6. Allen
Allen…didn’t know what he was doing anymore.
No matter how many mental boundaries he built for himself, all it took was one look into Jake’s dark, soulful eyes, and he was suddenly hauling out a sledgehammer to topple them to pieces.
He said no to dating, and then he went on a date. He said he was having sex with Jake because he didn’t want a relationship, and then he ended up cuddling him in bed. He said he wasn’t going to fall in love, but then he woke that morning cradled in Jake’s arms, surrounded by his scent, and…
Fuck.
The difference in their sizes was so ridiculous that Allen felt like a mouse trapped under a lion. Jake’s thigh was stubbornly wedged between Allen’s legs, and his arms were wrapped tightly around him in an effort to keep him as close as possible.
Allen was no better than a damn teddy bear in this situation. He certainly felt smothered like one.
He tried to wiggle and see if there was a chance that he could escape, but any movement roused his companion just enough to have him tighten his grip. Allen was running out of options, and since he urgently had to use the bathroom, waking Jake up was impossible to avoid.
“Hey.” Allen wiggled harder, jamming his elbow against Jake’s chest for leverage. “Can you let go of me for two seconds?”
Jake’s deep moan rattled the very fucking fibres of Allen’s soul, and he stilled in surprise.
“Five…more…minutes…” Jake mumbled, nuzzling his chin to the top of Allen’s head.
“In five more minutes, I’ll have wet the bed,” Allen hissed, knocking his heel into Jake’s shin to startle him into alertness. “Release me, Goliath. Don’t make me have to aim any higher than your leg.”
Jake gave another pitiful groan and uncurled his fists from where they were gripping the waistband of Allen’s silk pants. Not wanting to be sucked back in, Allen ungracefully rolled out of what used to be an okay-sized bed that now felt way too small, and hurried to the bathroom.
He started his morning routine once he was no longer suffering from a nearly exploding bladder, washing his face and brushing his teeth before returning to the bedroom to check on his guest.
Jake was where he left him, sprawled on his back on the bed, sleepily reaching for Allen when he heard him come in.
“Miss you,” Jake said, eyes closed as he made grabby motions at Allen. His shoulder-length black hair was tangled and caught in his eyelashes, but even so, he was the most handsome guy Allen had ever brought to his apartment.
And they hadn’t had sex! What was wrong with him?
“Are you always this…articulate?” Allen drawled, grinning at the inside joke as he crawled back into the bed and resumed his previous position.
“Hercules, my name is Hercules,” said Jake.
Allen jerked, eyes widening with genuine shock. Never in a million years would he have expected Jake to catch onto his cringy Disney reference.
“Were we not quoting Hercules?” Jake muttered, sounding so adorably grumpy that Allen was tempted to roll over and pinch his cheeks. “I made it weird, sorry.”
Jake was talking a lot this morning, and without Allen having to urge him into doing so. Now that he knew it was autism and not just a ‘strong silent type’ mask he was wearing to impress him, Allen felt extremely protective of the man lying in his bed.
He didn’t want Jake to feel awkward about the things he said ever. And he knew he had to say that out loud because he had a feeling that even with his heart thundering between them, Jake hadn’t caught on to how close he was to kissing him.
“Don’t apologize,” Allen said, his voice sounding breathier than he meant for it to be. “I love the fact that you caught onto my random quote, so don’t backtrack on me, big guy.”
Seconds ticked by with no answer from Jake. He might have fallen back to sleep, but Allen’s anxiety wouldn’t relax enough to allow him to accept that answer.
Worried he had already ruined the thing he didn’t want, Allen spun around and searched Jake’s expression for a hint. The sun had risen enough that he could see the look he was getting, but he didn’t understand what it meant.
“What?” Allen asked. “Did I say something stupid?”
Jake’s bottom lip was caught between his teeth, and he appeared hesitant for the length of a breath, and then he sighed.
“Can I…touch you?” Jake asked, the eagerness in his voice turning his tone desperate.
They had been touching all night, but if Jake needed the affirmation that he had consent, Allen could give it to him. His nod might have been too eager, but he wanted to know what was going through Jake’s head more than he cared about how he was acting.
A large hand tentatively touched his thigh, sliding down to his knee and hoisting his leg up so Jake could slide back into position. It was more intimate now that they were facing each other, but still abnormally comfortable.
