Chapter 11
Brian
“Where are you going?” Lo called as I passed her office. “It’s not time to walk Fuzzy.”
I backtracked, stopping in her doorway. “I have an appointment.”
She pulled up my calendar on her computer, wearing a studious frown. “Who is Doctor Johnson?”
Cal’s laughter echoed down the hall. “Good man,” he said as he ambled closer. “It’s time you got that checked out. It happens to a lot of blokes. There are a lot of medication options these days.”
I yanked the small basketball from his hand and tossed it at his forehead. “What’s a guy gotta do to get a little privacy around here?”
“I’m your assistant,” Lo said, chin lifted. “You don’t get privacy from me.” She looked over at Cal, whose blue eyes were shining with curiosity. “Are you gonna tell him, or should I?” she asked, eyeing me. “You know he has ways of getting information from me.”
“Fine.” I huffed. “And I could do without the mention of how he gets information from you, thank you very much.” I shuddered. “Therapy.”
Cal took a step back, as if receiving a physical push, and a second later, Sully darted out of his office.
“You?” Cal gaped. “You’re going to therapy? I thought you were going to the penis doctor.”
“It’s called a urologist,” Sully explained.
“Since I’m much younger, I have no need to know such details,” he said, giving Lo a wink.
I shuddered. “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes, I am going to therapy. Why? Have you been?”
“I’m British. Stiff upper lip and all that.”
“I have,” Sully admitted. “For T. J. and Sloane. And it helped. A lot. Good for you, mate.” He clapped me on the shoulder, and then he was gone, ducking back into his office.
I appreciated it. Sully had done nothing but grunt and snarl for months after Sloane had asked him to move out.
These days, I caught him smiling more than he had since law school, when he fell head-over-heels for his wife, and too often, I’d accidentally walked in on the two of them dancing in the kitchen.
“I go to the gym to take care of my body,” I explained. “Why not go to therapy and take care of my mind?”
“Oh, look at who’s drinking the self-improvement Kool-Aid.” Lo rubbed her hands together, her green eyes dancing. “This is an excellent development.”
“Eh,” Cal said, crossing his ankles and leaning against the doorframe. “I think it’s because he fancies a certain blond client.”
I glared at him. “I’m a forty-two-year-old single guy who lives with you two idiots, your wonderful women, and three children—two of whom I think I might relate to better than anyone else in my life at the moment—I’ve got a lot of improvements to make.”
“Amen.” He dipped his chin. “Go get fixed.”
“Fuck off,” I said, pushing past him. I strode through the office, ignoring Amy, the moronic intern Cal brought in to help, as she called my name and waved like a maniac from the conference room, grumbling about the complete lack of privacy in my life.
But as I stepped out into the sunshine, a smile broke free.
Our little Jersey family was loud, disruptive, and ridiculous, but these people had become my family.
Sully and Cal had been like brothers for decades, and Sloane and I had been friends since before she and Sully got together.
Lo? She and I had worked well together from the moment Terry had hired her, and we’d developed a friendship too.
But living together the way we’d all been doing for the last several months had forced us all to grow and evolve.
Until now, my changes had been the least drastic, but it was finally my turn. In Manhattan, my life had been so structured and organized that I’d never gotten a chance to really take stock. Now, I was seeing the world through a new set of eyes, experiencing life with a newfound appreciation.
This living situation had definitely been a jolt to my nervous system.
It woke me up and made me realize that many aspects of my life were lacking. It made me wonder if I’d been wrong when I’d settled for just being that guy. The lawyer in the expensive suit. The man who had such a sad, empty life that he spent hours walking his damn cat around Jersey City.
Now that the seed had been planted, it was time to do something about it. So off to Doctor Johnson I’d go.
He was in his seventies and saw patients in the office inside his large brownstone in Hoboken, which was probably worth a small fortune. And had a pipe.
“Don’t worry. I don’t smoke anymore,” he said, ushering me into a room stuffed with leather chairs and wall-to-wall books.
“Gave it up a decade ago. That shit will kill you. But never got out of the habit of holding it between my teeth.”
As I settled into a leather armchair, I couldn’t help but think this situation felt strange but also right.
Once he was settled as well, Dr. Johnson bit his pipe and looked me up and down.
“So, Brian, what’s her name?”
I frowned and leaned forward, the cushion creaking beneath me. “Come again?”
“The woman who knocked you on your ass and motivated you to finally come to therapy.” He arched a brow. “You’re nowhere near my first forty-something overachiever, never-been-married kind of patient. So let’s just put the cards on the table now. What’s her name?”
Embarrassed about being called out so easily, I shrank back.
But I was here to grow, dammit, and I’d do my best. So I straightened again and said, “Her name is Jess.”
There was nothing more sobering than being picked apart by a person I’d never met, then having all my deeply held bullshit unwrapped and presented to me on a silver platter.
And that’s precisely what Dr. Johnson had done.
Asshole.
That man had cut me open and made me bleed. And I’d paid him for the privilege.
And I’d be back next week to do it all over again.
But I couldn’t deny how much lighter I felt as I walked back to the office. Already, I was certain I’d taken a small step in the right direction.
