Chapter 13
Brian
After Jess and the girls had left, I ran down to the basement for a punishing workout, my every cell buzzing with adrenaline.
The woman had all but come out and admitted to having feelings for me. She said I was handsome. Perfect, even.
Perfect. That was the farthest thing from the truth. This kind of thinking had to stop. It was dangerous. I had too many unresolved feelings when it came to Jess, and she was my client. I’d built this career over the past twenty years, and I’d never, ever crossed a line.
She was my client.
My punch landed hard, making my knuckles tingle. I shuffled and followed with some quick uppercuts, trying to let go of these complicated feelings.
She needed my help.
I had an ethical obligation to do all I could to get her relo request approved. To help her move to Vermont.
By the time I came back upstairs, it was after midnight and I was sweaty and exhausted.
I leaned against the sink, refilling my water glass and staring out at the dark city.
“You okay?”
I turned, discovering Sloane pacing in the dark with Tia in her arms.
I’d known this woman forever. She was another sister to me, and last year had been so brutal on her and Sully both.
In law school, I’d had a front-row seat to their love story. I’d been their third wheel then, and I’d remained that way until last year, when their marriage fell apart.
Now that they’d reconciled, they were better than ever, both more at peace with themselves and with one another. Even with a newborn keeping them up all night.
“She keeps growing.” I padded closer and gently stroked the infant’s soft little cheek.
“Babies do that. Remember how massive T. J. was?”
“His cheeks.” I laughed. “They were the chubbiest.”
Smiling, she pressed her lips to the top of Tia’s head.
For a moment, we stood in the dark silence, cradled in the peace of the moment, watching Tia sleep.
Memories of my nephew Liam at that age surfaced, and my heart tugged.
I’d had many sleepless nights back then.
Dad and I had taken nighttime shifts so Dylan could sleep.
Her every waking moment had been focused on feeding him and caring for him, and she’d come close to running herself into the ground.
When Liam was born, I was a twenty-three-year-old dumbass who had never held a baby. But I’d figured it out quickly. As long as we were moving, he would sleep, so I’d walk circles around the living room in Dad’s house for hours at night. Then I’d catch a little sleep before heading to class.
And now Liam was headed to college. Just the thought made heat gather at the backs of my eyes.
“Would you…?” Sloane held Tia out to me.
Without hesitation, I cradled her in my elbow, immediately falling into the swaying pattern she liked.
Sloane filled a glass with water, and after a long, slow sip, rolled her shoulders.
“What’s got you up so late? And don’t try to downplay it. For the twenty years I’ve known you, you’ve always stuck to a strict sleep schedule.”
I huffed. “Not so strict.”
“Please. How many times have you lectured me about sleep hygiene? Even in law school, you tortured me with it. And you’d set Sully’s alarm to wake me up at the crack of dawn.”
“You’re a wild night owl who used to write briefs at one a.m. And it’s critical to eat a good breakfast on important days. Like when you had exams,” I argued. “You weren’t complaining when you graduated at the top of our class.”
She stuck her tongue out at me. “Yes. Beating your ass was deeply satisfying.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I teased, keeping my tone soft so as not to rouse the baby. “Spare me.”
“So what’s eating you?”
I avoided her eye, choosing instead to examine Tia’s perfect little nose and eyelashes.
“Get it off your chest. There’s no sense in hiding it. You’re distracted, not sleeping, working out like a fiend and…” She opened the cabinet next to the fridge and pulled out a nearly empty package of cookies. “Back on the Oreos?”
Chin lifted, I turned, still swaying evenly. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You sneak Oreos the way a nicotine addict sneaks cigarettes. So spill it.”
I groaned. It was annoying how well she knew me. And unlike Sully, who generally let me spiral in peace, she was not going to let this go.
“It’s late,” I hedged.
“I’ve got time.” She put a hand on her hip. “She’s gonna want to eat again in like twenty minutes.”
Maybe it was because I was exhausted, or maybe holding this perfect little baby weakened my defenses, but I found myself giving in.
