Born into Ruin (Devils Will Rise: Melnikov Legacy #9)

Prologue

Damien

“You are so stupid.”

I cringe when I hear the words being whispered behind me.

Trying to ignore the nasally sound of Josh’s voice, I look up at my teacher and then turn my attention back to the jumble of letters she’s pointing at.

The sentence looks like it stretches on forever, and my heart starts to race when I feel all eyes turn to me.

The first word is one I recognize, so I say, “The,” and then close my mouth because I have no idea what the next one is. Time slows down, and when our teacher taps at the board, and I still don’t say anything, I start to panic. No matter how hard I try, the letters refuse to make sense.

My eyes dart to the door that I’m tempted to run out of when I hear my cousin whisper in Russian, “The big red dog ran to the bed.”

I glance over at Sasha, but he’s staring straight ahead, his face calm and relaxed and the exact opposite of how I’m feeling.

Facing my teacher, I slowly repeat the words, stumbling every now and then to make it seem like I’m actually reading the words she’s pointing to.

Ever since starting school, I’ve known something was different about me.

Even the slowest learners are picking up on this stuff faster than I am, and I can’t understand why.

This isn’t the first time Sasha’s had to step in and rescue me, and every time he does it, I get a sick feeling in my stomach.

I shouldn’t need to be rescued. I should be able to read the words like everyone else. I have no idea why I can’t.

“Cheater,” Josh whispers from behind me again.

This time Sasha hears him and turns in his seat. “Do you speak Russian?”

When Josh doesn’t answer, Sasha smirks at him. “Didn’t think so. Mind your own business and stay out of ours.”

I hear the squeak of Josh’s chair, and I don’t need to turn around to know he’s trying to put a few inches of distance between himself and my cousin. Sasha’s never hurt anyone, but when we started school, all the other kids decided they were scared of him for some reason.

I decided early on that I hate this place, and I want out of it as soon as possible.

My brother Luka is several grades above me, so I won’t see him or my older cousins until the final bell rings, but at least I’ll get to see my younger cousins at recess.

Mia, Evgeny, and Nikita are in kindergarten this year, and their recess always mixes with ours.

It’s my second favorite part of the day, ranked right below seeing the black SUV that comes to take us all home.

While I hope and pray to whoever may be listening that I won’t get called on again, the minutes slowly pass until finally we’re told to line up for recess.

I stuff my workbook page into my pocket and stand behind Sasha.

Once we’re outside, everyone takes off running.

The school is squished into the city, so our playground has to be shared between the grades.

I don’t mind because it means I get to be around more of my cousins.

Sasha and I find the others by the swings.

There’s a tree next to them, and Mia is already waiting for me behind it.

She holds a hand out for my workbook page, and as soon as I hand it over, she uses her small pencil to start filling in the blanks.

It’s humiliating. She’s a year younger than me, and she races through the exercises like it’s the easiest thing in the world, like the letters don’t move and change for her.

While Sasha, Ev, and Niki swing, my little cousin does my classwork for me so I’ll have something to turn in this afternoon.

When I go home, my older brother will do the rest. It’s a routine we’ve all settled into without much talk about it.

I struggled. They saw it, and they jumped in to help. They’ve never once teased me about it.

Mia’s almost finished with the last sentence when we both turn our heads at the sound of a high-pitched laugh.

I feel my cheeks start to burn when I see Lindsey staring down at us.

Ever since the first day of class, she’s been the most popular girl.

I’m not sure how or why she was chosen, but every kid in the first grade went along with it like it was decided at birth.

Her long brown hair is styled in two braids that drape down the front of her uniform with little pink bows tied at the ends.

I don’t understand why she’s so mean. Everyone in class loves her, and she’s one of the best students. Why isn’t that enough for her?

“Just ignore her,” Mia whispers as she finishes up and then quickly folds the worksheet before handing it back to me.

I take it while Lindsey lets out another loud cackle that draws in a few other girls. Soon she’s pointing a finger at me and saying, “You’re so dumb, Damien. You have to have your little cousin do your work for you.”

Shame slams into me as Mia jumps to her feet and yells, “What did you call him?”

Lindsey smirks at her. “I called him dumb.”

Before Mia can lunge herself at Lindsey, Sasha wraps an arm around his little sister, holding her back.

I’m too embarrassed to meet anyone’s eyes, so I keep my head down.

Ev and Niki stand on either side of me. Ev nudges my shoulder to let me know it’s okay, and Niki whispers a quick, “Ignore her, Damien. She doesn’t know anything. ”

Sasha steps up to Lindsey, keeping Mia behind him, even though it’s clear she’d rather be throwing herself at my bully.

“What did you say to my cousin?” Sasha asks her.

Lindsey hikes a hand on her hip and glares at him. “I called Damien dumb, because he is. He’s so stupid he has to have a kindergartner do his work.”

I’m not sure which of us is more stunned when Sasha shoves her hard enough to have her landing on her butt in front of the small crowd that’s gathered around us.

Lindsey’s mouth drops open as she gives Sasha a horrified look. “You can’t do that! I’m a girl. You’re not supposed to hit girls.” Her eyes dart around to the rest of us. “I’m gonna tell the teacher.”

