Chapter 19 #2
“Because she’s already not listening and messing with her daddy?” I dash away escaping tears.
“That, and I’m hoping she’s as tenacious and big-hearted as you… I’m sorry for being, well…me.” His mouth tips into a crooked smile.
“And I’m sorry for being, well, me.”
We are who we are. In so many ways, Rem and I are as different as night and day, but we’re part of the same coin. You can’t have one without the other.
“I love you.” He pulls me into a hug.
“I love you, too.” I squeeze him just a little tighter.
“For the record, I don’t want you to move out.” He rests his chin atop my head.
“It might be time, though.”
“If that’s what you want, but know that it’s not what I want, and you always have a home with me.”
“I know.” I step out of my brother’s embrace. “But I think it will be good for me. Outside of the dorms, I’ve never lived on my own. As much as I push back with you about making my own decisions, I’ve never not had a safety net.”
“Just because you move out doesn’t mean I won’t still be there. That you don’t still have us.” Affection shimmers in his expression. “But if it’s what you feel is best, I’ll support you.”
“Thank you.” I grin, knowing that these are baby steps.
Rem may have suggested that I move out on Saturday, but, no doubt, its actuality spiderwebs inside him. My living somewhere else loosens his ability to protect me. To be there in the minute it takes to cross the backyard.
“I doubt Hope will be as understanding as I am about you deserting her.” Palm rested on his chest, his expression is wry.
“Hush.” I make a shoo motion. “Now, get in there before Hope kicks both our asses. She may be a Care Bear ninety-nine percent of the time, but bears have teeth.”
Laughter vibrates in his chest. “God, I love that woman.” He starts to move to the door before stopping. “Hope has her keys, right?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Perfect. My spare car key is on her ring. Just grab my keys from Davis after he gets back. If you want to head home, he can take you, and I’ll call you to let you know how she’s doing. That way, you can get some rest.”
“Davis?” My mouth drops open.
“I found him in the waiting room when I got here. He volunteered to take my keys to walk Wentworth. I think he was looking for some way to help.”
Warmth fizzes within me as if expensive champagne flows through my veins. After I’d thanked him, I thought he’d just left. I had zero expectations that he’d stay.
“I’m not sure what Davis is to you, but?—”
“He’s a friend,” I jump in, the word “friend” leaving a bitter taste in my mouth.
“Not to be all me about this, but maybe rethink that designation. While you were in there taking care of Hope, he was looking for ways to take care of you. I like him.”
“Me too,” I murmur.
That truth lights up every cell. It’s not reminiscent of fireworks bursting in the sky, their radiance intense but brief. It’s akin to streetlamps flickering awake, their steady glow lighting the way.
“Go for it.” Determination glints in his eyes. “We know I use plans to manage my anxiety, but your plans sometimes hold you back. You hoped for a future with Will that I think—even if Lena hadn’t happened—wouldn’t have come true.”
“I thought you liked Will.”
“I tolerated him for your sake. He was fine enough, but his focus was always on himself. I want the men with my siblings to think of their needs from time to time. Will barely did that. Everything was always about or in service to him.”
“You never said anything.”
“Maybe, sometimes, I do just sit by and support you after all.” A furrow mars his brow. “For that one, I wish I’d been more my textbook self.”
“I probably wouldn’t have listened.” My short huff of laughter is laced with self-deprecation.
“You would have been torn between making him happy or me. You may push back against me and chart your own course, but your ship always steers back toward what’s best for others.
Not as much, but Jackson is like that, too.
It’s why I want both of you with partners who won’t take advantage of that.
That will support you when you’re taking care of everyone else. ”
“We get that trait from our big brother.”
It’s not just our names that bind the three of us. Each of us our cemented in a foundation of caring for others. That foundation guides us in almost all our decisions. Jackson may be the most balanced out of the three of us, but all our compasses point north.
A cheeky smile invades my features. “Speaking of Jackson, you’re going to like his new guy. He’s a real golden retriever type.”
“Well, I know I like your new guy or, at least, I hope you’ll let him be your new guy.” Palms raised, he walks backward. “I know, I know. Let you live your life. Just don’t let the fear of what could happen or it not being what you planned stop you from living it.”
Rem disappears through the automatic doors to check on Hope, and I take a seat in the waiting room in the identical position I found him.
Leaned forward, elbows on my knees, I scrub my hands down my face.
Is it the fear of getting hurt that holds me back from being with Davis?
Are my book boyfriends just an excuse to not get hurt again?
Is my pushing him away less about not breaking his heart, but protecting my own?
“I am such a cliché,” I mutter to myself.
“Is everything okay? How’s Hope? Is the baby alright?”
Raising my head, I meet Davis’s gaze, a mix of warmth and worry shines in the dark pupils. Worry for and about me.
“Yeah. It looks like a false alarm.” I sit up. “Rem said you went to walk Wentworth.”
“Yeah.” His smile is bashful. “I also picked up a grilled cheese and fries from Fisher’s Landing, since I know you haven’t eaten.” He hands me a paper sack emblazoned with the restaurant’s logo.
“Thank you.” I accept the bag. “You didn’t need to do all that.”
“I wanted to.”
The earnestness that brightens his features illuminates his truth.
Davis wants to take care of me, and I want to take care of him.
That fact roars inside me, drowning out all the reasons this is a bad idea.
I may hurt him. He may hurt me. All those things could happen.
All the best stories come with that angst of not knowing how things will turn out, and I want to write a story with Davis.
“Wanna share?” Slipping the to-go box out of the bag, I hold it up. “We can even double-dip our fries.”
“Sure.” His mouth twitches into a big grin.
Before I can start the next chapter in my story with Davis, I need to take care of my book boyfriends. Until then, I can share a meal with my friend. That’s what friends do, after all. Even if I hope, tonight is the last night I call him just a friend.