Bookworm

Chapter 7

Ipaced the hallway from my front door to outside of Adam’s front door for over an hour, unsure of what to do. I was paralyzed with fear and uncertainty. How much would Dr. O’Macklin scrutinize the use of my code in that room?

On one hand, I was one of only two people allowed to go in there. But he also knew that there was nothing for me to do in there until my supplies arrived.

And if he saw that I came back, would he pop in to check on my progress as well?

So I was stuck here in limbo, waiting for one of two things… either the supplies to arrive so I had a legitimate excuse to go back into the rare books room. Or Adam to arrive so that I could spill the beans and have someone to share the panic with.

Hell, Adam was already pissed about the blackout drunk conversation we shared, why not add this onto it, too? Although admittedly, if I could handle this without his help, that’s far what I would prefer to do.

The groan of the old elevator pulled me from my looping thoughts and fears and within moments, it dinged like a dying doorbell as the doors slid open.

Please be the FedEx guy, please be the FedEx guy, please be the FedEx guy…

Adam stepped out.

With a FedEx box under his arm!

Well… I guess I sort of got my wish. I gave a victorious mental fist pump.

He stopped short, as startled to see me as I was him.

“Are those my supplies?” I asked, rushing toward him.

“I assume so. The delivery guy was downstairs about to leave one of those sorry we missed you slips. Why weren’t you inside to buzz him up?”

I threw my hands overhead. “I didn’t know I had to buzz him in or that he needed a signature! I just thought he’d come up and leave it at my door!”

Adam’s face pulled into a grimace. “Well, it’s a good thing I arrived when I did, isn’t it?”

I studied Adam. He wasn’t mad anymore, per se. He certainly wasn’t giving me the silent treatment and avoiding eye contact like earlier. But there was also something different. Something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. A shift in his demeanor that was so minor, I might not have recognized it if I didn’t know him so damn well.

“You’re still mad,” I said.

His eyes widened. “What are you talking about?” he said, his voice just a tad too snippy. “I’m being cordial. I brought your package up.”

“Cordial. Sure. If I wanted cordial, I would have gone to a cotillion.”

He swiped a hand down his face and I noted the dark stubble shading his jawline despite the fact that it was clean shaven this morning.

“Fine,” he exhaled. “I’m not so much mad as I am disappointed. It just surprised me, that’s all. Here I thought we had this long, meaningful conversation catching up after all these years and you… you didn’t even remember it. Then to find out you overheard…”

“Yeah,” I said, not really wanting to go into it all again. “I know. I’m really sorry. But before you fully forgive me, I have another infraction to add to the list.”

Adam’s face paled. “You were drunk this morning, too, weren’t you?”

“What!? No. Good God, do you think I’m an alcoholic or something?”

“Well, I don’t know!” He threw his hands in the air, just as frustrated as me. “You hide your drunkenness really well, Harp!”

A frustrated growl escaped me before I grabbed his hand and dragged him down the hall to my front door. “Just follow me.”

I opened the door, catching Jules cleaning herself. Wide green eyes peered at me, then Adam before she darted for the bathroom to hide. I waved in my cat’s direction. “That’s Jules. Ignore her and she’ll do the same.”

Adam looked around the apartment and noted the open windows despite it being March in New England.

He shivered and hugged his torso. “What’s going on, Harper? Why is your window open, what is it you need to show me, and why in God’s name does it smell so funky in here?”

I decided to ignore two of his questions and focus only on the second one. “This.” I pulled the copy of Robinson Caruso from where I’d safely stashed it away from Jules and her overactive bladder. “This is what I wanted to show you.”

Adam’s eyes went wide as realization dawned on him. “You stole one of the university’s books!? What in the actual hell is wrong with you?”

“Stole is a bit extreme. More like… accidentally took it. Well, wait. Not exactly accidentally. I knew I was taking it. I just didn’t know how not to take it, so?—”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Adam interrupted me, pinching the bridge of his nose. “How can you not know how not to take something. You just don’t take it!!!”

I went into the story of what happened… how Dr. O’Macklin came in and I had no choice.

To his credit, Adam didn’t interrupt me. Halfway through my story, he sank to the couch that the apartment came furnished with, dropping his head into his hands.

