Chapter Twenty-Four
Ethan was still shaking a little when Carter pulled away from the kiss.
Not because he didn’t want it. Because he wanted it too much. His lips tingled, his chest felt too tight, and his brain was trying to catch up with what had just happened. Carter had kissed him. Carter. The man he’d been trying not to fall for. The man he thought he had no chance with.
He was happy—God, he was—but underneath the happiness was a sharp, cold fear.
What now? What does this mean? What if Carter regrets it? What if I ruin everything?
They walked back to the cabin in silence, the kind that wasn’t awkward but wasn’t easy either. Ethan kept replaying the kiss in his head, trying to memorize every second of it, terrified it might be the only one.
Inside the cabin, both removed their boots, then Carter hung his jacket on the hook like nothing monumental had just happened. Ethan hovered near the door, unsure what to do with his hands, his breath, his entire existence
Carter spoke. “We should talk about… how we act in public.”
Ethan’s stomach dipped, sharp and unwelcome. “Yeah. I figured.”
Carter leaned against the counter, arms crossed, looking steady but not relaxed. “We gotta be careful.”
Ethan nodded fast. “I know. I don’t want my father finding out.”
Carter’s jaw tightened. “He won’t.”
“You don’t know that,” Ethan said. “If he finds out, he’ll fire you. Or worse. He’ll make both our lives hell. He always does.”
Carter shook his head. “He’s not firing me.”
Ethan frowned. “Sometimes, I think we’re not talking about the same person. How can you be so sure?”
“There’s another deal between us,” Carter said. “Something I can’t talk about yet. But he needs me. More than he lets on.”
Ethan stared at him, confused and a little scared. “What kind of deal?”
Carter shook his head again. “Not now. Just trust me.”
Ethan did. Maybe too much.
He swallowed hard. “So… what do we do?”
Carter rubbed the back of his neck, looking like he wished he had a better answer. “We keep things quiet. No touching in public. No looks that’ll get people talking. No slipping up around the ranch hands.”
Ethan nodded, even though the words stung. “Okay.”
“And around your father?” Carter added. “We act normal. The same as before.”
“I don’t want him to hurt you.”
Carter’s eyes softened. “He won’t.”
Ethan wasn’t convinced. His father had a way of destroying anything he didn’t approve of. And Ethan had never given him a reason to approve of anything.
Trying to shake off the heaviness, Ethan stood abruptly. “I’m gonna make us ice cream sodas.”
Carter blinked, surprised. “Ice cream sodas?”
“Yeah,” Ethan said, already heading to the kitchen. “My sister and I used to make them when we were stressed.”
Carter let out a soft laugh. “Guess we qualify.”
Ethan scooped ice cream into tall glasses, added soda, stirred until it fizzed up the sides. His hands were steadier now. Doing something helped. It made the world feel less like it was tilting under him.
He carried the drinks into the living room, where Carter had settled on the couch, staring at the floor like he was trying to solve a puzzle with no picture on the box.
Ethan handed him a glass. “Here.”
Carter took it, their fingers brushing. The touch sent a warm jolt through Ethan’s chest.
They sat side by side, sipping their sodas, the room quiet except for the soft clink of a spoon with scrooping ice cream and the hum of the fridge in the kitchen.
Ethan kept sneaking glances at Carter.
Carter kept sneaking glances at him.
And even though Ethan was terrified, he couldn’t help the small smile tugging at his mouth. Carter had kissed him. And Carter hadn’t run.
Ethan finished the last sip of his ice cream soda, the cold sweetness doing nothing to settle the warm, nervous flutter in his chest. Carter sat beside him on the couch, staring at the floor like he was trying to figure out how to start a conversation he didn’t want to mess up.
Ethan waited.
Finally, Carter spoke.
“I kissed you because…” He paused, jaw tightening. “Because I wanted to.”
Ethan’s breath caught. He didn’t move. Didn’t blink. He was afraid that if he reacted too strongly, Carter would pull it back, call it a mistake.
Carter kept going, voice low. “I’ve been trying not to. For a long time.”
Ethan’s heart thudded so hard he felt it in his throat. “Oh.”
It was all he could manage. He was happy—God, he was—but mostly he was scared. Scared of what this meant. Scared of what could go wrong. Scared of losing the one person who’d made him feel safe in months.
Carter leaned back against the couch, rubbing a hand over his face. “I know it complicates things. I know I’m your boss. And your dad trusted me with you. I know all of that.”
Ethan swallowed. “I know too.”
Silence stretched between them, warm and heavy.
Ethan’s mind kept circling the same question, the one he’d been too afraid to ask earlier. But now—after the kiss, after Carter’s confession—it felt impossible not to ask.
