Chapter 33 #2
He finally looks down at me, eyes red-rimmed and swimming with tears, and his face etched with a loneliness so profound it makes my chest ache.
"I've been on my own ever since. Tyler's the exception, but even with him I keep myself guarded.
I have to." The admission seems to cost him something, his shoulders curling inward like he's bracing for me to confirm his fears, to prove that everyone eventually leaves.
"I understand now," I tell him, my voice breaking.
"I understand your hesitations, why you guard yourself.
God, Spence, I understand so much better now.
" I squeeze his legs, willing him to feel my presence, my solidity, my refusal to let him carry this alone.
"I'm not going anywhere. You hear me? I'm not going anywhere. "
I frame his face in my hands, willing him to feel the truth of my words through my touch. "I'm not going anywhere, Spence. I need you to hear me. I'll be as patient as you need me to be. However long it takes. I'm right here."
Spence smiles through the tears as I wipe them from his face with my thumbs. He nods and weakly says, “Thank you.”
Giving him a soft smile, I lighten my voice and tease, “God. What a Debbie Downer you are. We need to lighten the mood with the next questions.”
He lets out a surprised, but real, laugh. “Well, go on then, asshole.” The smile he gives me is full of silent gratitude and it completely undoes me.
I grin, then get back up on the sofa. “Okay. Wildest place you've ever had sex?”
Spence's lips twitch and he says, “The liquor room in the back of the Cabo Wabo bar in Cabo San Lucas.”
I laugh and snark, “Wow. You answered that fast. But that's hot. Bartender?”
Spence sniffles and says, “Yep. Hot as fuck. Big ass.”
I shift uncomfortably, suddenly rethinking this new line of questioning. While the thought of public sex is hot, the thought of Spence with anyone else makes me want to rage. And it's funny, because I've never been a jealous person. But with Spence? Nope. Can’t even think about it.
Moving on, I hum to myself and tap the dimple in my chin for the hundredth time today.
“Stop,” Spence commands in a voice that is pure gravel and lust. Hm. Maybe I can get him on track to horny town.
“What was the first thing you noticed about me?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “I'm not answering that. Besides, it's your turn to answer.”
I give him a confused look and Spence waves a hand at me and asks, “What's the wildest place you've ever...?”
“Ohh,” I say, laughing. “Right. That's easy.”
“Well, go on then.”
I lower my voice. “In the back alley behind a bar, face pressed against a brick wall with a sexy attorney's fat dick clapping these cheeks.” Then I roll to the side and grab a handful of my own ass.
When I roll back, I catch him swallow and just the tiniest bit of his tongue sneaks out to wet his bottom lip.
Oh yeah, I think to myself. I've got him going now.
I decide to press a little more and say, “Okay, last question.”
Spence just nods, heat blazing in his eyes, and I continue, “What's your fantasy?”
He looks at me puzzled. “What?”
I shrug. “What's your fantasy, Spence? What excites you? What turns you on?”
Spence picks his coffee up off the table and tortures me with a long, drawn-out sip. Setting his cup back down, he leans back deep in the loveseat and then opens his legs wide, his thighs spreading against the fabric.
Fuck I love a good manspread, I think to myself, And I know he's doing it on purpose.
Spence clears his throat and I meet his eyes, clearly busted for staring at the heavy bulge between his legs. I swear I saw it twitch.
“My fantasy” he finally says, low and dirty, “is a good boy who knows when to stop talking and to start using their mouth for a higher purpose.”
Even though I want to fly over the coffee table and crawl between Spence's thighs, I can't help but fuck with him. I shrug and lightly say, “I hope you find that one day.”
He narrows his eyes at me, dark and full of heat. I just snicker and say, “That's not really a fantasy, Spence.”
He drums his fingers on the arm of the loveseat and says, “I guess I have a bit of a public sex kink.”
I smirk and say, “Clearly. Back alleys. Supply closets at weddings. Anywhere else you want to risk exposing my ass?”
Spence doesn't reply to that, but shoots back, “What about you? What's your fantasy?”
I sit back and fiddle with the string on my sweatpants before shyly saying, “Well, you walked in on it, if you don't remember.”
I peek up at Spence who has a look of confusion on his face and then it morphs into understanding and he says, “The hotel?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Like I told you. I've never had the opportunity to do the wild things most young gay men do. I've always been too concerned with discretion.” I blow out a breath and say, “I've always wanted to be used by more than one guy. Just fucking owned from both ends.”
I see Spence shift in his seat and then he leans forward and places both elbows on his knees and firmly says, “No.”
I raise a brow. “No?”
He levels me with a look and says, “I will never share you with another man, Ryan.”
I swallow and think to myself that I should be pissed because Spence keeps me at arm's distance, yet he gets to be possessive? But after today, I understand him better. And okay, it’s hot as fuck. I think I like being possessed by Spencer Stark.
As if reading my mind, he adds, “I know I don't have the right, but that's how I feel. If I had to watch you with another man, I would tear the room apart then beat him until his mother couldn't even recognize him.”
I swallow slowly and Spence finishes, saying, “So, no. It can't happen. With me anyway.”
I sit back and quietly murmur, “That's so fucking hot.”
A quiet moment passes between us until there’s only one thing left to do. “Spence?”
“Yeah, Ry.”
“My leg is almost healed,” I borderline whine. “It's been so long. I really, really need you to fuck me, Perfect.”
He just nods then stands and walks over to me holding out his hand. He helps me up and grabs my chin and then…
“Your eyes.”
I gulp. “What?”
“The first thing I noticed about you,” he explains. Then he frames my face with his hands, his thumbs rubbing circles at the corners of my eyes and he says, “You have kind eyes.”