We hide … You shoot.” He lazily stretched his arm. “Simple. Any questions?”
My mind blanked.
“Why are you all in white?” Drex asked as he glanced down at the plain black exercise togas we’d both been given to wear. “Why the dagger?”
Kharon spun his knife. “Your goal is to hit us—white will show the blood.” He grinned evilly. “The knife is my Titan claws. Boo.”
“But … what if we hurt y-you?” Drex took a step back.
The Chthonics burst into laughter.
Augustus shook his head. “You won’t hit us. That’s why we’re here … We have a lot to cover in only six days.”
He smiled.
“This simulation is about shooting accuracy. When it comes to Titans, a Spartan gun is your best defense. Your powers are secondary.”
He lifted Poco up from his shoulder and gently placed him on the ground.
“Protectors head over there for safety.” Augustus pointed to the dark alcove behind the stairs we’d come down.
Poco screeched and put his hands in the air like he wanted to be picked up.
Nero and Poppae trotted over obediently. Hell and Hound followed, their bony skeletons appearing every couple of steps.
In contrast, Fluffy Jr. jumped high, wildly throwing his back legs up into the air in a full donkey kick. Apparently, the motion got things moving—he hacked loudly and threw up a twig.
Everyone stared at it.
“I’ll get that later,” I mumbled (I wouldn’t).
Nyx sighed as she slithered off my shoulders. “I’ll go make sure the obese horse doesn’t choke to death.” I was both grateful and offended.
While Fluffy Jr. chased his tail (it was hard to watch), Augustus gave Poco a treat. He waved his cookie at me as he waddled past.
What a cutie patootie.
I waved back and he chittered while covering his crumb-covered face.
When all the animals were safe behind the stairs, Kharon pulled his mask up and held the hilt of his dagger between his teeth. He clapped loudly and everything plunged into darkness.
Drex and I both gasped with awe. I thought clapper lights were just a myth.
“This is a level-one simulation.” Augustus’s silky voice echoed strangely in the pitch-black. “We will not harm you—we are only using evasive maneuvers. This is to assess your shooting accuracy in the field.”
“THREE,” Kharon yelled abruptly, and lights flicked on in the floor, casting strange shadows across the room.
“TWO.”
There was a loud hum and fog billowed out around us.
“ONE!” Kharon (Karen) cackled.
BOOM.
BOOM.
BOOM.
Explosions flared all around the course; the floor shook; fires raged in all directions; smoke mixed with fog.
All five Chthonics disappeared like ghosts.
There was a loud staticky noise as Titan screeches echoed over speakers.
Drex looked at me with panic. “These people are actually mental.”
“Cults!” I yelled louder as the sound of machine guns popped. “I told you.”
Another explosion rocked the room.
“Run—or I stab the boy.” Breath blew against the shell of my ear. “Carissima, you better hunt us down. Now.”
Whirling around, I aimed, recoil vibrating through my arms as gunpowder burned my nose.
A tattooed hand with black painted nails waved mockingly ten feet away. “Come and get me,” Kharon taunted.
He made a V with his fingers and held it up to his lips. He wiggled his tongue suggestively.
My face heated.
Pervert.
I lunged forward, firing at Kharon as he disappeared into the ruins.
What felt like hours later, but could have been minutes, Patro’s voice rang out from behind a car that was on fire.
“Are you even trying, Alex?” Patro taunted.
“Don’t call me that name.” I raised my gun.
Patro moved in a blur into my blind spot, too quick to track.
He leaned a few feet away. “So—now that you’ve chosen us as partners, we should probably get to know each other.”
I fired.
He chuckled.
The scent of ice filled my nose.
“Why are you d-doing this?” I whispered, feeling off-balance with his personality switch.
Emerald eyes were shockingly vivid behind his mask as he stepped in front of me.
“Doing what?” he taunted.
“You know.”
He cocked his head to the side, mask gleaming in the firelight. “Know what?”
“Stop with the games!” I waved my gun.
“Grow up—Alex,” he sneered. The cruel man who’d tormented me was back. “There’s a lot at stake. Stop pretending you don’t feel it too.”
Wait? Feel what?
I fired, but he’d disappeared.
Time dragged on as I ran through the course.
Two rows of buildings, in what appeared to be a movie set, towered around me.
I walked the path between them, scanning the darkness.
White flashed.
A large shadow sat atop a building.
I pointed my gun at it.
Achilles kneeled on top of a structure, the first one in a row of ten. His burning eyes smoldered as he stared down at me silently—the muzzle obscured his features. A sharp dagger glinted in his hand.
I fired.
He leapt impossibly fast, crouching on a roof three buildings down.
I pulled the trigger as quickly as I could.
Achilles stood on top of the tenth building, hair escaping his man bun as he slowly shook his head like he was disappointed.
Annoyed and exhausted, I lifted my middle finger.
He lifted a square device, pressed a button—the building next to me exploded in flames.
Concrete chunks flew everywhere.
I was flung back.
Blinking into awareness, I slowly took in my surroundings.
My left ear was ringing painfully, and I was lying on the path under a pile of—I picked up a slab of the building and brought it close to my right eye—Styrofoam painted to look like concrete.