35. Rachel
35
RACHEL
I was hunched over my desk, drowning in a sea of hashtags and engagement metrics, when Peyton's voice snapped me back to reality. It had been two weeks since my meeting with Brad and we were still waiting for the results.
"Hey, girl, are you listening?"
I blinked, realizing I had been staring at the same Instagram post for the last five minutes. "Sorry, what were you saying?"
Peyton rolled her eyes, but there was no real annoyance behind it. "I was asking if you wanted to grab lunch later."
I stretched, my back popping in protest. "Sorry. Just a lot on my mind."
I had been trying to get lost in work, but my mind kept slamming back to the DNA test and the excruciating wait.
"But I do love this job," I said, meaning it. "Who knew social media management could be fun."
"Said no one ever," Peyton quipped, but she was smiling.
"I'm thinking of talking to Derrick about going full-time."
"That would be awesome! I'd love you on the team permanently. You should talk to him when he's back and feeling better. But speaking of Derrick," Peyton said, her tone suddenly casual in a way that immediately put me on guard. "What's going on there? When he was here last week, it felt like you were avoiding each other, and when you do speak, you're weirdly polite."
I forced a laugh, hoping it didn't sound as fake as it felt. "What? No, everything's fine."
Peyton raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. "Uh-huh."
I sighed, sucking my lower lip into my mouth, chewing. "It won't interfere with my work if that's what you're worried about. I know I've been spacey, but it has nothing to do with him. I promise."
"Look, there's no judgement. One in three relationships start at work. Look at me and Jackson." She waffled her eyebrows. "Forbidden fruit is the sweetest."
I threw a balled-up napkin from my lunch at her, which she dodged easily. "Shut up. It's not like that. We're just colleagues."
Peyton lowered her chin, dubious. "Right."
"I'm serious," I said. "I'm just focused on work and waiting for these DNA results."
"Any news on that front?" Peyton asked.
I shook my head. "Any day now."
"Have you spoken to your maybe daddy since you met him?"
"We've emailed a bit, but it's all been very clinical. I think he's trying not to get his hopes up. Or down. I have no idea how he'll react if he is my father."
"And how are you feeling about it all?" Peyton asked gently.
I paused, considering. "I don't know. Excited? Terrified? What if he's not my dad? Or what if he is and he decides he doesn't want anything to do with me? I have no idea how to feel about any of it."
Peyton reached out, squeezing my hand. "Hey, whatever happens, you've got us. Your Dreamary fam."
I smiled, a rush of affection for her zipping through me. One of the reasons I always loved Roller Derby, besides the awesome adrenaline rush, was that it was a family. I liked having that at work too.
Despite my proclamations that I wasn't thinking about Derrick, I was curious why he had been MIA all week. And despite my best efforts, I missed him.
"Hey, Peyton?" I looked up from my computer. "Is Derrick on a work trip?"
Peyton furrowed her brow, confused. "Uh, no."
"I thought… Where is he?"
"Oh, wow. You don't know?"
My heart skipped a beat. "Know what?"
Peyton hesitated, and I could see the conflict in her eyes. "I assumed since you two…uh, well, I assumed you knew."
"Peyton," I said, my voice low and urgent. "What's going on?"
She sighed. "It's Derrick's mom. She's in the hospital. He's been there all week with her."
I shot up from my chair. "What? Why didn't anyone tell me?" I was dizzy trying to sort through a jumble of thoughts all at once.
"I thought you knew. I mean, you guys are...whatever you are."
I fell back in my chair, my mind reeling. Derrick's mom was sick, and he didn't tell me? After everything we'd been through? Oh God. Why was I making this about me? His mom could be really sick, and he was probably in a world of pain.
"Do you know which hospital?" I asked, opening the map app on my phone.
Peyton shook her head. "No, sorry. I just overheard Lexi talking about it."
My thumbs flew over my phone screen as I typed out a text to Derrick. But as I was about to hit send, I hesitated. If Derrick wanted me to know about this, he would have told me. These two weeks I thought I was the one keeping distance between us, but it had been him staying away. At first, by choice, and then because of whatever happened to his mom. And he didn't tell me. Even after I spent a whole weekend with his family.
My heart squeezed like it was in a vice as I thought about him going through what must be terrifying. I deleted the text and stood up, grabbing my jacket. "I'm taking off early. Do you mind? I can finish later tonight at home."
Peyton nodded, her eyes full of understanding. "Of course. Go."
As I headed for the elevator, my mind was a whirlwind of emotions. Worry for Derrick and his mom. Hurt that he didn't confide in me. Confusion about what it all meant.
In the elevator, I stared at myself in the mirror, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I cared about Derrick. A lot. Way more than I had allowed myself to admit. The revelation threw me off balance, and I slammed my hand against the mirrored wall, steadying myself.
I closed my eyes, unable to look at myself, the reality of my feelings for him too much to face. The elevator doors closed, my heart pounding as the numbers ticked down to the lobby.
I was going to be there for Derrick. Because that's what you do when you care about someone. You show up. And God knew he had shown up enough times for me.