“Okay,” he said after I was done. “This could be worse.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously! What if our rare books had sensors in them?”

“Yeah…” I stared at the book resting on the coffee table. “Why don’t your books have sensors? That’s like librarian science 101.”

“Don’t get me started,” Adam grumbled. “The younger staff have been arguing with the old timers about this for a while. There’s never, in the history of the university, been a theft of one of our rare books. So they don’t see a need for it.”

“But they have the technology for the regular books, right? All you have to do is?—”

“Harper, believe me. I know. They would just rather spend the budget building the library rather than protecting it. Which is why when they heard you were both restoration and sales with that rare peacock copy of Pride and Prejudice, they managed to find tens of thousands in the budget for that… but yet, we can never get the funding for the security measures.”

“Okay, but how do they know there hasn’t been a book taken? I mean look at this!” I tapped the cover of Robinson Caruso still resting on the coffee table. “How many times has something like this happened right under their noses? There could be countless books damaged in that room and they’d never know.”

“Oh, they’d know,” Adam snorted. “O’Macklin is meticulous about doing inventory of those books. He combs through them constantly. I’m surprised he didn’t check your bag before you left with him.”

I gulped. “How constantly does he check the books in that room?”

“Constantly enough that I think we’d better get that copy back in that room as soon as possible.”

With a chirp, Jules poked her head out of the bathroom and did a figure eight around my feet. I snatched the copy of Robinson Caruso off the coffee table and gently put it back in my bag. “No ma’am. You are not ruining another book. Not again.”

“Again?” Adam asked. “Wait…” His face went gaunt with realization. “Did she pee on that book? That’s what I’m smelling, isn’t it?”

I winced. “Close, but not quite. She didn’t pee on this one.”

“Oh no,” Adam said. “Don’t tell me… please don’t tell me it was Pride and Prejudice.”

“Okay,” I said with a shrug. Then I turned to the unopened box of supplies, tearing it open. I pulled out the glue, the press, the nibs, and the India ink, lining them up. “I won’t tell you it was the copy of Pride and Prejudice.”

The room was silent for several beats as I sorted the various materials I needed for tonight’s books.

Finally, Adam broke the silence. “But was it?”

Before I could answer, Jules hopped up on Adam’s lap and bumped the top of her head to his chin.

With a sigh, Adam scratched beneath her chin. “You’re a little hellraiser, aren’t you?”

I stood there in awe, watching as my very non-social cat purred and rubbed against Adam. “She likes you,” I said, shock invading my voice.

“You say that like it’s a surprise. I’m usually very likeable. Present company, excluded.”

I shook my head. “No, it’s not that. I just mean, she doesn’t like anybody. Except me. And I wouldn’t say she even likes me. More like, she tolerates my existence because I’m queen of opposable thumbs; the bringer of the canned tuna.”

His mouth twitched. “Is that your official title? Bringer of the canned tuna?”

“To her? Yes. I’m a vessel that exists solely to feed her and pick up her poop.” I gestured to where she had now rolled onto her back, stretched out across Adam’s lap, purring as loud as a damn lawn mower, as he lazily stroked her fur. “But apparently you’re Sir Strokes A Lot.”

“What?!” He sputtered a cough and the loud sound startled Jules enough to sit up straight in his lap, fully at attention and clearly annoyed that the cuddles had stopped.

My cheeks went red hot, matching Adam’s own flush that tinged the back of his neck and tips of his ears pink. “That’s not what I meant,” I croaked.

“I’d hope not. Kill me now if my nickname becomes Sir Strokes A Lot.”

“I only said it because you were stroking my kitty!” I groaned. Crap, I was only making it worse. “Not like my kitty,” I said and did a crude gesture toward my crotch. “But my cat.”

Oh, God. What was I even saying right now? I needed to shut up. Stop talking. And there was definitely a that’s what she said joke somewhere in here that even though my thirteen year old boy”s sense of humor desperately wanted to say, thank God I had a shred of self-preservation and just shut the hell up.

“My actual cat,” I said again, gesturing toward Jules who was now glaring at me from Adam’s lap. Like she could tell I was ruining this.

“Oh my God, Harper, stop talking!” Adam blurted out. Jules jumped off his lap and darted to the doorway of the bathroom, giving me a look that could kill. Apparently I was enemy number one for interrupting her pussy petting time.