“Don’t be scared,” Jake whispered, brushing Allen’s hair away from his eyes. “Hearing the word love coming from you made me…”
Jake paused, a frown tugging at his mouth as his gaze drifted somewhere far away.
Heat crept into Allen’s face, on his neck, and even his damn arms. He hadn’t meant it that way, and he knew Jake knew that, but he understood what he was implying.
“Do you really like me that much?”
Allen didn’t mean to let the words slip out, but he always had a faulty verbal filter that tended to act up when he was stressed.
Lying in bed with Jake was not normal for him; he typically kicked his conquests out before they had a chance to feel too comfortable.
For Allen, cuddling in bed wasn’t a vibe; it was a marriage proposal.
Yet here he was, accepting his fate as a teddy bear, staring into Jake’s gorgeous brown eyes with his thigh pressed against Allen’s cock. Allen had to know; he had to understand the reasoning.
“I do,” said Jake.
Simple.
Easy.
Decisive.
Terrifying.
“Can I kiss you?” Jake murmured, hand lightly cupping Allen’s cheek like he was something precious.
What a joke.
Since Allen was on a streak of listening to the hopeful flutter of his traitorous heart instead of the logical thought-processing of his brain, he nodded again.
He barely had time to second-guess himself before Jake leaned in, slow enough that he could’ve pulled away—should’ve, maybe—but didn’t.
Jake’s breath was warm against his skin, their noses brushing before his lips finally touched Allen’s. It wasn’t the desperate kind of kiss Allen had braced himself for. It was soft and careful, like Jake was memorizing the shape of him, testing the waters with curiosity instead of hunger.
Allen’s heart gave up all pretense of calm, hammering against his ribs as he leaned into it.
His fingers found Jake’s hair, not gripping, just anchoring himself to something more solid than he currently felt.
Jake’s thumb brushed a slow circle over his cheekbone, a barely-there motion that made everything inside Allen ache in the gentlest way.
When they finally pulled apart, it wasn’t with the awkwardness Allen had feared. Just a small breath shared between them, and their foreheads almost touching.
Jake’s eyes were half-lidded and soft with something that made Allen’s chest tighten all over again.
“Yeah,” Allen whispered, more to himself than to Jake. “That was… okay.”
Jake smiled faintly, that shy, crooked one that was starting to catch Allen off guard. “Okay,” he echoed, voice low enough that Allen could feel the word vibrate against his skin.
Allen shifted slightly, his cheeks continuing to burn as they gazed quietly at each other. He knew he would have to talk first if he wanted Jake to answer questions, but he wasn’t used to being so direct with someone all the time.
But eventually, curiosity won out.
“Have you…” Allen hesitated, tracing an absent line along Jake’s collarbone. “Have you ever kissed guys before?”
Jake let out a small breath that might’ve been a laugh, his thumb brushing lazy circles over Allen’s arm. “Yeah,” he said. “A few times.”
Allen made sure to keep his expression unreadable, but the urge to scowl was immense. He had no right to feel jealous, and he wasn’t sure if he did—it just…bothered him.
“So, this part isn’t new to you,” Allen said, clarifying.
Jake’s soft smile was slowly turning into a playful smirk. “Not new, exactly. But it doesn’t usually feel like this.”
Allen’s brow furrowed. “Like what?”
Jake’s hand left Allen’s arm to rest over his own heart. “Painful,” he said, curling the hand into a fist. “Not the bad kind. It’s like the swooping feeling I get when I jump.”
Something inside Allen stuttered. He swallowed hard, unsure how to respond to that without giving too much away. Instead, he rested his hand over Jake’s heart, feeling the steady rhythm beneath his palm.
“You’re sweet,” he whispered.
Jake’s arm tightened around him. “And you’re everything.”
At this point, Allen’s heart was beating so fast he was about to have a brain bleed. Jake had to be a wizard or something because he was casting a spell on him with his simple but confident words.
It was impossible for Jake to feel this strongly for him. They had only been in the same vicinity together three times. Love didn’t happen that quickly—it wasn’t realistic.
But the way Jake was looking at him, the way he kept brushing his fingers through Allen’s hair and gazing longingly at him, made him think maybe he was wrong. Maybe love could happen that fast, but Allen was just too jaded to comprehend it.
“Do you want me to leave?” Jake asked, his longing look twisting guiltily.
