Chapter 29 #2
Josh hung his head, his lips curving into a bashful smile. “Not quite. You know I like projects.”
I scoffed. “Repairing a fence is a project. Fixing a creaky stair is a project. You demo’d the aggressively eighties kitchen, bumped the wall out, reconfigured the layout, and outfitted it professionally. Martha Stewart would cut a bitch to have your kitchen.”
Humor flashed in his eyes. “Is that a compliment?”
I threw a piece of popcorn at him. “Of course it’s a compliment.”
He lifted one shoulder and let it fall. “The farm runs itself.”
Jenn snorted. “Farms do not run themselves. They’re financial sinkholes that drain people of their labor and spirit.” She sat forward in her chair. “You are a genius.”
“I didn’t do much. Just developed a few models, made some investments, and capitalized on market fluctuation.”
“Blah, blah, financial genius bullshit.” Eyeing me, she gestured to him with a thumb. “Do you believe this?”
“I do not,” I replied. “You’re amazing, and if your big sisters aren’t gonna tell you, who will?”
Before he could downplay his accomplishments again, the sound of an engine coming up the drive caught our attention.
“Jas?” I said, getting to my feet. “He’s back?”
Josh nodded. “’Course. You know how much he loves the girls.” He shifted forward and lowered his voice. “He’s been working extra shifts lately, so he’s constantly exhausted. Something is definitely up with him.”
Jas was young when we lost Dad, so he’d been raised by a grieving mother and his older sisters. I’d even go so far as to say that parenting tasks had mostly been crowdsourced. Several friends had helped out when they could.
And because of that—or maybe not; maybe it was just his nature—the boy was wild. Not dangerous wild, but fun wild.
Loved a party, found himself in all sorts of weird situations. Meeting celebrities, backpacking through countries I didn’t even know existed, that sort of thing.
And he was a notorious ladies’ man. The kid was the definition of charming. He didn’t take himself too seriously, and he possessed a one-two punch of dimples and a six-pack.
His car, a Mustang, was his pride and joy, so though one would expect him to tear down the driveway like a bat out of hell, he rolled slowly, careful not to kick up stones.
“Jessie,” he called as he climbed out.
I darted down the stairs and leaped into his arms, a piece of my heart locking into place. Jasper Lawrence was a goofy little kid in the body of a six-foot-three, heavily tattooed firefighter.
He spun me around until I shrieked, then put me on my feet and held my elbows to make sure I was steady.
“What is this?” I tugged at one side of his mustache. “What did you do to your handsome face?”
He ran his hands through his hair. “God, you sound like Mom. It’s just something I’m trying.”
“You look like a seventies porn star.”
Smirking, he rubbed his jaw. “Can’t grow a beard because of my respirator.”
“You can’t grow a beard at all,” Josh joked, gesturing to his own full beard. “Not man enough.”
Ignoring him, Jas gave me another hug. “I’m so happy you’re here, Jessie. Where are my nieces?”
“Sleeping in the princess suite Josh made for them.”
“Bummer. I rushed home hoping to catch them awake.” He took a seat next to me. “The Sticky Notes are playing at the Drip Line tonight.”
“Didn’t you date the lead singer?” Jenn asked.
He dropped his head back and rocked, huffing.
“No, that girl sang with Mapleback, and she moved to New York.” Brow arched, he gave her a pointed look.
“And you know I don’t date. But since you asked, the new bartender is super cute.
” He leaned forward, eyeing Josh. “Wanna head over there with me? I’ll buy you a beer and teach you to talk to women. ”
Josh shook his head, his expression serious. “Some of us have to get up and work in the morning. And I know how to talk to women. I just don’t want to.”
Jas stuck his tongue out, falling back into his role as the annoying little brother.
Jenn stood, her oldest sister instincts kicking in as well, and went inside to make him a plate of leftovers.
For the next hour, Jas fired off question after question, asking about our drive, the girls, my jobs, and the relocation request.
When the air got crisp, Josh slid a small blanket off the back of his chair and held it out to me.
The softness of the yarn in my hands brought back a powerful memory. One of my mom, rocking in this very chair, crocheting. Even after a long day of work and raising four kids, she still couldn’t keep her hands still. Josh had clearly inherited that from her.
Every child born in this town had a blanket custom made by Maryann Lawrence, and she’d donated thousands of hats to the maternity ward at the county hospital over her lifetime.
As I sat here with my siblings, the ache of losing her filled me.
There was so much I wanted to tell her. And, selfishly, I craved the way she would have looked at me with pride after I’d freed myself from a bad marriage.
She’d never said a bad word about Kenneth, but she had never been particularly warm toward him either.
“Did Mom hate Kenneth?” I asked, interrupting the silence.
The three of them froze.
