18. Savanna
Savanna
Iscream until my voice is hoarse, and then I sob, my whole body shaking and heaving as I watch what’s happening to the poor girl Cupid brought in.
She’s silent, but only because he put duct tape over her mouth before he chained me to the wall.
My wrists are bloody from struggling against the tight, metal cuffs, and when I see his hips stutter and then hear the deep groan from across the room, I close my eyes and force myself to not get sick.
I know he’s doing this as a threat. He’d come in and asked me to kiss him.
When I’d refused, he’d left and come back with a woman.
She’d looked terrified. Her shirt and pants matched mine, and our hair is almost the same, but I’m not sure why.
I’ve looked over every inch of this room, and I can’t see any cameras.
The only thing I can think of is that he’s making it obvious I’m the one who should be on the bed. It’s a threat, and it’s terrifying.
By the time I hear Cupid zip up his pants, I’m slumped against the wall, too numb to do much of anything except stare at the floor.
I hear a muffled whimper, and guilt hits me hard.
This happened because I refused to give him what he wanted.
I know what this monster does is not my fault, but it’s hard to remember that when I’ve just seen him brutalize a woman less than ten feet from where I’m chained to the wall.
Whether it’s true or not, it still feels like my fault.
She took a punishment that was meant for me, and I’ll never be able to take that from her. I’ll never be able to fix this.
I keep my eyes down as he drags her from the room, too much of a coward to face her.
I feel empty, completely hollowed out, and when I hear the door shut behind me, I welcome the seclusion.
My wrists throb, my backside hurts from the hard cement floor, and my head still aches from earlier, but I barely feel any of it.
I’m not sure how long he makes me wait. I’ve learned that time is impossible to keep track of without a watch or a window.
Sometimes I think it’s only been a couple of hours, and other times I convince myself I’m already into the second day.
When I hear the door open again, I keep my head down, not wanting to see what new nightmare he has planned for me.
His brown shoes come into view, and when I still don’t move, he squats down and hooks a finger under my chin, forcing my face up to meet his.
His blue eyes look amused as he takes in the sight of my swollen eyes and tear-streaked cheeks.
“I want you to know that I was imagining it was you.” He leans in closer and I pull back, hitting my head against the wall with a grunt of pain.
His smile makes me feel sick to my stomach.
“She was a sad substitute, but I’ve been fucking women and imagining they’re you for over a year now.
To be honest, I’m getting tired of it, Savanna.
I want the real thing, and my patience is wearing thin. ”
“Why do you care?” I ask. “Why does it matter when you’re just going to take what you want anyway?” My eyes briefly flick to the mattress while my chest aches at the thought of being the one held down on it.
His soft laugh pulls my attention back to him. “Because I’ll enjoy it more. I want you to put on a show for me, and I want you to make it believable. I could fuck you right now if I wanted to, Savanna, we both know that, but that’s not what I want.”
I recoil from his touch, but all it does is make him dig his fingers in harder, holding me still as he leans closer.
“You’re going to give me one of those big, pretty smiles of yours, and you’re going to kiss me like you fucking mean it, and then you’re going to ride my dick like it’s the best goddamn thing you’ve ever felt.
That’s what I want, and that’s what I’m going to get.
It’s up to you how many other women get fucked in the process. ”
“You can’t put that on me,” I say, feeling the panic rise up my chest. “That’s not fair. You’re the monster, not me.”
He grins and smacks my cheek hard enough to hurt.
“You keep telling yourself that, but you could’ve stopped what just happened with a single word.
You chose not to.” He looks back at the bed.
“I wonder if you’ll be able to sleep tonight, or if you’ll keep hearing the sounds of me fucking that girl, knowing that it’ll soon be you. ”
“Raping,” I say. “Call it what it is.”
He shrugs. “I don’t give a fuck what you call it as long as you give me one of your sweet smiles while I do it.”
“You’re sick. I can’t believe I never noticed how vile you are.”
“Don’t beat yourself up too much. No one knows who I really am.”