“No,” said Allen. “You’re tired, and I have the day off. Go back to sleep, and I’ll make us breakfast when we get up.”
Jake squirmed and turned his head away, looking even more guilty than before. “I don’t want to ruin your day off. Having me here makes you uncomfortable.”
“Did I say that?”
More squirming.
“No.”
Allen tucked his head under Jake’s chin and squeezed his eyes shut. He was awkward when it came to cuddling because he wasn’t practiced at it, but if he pictured Jake as a tree and clung to him, that would work, right?
If Jake noticed anything, he didn’t comment on it. Allen’s acceptance had shifted the subtle tension in the room, and he quickly embraced him like he was scared Allen would change his mind.
In hindsight, not having sex with Jake wasn’t the worst outcome. Allen couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept so well—and when he woke two hours later, he felt like a completely new person.
His skills in the kitchen were nothing short of disastrous on a good day, but he managed to put eggs and toast together for them, and Jake ate two helpings with the kind of wide-eyed enthusiasm that could power a city.
“Riles wants to hit the ice in an hour,” Jake said as he sat beside Allen on the couch. He had just finished his meticulous clean-up of the kitchen against Allen’s request, scrubbing dishes, counters, and even sweeping the goddamn floor.
Allen looked up from his book and dragged his gaze over the vision of the man sitting across from him, who was lifting his feet onto his lap to rub them. God, he was massive. He was going to need a bigger bed, couch, table, chairs, apartment—
“I don’t think I can fit you,” said Allen.
The hands rubbing his feet went still, and Jake slowly locked eyes with him, his cheeks stained a bright red. “Fit?”
Replaying the words in his head, Allen gasped when he realized how sexual it sounded. “In my apartment, not my ass!”
Jake threw his head back and laughed, grabbing Allen’s feet when he tried to kick him off.
“Sorry for assuming,” said Jake. “That’s the second time you’ve commented on me fitting places.”
Ah shit.
“I’m a fucking pro,” said Allen. “I can handle whatever you've got going on, but my furniture might not be able to.”
Jake looked down, as if noticing how much he was sagging into the cushions. “I’ll buy new furniture.”
“No.” Allen stopped struggling since he was making no progress with removing Jake from his feet. “Don’t start buying me shit. I was just making an observation.”
“I wouldn’t buy you shit,” said Jake.
Allen waited for him to continue, but Jake was too engrossed with the hem of his silk pants to pay him any attention.
“Are you asking me to come to the rink with you?” Allen asked.
Jake’s head shot up like an over-excited puppy. “Will you?”
Well, he couldn’t say no now.
“I’m bringing my book, so don’t expect me to watch you boys play with each other,” Allen grumbled, but Jake wasn’t listening. He was rapid-fire texting Riley with a goofy grin on his face.
“Riley wants you to wear his sweater,” said Jake, not looking away from his phone.
“Riley can suck my dick,” Allen retorted.
Jake shrugged and said, “I’ll tell him, but I don’t think he’ll take you up on the offer.”
Allen needed a drink. He needed all the drinks.
Was he really willing to put up with this if Jake succeeded in winning him over?
Allen lifted his leg and touched the tip of his toe to Jake’s bulging bicep, but no matter how hard he tried to ogle at Jake’s body objectively, his eyes continued to be drawn to his smile and the expressive happiness on his face.
Sighing, Allen dropped his leg and shoved his face into his book. The cold pages did little to cool his cheeks, but at least this way, Jake couldn’t see how unravelled he was.
“Riley said he’ll suck your dick if you’ll wear his sweater, but he wants you to be gentle since it will be his first time.”
Allen looked at his ceiling and cursed every god he knew for setting him on this path, knowing he would never find peace again.
“You’re making a face,” said Jake.
Allen shifted his attention back to Jake and raised a brow. “Get used to it. From this point on, this is what I’ll look like whenever Riley’s name is mentioned.”
Jake nodded, as if this were an acceptable reaction. “Mine is this.”
Allen’s smile grew as he watched Jake’s nose scrunch and his eyes narrow. “You look constipated,” he said.
“Exactly,” said Jake, and then he went back to his phone.
Allen laughed in disbelief and returned to his book, sneaking glances at Jake’s smile more often than he was willing to admit.
Okay, maybe keeping him around wouldn’t be so bad.