Chapter 5 Asher
ASHER
Veda walked out the door, and I stood there watching long after she was gone.
My body pulsed with endorphins I wasn't quite willing to let go of so quickly.
A deep sense of relaxation and calm swept over me, so much so that I pulled my chair at the head of the table out and sat down, and my eyes tracked over to the bottle of whiskey Veda had taken from me and put on the table.
I felt numb, but not in a bad way. I felt hollow and calm in the best way possible.
And for the first time in two years, it wasn't the whiskey that'd given me a reprieve from my desperate craving for alcohol.
Veda Porter did that.
Her body, her obedience, the way she yielded to everything I told her.
And her scent still clung to me and the air around me like an intoxicating perfume that only made me want more.
I wasn't drunk.
I was high on arousal and instantly addicted to the feeling of being buried inside her so deep, I could feel her heart beating around me.
"My God," I grunted, reaching for the bottle. I'd long since cleaned myself, and her, up, but I was still a mess.
My ears rang, and my body hummed with unreleased energy. It was a high so much better than drinking, and I hadn't felt this way in years.
I uncorked the bottle and brought it to my lips, but the smell of it burned my nostrils.
It stole Veda from me, walled her sweet perfume off from my senses so I couldn’t find it and smell her anymore, and I pulled the bottle away from my face quickly.
It wasn't what I wanted right now.
What I wanted was to sit here and enjoy the sweet smell of our sex and her perfume and remember how she made my heart race and how incredible it felt to dump into her and feel my sex drain out around her body and down her thighs.
Over the past eighteen months, after I returned to work following Emma's death, I had chewed through at least a dozen interns—or what Clayton sent my way, anyway.
Some of them weren't even on my team. Some of them reported to Robert or Clayton himself, and all of them left abruptly after one tongue lashing from me.
Not only had Veda not left the company after my explosions, but she'd stood her ground and stood up to me in front of my board and my brother. She'd made me a laughingstock and her sassiness pushed me to my limits.
But it was her compassion, seeing past my monster, that turned me on.
I looked at her and I saw Emma, the only other woman in the world who could rein in the beast and calm me until I was eating out of her hand, and I snapped.
I broke like a twig under a hunter's foot and I remembered what it felt like to crave something more in life.
Veda Porter was dangerous to me, a fire to burn me, a salve to heal me and a chemical so addicting, I was going to lose myself if I wasn't careful.
It scared me how easily this woman had waltzed into my world and unraveled the shell I'd lived in for years.
And in the same breath, it had me awestruck.
Was she just that amazing? Or had I become that weak?
Stumped, but still not really feeling the pull toward the drink, I corked the bottle and stood, walking back to the cupboard to put it away.
My coffee had gone cold, but I noticed my headache was gone, thanks, again, to Veda for seeing what I'd been too prideful to notice.
I could get used to someone taking care of me again, though I was smart enough to realize that getting messed up with one of my employees wasn't a smart idea.
I hid the whiskey in the cupboard and no more than turned and the door swished open.
I expected to see Veda returning, but Penny's bright smile met my gaze as she announced, "Sir, the board has rescheduled for three this afternoon, but the CEO of Vance is on the line. He'd like a status update."
I scowled, frustrated with myself for ending that meeting so abruptly.
I'd told the man I'd have some updates for him about the potential buyout of Vance LTD and because of my own foolish outburst, I had nothing to give him.
It wasn’t a good look for me, and this time, I'd made that mistake completely sober.
"Can you put him off?" I asked, stalking toward the door. If I could get him to wait until four to do a call, I'd have the info I needed from the board.
"No, sir. He's going out of town by noon. He wants to speak with you now." Penny turned as I approached and preceded me out the door.
I followed, now stewing but still not nearly as agitated as I'd been before that interaction with Veda. Penny kept talking but now my eyes were sweeping the halls, looking for my little babysitter.
Wouldn’t Clayton have a fit if he knew I'd had sex with her?
It was probably what he wanted, to make me look like a fool and show the rest of the board how out of control I'd become.
And until now, I never realized any of it. I’d been so foolish thinking I was fine, and it took two days of having someone in my life who challenged me to realize I'd lost it months ago.
"Sir?" Penny said, and I snapped to attention, meeting her eyes.
