Chapter Nine
Her voice was quiet, the words simple, but they hit Joaquin with the force of a hurricane wind, nearly knocking him from his chair.
She was having the baby. They were having a baby.
The world titled on its axis. He resisted the urge to grip the table as he felt himself falling into empty space.
Conflicting responses warred within him. A desire to backtrack. If he could return to that elevator in San Francisco, he would go to his room alone— But no. A resistance rose in him even as he considered giving up that memory. It was too good.
Let the doctor be mistaken and I’ll… What? What could he do to atone for getting a woman pregnant?
“You’re not happy.” She pushed aside her empty bowl and walked to the fireplace where she stood with her back to him, hunched, hugging herself.
“It’s okay. I’m making this decision for me.
I want to be a mother. I’m not doing it lightly, either.
” She turned her head to speak over her shoulder, offering him the curve of a cheek carved from ivory.
“I’ve been around a lot of pregnant women and their children.
I know what I’m in for more than most first-time mothers.
I have a ton of support and resources. You don’t have to be involved. ”
“Stop.” He left his own chair and walked around the sofa toward her. “I’ve never wanted to be a parent, that’s true. It doesn’t mean I intend to ignore the fact I’m about to become one.” I am one. The fist around his lungs clenched tighter.
“But no one needs to know that. Most couples don’t tell anyone about their pregnancy in the first trimester anyway, in case something goes wrong. We can keep pretending we’re merely acquainted—”
“No.” He didn’t let her finish, offended on a very primal level that she would even suggest he turn his back on both of them.
Something very visceral was springing to life in him that he didn’t want to examine too closely. It was greedy and atavistic and protective and it wouldn’t be pushed to the margins where his actions would be ineffective.
“Why have you never wanted children?” She pleated her brow in anxious incomprehension.
He winced and reached for the most obvious explanation.
“I travel too much. They’re a level of responsibility that always seemed inconvenient.
” He loosened his tie, feeling constricted by it.
“One of the reasons my brother and I struggled to reconnect was the fact he had young children. His family was his priority. Which was as it should be, but I saw how much of his time they monopolized.”
He pushed his hands into his pockets, still trying to wrap his head around this news while that belief, that personal standard of his brother’s, settled into him as his own. His priorities had been shuffled. New ones had arrived at the top in the form of Siobhan and their child.
“I am responsible for this baby, though. I refuse to shirk that.”
“That’s admirable, Joaquin, but a child needs to feel like more than an obligation.
” Her chin stayed low with admonishment as she lifted her lashes.
“You need to want to be a parent. With me.” Her voice wavered toward hysterical laughter.
“For twenty years. This is a big decision for you, too. You can take more time to think on it.”
Her pregnancy wasn’t even visible. The idea they would be linked by this unformed person for the rest of their lives was something too big to grasp. The profound weakness a baby would create for him was terrifying to comprehend, but there was also a strange allure in this news.
A glimmer of something arrived in him. It was akin to what he’d seen in Fernando when his brother had introduced him to his firstborn, looping his arm around Zurina, who had been holding the baby.
The pride in his brother’s expression had been so blatant, Joaquin had been embarrassed for him, but he could feel emotion dawning in his chest.
“The deed is done,” he said. “I am a father. If you’re asking how I intend to behave as one, the answer is, better than the example that was set for me.”
As he made that decision, and this new reality began to settle on him, his mind raced ahead to reconfigure his future around both of them.
“I appreciate you saying that.” Siobhan sank with profound relief onto the edge of the sofa cushion, elbows on her knees, fingers laced before her unsteady lips.
The truth was she was moved by how quickly and firmly he was committing to their baby. It meant a lot to her.
“I was raised by a single mom. I don’t have qualms about being one.
I know the part that really matters is having someone who loves you.
” Even if she had faced raising their baby alone, she would have had a ton of help from her mother and sisters.
“All of my sisters remember our father except me. I was a toddler when he died. It left a blank space that Henri did his best to fill, but he didn’t come into my life until I was in my teens.
Then I saw what a loving, involved father he is to their children and I’ve always known I wanted that for my own. So thank you.”
“For not leaving a blank space in our own baby’s life? You’re welcome, I guess?”
Our own baby.
Her shock was wearing off. Anticipation gathered in her chest and thickened in her throat. Joy expanded through her, creating room for the new love that was blooming inside her. What would their child be like? Moody and watchful like Joaquin? Aloof? Or affectionate and cheeky like her?
She let herself picture Joaquin with an infant against his heart and was nearly overwhelmed by longing. Would their baby bring out a warmth in him he didn’t otherwise reveal? Or was she conjuring a romantic illusion?
Henri hadn’t wanted children when he and Cinnia had started their affair.
Cinnia had broken things off with him when she discovered her pregnancy, then hid it from him for months, even though they’d been in a relationship for two years.
Even though they’d been in love, whether they had admitted it to themselves or not.
Her situation with Joaquin was very different, Siobhan acknowledged with a pang of chilling clarity.
She and Joaquin were essentially strangers.
They had slept together once. They had a few conversations between them that had been very personal on her side, but there was a lot she didn’t know about him.
She didn’t have any of the confidence in his feelings that Cinnia had had about Henri’s.
In fact, all he’d done was shut her down.
For all she knew, Joaquin was only stepping up because of her relationship to Henri and the rest of the Sauveterres. He was a practical, tactical man. He had to recognize that, on a social level, having a baby with her would tie him into their circles forever.
And she was liable to let him! From the moment she had seen him again, she had been fighting her desire to be physically intimate with him again. To feel once more his masterful stroking of her body, the exquisite spikes of pleasure he brought forth, the culmination and blissful aftermath.
He didn’t truly care for her, though. He might be decent enough to catch her when she fainted and show concern over the baby he’d put in her, but he wasn’t as affected by her as she was by him. His ability to cool things off between them again and again proved it.
Which made her worry she would fall further under his spell if she didn’t keep a firm distance.
“Okay, so, um, that’s good to know that you’re, you know, committed. I’ll keep you posted as I make decisions.” She rose and found her handbag. “Is your driver still on the clock? Or should I order my own car?”
His dark brows quirked in astonished puzzlement. “To where?”
“Home. Wait. Is it still rush hour?” She glanced toward the windows where city lights were sprinkled against the dark night. “Maybe I’ll take the metro.”
“You fainted today.” His tone said, remember?
“Right. Car, then.” She brought her phone from her purse.
“Siobhan. You’re not going home. You’ll stay here where I can keep an eye on you.”
“I’m not going home to paint the ceiling. I’ll put my feet up, have an early night. But I have to go home to take out these contacts. They feel like sandpaper.” She blinked as she tried to read her screen, growing desperate for time alone to regroup and come to terms with all of this.
“Don’t order a car,” he said with impatience. “I’ll take you home.” He came to hold her coat for her. “You can pack what you need to move in with me.”