“It’s Jess.”
A wide smile spread across Sloane’s face, and she bent at the knees, bouncing without lifting her feet from the floor. Then she whisper-squealed, “Brian likes a girl.”
I snatched the Oreo bag from her and shoved one into my mouth while she did a celebratory dance around the kitchen.
“You love her.”
“Stop that.” I squeezed my eyes shut and exhaled loudly. “My world has been off-kilter since the day she walked into my office. Like my life isn’t my life anymore. Everything has changed, and I’m thinking things and feeling things I don’t understand.”
Sloane came to a stop, her eyes wide. “This is awesome. Don’t you see?
You’re growing.” She patted my bearded cheek, her dark eyes twinkling in the moonlight.
“For more than fifteen years, I’ve heard story after story about Jess, the one that got away.
The blond goddess with the dimples you fell madly in love with in college. ”
That was an overstatement. Had I thought about her from time to time since our lives had diverged and we’d broken things off? Yes. But I hadn’t spent the last two decades pining after her. I’d moved on.
“And you never went on more than a few dates with anyone. Though I can’t blame you. Every one of them was a bore.”
“Hey,” I said. “You introduced me to Deborah.”
“Yes. And immediately regretted it.” She picked up her water again. “Cal tried to disown me when I brought her into our lives. Remember that time we all went to Montauk for the weekend?”
I flinched. That had been painful.
Deborah was a tax attorney. Sloane had met her at a law conference and invited her out with us a couple of times. She’d asked me to dinner, and because I admired her confidence, I said yes. She was intelligent and obsessed with her work, and so it made sense to date her.
Sadly, her idea of fun was debating the tax code, and pretty much nothing else.
“And Viola?”
I winced. After I’d broken it off with her, she’d broken into my apartment and stolen all my left shoes. That was weird.
“She collected stamps,” Sloane hissed a little too loudly, making the baby stir in my arms. “Stamps. We should have known she had psychopathic tendencies.”
I shuddered. She really was an odd woman.
“Anyway,” she sighed. “What I’m trying to say is that despite being good-looking, successful, and kind, your track record with women is shit.”
Amusement and incredulity twined through me. “Why, thank you.”
She tipped her head and gave me a serious look. “I tell the truth because I love you. You’re my brother, and I want to see you happy. You’ve been on autopilot for so long, so to know you’re having feelings makes me disgustingly happy.”
My heart sank. “It’s unethical.”
She waved her hand. “Of course it is. But she won’t be your client forever.”
“And she’s leaving.”
“Maybe.” She crossed her arms. “If you’re successful.”
Head tilted, I glared at her. “You know I’m good at my job.”
Tia stirred in my arms again, this time getting a little louder, so I handed her back to her mother.
“Honor your feelings,” she said as she took the baby. “Explore them. Keep going to therapy and work through your shit.”
A huff of air escaped me. “Does everyone know I’m going to therapy?”
She let out a quiet laugh. “As if you could keep a secret in this building. Of course we all know, and I’m proud of you.
Do the work. Trust me, because I have firsthand experience here.
” She sobered, her tone going serious. “If the stars align and you’re given a second chance with your first love? Then you’d better not blow it.”
Her words hit me hard. “You think I’d blow it?”
“No. Not if you’re determined to do it right. But you’re a little emotionally unavailable. And you know me. I have a soft spot for emotionally unavailable men who do the work and learn to do better.”
The beautiful baby in her arms was living proof of that statement. If Sully could win back his wife when they were on the brink of divorce, surely I could figure out how to manage my attraction to my client.
Tia let out the cutest little yawn and her eyes snapped open.
“Feeding time,” Sloane said, padding down the hall toward the bathroom.
It may have seemed like a strange place to feed a baby, but when she moved in last year, she and Sully had converted the handicap stall into a sort of lounge for her, with a lava lamp, courtesy of T. J., a plush rug, and a rocking chair.
“You’ve got a heart of gold, Brian Machon, and a brain that’s worth nine hundred dollars an hour. Put them to work and get your girl.”