36. Shoyu Ramen
SHOYU RAMEN
*the longer the broth cooks, the more complex the flavor.
T he ramen shop on Amsterdam Avenue was the kind of place that looked unassuming from the outside but served some of the best noodles in the city.
I’d suggested it to Daniel partly because it was close to Joni and Nathan’s apartment, where I was staying until I solidified my plans, but mostly because it felt neutral.
I arrived first and chose a table near the window, watching the mix of Upper West Side foot traffic while I waited. Mothers pushing strollers, Columbia students with oversized backpacks, professionals grabbing late lunches. All part of the New York life I was planning to leave permanently.
I had stayed in Paris with Louis for another few days following the disaster that happened in Lucas’s hotel room. But by the time I came home, I had a plan. And my conversation with Lea only made it stronger.
After dinner, Lea and I sat in her living room while each of us made separate bids for help from our wealthier family members.
Matthew and Nina had practically fallen over each other to give her money to help with the kids.
While Lea would only accept enough to cover grief therapy for the boys and some extra childcare for Lupe, it was obviously a weight off her shoulders.
Maybe we wouldn’t lose her to Idaho after all.
I, on the other hand, had a very different conversation with Frankie and Xavier, in which I made a proposal of another kind. One that shocked everyone. I announced my plans to move to France permanently, gain some experience, and find a village where I could open the little place I wanted.
“I don’t need money,” I told them. “With the ‘severance pay’ Mrs. Lyons gave me, I’ll be fine.
But the experience part…Xavier, I’d like to take you up on your offer to help me find a place that has good food and a chef willing to let me apprentice for a while.
I was hoping you could put a word in with someone you might know down there. ”
After they recovered from their shock, Xavier had only one thing to say: “It’s about fucking time.”
And so, just like that, I had a future. I would take another week to put things into storage and make sure Lea had her own things in order. And I would close the doors of the past behind me so I could walk through the new ones waiting for me to open.
When Daniel walked into the ramen shop, I was struck by how different he looked from the last time I’d seen him, only a week earlier.
Gone was the disheveled drunk who had passed out on the couch in Lucas’s suite.
The perfectly groomed, shining veneer of a man was back.
The only signs of the fight were the remnants of a black eye and a cut over his cheekbone, which was nearly healed.
With hair tousled just so, expensive jeans, and a cashmere sweater that weren’t trying too hard, he was every inch the golden boy so many thought him to be.
But I noticed a sadness in his blue eyes that wasn’t there before. Or maybe it had always been there, and I’d been too blinded by the facade to notice.
One thing was for sure. For the first time in ten years of knowing him, I felt nothing beyond the kind of appreciation I might have for a nice piece of art. I also felt a little pity, maybe, for the shortcomings I now knew he had.
“Heya, Marie.” He slid into the seat across from me with the practiced smile I’d once found so irresistible. “You look incredible. As always.”
Inwardly, I frowned. Had his compliments always sounded that shallow?
Because I knew that I didn’t look incredible.
It was almost that time of the month, which meant my breasts were sore, the zit on my cheek wouldn’t go away, and my stomach was bloated and annoyed.
I was dressed in one of my old sack dresses and a mustard-colored cardigan simply because they were the most comfortable things I owned, and while I had still scrunched my hair and put on makeup the way Louis taught me, everything had taken less than ten minutes.
Maybe I didn’t look like Marie the wallflower anymore, but I was a long way from the glamorous girl who had sat beside Daniel on the plane back from Paris. Closer to where I belonged, somewhere in between.
“Thanks.” I opened my menu. “How are you feeling? After…everything.”
“Better, thanks. Man, that was a wild night, huh?” He flagged down the waitress immediately. “Could I get a double gin and tonic? Top shelf.”
A double gin and tonic. At two o’clock on a Tuesday afternoon.
He arched a brow at me. “You want anything? On me, of course.”
I shook my head. “No. I, um, actually don’t drink much.”
“Oh, yeah? Good for you. I should probably cut back, but y’know, you only live once, right?
” I watched him scan the menu with far more attention than it deserved.
“The tonkatsu looks amazing. Do you think they make their own noodles? I bet they do. This is exactly the kind of authentic place that would, don’t you think? ”
He was nervous, I realized. I’d always thought Daniel could charm anyone with his confidence, but now I could see the genial chatter as the defense mechanism it was, covering his deficits.