The nervous laughter bubbled up from inside me and soon I couldn’t stop.

“You just make me so nervous,” I admitted. “You’re always so cool and collected and professional. Look at you! You wear sweaters with elbow patches for God’s sake, Adam!”

“My elbow patches make you nervous?” He stood from the couch and looked down at his elbow.

“Not just the elbow patches. But I had a whole plan for when I would see you next. I’ve been dreaming of the day I could sweep back into your life and show you how together I was.” I paused, dropping my face into my hands. “I think it’s safe to say that is out the freaking window.”

“Don’t be so sure,” Adam said and even though I wasn’t looking up from where I’d buried my face in my hands, I could tell his voice sounded closer.

“Um. Yeah. I’m pretty sure I ruined the plan,” I said looking up. “To start, I had no idea you’re the reason I got this gig. Then, my terrorizing little brothers ruined your groceries. Then my stupid cat peed on the book I’m supposed to be selling to your library! Then, I damaged more of your books and committed an accidental felony… and now, I’ve dubbed you Sir Strokes A Lot. This could literally not be any worse.”

He was standing over me. Close. Very close. “So what was the plan for when you saw me after all these years?”

His voice was raspy, his eyes traveling between my eyes and mouth as though he didn’t quite know where to look.

Adam had always been tall. Significantly taller than me. Tilting my chin to meet his gaze, I was distracted by the sight of his tongue wetting his lips. “Well… I was going to come back in high heels. And a power suit. And I was going to flaunt the fact that I got my BA from King College and my Masters of library science at Oxford.”

His smile twitched. “What else?” he pressed.

“I was going to Pretty Woman your ass.”

The heedy look in his eyes blinked away. “You were gonna do what to my ass?”

“Pretty Woman it. I was going to show up all put together and beautiful and successful and strut in front of you and be like: Hey, remember when you thought I’d never make anything of myself? Remember when you let me go? Well, big mistake. Huge!” I did my best to recite the Pretty Woman speech and act it out for him, even going as far as to hold up invisible bags in my hands.

With a sigh, I lowered my arms, dropping said invisible bags. “Unfortunately, showing up smelling like cat pee was not part of the plan.”

Again, that smirk that wasn’t quite a smirk was back on his face. “There’s one problem with that plan, though.”

“Other than me smelling like cat pee?”

“Yep, Other than that.” he said. “You said I thought you wouldn’t make anything of yourself. That I let you go. But none of that was true. I always believed in you, Harp.” He paused, lifting a hand to brush back a fallen curl from my forehead. “I was a coward when it came to standing up to my dad, you’re right about that. But I never let you go. You let me go. You stopped calling me. Not the other way around.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but the objections got caught in my throat. He wasn’t wrong. Not even the slightest bit. “It didn’t feel like you believed in me,” I said, instead of fighting with him. Because truly, the only things I can speak to that are facts are my feelings. My truths. I can’t speak for his.

So I took a deep breath and spoke my truth. “Your dad said I wasn’t Dartmouth material. He spoke like my gap year was a waste of time and like it meant I was going to end up slinging fries for the rest of my life… which even if I did doesn’t mean I’m not deserving of your love. There isn’t a damn thing wrong with being a server.”

Adam pressed his lips together and nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t stand up for you. If I’d heard your dad say all those terrible things about me, I might have reacted the same way and pulled away without talking to you. But I wish you had… talked to me, that is. We could have cleared all this up pretty quickly.”

I shrugged. “Maybe. Or maybe not. Honestly, Adam, if we had stayed together, I don’t know that I would have or could have left for London. I loved you so much, I think I would have just followed you around like a lost puppy. And your dad was right about one thing… at the time of our high school graduation, I didn’t have the grades to get into Dartmouth. And without hearing that? Maybe I wouldn’t have ever found my motivation.”

Adam shook his head. “I don’t believe that. Not for a second. You’ve always had such a passion for books?—”

“Sure, I’ve always loved reading. But without that night, overhearing your conversation, I might have spent that first semester traveling back and forth to visit you here. My focus would have been split.” I smiled softly at him. “You always were the best kind of distraction.”

His smile faded. “That’s one of those compliments that’s not really a compliment.”

