Thirteen
Paisley
T he cafeteria was such a nice distraction, I often wondered whether it saved my mind in those first few weeks of captivity.
Even though we weren’t allowed to speak, the mere presence of other women calmed me. As long as I saw the same faces every day, I’d be able to live. Luckily, none of the faces disappeared, and I didn’t hear any more silences after gunshots. Sometimes, new girls would appear, and most days, the food hall was bustling with activity, even though the only voices were the guards’.
On one of those days, I was being watched closely as I dipped a slice of bread into a pot of fresh butter. Even though the food was rarely different, they served us good shit. One cafeteria visit a day was all we got, though, so I tried to eat as much as my belly could handle. Sometimes, they didn’t bring us any food for the rest of the day.
I sat at one of the tables alone. Clearly, they didn’t trust me enough to sit me with one of the other girls yet. Some of them ate in pairs, still silent. I wondered if they looked at each other.
The whole room, usually filled with bustling activity, went quiet when the doors opened. I followed everyone’s gaze to the front, where several guards were trailing a figure in a hooded cloak. I could tell she was a woman from her small, frail figure, and my stomach tightened, roiling at the sight of trouble.
I couldn’t see the woman’s face, her black velvet hood covering her up. I saw her point, and then the guards accompanied her to my table. My fist tightened around the fork in my hand. Was she one of them ?
She sat down in front of me, fixing her hood so I couldn’t see her. I’d already learned not to speak to the other captives, so I kept my mouth shut. Spearing a piece of roasted broccoli, I kept my eyes trained on her as someone presented her with a meal.
Her food was much nicer than the rest of ours. My mouth watered. It was all the same ingredients, but someone had taken special care preparing them, as if she mattered around here. As if they fed us that simple food on purpose, knowing full well how basic it was.
I watched her perfectly manicured fingers. Her chicken wasn’t chopped like ours. Someone handed her a steak knife, and I watched the serrated edge glint hungrily as she started cutting into her meat.
They trusted her enough to let her use a knife. She had to be one of them.
While I struggled to finish my tiny portion of potatoes, she ate with gusto and appetite. I watched her fork entering her mouth, the only thing I could see from under the hood. She looked to be around my age from what I could see.
I finished my food and stared as she pushed her plate away. A guard brought a piece of cake for her on a dessert plate. I was salivating at the sliver-thin slice of chocolate, filled with berries. I hadn’t tasted anything in weeks.
I was still holding my own fork, which was plastic.
Before I could stop myself, I grabbed my spoon and dug into the cake, forcing it into my mouth.
The room went quiet again. A guard slapped me with the back of his gun, and crumbs mixed with blood dripped from the corner of my mouth. The cloaked woman lifted her palm, and the guard begrudgingly retreated.
She pushed the plate toward me, wordlessly motioning for me to eat. I didn’t hesitate.
By then, I could tell she was a captive, too. She didn’t have cuffs, and the guards seemed to listen to her, but I knew there had to have been someone controlling her. Nobody would cut themselves a slice of cake that thin.
I ate the rest of her dessert, then tossed the fork on the table, crossing my arms defiantly.
The tension in the room was heavy until the girl leaned forward. I saw the cloak move back a little, revealing more of her pout. In a flash, she pulled down the hood of her cloak.
It was Rubi.
I screamed, getting up just as two guards grabbed my friend. The hood was pulled back up and Rubi fought as they forced her out of the room, my name an undying scream on her lips.
“Paisley!”
I woke up in a dark, damp cell. I was lying on a mattress, and my first thought was the pounding pain in my head. My fingers instinctively found the prick on my neck where someone had stabbed me with a needle. I went down fighting, at least I remembered that much.
But it was true. I saw Rubi. She was alive.
I groaned, pulling myself up. My feet were shackled again, so I could barely move around. As if they were waiting for me, the lights clicked on. I blinked against the bright intrusion, revealing the full dinginess of the room. The mattress was stained and old. I reached for the cheap plastic water bottle and drank hungrily, ignoring the fact that I was naked. They’d already humiliated me, taken so much away from me. I wasn’t going to cry and show them how much their latest act hurt my pride.
I emptied the water bottle, tossing it away. Curling up, I hugged my knees and stared intently at the bolt-locked door. I knew they’d show up soon, certain I had a punishment coming for Rubi’s behavior in the food hall.
And it was Rubi - I knew that without a doubt. Even after all these years had passed, I would never be able to forget my friend. I couldn’t believe we’d met again. Relief flooded me when I first heard her voice, but I knew she was stuck in the same hell as me now, and she’d been lost down here for longer than me.
I’d barely made it through the first few days. Rubi had been gone for years.
