18. Harper
Harper
After I’m so full of Mexican food I can barely move, Ev surprises me by picking me up and carrying me to his bed.
Every time we’ve been together, there’s been a frantic desperation to our movements, like neither one of us could tolerate slowing things down because both of us feared we’d miss our chance with the other.
Tonight, though, Ev doesn’t rush a thing.
He takes his time, sliding into me with a slowness that has me nearly coming with a quickness that surprises me.
It shouldn’t. Everything about Ev drives me crazy in ways that no one else ever has.
I’m usually so aroused just by looking at him and being near him that by the time he actually touches me I’m already halfway there.
I keep expecting things to die down, but every day it just grows stronger.
I cup his face when he brings me to orgasm, looking into his eyes as pleasure so fierce it’s nearly blinding consumes me.
“Please,” I whisper, and he groans, knowing exactly what I want, and when he lets go and starts to come with me, I wish I could tell him I love him.
I wish I could tell him exactly how I’m feeling and that I no longer care about who he really is and that I’ll forget about the stupid article and never write the damn thing as long as I get to keep him here with me just like this.
The words die in my throat, though, never making it past my lips, because the thought of actually speaking them out loud terrifies me.
This moment is perfect, and the last thing I want is to see a shocked, panicked look come over Ev’s face while he’s still inside me, and I can’t make him a promise that I might not be able to keep.
The truth matters to me. I’ve built my entire career on that principle, and what would that make me if I just threw it all away for a man?
I don’t want to be that fickle, and I don’t want to give everything up for someone else.
I’m being torn in two different directions, and I don’t want to face either option right now, so I wrap my arms and legs around Ev and bury my face in his neck instead.
Maybe it’s cowardly to take comfort in him when my heart is so torn, but I do it anyway because I can’t bring myself to do anything else.
I breathe in his scent and close my eyes as he holds me.
While I try to fall asleep and forget about everything, my brain insists on keeping me awake by ruminating on details that I can’t get out of my head.
Ev said Rosalie was a victim of the DeMarco family, that her tattoo proved it and that she’d escaped and that’s what got her killed.
I can’t stop thinking about it, because what if his cousin is actually innocent of this crime?
I’d be a naive idiot to think of Sasha as innocent, but what if he really is in this one particular case?
Giving up on sleep, I whisper against his neck, “Will you tell me why you refused to take the DeMarco case?”
He lets out a huff of air, and I’m in tune with him enough to immediately know it’s his you’ve got to be kidding me sound. Lifting up, he looks down at me. Before saying anything, he reaches out and brushes my hair back behind my ear.
“You just can’t help yourself, can you?”
“It’s off the record,” I say. “I just want to know.”
His eyes search mine while he debates whether or not to answer me. I’m surprised when he opens his mouth and says, “He traffics women. I don’t defend sex traffickers.”
“Why is that the line you’ve drawn? You defend a lot of bad men, Ev. Why is that the one line you won’t cross?”
“Do I need a reason beyond the fact that it’s vile and I hate it?”
“You don’t have to, but I think you’ve got one, and I’d like to know it.”
Instead of answering, he rolls over, lying beside me with one hand behind his head, legs stretched out long while he thinks. I curl into him, not giving him any space. Resting on my side, I bring my hand to his chest and watch him.
When he stays quiet, I lean down and kiss his left pec. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”
He threads his fingers in my hair, and when I lift my head, he’s watching me. “My mom was taken by sex traffickers. The fucker who ran the whole operation kept her for himself, and he raped and abused her for two years while my dad and uncles tried to find her.”
“Ev, I’m so sorry,” I start to say, but he gives my hair a gentle tug, silently asking me to stop talking so he can get this out.
I stay quiet while he says, “It almost killed my entire family, and it took years for my mom to heal from this, and my dad was with her every step of the way. My dad would do anything for my mom. He was in a fire when he was younger. It killed his family and very nearly killed him too. I sometimes feel like his life has been nothing but pain, but even with all that, he’s been the best kind of dad to me and my sister.