Jasper, with a roasted potato halfway to his mouth, went wide-eyed. “Um.”
Josh gave Jenn a pointed look, and she sighed, her shoulders slumping.
“Yes,” Jenn said. “She despised the man. She swore he was a covert narcissist, insisting that no one had realized it yet.”
I pressed my lips together, considering, trying to recall a memory of any kind of comment like that she’d ever made to me. But I came up empty.
Jenn gave me a sympathetic smile. “But she loved you and wanted you to be happy.”
“She’d always rant about how you could do better,” Josh added. “How you needed a man who really saw you, who made you feel safe enough to be yourself. Who appreciated your quirks.”
“Yes.” Jenn added, “like that sweet guy you dated in college.”
My heart lurched, and I stopped rocking. The move was apparently violent enough to draw everyone’s attention, because suddenly, all eyes were on me.
“What?” Jenn asked.
Josh raised his eyebrows at me, ok I guess I had to tell her.
I fiddled with the blanket on my lap while I worked to school my features. I wasn’t ashamed of hooking up with Brian, but it wasn’t the sort of thing I wanted to admit at the moment. Especially given my track record with men.
“It’s just funny that you mentioned Brian. My college boyfriend,” I clarified. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment.
“Why?”
“Funny story.” I peeked one eye open, then the other. “He’s actually my lawyer now.”
“Brian? Tall redhead with the goofy smile?” Jenn asked.
“His hair is auburn,” I corrected. “But yes. He’s a hotshot attorney now. One of his partners has been coming into my studio for the last several months. He and his girlfriend convinced me that Brian could help me secure the court order to relocate to Vermont.”
“And he did it,” Josh said, rocking back.
I nodded, a smile breaking through. “He did. He’s one of the best.”
“Small world.” Jasper shoveled another potato into his mouth, eyeing me with suspicion.
With a sigh, thankful the conversation was over, I scanned the horizon.
“What aren’t you telling us?” Jenn asked, bursting the peaceful bubble I’d slipped into.
My stomach twisted, but I kept my expression neutral. “Nothing.”
“Nope. Don’t buy it.” She grasped her armrests. “When you said his name, you broke into a dopey smile.”
“He’s become a friend.” I shrugged. “His partners and their wives have too. The girls spend time with their kids too. And last month, Brian took us to see Lake Paige in Boston.”
Jenn’s eyes widened. “He got you Lake Paige tickets?”
I nodded, leaving it at that. If I mentioned the helicopter or the preshow meet-and-greet or the hotel penthouse makeovers, she’d lose her mind.
“That isn’t the kind of shit a man who is just a lawyer does,” she said.
“Or just a friend.” Josh crossed his arms, protective brother mode clearly activated.
Jasper eyed me warily, still chewing.
I rolled my eyes, swatting at a bug. “It’s not like that. I needed legal help, and he gave it. Throughout the process, we all became friends. We went to the concert, and sometimes he takes my yoga classes. That’s it.”
They eyed me and one another warily, but they dropped it when Jasper jumped in with a story about how Bitsy Brambles’s goats got loose.
He’d had to chase one through town before finally catching it in the alley behind the diner.
His job as a firefighter and paramedic meant he always had wild stories to tell, and Jasper had the charisma to make even a run-of-the-mill small-town emergency sound fascinating.
By the end, he had us all howling, and soon after, the day had caught up with me, and I could barely keep my eyes open.
Mel and Jenn loaded up their sleeping kids and went home, and after I insisted that I’d do the last of the cleanup, Josh headed up to bed.
Mel had done the majority of the work, but Jasper and I finished loading the dishwasher, and as I wiped down the counters, I mentally went through my to-do list for the next day.
“Jessie.”
I turned to my baby brother, smiling softly at the way his hair flopped into his face like it did when he was a little boy, then chuckling at his ridiculous mustache.
“I know you’re in love with him,” he said quietly. “That Brian guy. I don’t remember him. I was probably too busy running through the barnyard and fields to even talk to him, but Mom mentioned him a few times. Said he was the one that got away.”
I shook my head. “I’m not.”
“Everyone thinks I’m the dumb, oblivious one.”
That got my attention. He was a barrel of fun, yes, but I’d never once thought he was dumb. Before I could tell him that, though, he held up a hand.
“But I know what I saw when you talked about him. It’s okay. I won’t tell Josh and Jenn.” His lips twitched. “You know how those two get.”
I stared at him in the dim light, unable to come up with a denial.
He squeezed me tight and kissed the top of my head, then padded to the stairs.
“I’m happy for you, sis,” he said over his shoulder. “You deserve good things.”
His words rang in my ears as I got ready for bed. Because he was right.
I was happy to be back in Vermont.
But something was missing.
Or rather, someone.