It was exhausting to watch.
I felt sorry for him.
“You don’t have to do that, you know,” I said gently.
“Do what, gorgeous?” His smile lost a bit of its shine.
I set my menu on the table. “The whole ‘I’m the guy’ routine. The nicknames, the charm offensive. A week ago, I watched you maul your brother because you realized we slept together, then pass out on his couch. This isn’t necessary.”
Daniel’s carefully constructed mask cracked, and I glimpsed something younger, less polished, peeking through.
When his veil fell completely, his entire being sagged.
“Sorry.” For the first time since he’d sat down, his voice sounded genuine. “I guess I’m not sure what to say. After everything.”
“You asked me to meet. Maybe just say whatever’s actually on your mind.” I looked pointedly at the menu. “Even I don’t think noodles are that exciting. And I’m a chef.”
He snorted. “Yeah, okay. I can try that.”
We ordered—shoyu ramen for me, miso for him—and sat in silence for a moment while Daniel sipped at his gin and tonic, though he didn’t down it the way I expected.
“I wanted to apologize,” he said after half of it was gone. “For the way I acted in Paris. Or really, for the entire last month, leading you on like that. I don’t know if you’ve realized this yet, but I can be kind of a jackass.”
“Especially when you’re drunk,” I agreed.
His blue eyes darkened for a moment, like he wanted to argue. But he’d already given up the ghost.
“I do drink a lot,” he admitted. “More when I’m scared. And right now, I’m really fucking scared.”
“About the wedding?” I had to ask. The Times had run an announcement on Sunday. The quickie wedding was happening at the Lyonses’ Hamptons estate in a few weeks.
When Joni had shown me, I was shocked to feel nothing but sadness for both the groom and the bride.
“About everything,” Daniel said. “Becoming a father when I can barely take care of myself. Being a husband to someone I don’t really know.
Emma’s nice enough, but we both know this marriage is going to end in divorce eventually.
I give it two years, tops, and that’s if Lucas isn’t breathing down my neck, you know?
But her dad’s already planning for me to campaign with them when he runs for reelection next year.
I think he’s got his eye on the presidency too. ”
He started to lift his drink to his lips, then paused when he saw me watching him.
“Maybe wait until we’re done talking,” I suggested. “See if you still want it then.”
Daniel looked at the glass in his hands, then back at me. For a moment, I thought he might argue, insist he was fine and could handle his alcohol. Instead, he set the glass down without taking another sip. “Yeah, I can do that.”
It was a small moment, but it felt significant. I had no idea if Daniel would ever actually address his drinking—probably not, if I were being honest. But seeing him make that choice, even temporarily, gave me a flicker of hope for him.
“Can I ask you something?” I said as our ramen arrived, steam rising from the dark broth. I was pleased that the egg on mine, sliced in half, had just the right amount of jiggle to the yolk.
“Shoot.”
“Why did you come to Paris at all? I don’t really believe it was just about me.”
Daniel paused with his chopsticks halfway to his mouth. “I…no. It wasn’t.”
I took a bite of my egg and waited for him to continue.
“My dad told me all these things he’d heard from my mom. About the plans to get me together with Emma, including Lucas’s intentions with you. And when I heard that, something in me just flipped.” He sighed. “I don’t know if you know this, but I’m not exactly the responsible one in the family.”
I chuckled. “I did know that, as it happens. You learn things about people over ten years.”
He chuckled too, but his expression quickly sobered.
“Yeah. Well. It never mattered to me before if everyone thought I was an idiot. I mean, it did, but it never really did anything, you know? But suddenly, I was being wrapped up in a bow, like somebody’s Christmas present under a tree, everything I wanted being taken away until I did as they ordered.
Somehow, it felt like if they took one more thing from me, I’d fucking die, you know?
It could have been a car, a book, really anything at all.
But when I heard what Lucas was doing in France, that last thing ended up being you.
So I got on the plane thinking I had to get you back from him because somehow that would save me from my fate. ”
I thought about that for a moment before asking my next question. “Did you ever notice me? Before I went to Paris, I mean. Like, at all?”