22. Kaiya
Emotions bubbled in my chest, and I couldn”t push them away, no matter how I tried.
”Kaiya, come back, dear!”
Farther — I needed to get farther away. I ran through corridors to … anywhere but here. Walls sped past me, then doors, then more walls — but I didn”t care.
I was here to find a saints forsaken relic — not rip open old wounds.
I wasn”t prepared for this. I couldn”t handle it.
The past was supposed to stay in the past!
My lungs burned and my legs throbbed as I reached an enormous set of double doors.
Pressing hard, I fell out into the sunlight, tripping over my skirts.
Before I hit the red cobblestone street, warm arms gripped me, pulling me against a firm chest.
The scents of silk and tea filled my nostrils.
Anger and sadness whipped around inside me, and I tried to push away, to force him to let me go. Jaiel was the last person I wanted to see.
”Princess,” he whispered, voice low and soothing, holding me tighter. ”I know — Just let it all out. I”ve got you.” His hand caressed my back. ”You”re right to feel how you feel. You”re safe.” He paused, voice thick. ”There”s no one here but me.”
A sob ripped through me, my shoulders jerking once.
Twice.
I couldn”t hold it back anymore.
Heat flooded my eyes as he pressed my head against his chest and my tears fell.
No.
Not him.
Why did it have to be him?
”You should have told me,” I sobbed.
He pulled me tighter. ”I — I”m sorry. You know how things are in our line of work, and I just … No. No excuses.” His voice broke. ”I — I regret not considering what the truth would mean to you.”
My heart wrenched and I pulled away. Of coursehe hadn”t considered my feelings. That would require him to think about someone other than himself.
”You saw what secrets did in Gleyma, Jaiel!” I slammed my fists against his chest. ”Do you know what the last two years were like for me?”
The lost year.
The recurring nightmares — Eli”s dead eyes, the feel of blood crusting his black hair flashing through my mind every time I felt just the inkling of happiness.
And I”d only started getting over them for them to be replaced by fucking Karemi.
A warm finger brushed my cheek, clearing the tears there, and my traitorous heart skipped a beat as I looked up into those worried blue eyes.
”I”m sorry, Kaiya.” His voice cracked as he spoke. ”So fucking sorry. You deserve better people than me in your life —” He pulled me close, resting his chin atop my head. ”— but I swear right now I will do anything to make it up to you. Never flirt with you again. Be your pretend lover so the suitors get off your ass. Tell the kings and the Rogues to fuck off. Whatever you want.”
Forsaken hells —
It wasn”t enough. Even close to enough.
My chest tightened, and I had to force my eyes closed to get some mental space.
Eli — Liam was alive, as were the Harlsteds. But they could have sent me a letter anytime explaining themselves and telling me he was fine. And they hadn”t.
Was Jaiel really to blame for their choice?
It burned to admit it, but this was more on them than him.
Sure, he could have — should have — told me the truth. But who was he more loyal to? His best friend from childhood, or the woman he occasionally had to interact with at work.
It made me angry, but I couldn”t blame him as much as I”d like. It wasn”t as though we”d been lovers or even friends. And I”d been trying to get him off the mission just a couple days ago, for gods sake …
Besides, he”d never claimed to be anything other than a charismatic, untrustworthy rake — and what had he done but live up to that title?
I”dbeen the one to break my rule and get close to someone again — to forget his world was one of lies and secrets, and maybe almost start to trust him.
But the Harlsteds and Eli …
”How can I face them? All I have right now is anger, and they”re so …”
Jaiel pushed me back, then lifted my chin, so I looked in his eyes — so unguarded and real for once.
”You”ll face them just like you have every other challenge. Because you are made of sterner stuff than you know. Facing Liam and his family is nothing compared to what you”ve been through. And if you feel anger, just let it out. You don”t have to hide all those feelings, Princess.”
My throat tightened, and heat spread from his fingertips, making something soften in my chest.
No. This wasn”t right.
What was he doing to me? And what was I thinking, just standing there?
This was not the time or place to be vulnerable, let alone the right person to be vulnerable with.
I stepped back and my gaze fell to a dark patch stretching across the front of his bright blue shirt, and heat flooded my cheeks.
Even worse. I”d cried all over him.
Jaiel, the gods-be-damned Fae Prince of Shadows, had my tears staining his shirt.
I bit my lip. Fuck. He”d never let me live this down.
”Hey,” he said, drawing my attention back to him. ”No regrets. Everyone has moments like this. These emotions are normal and healthy, and they will stay between us. Okay?”
My jaw tightened, and I opened my mouth to speak, but something moved in the corner of my vision, and my heart skipped as I turned to face it.
A dozen paces away, an irregular mound of silver scales shifted in the sunlight and let out a large, sleepy huff. My jaw dropped.
”D — dragon. Is that a —”
Jaiel cocked his head to the side, then turned to face where I pointed. ”Are you just seeing that now? Saints, Kaiya. What if it was a wraith instead of a harmless little dragon?”
I rolled my eyes. If it was a wraith, I wouldn”t have been standing there crying in his arms.
No … that was a dragon … a real, live dragon sunbathing just a few feet away.
Holy hells.