40. Rachel
40
RACHEL
I hadn't seen or heard from Derrick in three weeks. Three excruciating weeks. He hadn't answered my calls or messages, and it was driving me insane.
How had I become that girl. The desperate one who checked her phone every five minutes for a message and stalked Derrick’s socials all day every day. Every ping from my phone was a moment of hope and then a devastating crash when it wasn't him.
It was a Saturday afternoon, and I just got back from a derby bout. It was brutal, but my team had won, which was the only thing keeping my spirits somewhat buoyant.
I dropped my gear by the door, pulled off my skates, and scrolled through my emails. My heart stopped when I saw the subject line of one of the new messages: Test Results Are In
I immediately called Eva.
"What's up?" Eva asked.
"The results are back. Can you come over? I don't want to look at them alone." My voice shook, the adrenaline from the bout now replaced with anxiety.
"I'll be there in twenty," Eva replied without hesitation.
I quickly texted Brad and my mom and told them the results were in and asked them to join me on Zoom so we could look at the results together.
I opened another new text and started typing Derrick's name, but then I remembered, and I turned my phone over, leaving it unsent.
Eva arrived, her face flushed from rushing over. She plopped down beside me on the couch, her eyes wide with anticipation. I opened the Zoom call, and soon Mom’s and Brad's faces popped up in separate boxes on the screen.
" Amma , this is Brad. Brad, my mother, Maya."
They had an awkward hello, and then I interrupted. "Do you want anyone on the call, Brad?"
He shook his head. "I haven't told anyone yet. I thought it best not to until I know...more."
"I get it," I said, my heart pounding in my chest. "Is everyone ready?"
"Are you ready?" Eva asked, squeezing my hand.
"No."
Everyone laughed.
"But there's no point waiting."
I shared my screen. The email was open, but I had to click on the attachment to read the official results. We took a collective breath, counted to three, and I scrolled down until the whole page was visible.
Dear Rachel Arya,
Thank you for choosing Gene Diagnostic Corp for your DNA testing needs. We understand the importance and sensitivity of these results and appreciate your trust in us.
Test Report: Paternity DNA Test
Reference Number: XC456BCV-984
Results Summary
Tested Individuals:
Alleged Father: Bradley Reynolds
Child: Rachel Arya
Based on the analysis of the DNA samples provided, the probability of paternity is 99.9%.
If the value is 0%: The tested male is excluded as the biological father of the child.
If the value is 99.9% or higher: The tested male is not excluded as the biological father of the child.
"Oh my God!"
I didn't know who said it—me, Eva, or my mom. There was a ringing in my ears as I tried to comprehend.
"Wait, does this mean..." Eva trailed off.
"Yes," Mom said, her voice thick. "It means Brad is...that you're Rachel's..."
But when I looked at the screen, his square was gone. He was off the call. I stared at my computer, shocked and hurt.
"He hung up," I said stupidly.
"What the hell?" Mom said, anger in her voice.
Eva held my hand tighter.
"You don't need him," she said.
Confused and stunned, my stomach twisted. Then he was suddenly there again, his face on the screen. Brad’s eyes were red and his face splotchy.
"Sorry," he said, his voice wet with emotion. "I'm so sorry. I was, well… ugly crying. It was too much. I needed a moment." He laughed self-consciously.
"If you don't want—" I started, my voice raw with tears.
"No!" he said, tears plopping down his cheeks. "I'm happy. Really happy. I had no idea I wanted this. That I wanted you. But I do. If you'll let me."
Tears blurred my vision, and I started to cry. Full on cry like I hadn't done in years. Mom was crying too. And when I glanced at Eva, her cheeks were wet.
"I think I do," I said. "I mean, I definitely do. Yes. Please." I shot my gaze to my mom's screen. "I mean, if it's okay, Amma . I don't want to hurt you."
"Of course it's okay! I'm so happy. Thank you, Brad. Thank you for...I don't know. Just thank you."
We all laughed and cried a little more, shocked and thrilled and stayed on the call, basking in the moment. Mom suggested we all spend a day together in Central Park soon to get to know each other better, and Brad agreed enthusiastically.
"I think I'm still in shock," Brad said, his voice steadier now.
"Me too." I smiled.
"Call me or text me. Anytime. Okay?" Brad said.
"I will. And same."
We all signed off, and I closed my laptop. I was all tingly, and it felt like I was in a dream. My dad. Brad. Wow. I didn't know if I'd ever call him Dad, but it was wonderful and strange just knowing I had one and that I'd get to know him and discover this whole other part of me.
I texted Lulu to tell her the news and ask her to pass it on to our grandfather. I had no idea how Hao Lin would react, but that wasn't my problem. He had nothing to do with this part of my life.
Lulu replied with lots of happy emojis and joyful memes and I laughed. Then I typed in Derrick's name. Again. Forgetting. Again.
Eva looked at me, her brow furrowed. "What's wrong?"
I sighed, leaning back against the couch, closing the phone without sending the message. "Derrick. I keep almost texting him and then remembering he kicked me out of his life."
Eva raised an eyebrow. "You need to talk to him. He's probably afraid to call you because he knows he was a total jerk."
I sighed, Derrick's absence weighing on me more than ever. "He's probably not even thinking about me. I haven't seen him at work. I know he comes in, but he must have someone keeping tabs on my whereabouts in the office because we never cross paths."
"But you love him," Eva said gently.
I whipped my head around to her. "So what? We both know you can't make someone love you. Screw him. I'm moving on."
Eva sighed, shaking her head. "I've never seen you like this, Rach. You're so out of sorts."
I raised my eyebrows like no shit, Sherlock .
"It consumes me. It controls my every waking thought. Sleeping with him was a huge mistake. It made my inkling of love into something desperate. Ugh!" I threw my head back.
"I'd bet my life that he wants you just as much."
"He's too damn moral!" I hollered like a banshee. "He can't get over the whole boss thing and age thing. And he won't forgive me for yelling at his mom when we were upstate. He likes law and order and I'm chaos and mayhem."
"No, you're not. You're fun and spritely and loyal and kind." Eva gave me a pointed look. "If the boss thing bugs him so much, would you leave Dreamary?"
"Yes," I said without pause.
"Really? I thought you loved it there."
"I do. But I've only been there a few months. It's not like my dream job. I don't really have a dream job. My goal is to make enough for a comfortable living with benefits and to work at a company with people I like. In that sense, it's a great job. But there are plenty of other places I can do the same."
Eva smiled, a gleam in her eye. "I'm glad you said that because I've been thinking about this for a while. Why don't you come work at Coding for Change? We need another social media assistant. How amazing would it be for us to work together?"
A spark of excitement lit me up. "Um, hell yeah."
Eva’s grin widened. "Then it's settled. Whenever you're ready, the job is yours. And then Derrick can be yours."
I snorted. "Okay, fairy godmother. Be careful where you're waving that wand. I'm not sure Derrick wants it pointed at him. Even if I quit Dreamary, I doubt it’ll change anything."
I sank into the couch and let the truth wash over me like a bad drug trip.