Tears pricked my eyes, imagining the horrors she’d gone through after I lost her. Yet she’d recognized me, tried to talk to me even. Rubi risked the wrath of our guards just to tell me she was safe.
I blinked away more tears, determined not to let myself fall into the pit of my darkest secrets.
There was someone down there I couldn’t face yet.
Every thought of Rubi’s father filled me with guilt and fear.
He was right - I hadn’t told him everything back then. If I ever saw him again, I would. I’d tell him I’d seen Rubi and pray at least one of us got out of this place alive. She deserved it more than I did.
The doors to the cell unlocked, switching my attention to the guards who walked in. One unshackled me, while the other forced me to my feet and shoved me forward with his gun. I briefly considered running, but I knew he wouldn’t hesitate. I didn’t want to know what getting shot felt like. Not unless it meant a certain escape.
I didn’t bother to speak as the bastards shoved me down the hallway. They forced me into a room that looked like a doctor’s office. I cringed at the sight of the metal table and stirrups. Deep down, I already knew what was coming, but that only made the wait worse.
The guards stood to the side as a woman in a white lab coat entered the room, wordlessly checking a clipboard without so much as glancing at me.
She was the first woman I’d seen who wasn’t there against her will. My lip curled in disgust. What kind of monster did it take to work with these people? I had no doubt they’d kill her if she gave them a slightest reason, too. Brainwashed bitch .
“Paisley?” she asked tonelessly, and I fought the urge to spit in her face as she glared at me. “You’re not a virgin, are you?”
“Not anymore,” I hissed at her, covering up my naked form. I’d be damned if I let her do an exam on me. “I’m sure you know what your people do to us down here. They made sure I have no fucking dignity left.”
“I can see that from your little outfit,” she smirked, making my arms tighten around my breasts tightly. “You know, only the bad ones get stripped like that. I assume you misbehaved. Not surprised. It takes some of you a while to get acclimated, but not to worry. We have ways of making you listen.”
She touched her finger to my nose like I was a fucking dog. I wanted to fucking bite her hand off, fantasizing about watching blood spurt out of her knuckles wasn’t good enough.
Instead, I stayed stubbornly quiet, channeling all my hatred into the look I pinned her down with.
“Well, let’s get started, shall we?” the bitch said with a sickening smile. “Open your mouth.”
She put gloves on her hands and approached me with something between her fingers while I watched in disbelief. “Did I stutter, trouble? Open. Stick your tongue out. Or would you like the guards to watch me humiliate you?”
It was a better alternative than the stirrups. I opened my mouth, and she put a bitter red pill on the tip of my tongue.
“Good girl,” she smiled like she was delighted with a student. “Swallow.”
I forced the pill down my throat, only because it tasted too bad to keep it melting on my tongue. I half-expected the bitch to drug me. I was getting used to the needles, the unconsciousness.
Sometimes, it came at the right time, erasing my ability to remember the awful things they did to me in the dark.
But not this time. I didn’t feel the instant effect of the narcotics they usually gave me. I didn’t feel drowsy or nauseous.
“What was that?” I asked as the woman prepared some instruments. “What did you make me swallow?”
“Something that’s going to kill any virus inside you,” she smiled over her shoulder. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it, trouble.”
Even though I’d swallowed it, I could still feel the acrid taste of the pill coating my tongue. I wanted to retch, but I didn’t want to think what she’d make me do if I vomited all over her dingy vinyl floor.
The door opened again, and a man walked in this time. He looked similar to the guards, but he was wearing a white lab coat like the woman. His hand rested proprietorially on the small of her back as he glanced at the clipboard in her hands, paying me no attention.
I seethed as they discussed something in hushed tones. The nurse approached me and pointed to the stirrups. “Don’t make this too difficult, trouble.”
I glanced at the armed guards. I allowed her to guide my legs into the stirrups. They’d erased any trace of my virginity and innocence, what else was there left for them to take?
The doctor approached me. He wasn’t wearing gloves like the nurse. He smiled at me warmly as he pressed his fingers against my entrance. I felt nauseated, closing my eyes. At least he worked in silence.
I heard them moving, and then instruments entering me. The smooth steel was unpleasant, and I gritted my teeth to stop myself from crying out as his cold speculum stretched me.
I felt a sharp pain shooting up my center and finally screamed, but the nurse forced my legs down. I thrashed in the stirrups. My eyes flew open in terror as a guard held me down and the other one aimed his gun at my forehead.
“Stay the fuck still,” he hissed.
Too terrified to move, I whimpered as the doctor forced something inside me. The sharp pain subsided, and all that was left was the sound of my sobs.
Not that any of them cared.