Chapter 32
32
S ean slowly stepped into the room. He swallowed the knot that had grown in his throat. She wanted them to get past this. She didn't know what it would look like. He didn't either, to be honest. And he meant what he said when he told Mina that every time he touched her, he was both happy and sad. How can a person be so torn?
And then this ridiculous accident happened, and the reporters, and that stupid makeup girl blew everything up, and they didn't even have private time to talk about any of this. That's what they really needed. Probably here wasn't the right place.
But then again, putting it off, well look what happened last time.
He looked at Gloria. "Sorry, I wasn't trying to eavesdrop. I just forgot to ask you if you still drank your coffee with cream and sugar."
He saw Gloria swallow and take a deep breath. She twisted her fingers together in her lap. "I just take creamer now, no sugar, you know, middle age weight gain and all."
He swallowed again and nodded. "Okay, glad I asked. I'll be right back."
He turned, his body felt wooden, and he felt like time was in slow motion as he walked down the hall. He better get that psychologist sooner rather than later.
Also, something he knew was that he had songs just running themselves through his head and he knew he'd have to get to the Barn tomorrow and work with Jami on some of them. Or maybe he'd spend some time working on them tonight at home after Gloria went to sleep. He needed to get some of these words out of his head because what he knew right now was it was hard to focus on anything. And he needed to focus on everything. He needed to focus on what their path was going forward. He needed to get with Tony and find out what their next tour schedule was and what was going on next. He needed to get these words out of his head so he didn't forget them, but also they were already writing their next album. And the way he felt right now, he knew he could throw every ounce of passion and feeling and energy into any song he wrote today. And he needed to figure out how he and Mina were going to move forward. He didn't even know where she lived. Somewhere outside of Tampa, which really wasn't the worst. He was in Blossom Springs and that was only about an hour from Tampa, so proximity wasn't an issue. But when he was on the road, it might be.
And to be quite honest, Monday when Gloria met with the network, she might be out of work, so that might change things for Mina, also. But there was no sense making decisions on supposed-to, and might-be, and could-be. And tomorrow he wasn't going to find a family psychologist since it was a Sunday, certainly not tonight, Saturday night. Suddenly, he didn't feel all that hungry.
That lasagna Olivia made was fantastic and held them off for a long time. He'd get some coffee and maybe something light to eat and perhaps after they had a couple words and some time to chat a little, he'd feel a little bit better about eating something.
But right now, the thought of food was unpleasant in his stomach. And that was unusual for Sean West. That boy ate. It had been kind of a joke in the band. He was always munching on something, snack food, or the like. But as Gloria mentioned, he was fifty-two now, and middle-aged, he noticed that the pounds came on a little bit faster than they used to.
And it wouldn't kill him to cut back on the junk food. And time marches on. He entered the cafeteria, glanced at the case where the main courses were. The menu above boasted Salisbury steak. Just reading that made his stomach quell. And then the smell, while it wasn't a bad smell, made his stomach lurch a little bit more.
He quickly moved on, found a pumpkin pie with whipped cream on it for Gloria. He didn't feel like he wanted to eat anything like that. But he saw a cup with gelatin in it. He thought maybe he could nibble on that. He moved to the coffee station and poured two cups, creamer in both. And then he carried his tray to the register and paid for their food, such as it was. Plastic forks and napkins were at the end of the counter. He grabbed some of those and then began carrying the tray back up to the room.
His phone rang, and he didn't know how he was going to answer it. So he stopped in the main atrium area, set the tray on a table, and pulled his phone out of his pocket.
"West." Laughing came over the other end. It was Jami.
"Hey, Sean, how are you doing? Sorry I haven't called before this. Tony updated me a little bit. But I just wanted to check in for myself. Are you okay?"
“Why are you laughing?”
“You obviously didn’t see my name on your phone and answered, ‘West’.”
He filled Jami in on all the goings on, what had happened, and where they were at in this moment. "But, Jami, I've got words and songs flying through my head right now and if I don't get them out of there, I'm going to go insane. So I think I'd like to come out to the Barn tomorrow. If you're busy, that's fine. But I'm going to go to the Barn and sit in the studio a little bit and see if I can get some of these words put to music. We'll see what we've got here."
Jami chuckled. "That sounds good and maybe the work distraction is just what you need. And I'm here for you, buddy. I don't have anything going on tomorrow, anyway. I've just been lying low since we got home."
"Okay, well, that sounds great. I'll be by around nine. I'll get Gloria settled and, oh wait, Mina's coming home tomorrow. Oh, so okay. How about if we say noon? I'll be at the Barn at noon. I'll have gotten Mina and Gloria back to my place. They can take naps, and then we can do some jamming. See if we can put these words to music."
Jami replied, "That sounds good and if things work out that you need to stay with them tomorrow, obviously that's not a problem. But I understand what you mean. When a song is pounding in your head, you’ve got to get it out. And to be honest with you, I'm selfish about this. I just want to make sure you're okay. And I'd like to meet those women in your life."
Sean closed his eyes, leaned his elbow on his knee and ran his left hand down his face. "Man, Jami, I'll tell you what a clusterfuck. I loved her so much back in the day.”
"I know you did. Man, I remember you talking about her nonstop after you broke it off with her and worrying if it was the right thing or not, I remember."
"Yeah. And part of me, those feelings are still in existence. And then at the same time, I'm so fucking mad at her. So fucking mad. Twenty-plus years, I had a daughter, Jami, and I didn't know she existed."
He heard Jami sigh on the other end. "Man, I don't even know what to tell you about that. Never experienced anything like it and I don't have the proper words for you. And I know it's got to be fucking with your head big time."
Sean sighed deeply. "You have no idea how it's fucking with my head. And Mina wants to chat now and I'm sure she's just looking for some reassurance that I'm still going to be in her life. And I'll tell you this. Nothing in the world could keep me away from her at this point. We've got years that we haven't been together and years to make up for."
Jami was quiet for a moment and then he said, "I completely understand that, man, and I can have Tony come over with a new schedule or email me one or something if he's busy, and we can look it over. If some changes need to be made, we can talk about them and see what he can do."
Sean stood, pulled his shoulders back slightly and said, "I don't want to change anything just yet. I'll tell you, Gloria's job is on the line right now. The network wants to speak with her on Monday, and I don't know if she's going to get sacked or not. She's not sure either. She’s worried about it and I don't know, things are up in the air. So tomorrow let's focus on music and only that. The rest of it will take care of itself when it does."
Jami said, "That sounds like a great plan. I'll see you tomorrow. Call me if you need to change anything. I'm fine. We'll deal."
"Thanks, bud. I know I don't say this often enough, Jami, but I sure do love you, man."
Jami chuckled, "I love you too, bud. We've got this. We're all your family here. We're all with you, whatever you need."
"I appreciate that, bud."
Jami said, "See you tomorrow." And then the line went dead. He hesitated a moment, pocketed his phone, picked up his tray and continued on back to the room.