Chapter 34 Bare Confessions #2
I slap my palms together. “No. You don’t get to use that reason.
” I stand up, brushing off the back of my jeans.
“We talked about the feud. We weren’t a couple of ten-year-olds.
I mean, I know we were young, but we talked about the feud.
We made a pros and cons list. We decided it was us against them.
So no, you don’t get to blame it on that. ”
I walk away.
“Jade?”
“No.” I keep walking.
“The feud was bigger than us.” I hear him gaining on me. “We couldn’t just leave it behind us.”
I spin, and he almost crashes into me. I shove his chest.
“Yes, we could. We planned to go to college together and discover ourselves without them. We were going to be stronger together and come back and stand up to them.”
“But then there was my accident, and college was done for me.”
I shake my head. “That accident was after you bailed on me.” I let out a dry laugh. “Get your lies in order. Shit, what did you think this conversation was going to accomplish?”
“That accident was because I was so distracted after you tossed our book in the trash that I didn’t see the sack coming. I didn’t protect myself. It was almost like I let that hit happen because, deep down, I knew if I took that hit, there was no chance we’d end up at college together.”
“Wow.” I can’t believe him. “You really went all out to keep your distance.”
“Because I was so fucking broken.” His voice is hoarse, stripped bare, every word fraying at the edges.
“You broke us!” I yell. “You did this!”
“I know. Fuck. I know, and I’ve regretted it every single day since.” His fingers twist the leather of his hat.
“Bullshit.” Tears sting my eyes, but I won’t let them fall in front of him.
“I don’t want to fight with you.” He forces a calming tone I can’t match.
“You also don’t want to tell me the truth!”
“You want to know the truth?” Raw pain claws through his question.
I fold my arms over my front, forcing my tone into something cold. “Since the night you walked away.”
“It was me.” His shoulders cave, and in an instant, he’s stripped bare, relief tangling with guilt etching across him.
His jaw trembles, his lips part slightly, and the look he sends me is so vulnerable, I feel my own knees buckle.
“I wasn’t strong enough or brave enough.” His voice shakes as he spits out the words like they’ve festered so long they taste like poison. “I couldn’t protect you the way you needed to be protected. I was too young.”
His chest rises in sharp, uneven bursts, like he can’t hold anything back any longer.
“I walked away because I was scared of what the outcome would be if I stayed.”
He closes his eyes for a moment before opening them to stare at me again, exposed and undone.
“Because I’m a coward, Jade. Me.”
His confession cuts straight through me, shattering something inside me, unraveling me in a way I’ve never experienced.
My walls crash.
My guard splinters.
And my defense crumbles.
He swallows hard, his eyes fixed on mine, his voice trembling as if he might shatter at any second. This big, strong man who throws hay bales like they’re weightless. Who fist-fights for fun?
“I wasn’t brave enough to face all of it. My family, your family, the town—what loving you meant. I thought if we do this, I’ll ruin you, hurt you, and I couldn’t bear the thought.”
I’ve never heard him so brutally honest.
He stares at the ground, fists clenching at his side.
“But more than that, I couldn’t work up the courage to even try.” His voice trembles.
He runs a hand down his face, dragging his fingers through his hair, as if trying to hold himself together.
But his whole body shakes.
“So I bolted. I bolted because I’m weak. Because I’m selfish. Because I was too afraid to be the man you deserved.”
He takes a step toward me, then stops short, eyes glossy with tears.
“The only way I could think to keep you away was to make you always hate me.”
He lets out a sharp, broken laugh that dies instantly.
“So I kept pushing you away and making sure that you continued to despise me.” His voice cracks.
He presses a palm to his chest like it physically hurts him, then his gaze flicks to me.
“I had to keep the guilt of what I did to you fresh in my head so that you wouldn’t be hurt by me again. Because all I’ve ever wanted was you.”
He drops to his knees, as if his legs can no longer hold him. And I’m there. I’m across from him, feeling every emotion to my core and recognizing them.
Knowing them.
Having lived them.
My hands are on his trembling arms. He’s never exposed this kind of weakness. His body slumps like the weight of the world is crushing him.
He trembles, and his fists clench the dirt at his knees. Tears streak down his face, cutting clean lines through the dust.
This man, who always seemed unshakable, who rode through storms without flinching, is kneeling here, sobbing like a boy. Every shred of his pride, every piece of armor, is gone, and all that’s left is fear, guilt, and love spilling out in ragged gasps that make my own heart ache.
And when he looks at me, his eyes are unmasked and desperate, almost unrecognizable.
“It was me.” He says it so broken this time. “I left because I loved you so much it made me sick, and all I could see were the ways I would fail you. And I did fail you. I failed you the second I walked away. And I’ll hate myself for that for the rest of my life. I’m so sorry, Jade.”