"What? Sorry."
"I said, should I reschedule the Harper-Collins integration at three since the board wants to meet?" Her eyes searched me as we came to a stop outside my office.
I'd not seen Veda anywhere, but surely, she wouldn't just walk out. It was morning of day two. She wouldn’t do that to her own resume.
"Yes, reschedule. And find Porter. Tell her to get to my office now." The more time that passed, the less those hormones in my bloodstream affected me.
"Sir?" Penny said, pausing before walking away.
I looked up the hall again and my gut twisted into a knot. Veda could be angry. She rushed right off looking flustered.
What if I had upset her, and being her boss, I was too intimidating to say no to, or to confess she felt uncomfortable?
What if she was angry or scared and she was hiding somewhere now thinking her boss forced her to do that?
"Are you okay, Mr. Locke?" Penny stepped closer, but I moved toward my door, hand on the knob.
"You know what? Just tell everyone I'm taking a personal day. Cancel everything."
“But sir, the board—"
"Everything, Penny."
"Yes, sir," she mumbled, and she grew quiet as she moved toward her desk. But I stormed into my office feeling foolish now.
My face burned hot with embarrassment and anger. Of course Veda would go hide somewhere. There was every chance she was seated across from my own brother complaining about me too.
This was wrong on every level. Not only was she my employee, but she was almost young enough to be my own child.
My God, what had I done?
I ran a hand through my hair as I locked my office door and stomped to my chair where I shuttered the windows and put my head down.
I crossed a huge line. I should never have kissed her, and I definitely should never have initiated sex.
But dammit if she wasn't the hottest thing I'd come across in years, and how could I say no?
My body physically could not restrain itself. Veda had pushed my buttons until I snapped like the fool I was.
I lost control. I made a horrible choice that would most certainly come back to bite me, and I felt humiliated.
She could file a lawsuit and hand my entire career to Clayton on a silver platter. I can't believe how stupid I was.
I let a woman's feminine wiles get under my skin in a momentary lapse of judgment.
My hand reached for the bottom drawer of my desk without thinking. Fishing in my drawer, I came up with the neck of a glass bottle that had less than one finger of whiskey left in it, but that small amount would never be enough.
It didn't stop me from opening it and downing the contents, though, and that first drop on my tongue sent a shock through my chest. I needed more.
And I needed it now.
I'd been through this so many times now that it was muscle memory. I stood and grabbed my coat, took my wallet and phone from my desk drawer, and breezed out of my office past Penny's desk.
When her head popped up, I grunted, "I'll be back tomorrow," but I didn't even pause to listen to her protests. She was a big girl and she could handle things herself.
By the time I got to the elevators, my hands were shaking.
The shakes never got this bad in the morning.
Not usually until three or four in the afternoon, but here I was, sweating, running my hands through my hair to distract me while I waited for the elevator carriage to arrive.
And then Veda rounded the corner, coming from the women's restroom down the hallway. She saw me and our eyes met and she looked concerned.
"Mr. Locke, are you leaving?" She approached cautiously, and though I searched her from head to toe, there wasn't even a hint of what we'd done, except for the rose of her cheeks and what remained of the dark flush of her lips.
I wanted to avoid her at all costs because saying something would only dig the hole I was in deeper.
But I couldn’t very well ignore her and expect her not to be upset with me.
The last thing I needed was to purposefully tick her off when I knew what she could do to destroy me.
"Family emergency," I said, outright lying. It was none of her business what I was doing.
If she knew I was going to the liquor store a block away to buy enough whiskey to get obliterated, she'd try to stop me.
Veda offered puppy-dog eyes and a soft sigh. "But what am I supposed to do all day, then?" Her forehead creased and the elevator chimed as the doors slid open to reveal an empty carriage.
"Talk to Penny. You'll figure it out," I grumbled, and I stepped into the elevator without looking back.
As out of whack as I was, my body still felt the pull toward her.
I thought of those silky panties, probably back on her, but I should've taken them.
And I thought of the velvet heat of her body around me and knew if I stayed, things would only get worse.
The doors shut behind me and I pressed the button to descend.
It felt like the universe had conspired over the past three years to destroy me, and it was winning.
might as well help it along at this point. Because no matter what I did, I felt cursed.