Instead of being terrified like I am, Sasha just grins down at her. “No you’re not. You tripped and fell. We all saw it.”

Something in his tone has the others backing away while Lindsey narrows her eyes at him. Unafraid, Sasha squats down and says, “My family is off limits to you or anyone else in this school. Do you understand?”

I share a quick shocked look with Ev and Niki, and I have to remind myself that Sasha is only seven. At home, he goofs around like the rest of us, but sometimes, like right now, he seems so much older, like he knows something the rest of us don’t.

“Do you?” he asks again when Lindsey hesitates.

“Yeah, fine,” she says, glancing over at me with a look that makes it abundantly clear I didn’t make any friends today. I don’t care. I don’t have any interest in being her friend. I just don’t want to be called dumb anymore.

When Sasha steps back, she stands up, wiping the dirt from her skirt. Before she walks off, she mutters a quick, “Your family is so weird.”

Mia looks up at her brother. “You should’ve let me hit her.”

He ruffles her hair and says, “Next time, little witch.” Stopping in front of us, he gives me a grin and gently punches my shoulder.

“If anyone ever bothers you again, you tell me, and I’ll take care of it.

” He stops to look at Ev and Niki and then his little sister.

“That goes for all of you. No one messes with our family. No one.”

I don’t want Sasha to think he has to fight my battles, but I also know that right now he’s the only one who can.

I’m not strong enough yet, and something tells me I’ll never have what it takes to push a girl down on the playground.

I’ll make sure I can defend myself, though.

My dad and uncles will teach me to fight, and one day I won’t need Sasha’s help.

Knowing I’ll be able to take care of myself one day doesn’t stop me from voicing my fear to the people I trust most. “What if she’s right?”

“She’s not right,” Niki quickly says while the others nod in agreement.

“Then why can’t I read like the rest of you?” I ask. “Why am I the only one who can’t figure it out?”

None of them have an answer for that, but it’s Ev who says, “I don’t know, but you’re not stupid, Damien. I do know that.”

“Yeah,” Mia says. “We’d tell you if you were. You just have trouble with the letters. You’ll figure it out, and until then, we’ll all help you.”

“Yeah,” Niki agrees. “Sasha can help you in class, and we can all help with homework and stuff.”

“Luka’s been helping me,” I say.

“Well, we’ll take turns then,” Ev says. “No one else will have to know. It’ll be our secret.”

“We take care of each other,” Sasha says. “We’re family. Remember?”

“Yeah, I remember,” I say. I know he’s right, and I know I’d do the same for them. Our dads have been drilling it into our heads since we were born that family is everything. It doesn’t mean I enjoy having to be the one who needs rescuing, though.

When we hear the whistle that marks the end of recess, Sasha and I say bye to the others before heading back to our own class.

Before we go inside, he leans closer and says, “There’s nothing wrong with you, Damien.

I think your brain just works differently than everybody else’s.

If you’re born like that, then it’s not your fault, right? ”

I think about what he’s said and then meet his eyes. He’s waiting for my answer, and when I say, “No, I guess not,” his shoulders relax a bit and he gives me an easy smile.

“See? It’s not your fault, and you’re not stupid. Mia’s right, we’d tell you if we thought that’s what this is. We’d never lie to you.”

I can’t resist asking, “You’d tell me I’m stupid?”

He doesn’t even hesitate before saying, “I would, yeah. It would be meaner to lie about it. You should know the truth, and I’m telling you, Damien, you’re not stupid.”

His words make me feel better because I know he’s telling me what he believes is true, but it doesn’t mean I believe it.

It’s a lot easier to believe Lindsey and Josh and all the others who have whispered things about me.

Maybe I’m not stupid about all things, but I can’t read, and that doesn’t exactly make me feel smart.

It makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me, some flaw that isn’t visible to the naked eye, some part of my brain that’s ruined and unable to get better.

I follow him back inside, knowing I’ll do what I always do, countdown the minutes until it’s time to go home. Then I’ll tell my parents my day was fine so they don’t worry. They’ll tell me how proud they are of me, and I’ll try not to feel guilty about hiding the mystery that I can’t seem to solve.

Years later, when I’m given the official diagnosis, things don’t get easier.

Just because there’s a name attached to it doesn’t mean I no longer think there’s something wrong with me.

Dyslexia may be the reason, but that doesn’t erase the shame I still feel.

It doesn’t erase the memory of Lindsey calling me dumb in front of our class.

People still whispered about me in school as I made my way through every painful grade, even if they were too scared to say anything to my face.

I’ve since learned to hide my constant struggle with reading.

No one outside my family knows, and that’s how I intend to keep it.

I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want pity, and I sure as hell don’t want anyone staring at me like I’m an idiot.

I will never tolerate that look from anyone ever again.

I no longer need Sasha to fight my battles.

Although, he’d be more than happy to do it.

I can take care of myself now, and as long as I don’t ever let anyone else get too close, I’ll be fine.

My secret will be safe, and I’ll never have to endure that kind of humiliation again.