Chapter 18
William had never not known how to act around a woman before. Not until Kinsey.
After all, his previous trysts hadn’t needed to be hidden. He was all too aware of how she felt about the others knowing of their intimacies. It had been plain on her face when she’d paled at Duff’s claim that he’d been with a woman.
And he was all too aware of how the others would perceive her.
What was more, he’d never been in danger of caring too much. There had always been a mutual agreement: lust without love.
Following that logic with Kinsey was impossible. He could no more halt the way of his heart than he could cease his own need to breathe.
He kept his gaze averted from her, avoiding her for the duration of their journey to another inn on the Scottish side of the border. It would result in a longer ride to Mabrick for scouting, but it would ensure they could reach the castle for observation without being seen.
William would do everything right this time, starting with letting his men enjoy a night at the tavern before they began spying on the castle.
They were gathered downstairs when a tavern wench with a pouty smile winked as she passed him.
Duff nudged William. “Looks like ye already caught the attention of the bonniest lass here.”
William stared hard at his ale to keep his gaze from wandering toward the true bonniest lass in all of Christendom.
“Keep on with that chatter, and ye’ll end up with an arrow in yer arse from our bonny archer.” Alec grinned down the table. “Eh, Kinsey?”
“My aim is better than that,” she countered with a playful edge.
William looked toward her long enough to see a confident smirk on her lips. She tossed her head, tilting her chin away from him, playing as innocent to their affair as he did.
The serving wench approached their table with several mugs of ale. She passed them out, saving William’s for the last, then he bent over as she set it in before him with a wink. “My, my.” Her stare dragged down him with appreciation. “Ye’re a fine one.”
William was keenly aware of how close Kinsey was, what she would see and hear. But he also knew his men would question anything different in his reaction.
“Ye’re a fine one yerself,” he flattered.
“Ach, ye think so?” She straightened with her hands on her hips, glancing down at her ample bosom. Her gaze caught on a droplet of ale she’d spilled atop one round breast. She swept her finger over it, capturing the drop and sucking it from her finger, her eyes fixed on William.
“The sweetest ale in Scotland, I wager.” He winked at her.
Her full lips curled into a slow, sensual smile. “Ye should taste it for yerself.”
She was a bold one—the kind of woman he used to like.
Except now, her invitation made him cringe. The kind of man he’d been before made him cringe as well.
He must have taken a while to respond, for Duff spoke up beside him. “If he’ll no’ do it, I will.”
Her gaze slid to Duff, and she winked before whisking off to another table.
“I figure ye werena interested.” Duff shrugged. “I couldna let a hot invitation go cold.”
William chuckled. “Help yerself.”
Duff followed the woman across the room with his eyes. “I believe I’ll do just that.” He pushed up from the table so fast that he nearly spilled his still-full ale.
He wasn’t the only one to get to his feet. Kinsey followed suit. “Forgive me. I’m rather tired this evening.”
The men bade her good night as she left the table, her back stiff.
Damn.
William wanted to get up and follow her but worried it might make his actions look obvious.
And mayhap his being overly concerned about every one of his damn actions was making him act strangely. Damn it—he hated this.
He would do well to keep to his own room going forward. Matters of the heart would only complicate his duty.
Even still, after he finished his ale, he did not order another. Nay, instead, he found himself making his excuses and climbing the stairs. As he did so, it wasn’t his room where he went, but to Kinsey’s.
He rapped gently.
And received no reply.
“Kinsey,” he called in a quiet voice.
Nothing.
He rapped again.
Still nothing.
He knocked yet again, and the door flew open. Kinsey grabbed him by the leine and dragged him into the room before slamming the door shut.
Her cheeks were scarlet, her eyes flashing a brilliant blue. She was vivid with life and rage.
Dear God, she was beautiful.
And he was hard as stone.
“Why can’t ye just leave me be?” she demanded.
He stepped toward her. “Because I havena stopped thinking of ye.”
“Ach, aye.” She nodded with apparent disbelief. “’Tis why ye’ve barely looked at me all day, let alone spoken to me.”
He frowned. “So the men wouldna suspect us. I thought ye dinna want them to know…”
“I don’t.” Hurt blazed in her eyes. “But ye didn’t have to be so damn convincing.”
The need to ease her pain consumed him. “I did it for ye.” He reached for her, wishing to soothe her troubles. “What would ye have me do, Kinsey?”
She tilted her face toward his and met his eyes. “Why don’t ye go downstairs for more of Scotland’s sweetest ale?”
Ah, so that was it. She was jealous. That was an emotion he could handle.
“Who wants ale when there is whisky?” He cupped her face, determined that she see his longing for her. “Fiery. Intoxicating,” he murmured. “Leaves ye craving more and more.”
