21. Rachel
21
RACHEL
T he bustling streets of Manhattan blurred below my window as the train zipped through Harlem toward downtown on the elevated tracks. It was the next morning, but my mind was still reeling from the events at the lake house. Discomfort clung to me like I'd left something important behind.
At my squat, brick pre-war building, I heaved the heavy front door open and walked up the three flights to my floor, avoiding the packages and bikes in the narrow hallway.
I turned the key in the lock of my apartment, but it was already unlocked. My toe pressed against the bottom of the door, keeping it ajar as I rummaged through my purse until I gripped my pepper spray. I shoved it in my back pocket and rummaged more until I found my protective goggles. I shoved them on my eyes, then held the spray in front of me as I cautiously opened the door fully and entered.
Someone sat on my couch, but my goggles were smudged, and I couldn't see who it was. I raised my arm higher, ready to strike, when a strong voice stopped me.
"Rachel Meilin Arya, don't you dare."
I yanked the goggles off. "Amma?"
My mother sat on the couch, The Great British Baking Show paused on my TV. Her forehead was folded in concern. Or was it annoyance?
"What are you doing here?" I asked, dropping my bags next to the worn leather couch.
She stood and stared down at me, her thick, black, wavy hair pulled into a low ponytail. She was a full head taller than I was. " Thali , I've been trying to reach you,” she said using the Indian term of endearment that always reminded me of my childhood. “You haven't called for days, and you skipped out on our trip this weekend. I'm concerned."
I sighed and sank into the buttery leather of my secondhand sofa. "I've been busy with work."
Mom narrowed her dark brown eyes at me. "Gianna texted me. She said you've been requesting a lot of time off."
My stomach twisted. "I've been working at Dreamary. You know, the company Eva used to work for."
Mom frowned. "But you love the Pilates studio. You want to run it one day."
I sank back, suddenly exhausted. "Things change. It got boring."
"Work isn't always fun, Rach," Mom said, her voice stern.
I let out a quick snort. "I like to go with the flow, and my flow ain't feeling Pilates anymore."
Mom shook her head. "And what about this company? Is it more your flow?"
Irritation bubbled up inside me. "Get off my vag, Amma. I'm fine. I support myself. I have health care. I floss every day. You raised me right. Now let me adult my way."
Mom hesitated. "You sure everything's okay? Has anyone, um...have you seen any friends lately? Or anyone else?"
My Spidey-sense went into high gear. "Like who?"
Her eyes shifted from side to side like she was nervous, which was not like her. She's a doctor. She has to tell bad news to people all the time, so why was she all cagey?
"Rachel, I..."
"Just spit it out," I snapped, my patience waning.
"Your biological grandfather contacted me," she blurted out.
I froze.”When?"
"Two months ago."
"Are you kidding me?" I yelled, my arms flying up. "You've known about him for two months and you're just telling me now? He's been following me. Did you know that? I thought it was some weirdo creep. Derrick basically tackled him and made him tell us who he is."
"Rachel, that was not very smart," she said in her lecture voice. "And who's Derrick?"
"Amma!"
"Right, sorry." She sighed, her shoulders slumping. "I gave Mr. Lin the address of the Pilates studio. He must have been too scared to speak to you."
Anger surged through me, hot and fierce. "How could you do that without telling me? I was scared. I called the police. You've known for months! Why didn't you tell me the second he contacted you?"
"I'm sorry, thali . I promised him I'd let him contact you first. He wanted to meet you to explain..."
I stood up abruptly, my hands shaking. "Your loyalty should have been to me, not to some stranger who abandoned me as a baby. You always suspected he forced my bio mom to give me up, and he confirmed it. Now he's looking for me and you kept a secret from me about him."
Mom reached out, her eyes pleading. "Rachel, it wasn't a secret. That's why I came today. I've been wanting to tell you in person, but you keep canceling. This isn't?—"
I cut her off, my voice rising. "I don't want to hear it. You should've told me the second he contacted you."
Red splotches broke out on my mom's chest, which happened when she was about to cry, but I couldn't find it in me to comfort her. "I can't think about this right now. I can't think about those people. I've never wanted them in my life, and now you're in cahoots with them. Amma, I love you, but can you go? I need time."
My mom hoisted her tote on her shoulder. "I'll go visit my colleague at St. Luke's. She transferred there about a year?—"
"I don't care. I'm beat, and I can't deal right now."
"I'm sorry, Rach, but life is hard sometimes. I realize I should've told you sooner that Mr. Lin got in touch, but he's heartbroken after losing his daughter—your mother—and I felt bad for him."
I kept my head bent away from my mother, unable to look at her.
"I'll be back later, thali . Let's talk this out once you're in a better headspace."
As the door closed behind her, I resisted the urge to scream that my headspace was just fine, thank you.
I glanced at my phone, tempted to call Derrick. He said I could call him if I needed to talk, but there was this weird blurry line between us, and I didn't like blurry. I liked cut-and-dried.
I'd figure this out on my own.
In the kitchen, I dug through my freezer and punched the air when I found a couple of airline bottles of Titos. I mixed them in a glass with orange juice and sank back into the sofa with a heavy sigh, questions zipping through my mind.
Why did my mother keep this secret for weeks? How did Hao Lin find her? Had they been in touch before? Since my mom worked at the hospital where my biological mom birthed me, my mom would've had access to all that information.
I took a long sip, the ice cubes clinking, trying to calm my anxious thoughts.
Ugh. I hated being this discombobulated. Sooner than later I was gonna have to confront Hao Lin and uncover the truth about my past, but what if I hated what I found out?
My phone buzzed, and I glanced at the screen. It was a text from Lexi, asking if I could meet her in the morning at the office about some work stuff.
Part of me wanted to talk to her about my personal stuff. She was a therapist after all. But I didn't want to see anyone right now. Not my bio grandfather. Not my mom. Not Derrick. Not anyone.
I typed out a quick reply, telling Lexi I wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be at the office tomorrow. This had all gotten too real, and I needed some time away from everyone.
I texted Mom and told her I wouldn't be at my place when she came because I was staying at a friend's tonight. Then, I gathered a few items and walked out the door.