“Don’t you feel any regret?” I ask, unable to imagine being so heartless. “Your wife and kids? Didn’t you love them at all? Don’t you care about how badly they’re going to be hurt when they find out who you really are?”
“And how will they find that out?” he asks. “They’ll think I’m a jackass who’s run off with another woman. Not exactly breaking news. I’m not the first man to have done it.”
“My family will look for me,” I say. “Niki will look for me, and he won’t ever stop. He’ll find you, and then he’ll kill you for this.”
I see the rage on his face before he covers it, and I know I’ve struck a nerve.
“There’s nowhere you can go,” I say, pushing harder. “He’ll never stop hunting you down.”
“Niki will never find me.” He spits the words out, growing angrier with each passing second. “I’m smarter than him. I took you right out from under him, didn’t I?”
“But he knows you have me now, and we both know it’s only a matter of time before he comes knocking at your door.”
“Time you don’t have,” he says, leaning in closer.
“He won’t find you, but even if he does, it’ll be too late.
You still think he’ll want you after I’ve had you?
Do you really think he’ll be able to look past it?
You think he’ll be able to slide back into you without thinking of me doing the same goddamn thing? ”
He laughs at the pain he sees on my face. I know Niki loves me, but Cupid’s right. Niki will never be able to stop thinking about it. It will haunt him, and it will seep into every moment we share together.
“You’re right,” I say, and he seems momentarily surprised by how quickly I’ve agreed with him. The shock morphs to anger when I add, “And that’s why you’re never going to get what you want. I’ll die before I do it. You want what Niki has, but it’ll never be yours.”
It’s my turn to laugh at the look on his face.
“I willingly spread my legs for him. Always. I kiss him and touch him and I beg him to fuck me. I love him, and every part of me belongs to him. You’re never going to get a single piece of me.
You can take it. We both know I can’t overpower you, but that’s all it will be.
You taking what doesn’t belong to you. You taking what belongs to Niki. ”
One more huff of a laugh escapes before I say. “Remember that when you’re raping me. You’re just a thief, taking what doesn’t belong to you, what will never belong to you.”
In a rage, he grabs my hair and presses his mouth to mine. I try to turn my head, fighting the tight hold he has on me. My cuffed hands hang above my head, useless and numb, and when I try to wiggle around, he grabs onto my hips, holding me in place.
“Kiss me,” he growls against my mouth.
My scalp feels like it’s on fire from the way he’s pulling my hair, and when I feel his tongue, I clamp my mouth shut, trying like hell to keep him out.
He lets out an impatient, angry grunt, and when I feel his teeth on my lip, biting in hard, I go limp.
Every part of me goes slack as blood drips from my mouth.
He keeps kissing me, but I shut my eyes and stay limp.
It must be like kissing a corpse, and very soon he lets out another angry growl before pulling back.
“Kiss me!” he yells.
“Never,” I whisper, wincing when my tongue runs over the gash on my lip from where he’d bitten me. “I will never give you what you want.”
Using the back of his hand, he wipes the blood from his own mouth while he keeps his eyes on me.
His chest heaves with his breaths, and I know I’m playing with fire.
He looks enraged, seconds away from losing it and taking it all out on me, but I can’t give him what he wants.
Even if I tried, it wouldn’t be good enough because it’s not possible for me to fake something like that.
He wants me to be how I would be with Niki, and I can’t do that.
“It’s easy to act strong on day one, Savanna,” he finally says. “Let’s see how you feel after being chained to the bed for a night, maybe several days and nights.”
He reaches up to unlatch me from the wall.
Keeping the tight cuffs on my wrists, he stands and roughly pulls me up with him.
I’m unsteady on my feet, but he doesn’t wait for me to get my bearings.
He drags me to the bed and pushes me down onto the mattress.
I cringe when I feel it beneath me, remembering in vivid detail what just happened on it.
“Water is a privilege,” he says, grabbing the cuffs and securing them to the iron bed frame.
“The toilet is a privilege.” When I’m locked in place and unable to move my hands more than a few inches, the panic starts to set in.
It was bad enough when I was chained and sitting, but being forced horizontal is a million times worse.
He sits down next to me and brushes the hair from my face.