“So I’ll tell you again, Harper, you don’t know a thing about my family. We’re not what you think we are. I know you don’t believe me, that you think I’m focusing on the good and ignoring the bad, but I know them, and you don’t, and I’m telling you they’re good people.”
He starts to run his fingers through my hair again while he continues.
“So that’s why I wouldn’t represent DeMarco, and no amount of money in the world would’ve made me change my mind.
I hate anyone who exploits women and children, and every single person in my family feels the same way.
I’m not saying they’re perfect, but I am saying they’re not monsters.
Not everything is so black and white. There’s a lot of grey in there sometimes, and grey isn’t always bad. ”
“That sounds like a good motto for a defense attorney.” I smile so he knows I’m joking before placing another kiss on his chest. “I am very sorry about your mom, Ev. I can’t imagine what that was like for her and for your dad.”
“It wasn’t easy, but they share a love unlike anything I’ve ever seen. My dad would do anything for her, and my mom is the bravest person I’ve ever met. She’s loving and kind, even though it would’ve been so easy for her not to be.”
If there was even a shred of doubt left inside me about how I feel about this man, it turns to ash and floats away with his words.
No one who talks about his parents like this and who has such strong convictions that he willingly throws away millions of dollars for them can be all bad.
Ev might not be the standard definition of good, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t.
Pressing my face against his bare chest, I savor the feel of him while he threads his fingers into my hair, lightly dragging them along my scalp in a way that’s both soothing and erotic.
I’m about to confess my love to him when he says, “I’m hoping to have the evidence I need to get Sasha out soon.
The surveillance cameras are the missing piece, and I think the cops buried it.
If we can get them and prove Sasha didn’t do this, then they’ll have to drop all charges and let him go.
When I let you leave, all I ask is that you focus on me and not my family.
They don’t deserve to have their lives ruined, and I refuse to put my mom and dad through that. They’ve been through enough.”
“And what about you?” I ask.
“I’m not sure yet,” he admits, still stroking my hair and massaging my scalp while my heart starts to slowly break against his.
“I’ll either disappear or I’ll stay and fight it.
I’m not connected on paper to the Bratva.
The tattoo is complicated to explain, but there’s no proof I’ve ever committed a crime.
It will most likely ruin my career, but as long as my family is safe, I don’t care. ”
After a few seconds, he adds, “Of course if you’re planning on hitting me with kidnapping charges, then that changes things.
I’ll have no choice but to leave the state and hide somewhere.
” He tries to make a joke of it by saying, “I’m way too good looking for prison, Harper, and it’s probably filled with some of my former clients. ”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” I tell him.
Keeping my forehead pressed to his chest, I will away the images of Ev fleeing in the middle of the night, his career that he’s worked so hard to build ruined, and a life where he’s forced to hide away and separate himself from his family even more than he already is.
A life where he’s forced to cut ties with the young niece who loves him enough to draw him pictures and write her feelings in crayon.
The whole thing makes me feel sick, and when he kisses my head and then scoots me to the side so he can spoon me from behind, I don’t fight him. I let him curl his large body around mine while I take comfort from the man whose life I’m about to ruin.
I stay awake for hours, trying to rationalize one decision over the other, and by the time Watson jumps on the bed and snuggles up by my legs, I’m at the point where I’m too exhausted to sleep, so I just lay there, sandwiched between my two favorite guys and wishing like hell I’d never tugged on the sleeve of Ev’s shirt.
I imagine a life where I’m blissfully happy in my ignorance and every time we have sex he keeps his shirt on and I never think it’s weird.
It’s a fantasy. I know this, but in my mind it’s perfect and we’re both ridiculously happy.
By the time the sun comes up and Ev’s alarm starts buzzing, I’m so tired I can barely think, and I’m also already irritated from the sleepless night I just had.
I don’t want Ev to know I spent the whole night worrying, so I feign sleep as he pulls me closer and kisses the side of my neck.
I feel the hard length of him pressing against my ass, and I almost cave and spread my legs for him, but before I can give in to temptation, he sighs and rolls over to get out of bed.