Maybe he was right. Maybe I was trying to inadvertently insult him.

I shook my head and changed topics slightly. “My point is, I needed that gap year… and without you in the picture, it turned out to be only a gap semester. I had no idea what I wanted to do and I didn’t want to waste money, going into debt when I didn’t even know what I wanted to do with my life. It felt irresponsible. But everyone treated me like that gap year was just an excuse to tread water and be lazy… even you. The person who was supposed to know me best and always be on my side. And the truth was, that gap year was the opposite. It was the most fiscally responsible thing I could have done. So if we’re going to have this conversation, at least be honest with both me and yourself.”

He blew out a sharp breath, then nodded. “Okay, fine. You’re right. I might have let my dad’s whispers convince me that a gap year was what lazy students do. How many times do you want me to apologize for acting like a dumb teenager when I was a dumb teenager. I’m sorry. Truly, Harper. I’m so sorry you heard all that.”

He was getting irritated. Running his hands through his hair and pacing in the small living room of the temporary apartment.

I stopped him by gently resting my hand on his elbow. “Thank you,” I said. “And I’m sorry, too. For not giving you an explanation of why we were breaking up. For being a dumb teenager, too.”

He exhaled in what seemed to be an intense release of tension. “I’ve waited so many years to hear you say that. Thank you.”

I nodded slowly, blinking as the light in the apartment dimmed with the setting sun outside of the one lonely window.

“I wish we didn’t have to break up for you to find yourself,” Adam said.

“Me, too,” I admitted.

“I feel terrible that, even accidentally, I was holding you back.”

I shook my head. “It wasn’t like that. I held myself back.”

He looked up at me then with shiny eyes. “But… you still loved me?”

Every muscle in my body went rigid… frozen. Except my heart which jackhammered inside of my chest. “I… did.” My voice was barely audible and I wasn’t sure he even heard me until he took a step forward, closing the space between us from twelve inches to six.

“Did?” he asked with another couple of steps, six inches diminishing to three. “Or do?”

Another step. Two inches…

I swallowed hard. How was I supposed to answer that? “Can you love someone you don’t know anymore?”

“You always were good at answering a question with a question. In another life, you would have made a great lawyer.”

A thrill passed through me. I didn’t admit that number two on my career possibilities list was lawyer.

All this time I believed that Adam couldn’t have truly known me all these years if he thought I was lazy for taking that gap year. But that one quick aside made me rethink everything.

Another step. Another inch. Only mere centimeters separated us now and I had to tilt my chin up to meet his gaze.

“Why should I be the only one to answer that?” I croaked, my voice raspy and low. Some might have even defined it as seductive.

“I’ll answer if you will,” Adam said.

Well, that surprised me. Everything Adam was doing tonight surprised me. “So… we’ll both answer either Love or Loved? Is that the game?”

Another shuffle of his feet. Half an inch. His body was so close to mine I could feel the heat emanating from him. Feel the brush of his knuckles against my hip bone. The warmth of his exhale caressing my heated cheeks.

“Sure,” he said with a nod. “On the count of three, we say it. Together.”

Humor glinted in his eyes. Like he was so certain of my answer. Not in an arrogant way. That was the thing about Adam. He’d always had this quiet confidence. It didn’t make him a jerk… it made him sexy as hell.

“Okay,” I said.

“Count us down,” he commanded and I was too damn flustered to argue.

“One…” I said. “Two… Th?—”

Before I could get the word out, his lips were on mine, kissing me, soft and delicately. His hands threaded through my hair, brushing the strands back into my wavy tangles.

It was everything I remembered it to be and also entirely foreign. Like being in your childhood home after someone else had moved in and changed things around.

More heated than we’d ever kissed before. This wasn’t the kiss of two hormone-adled teenagers. It was dark and rough and primal with passion and long-forgotten promises swirling between us.

I moaned, melting into his arms as I parted my lips to him, our tongues touching. Every inch of me felt fiery and hot as I pushed onto my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me.

Groaning, he broke the kiss, still clutching me tightly against him. Our noses brushed as we each gasped for breath, panting and desperate for more.

After a moment, I asked, “Now what?”

There was a brief pause before Adam said, “Now we sneak back into the library and repair some books.”