And after years of bottling up my emotions and working until exhaustion, this was a novel feeling. At Dr. Johnson’s instruction, I was not allowed to check my phone until I got back to the office.
My mission was to experience the world around me.
What a strange sensation. It wasn’t a tranquil country stroll, but walking down the streets of Jersey City without distraction was eye-opening.
It gave me time to ponder all the shit I’d have to figure out. Who I was and what I wanted and how to open myself up to more.
Dr. Johnson had forced me to say out loud the truths I’d been hiding from myself for years.
That I wanted a partner.
That I wanted to build a life with someone.
And that I wanted to be a father.
Facts I’d never dared to admit to anyone.
Now that I’d put them out into the universe, there was no denying them. Already, I could see how stubborn and closed off I’d been. Giving everything I had to my work, never even stopping to feed myself. I needed to do better. I would do better.
So I walked, soaking in the beautiful day, just existing in this world before I got sucked back into the vortex of work and the never-ending tasks awaiting me. Lo was probably foaming at the mouth, waiting with a stack of filings for me to review.
I’d review them happily. The girls wouldn’t be dropped off at our place after school, since Jess didn’t work on Wednesdays, so I’d bury myself in work, put in some time in the basement gym, and think about the strange turn this day had taken.
The more I accomplished today, the earlier I could finish up tomorrow, when Jess would be stopping by to pick up Kit and Greta.
By the time I reached the office, it was after lunch, and I’d fought the urge to check my phone only about nine hundred times.
“Brian,” a familiar voice trilled. “Haven’t seen you in ages. Have you been avoiding me?”
I smiled at Madame E as she sashayed toward me on the sidewalk. Today, she was wearing an orange caftan covered with jewels. It looked like it weighed more than she did.
“Why don’t you come up?” she suggested. “I have time for a quick reading.”
I looked at my watch, not actually registering the time. “I’m so sorry. I have a client call in a few minutes.”
She arched a brow, those nearly purple eyes pinning me to the spot, making it impossible to look away. “I’ve been seeing a lot lately.”
My heart skipped, and I reconsidered her offer. For months, even after Cal and Lo swore she had psychic abilities and Sully, of all people, began to believe in her foretelling abilities, I was sure Madame E was full of shit. Now? I had to admit she had some eerily accurate predictions.
“Genaro’s,” she said, tapping her chin. “I can smell it.”
I grunted. What the hell was she talking about? Genaro’s? I thought she wanted to do a reading.
“Give me your hands.”
I offered them to her, and she closed her eyes, humming softly to herself, making her large, beaded earrings vibrate in her ears.
“I’m feeling music, beautiful music. And passion. And a barn with big ceiling beams and the faint smell of manure.”
I had no earthly idea what she was talking about. “Let’s go upstairs. I’ll get my tarot cards.”
“Thank you, Madame E,” I said politely as I stepped around her to get into the building. “But I have a client call in five minutes.”
She shrugged. “Tomorrow. Come up and see me.” I wasn’t sure how my friends had fallen under her spell. Granted, she’d been pretty helpful in managing Sebastian.
Jesus, I was thinking about the ghost like another roommate again. I ran my hands through my hair. I definitely needed to sleep more.
“I’m proud of you for going to therapy,” she said as I walked away. “We’re never too old to grow.”
I froze, suddenly curious about just how powerful her sight was. “Did you see that when you held my hands?” Maybe I had underestimated her.
“No.” She laughed. “Cal told me. We go to Katz’s for Reubens on Wednesdays.”
Fucking Cal, sharing my personal business.
“I’d need my crystal ball to go that deep. But I’ve got a busy afternoon. That CEO kid is coming back to talk about his crypto investments. I keep telling him the bubble’s gonna burst.”
I walked away, shaking my head and trying to make sense of that interaction.
“How was the shrink?” Cal appeared in the doorway of my office before I could even sit down. “Does your dick work now?”
“My dick has always worked, thank you,” I replied, shucking my suit jacket. “And you told Madame E? What the hell?”
“She’d figure it out anyway, and she’s worried about you. She says since she fixed Sully and me, she would help you, but you’re so difficult. I think the words she used were ‘cosmically constipated.’ You may wanna call the penis doctor after all to deal with that.”
“It’s a urologist. You’re a grown man, for fuck’s sake. And I’ve got work to do.”
“Okay.” He rapped his knuckles on the doorframe and backed up a step. “Just wanted to let you know that Jess called Sloane.”
I froze, my jacket held out in front of me.
“She was called into work, so the girls will be here after school.”
I let out the breath I was holding. Jess was coming today. The news lightened this already weightless sensation in my chest.
“Looks like you get to see your girl today.”
Stomach twisting, I glowered at him. “She’s not my girl.”
“Yet,” Cal retorted. “She’s not your girl yet. Trust me, Brian, I know a thing about manifesting true love. You want pointers, I’m your man. In fact, grab a stack of Post-its. I can start now. It’s all about affirmations and positive thought loops.”
“Do you ever work?” I snarled.
“Don’t hate on my efficiency.” He bounced his basketball off the wall and caught it with one hand. “Now where’s Lo? I need a kiss.”