Chapter 17
17
G loria listened to the first song, the words sliced through her like a knife.
As Chris belted out the first chorus, she couldn't believe Sean had written that song. She couldn't believe he was talking about him, her, them together, all of it. Her mind went back to those days. Oh, she was so happy then. She thought she had everything. She was going to have a great career. They were going to be married and raise a family. They were going to do all the things they wanted to do. She had it all in her mind. They were going to live in a beautiful home and raise children.
And then her dream died. He broke up with her.
She listened to his song and felt his pain. She now knew it hurt him to break up with her. She didn't know it then. All these years she had imagined him out there, living the high life while she was changing diapers and making formula and cleaning baby bottles. And so tired from getting up two or three times a night to feed a baby.
Oh, she built that anger and let it bubble over, thinking that he was just having the time of his life while she was raising his child alone.
The words to his song told her none of those thoughts were true. Of course, he didn't know about Mina and that was her own fault. She could have called him and said, "I know you wanted to break up but..."
She didn't do that. So raising the child on her own was her own damn fault. She needed to start thinking along those lines.
If she had known all these years how much it hurt him to break up with her, would she have changed things?
She didn't think she had let anger rule her life, but kind of, she did. Hadn't her mom even told her once?
"Either get in touch with him or get over him, but you can't live in this limbo. And that's exactly what you're doing. And it's not good for Mina either."
She remembered that conversation. She went to her room and cried, and then Mina cried. And she had to buck up, wipe her tears and go take care of her baby. So in some ways, she didn't really get the time to think it all through, because every time she tried to take a moment to think, Mina needed her. Or she had a job obligation. Or as Mina got older, she had to find someone to take her to the father-daughter dance.
Over the years, she'd let Brody in, only to the point of spending time with them, her, and Mina. They'd kissed a few times, but she couldn't go there. She wasn't going to give her heart to anyone so they could break it like Sean had.
But Brody was there for her when she needed someone. He took Mina to a father-daughter dance. They went on trips together to amusement parks. They went on picnics. She enjoyed spending time with him. He was fun. He was nice, and he was so good to Mina.
And he was there for her when she needed a push in the industry or suggestions about being on camera or how to touch base with certain stars. Some of them had steel walls built around them in the form of assistants and family, who made it difficult for a fledgling reporter like herself to get in touch with them.
But he helped her open those doors, and she owed Brody a lot. They were still friends. They still had dinner a couple of times a month.
But a couple of years ago, he got tired of waiting for the ice to thaw around Gloria's heart. He'd met someone else, someone who could give him more than Gloria could give him.
And he married.
It was sad watching him walk down the aisle. She wondered often over the years if she had made a mistake in not opening up her heart to him.
But she just couldn't.
Mina grabbed her hand, and she realized the concert was over. They stepped carefully down the three wooden steps. And scrambled around the back of the stage.
Sean's eyes met hers as he came around from the other side. The smile on his face was enormous. Oh, pride practically shined off of him. He glowed with happiness.
She'd have to ask him if he just realized some sort of dream. She was happy for him, happy he was having this career high.
Meanwhile, she had some career damage to clean up. She'd seen on the Internet some of the things that were being said about her. What a bitch, hateful woman, terrible mother .
She saw it all. She was going to need to hire a PR firm and do some damage control with this. But she did what she did, and she wasn't going to shy away from it either. She had her own reasons. And fuck anyone who didn't understand what her reasons were. They hadn’t lived in her shoes.
Luckily, a couple of years ago, it was Mina who said, "Let's start producing our own shows."
Mina became her executive producer. Gloria had amassed enough money that she could start to produce her own shows. And right now, they would have to make sure the network that she was on wasn't going to drop her. They'd have to see how that went in the coming hours, probably.
As they walked down the curtained-off walkway back toward the hotel, her thoughts were a jumbled mess, and she was barely paying attention to anything around her.
She could hear the crowds outside and she was so happy for Sean and Chris. And the dream that she wanted to be a prime-time television host, to be able to focus on one big show every other month; boy, she hadn't even thought of that most of today. Since she walked in the room and saw Sean, that part of her career hadn't even come into play in her mind.
Until now, if she still had one...
Mina squeezed her hand.
"He was good, wasn't he, Mom? He was so good!"
She smiled at her daughter.
"He's always been very good, Mina. He's born to play music, that's a fact."
"Mom, did you hear the words to that song? Can you believe it? He wrote a song about you!"
Tears sprang to her eyes instantly. She just nodded as they continued to walk. She stared at the floor, hoping she didn't trip, and focused on the mundane.
And she hung on to Mina as she chattered away.
"Did you see the crowd? They were just going wild for him. Isn't that awesome, Mom?"
Gloria nodded again. "Yes, it's awesome, honey. It's awesome."
"You don't seem excited. Aren't you excited for him?"
"I am. I'm very excited for him. I guess I'm just a little numb right now."
Mina looked at her for a long moment and then nodded.
"Mom, I'm sorry. I can't imagine what your emotions are right now. And I'm sorry, I was mad at you. I'm still a little mad. But I never gave it much thought of how you must have felt all those years ago when Dad broke up with you. I was selfish. I was mad for myself. That's not how you raised me."
Gloria sniffed and swiped at the tears under her eyes.
As they stepped into the room, she quietly said to Mina, "I need to use the restroom for a moment, honey. I'll be right back out."
She stepped inside the bathroom, just inside the green room. She looked at herself in the mirror and blew out a deep breath.
What a mess.
Not only her, but what a mess.