“Can I… ask you something?” Ethan said.
Carter looked over, wary but open. “Yeah.”
Ethan’s fingers tightened around his empty glass. “Did you ever have a relationship with a man before?”
Carter froze again.
Not like earlier—this time it wasn’t shock. It was hesitation. Calculation. Fear. Ethan recognized it because he felt it too.
Carter exhaled slowly. “Yeah.”
“Oh.”
“It wasn’t…” Carter searched for the right words. “It wasn’t anything lasting. I moved around too much. Different bases, different jobs. Nothing stuck.”
Ethan nodded, trying to process that. Carter had been with men. Carter had kissed him. Carter wanted him. It was a lot.
Carter continued, voice quieter. “I didn’t have the luxury of settling anywhere. Or with anyone.”
Ethan stared at his hands. “I get that.”
Carter glanced over. “What about you?”
“Only older guys who’d top me. Nothing longer than six months.”
Carter’s brow furrowed. “Older?”
“Yeah.” Ethan shrugged. “Guys who knew what they wanted. Guys who didn’t care if I didn’t have my life together. Guys who didn’t expect me to be… anything.”
Carter’s jaw tightened at that, but he didn’t comment.
Ethan looked down at his glass. “It never lasted. I always messed it up. Or they got bored. Or I got scared.”
Carter shifted closer—not touching, but close enough that Ethan felt the warmth of him. “You didn’t mess anything up.”
“You don’t know that,” Ethan murmured.
Carter’s voice softened. “I know enough.”
Ethan wanted to lean into him for another kiss. He wanted to believe this could work. But fear still sat heavy in his stomach. His father. The ranch. Carter’s job. Everything that could go wrong.
Carter must’ve seen the worry on his face, because he said, “We’ll figure it out. One step at a time.”
Ethan nodded, even though he wasn’t sure how.
Carter added, “And we’ll be careful. Really careful.”
Ethan looked at him and saw the same fear he felt. The same hope too. He didn’t know what would happen next. But for the first time in a long time, he wasn’t facing it alone.
The ice cream sodas were long gone, but Ethan still felt the sweetness buzzing under his skin. Or maybe that was just Carter. Hard to tell. Everything felt different now—sharper, warmer, terrifying in a way that made his stomach flip.
They sat on the couch for a while, neither of them talking, both pretending to watch the muted TV. Ethan kept sneaking glances at Carter, trying to read him. Carter kept doing the same, like they were both waiting for the other to say something first.
“How do we act here when we’re alone?” Ethan asked.
Carter cleared his throat. “We should… probably talk about how we act around each other. In here.”
Ethan’s heart thudded. “Okay.”
Carter shifted, hands clasped. He looked like a man trying to build a plan out of thin air. “When we’re alone in the cabin… doors locked, blinds closed… we can do whatever we want.”
Ethan’s breath caught. Not because the words were suggestive—they weren’t. But because of how careful Carter sounded. How serious. How much thought he’d already put into protecting them both.
Ethan nodded slowly. “So… no touching unless everything’s closed up?”
“Right,” Carter said. “No slip-ups. No one walking by and seeing something they shouldn’t.”
Ethan understood. But the rules made everything feel real. Like this wasn’t just a kiss. It was something they had to guard.
He hesitated, then asked, “What about… your bedroom?”
Carter’s head snapped up.
His face turned bright red. Not pink—red. Like someone had flipped a switch under his skin.
Ethan instantly regretted asking. “I didn’t mean—I wasn’t trying to—I just meant if we’re alone and everything’s locked—”
Carter held up a hand, flustered. “I know what you meant.”
Ethan swallowed. “So… is that allowed?”
Carter stared at him for a long moment, eyes searching his face like he was trying to figure out if Ethan understood what he was asking. What it implied. What it could lead to.
Then Carter asked, voice low and rough, “What do you think?”
Ethan’s breath stuttered. Because Carter wasn’t shutting it down.
He wasn’t saying no. He wasn’t pulling away.
He was asking Ethan what he wanted. And that scared Ethan more than anything.
He wanted Carter. He wanted to be close to him.
He wanted to feel safe with him in ways he’d never felt safe with anyone.
But he also didn’t want to ruin Carter’s life.
Didn’t want his father finding out. Didn’t want Carter losing his job or his home or his reputation because of him.
Ethan looked down at his hands. “I think… I don’t want to mess anything up.”
Carter let out a slow breath, like he’d been holding it. “You’re not messing anything up.”
Ethan wasn’t sure he believed that. But hearing Carter say it helped a little.