29. Meredith
MEREDITH
After spending three nights with Skull, I can say we’re a whole lot closer.
I even woke up to him spooning me this morning.
I went back to sleep, and the second time I woke up I must have moved in my sleep because I had my head on his chest and my arm on his waist. I’ve never shared a bed with a man I’m not sleeping with, but I didn’t hate it.
He didn’t snore or steal the blankets, and it was comforting to have him there.
I knew no one would hurt me, and he’d protect me.
Bones tried to call me at bedtime on all three nights, just like we used to do when we first met. I didn’t answer. But my time for hiding has come to an end, and I have to face reality. We pack up our things.
Skull walks me to my car. Tipping my face up with his hand, he scans my eyes. “Are you okay?”
I nod.
“I’ll ride behind you the whole way,” he says, leaning down and kissing my forehead. “See, we bonded without fucking. I actually had a good time. I might have to go to another boozy brunch with you sometime.” The corner of his eyes crinkles in amusement.
I laugh, and he joins me. He’s not wrong. We really did bond on a deeper emotional level. “You’re a good man, Skull.”
“And you’re a perfect woman,” he says, winking at me. He waits for me to get in my car before he gets on his bike, and then we ride home.
When I park in my parking spot, Bones is sitting there against my door.
He has a bouquet of flowers next to him, but he leaves it there as he walks over to open my door for me.
“Doc,” he whispers, taking me in as I get out of the car.
His blue eyes scan over my face and body, as if making sure I’m okay.
“I gave you the time you wanted,” he says, and I know that was hard for a man like him.
He’s used to getting what he wants, and he’s used to always being in control.
He looks tired, and his eyes are missing that bright, mischievous gleam.
Skull doesn’t get off his bike. Instead, he rides off and leaves me alone with his brother.
I don’t say anything to him until I’m inside my house. He carries the flowers and sets them on my kitchen counter. They are my favorites—pink lilies. He remembered. Of course, he did. He was never a bad boyfriend. In fact, he was too good to be true.
“Why weren’t you honest with me?” I ask, sitting at the kitchen counter.
“It’s a lot to lay on someone,” he replies, his throat working as he swallows. “I was going to tell you. I spoke to Skull about it, and I knew I had to. Things were going so well for us. I didn’t want to hurt you. And I didn’t want to cause problems with you and Isla.”
“Instead, you made me feel stupid, being the only one not knowing your history. Do you know how that felt? When everyone at the table knew something about my man, except me?”
“I never meant to make you feel that way, baby,” he says, reaching over the table and taking my hand in his.
“I didn’t know how to tell you. It’s not exactly normal for twins to share a woman, and then when Daisy got pregnant, we found out Natalia was one of ours.
We decided to raise her together. I didn’t know how to tell you that we both slept with Daisy and didn’t know who Natalia’s father was, so I just avoided the subject.
You were already so unsure about being with me because I had a baby. I didn’t want to lose you.”
“So you withheld the truth from me instead.”
“Doc.”
“Do you have feelings for Isla?” I ask because this answer is important to me.
“No,” he replies instantly, his blue eyes pleading with me to believe him. “I don’t have any romantic feelings for her. I love her as Skull’s old lady and as the woman helping us raise Natalia.”
“You liked her enough to sleep with her,” I snap, and I hate the bitterness in my tone.
“I don’t have any feelings for her, Doc,” he says, smiling sadly. “You are the woman of my dreams. The only one who has made me want to settle down. If you only knew how much you fucking own me…”
“I want a relationship where we are honest with each other. Where we prioritize each other’s feelings. You only thought about yourself and how telling me the truth would affect you.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want you to look at me with pain in your eyes like you’re looking at me right now. It makes me feel sick, Meredith. I love you. I’m crazy in love with you. I don’t think you understand how much.”
“Do you love me? Or do you just want what they have?” I ask, and he flinches, surprised hurt flickering over his face.
“Do you really not feel this between us? Is this so one-sided? Because how could you ask me that?” he rasps, letting go of my hand, leaving me cold.
“I’ve given you a side of me no one else gets.
Yeah, Isla had my dick for one night. That’s it, Doc.
I’ve never been more vulnerable with another person than I am with you.
I’ve never waited to sleep with a woman because I wanted her to want more than my body.
” His eyes glaze over, and the raw pain in them hits me right in the chest.
