Chapter 6
6
S ean walked through the gardens around the BnB. The sun was shining, the flowers were beautiful, the humidity was cloying. Beads of sweat slid down his back and his temples. He was used to sweating while playing. They were under hot lights, in front of big crowds, and working their asses off playing unbelievably fantastic music.
Over all these years, they'd been a stellar cover band. They could sing music from all the greats. It had only been the past two years that they began playing their own music. Interspersed with their cover music, little by little their popularity grew.
Finally, their dreams...at least his and Jami's dreams were coming true. And, now this wrench, in the form of a gorgeous, smart, efficient daughter, entered the scene. How would this change things? In his mind, it didn't have to change his life much. She was obviously a grown woman. But he wanted to know about her. Did she go to college, or did Gloria just give her a job? Did she like what she was doing? What was her favorite color?
Swiping his forehead with the pads of his fingers, he turned toward the front door of the BnB to see if she was ready to talk to him. He sucked in a large gulp of air before twisting the handle on the door. Cool air washed over him as he stepped inside. The tingling of the bell above the door caused the manager to step from the kitchen. He held his hand up in front of him.
"It's just me."
She nodded and stepped back into the kitchen.
His eyes darted to see if anyone was around in any of the rooms. There was a dining room, a living room, a smaller sitting room, and then there was THE room. He didn't know if Gloria or Mina were back in that room or not, but he knew Mina said they'd be down soon, so he'd go sit in there and wait. It would be better if he could speak to Mina alone. Wouldn't it? Maybe he needed Gloria to confirm what he already knew in his gut. He had a daughter, and she'd never told him. That daughter was now about, what? Twenty-five or six? Shit.
He scraped his hands through his dark hair. He had some grays in it, but not that many. He'd gotten his father's genes in the way of hair and coloring. He was grateful for it now.
He twisted the doorknob and stepped into the room. Mina was discussing something with the camera and sound man. They turned when he entered the room.
Mina turned and stared at him. Her eyes then darted to her mom's. He twisted his head to see Gloria standing near the window, staring out at the flowers.
He took in another deep breath and slowly moved toward Gloria.
"I think we need to talk. Do you want to do it in public or in private?" he asked.
She straightened her shoulders, turned woodenly toward him, and said, "I think we should do it in private."
He nodded and stepped back. He held his hand out toward the door. "After you."
She started toward the door, stopped, and looked at Mina.
"Stay here. We'll be back in a few minutes."
And then she kept walking toward the door.
Sean followed her, his gut twisting, his heart beating fast, his throat was dry, and his head was spinning.
As soon as they stepped into the hallway, Gloria went straight to the front door.
He halted her. "It's scorchingly hot out there. Why don't we sit in the living room?"
She looked at him, swallowed, took a deep breath, huffed it out, and then walked into the living room.
He followed her. She didn't sit. He didn't either.
They were both a bundle of nerves. It was obvious. Back straight, breathing stilted, uncomfortable as hell.
He waited, though. He wasn't going to give her an out. He was going to make her say it.
She finally took a deep breath and said, "I have a daughter. She's mine. She's been mine all of her life. All you did was plant the seed. You told me you didn't want to have anything to do with me. You needed to focus on your music career. It was all about you, not me. And then you left. A week later, I found out I was pregnant. Since you couldn't deal with a woman, I didn't think that you'd want to deal with a baby. Getting up in the middle of the night, feeding, and changing diapers isn't actually the rock star life now, is it?"
His jaw tightened and his back was so stiff it hurt. The dull ache reached around his mid-section and threatened to engulf his entire body.
"You have a lot of fucking nerve telling me what I want and what I don't want."
She stepped closer. Her eyes narrowed. "Really? Well, I'll tell you what. You broke my fucking heart. And I wasn't going to give you the satisfaction of crawling back to you just because I happened to be pregnant. You didn't want me not pregnant? You sure as hell didn't need me pregnant."
He bit back the retort he was going to let fly. It wouldn't do either of them any good. And again, she had that temper. He held his hands out to his sides, palms up.
"Gloria, what do you want from me? If I would have known I was going to be a father, things would have been different. I didn't break up with you because I didn't love you. Man, you're the only woman I've thought of all these years. I loved the fuck out of you. But I knew you'd follow me around on the road helping me get started, and you had your own dreams."
He swiped his hands through his hair.
"Together, we just intertwined our lives and neither one of us would have achieved what we wanted. I wanted you to be all you could be, and I wanted that for myself, too."
Her jaw tightened and her lips thinned. "You didn't have the right to make that choice for me. I get to make that choice for me, not you. Or how about this? We make it together, Sean?"
He swallowed the lump in his throat. Guess he did kind of make that decision for both of them. He didn't really talk to her at all. He just woke up in the middle of the night, graduation was in a few hours, and he just knew he had to break it off with her. She would have followed him around. He knew she would have given up her dreams to help him be successful, and he couldn’t let that happen. She had a gift. The profession she’s in now is that gift. She can chat up a wall and make it interesting. Her eyes light up when she talks to people. In college she was on their audio-video team, and she interviewed teachers and local businesspeople and even the dean of their college, and she did it without a hint of nervousness or a single stammer. What would she have done following him around?
He stared at her for a long time. His heart was beating so fast, it was hard to breathe. He looked deep into her eyes. Those same brown eyes that he'd fallen in love with years ago.
"Gloria, I wish you would understand what I meant. I didn't mean to make decisions for you, but I guess I did. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or break your heart. And I know I did that, too. I broke my own fucking heart. My God, I didn't sleep for weeks after I left you. It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. But I did it for you. And for me too. I'll admit that. For both of us." His voice dropped. "I did it for both of us. I wanted you to shine."