My pain spills out the moment my arms find their way around him. All the pain I’ve been harbouring. The bitterness, the blame. The nights I hated him and the mornings I missed him. It all crashes through me at once.
And still, I hold him tighter.
It’s not gentle.
It’s not graceful.
It’s desperate.
My fingers clutch at his back. His arms wrap around me in return. No, they cling to me, fingers digging into my sweater, like he’s drowning and I’m the last thing keeping him afloat. His face burrows into my shoulder, and mine into his.
He’s shaking.
God, we both are.
The tears come so fast I can’t stop them. Mine. His. I don’t even know whose is whose. It’s all just tears and shaking and the sound of us breaking apart and coming together at the same time.
There’s no hiding here.
No pretending.
Just two people, broken and trying to remember how to fit back together. And for the first time in so long, I don’t feel alone in the hurt.
We sob until there’s nothing left. Until the tears dry on our cheeks and the shaking slows. Until every last tremor runs its course, leaving us empty and spent. Our bodies give in, too tired to hold anything anymore.
And still, we stay wrapped around each other.
I don’t know when he ended up in my arms. Only that he’s here now, folded into me, quiet, trembling, and unguarded. I hold him without hesitation. One hand cradles the back of his head while the other anchors around his shoulders as if I can shield him from the weight of his own guilt.
And for a moment, that’s all there is.
He breaks the silence, his voice still struggling.
“I’m so sorry, Jade.” It’s quieter this time, a whisper in my ear.
“I’m sorry,” I say back. “I didn’t understand. I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”
When he looks up, his eyes are wet and raw, unblinking, and his lips tremble.
“You have nothing to apologize for. I’m the one who fucked up. I’m the one who broke us.”
I cup his face, stroking his cheek with my thumb.
“You’ve been hurting this whole time, haven’t you?” I whisper. “I didn’t know, Hart. I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”
This isn’t about betrayal anymore, whether it be his or mine. It’s about two people carrying wounds we were never meant to have, and not knowing how to heal them.
“I never meant to hurt you.” His hands cup my face, the storm behind his eyes quieting when he looks at me.
“I swear, I never wanted to cause you any pain. I need to say it. I need you to hear it. Every jab, every offhand comment, and every sarcastic remark. I’m so fucking sorry.
” Wetness clings to his cheek. “And I know you won’t forget how I’ve acted and made you feel all these years later, yet I desperately need your forgiveness Jade. ”
I think if he has any more tears to cry, he’d shed them here.
“I forgive you.” I lean into his touch. “If that’s what you need to hear, then yes, I forgive you. But I don’t think you need it from me. Not when I see how much you’ve been carrying.”
He doesn’t speak. He just tightens his grip, as if he’s afraid this will end.
I’m afraid too.
For the first time in years, all the hate is gone.
This is the moment where we both let go. Let go of the past, of everything we thought we knew.
And in this raw, vulnerable silence, I realize that whatever happens next, it will be different.
It already is.
His lips brush my forehead, and then he lets his forehead settle against mine.
“I never thought this day would come.” His voice is low and hesitant. “I never let myself think I’d be here with you, telling you everything.”
“If you’d told me this a week ago, or even yesterday, I would’ve punched you in the face.”
He chuckles, a smile pulling his lips. “I don’t doubt it.”
There’s a pause. For a split second, it feels like nothing else matters—the past, the pain, the years. Everything is suspended.
“So, what are we supposed to do now?” I ask.
He shrugs.
“We really screwed things up.” I smile at him, releasing him of all the blame. “You with your guilt and me spreading quite wild fetishes.”
He gives a half-smile, the kind that’s both apologetic and genuine. “I reckon we did.”
“We could start over.” He leans back. “We could figure out what it’s like to be friends again.”
“You want to creepily follow me around, hanging out in all my favorite places, talking about football plays, and chewing food louder than any person I’ve ever met?”
He laughs, and the sound strikes a fire inside me.
“I do not chew loudly.”
“You chew so loud.”
There’s another silence between us, and it’s perfect for us.
“Friends?” I say, pretending to ponder the idea.
He nods.
I smile. “I like that idea.”
He hugs me again and doesn’t let go. “You know what friends do?” he asks into my hair.
“What do friends do?” I let myself enjoy the smell of him.
“They finish bucket lists together.”
I laugh.
He leans back, tucking my hair behind my ear. “You want to tackle that list with me today?”
“Like now?”
“All day. Me and you.”
“We have a booth to go to.”
His lips quirk upward. “I think we have a bucket list item that will help us get out of working. Remember page five?”
“Page five?”
He does know them by heart.
He nods. “Yes. Let’s do page five.”
What is page five?