The ferocity in her eyes softened. “William.” She said his name with resignation, with wanting.
A wanting that simmered keenly in his own blood.
He lowered his mouth to hers, uncertain if she would respond to his affection with a kiss or a bite. Regardless, it was worth the risk.
She was worth the risk.
Her lips parted for him, and her arms curled around the back of his neck. His hands glided down her body and pushed her against him. She gave a desperate whimper.
“I was trying to protect ye,” he said between kisses.
She leaned away from him and regarded him with an anxious expression.
He dragged her back toward him and ran his mouth down the smooth warmth of her neck. “What is it, my Kinsey?”
Her head fell back, exposing the graceful column of her throat. Which would lead him down to where her bosom heaved up and down. But it was nothing he would force on her.
He hesitated and regarded her. “Do ye want me to leave?”
She stared at him, panting, her eyes wide, and for the span of a moment, he feared she might actually tell him to go.
Kinsey should tell William to leave.
She stared into his worried brown eyes, and her heart slipped deeper into him. Her head spun with giddiness, and her pulse hummed with a delicious heat throughout her body.
These were the sensations he aroused within her that she loved.
The others, the bitterness of jealousy, the wounded uncertainty at his indifference, those were the ones she hated.
Aye, they could tell the men of their affair and end the secrecy, but what would it matter when he would eventually wed another?
She held tight to him, their eyes and souls locked together. Pain and pleasure blended as one, a need to tell him to leave and a greater pull for him to stay. She couldn’t allow this to continue.
This would have to be the last time.
Rather than reply, she drew him back toward her and kissed him. He groaned into her mouth as their passion exploded.
It was a wild, desperate coupling, both so eager for the other, they couldn’t bother with removing all their clothing. William pushed her to the wall, pinning her there with his body as his hands worked at her trews, which were hastily shoved away as she undid his.
He had her there against the wall, with hard, frantic thrusts that had them both crying out. They reached climax at the same time and sagged against one another.
Kinsey’s legs trembled with the force of her release, but her racing heart ached for what would need to come next.
“I can’t do this again,” she said quietly.
He regarded her with alarm. “I’ll protect ye from the men. They willna find out.”
She shook her head, tears forming in her eyes as the haze of lust burned away, leaving her with the stark reality of their circumstances. “The only protection I need is from ye.”
His brows drew together in a pained look as if she’d physically wounded him. “Have I hurt ye?”
“Not yet.” Emotion rose in her throat, unexpected and unwanted. “But ye will.” Tears welled in her eyes, but she turned away so he couldn’t see them. “I thought I could do this. That I was stronger…”
He lifted her face to look at him. “Kinsey…”
“If I keep on like this, I…I…” She couldn’t force the words out, but they echoed within her, visceral pangs of agony.
He rested his forehead on hers. “I dinna want to hurt ye.”
She dragged in a ragged breath and closed her eyes, unable to look at him as she made her final request. “Please leave.”
He gave a hard exhale that recalled her attention to him as he drew away from her. Beneath his untucked leine, his fingers worked at his trews to secure them once more.
“I’m sorry,” he said hoarsely.
She knew he was.
He stepped back from her, his handsome face lined with a disappointment that tempted her to change her mind. “I’m so damn sorry.” Then he unlatched the door and was gone.
If she’d thought his departure would make her feel better, she was wrong. Her body glowed with the aftermath of their shared pleasure, his seed still within her. The scent of him lingered on her skin.
An ache settled deep in her chest and expanded until it was nearly choking her. Tears welled in her eyes, and she finally succumbed to the need to cry.
The night was long, followed by an overly bright morning that contradicted her foul mood. Too little sleep and too much thinking were an ill-matched pair if ever there were one.
If William was as deprived of rest, he didn’t look it. He compiled a schedule to watch Mabrick Castle with his usual efficiency in an effort to keep track of the comings and goings at the front gate.
William was on the first watch and requested several of the men join him, along with Kinsey. It was not abnormal from what he usually requested of her. However, she’d hoped that in light of what had transpired between them, he would place her in another group.
She wanted to hate him.
It would be so much easier than the heaviness between them as they rode into England or the way her heart quickened when his leg rested near hers as they hid in the brush.
Regardless of her hurt, she couldn’t hate him. Not when they had shared so much with one another: experiences, thoughts, intimacies.
Though she had never been in love, she knew of its razor edge. Her mother had been sliced by it with a wound that cut her to the quick. If Mum lived to be a hundred years, she would never get over the death of Kinsey’s da.
With a painful example in such close proximity, Kinsey should have known better.
With that thought, she realized what she needed to do. It was time to go home. There would be no more raids where she would watch innocent people be slaughtered, and she would have no more blood on her hands. And her heart could be kept safe forever.
Aye, home—to Castleton—away from war and death and any hope of love.