“Of course I feel this, Bones.”
“I’m Nate to you,” he replies with an anguished, grief-stricken look.
“I’ve never been Bones to you. I want to be everything to you, Doc.
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the one night with Isla.
It was more about us trying to understand the dynamic between us than anything else.
But we figured it out, and that Skull and her belong together.
I was not included in that. I didn’t belong there.
And that’s part of why I was so lost. I didn’t know my place with my brother anymore. And then I found you.”
He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
“And then I understood why I didn’t belong with them.
Because I belong with you. I should have told you the truth, and I’m sorry.
I’ll be sorry for the rest of our lives if you forgive me and give me a second chance.
I have no more secrets, and now you know everything. ”
“I need a little time,” I manage to say, my emotions all over the place.
“You are the love of my life, Doc.” His voice sounds strangled.
“This was all before you, and it doesn’t mean anything to me.
I’ll never keep anything from you again.
Just please don’t push me away. Don’t talk to me if you don’t want to.
Ignore me. Hit me. Fight with me. Just don’t ask me to leave. ”
“Bones—”
“Nate,” he corrects, then comes around to my side of the counter and cups my nape. His fingers slide into the back of my hair as he tilts my head back and kisses me. It’s a hungry, almost desperate kiss, and I melt into it.
He tastes like regret.
His kiss goes on for longer than I should allow, but who am I kidding? I’ve missed him. He’s the one who breaks the kiss, but only to tell me, “I want you. Let me have you. I want to get on my knees and bury my face in that pussy of yours. I want you to come all over me.”
I want all of that too.
But sometimes we don’t get what we want.
“Bones, no,” I gasp, putting my hands on his chest and pushing him backward. “Go, please.”
He looks devastated, but he steps away.
And when he turns to leave, I almost call him back.
Almost.
But there’s one thing I have to do first.
And the second I hear his bike ride away, I send Isla a text, asking her to come over.
“I’m so happy you messaged me,” she says, stepping inside and taking in my house. “I really want to clear the air with you.”
“Me too,” I admit, gesturing for her to take a seat on the couch.
I get us both a glass of wine and then get right down to it.
“I guess I want to hear your side of things. I know you slept with Bones once… Were there more feelings involved on your end? And who decided it was one time and one time only?”
“It was a mutual decision. And no, there weren’t romantic feelings on mine or his part.
I’m going to be honest with you. When I heard that they used to share women, I wanted to experience that.
It was my idea. And it wasn’t much more than me wanting to see what they gave all the other women.
I think in some twisted way, it was also us wanting to include Bones.
I had stepped in and changed the dynamic of their relationship, and I didn’t want to damage that.
I guess we were all trying to find our place.
But there are no feelings between Bones and me, not in that way.
He went right back to sleeping with anyone he wanted, and Skull and I have never done anything like that again. ”
“I just wish he were honest with me. I don’t know…” I sigh. “To find out like that. I hated that everyone knew, and I didn’t. I know that’s probably my ego speaking, but it hurt. A lot. And knowing he’s been with you also hurts.”
“I’m sorry,” she murmurs, reaching out and touching my hand.
“It’s so important to me that we have a good relationship too.
We’re practically all going to be living together and raising Natalia together.
It’s an unusual situation, and it can be a lot to take in.
I think that’s why Bones was trying to ease you into it.
I’m not making any excuses for him. He should have told you, but I think that’s where his head was at. ”
I exhale deeply.
“I’m so sorry, Meredith. We didn’t take into account that Bones might fall in love, especially so soon after. We were just in the moment, but looking back, it was a selfish thing I did. I’m sorry.”
“You did nothing wrong. You didn’t even know me back then,” I assure her. “Do I hate knowing you got to experience him like that? Yes, but it is what it is.”
“I know I couldn’t handle Skull sleeping with you,” she admits, wincing. “But I’ve been where you are, and I know exactly how you feel. I didn’t know if Bones would ask him to… you know… since they did with me.”
“No, of course not. Bones was single back then, and it was different. And you let Skull have those three nights with me. We really bonded a lot.”
“Skull and I spoke about it. There are a few loopholes that might give everyone what they need without crossing any lines.”
“Do I even want to know?”
She grins, and we hug each other.
“Are you going to put him out of his misery?”
“Yeah, I guess. Eventually.”
She grins and blows me a kiss before she leaves.