21. Natalie
21
NATALIE
I ’d given the performance of a lifetime.
Hovering in the wings and smiling as gorgeous models wearing our cutting-edge designs paraded down the runway, pretending that my heart wasn’t breaking over James and Heidi’s revelation. I was there to do a job, not cry like a dejected teenager.
I could do that later, right after I screamed at him.
My heart dropped at the thought of the confrontation to come. We were close to the end of the after-party, and I’d successfully managed to avoid James for the entire thing. I doubted anyone had noticed that I was keeping away, though. James certainly didn’t seem to. He’d been busy chatting up various movers and shakers. Meanwhile, I’d been kept busy posing for pictures with Skyler, our brand ambassador. People loved the contrast of my ripped up black gown and Skyler in the deconstructed runner-up bridal gown we’d salvaged for her finale dress. It wasn’t as perfect as the one that had been stolen from us, but it was pretty damn good.
Because everything I designed was. The ground might be crumbling beneath my feet, but I knew for a fact that no one could touch my work.
“You holding up okay?” Skyler whispered in my ear. “Tired?”
I nodded but kept the smile plastered to my face and adjusted my grip on the glass of lukewarm champagne, untouched but for one tiny sip. “You don’t even know,” I whispered back. “You?”
Her lovely face broke into a genuine smile. “Best day of my life.”
At least one of us managed to enjoy the shitshow.
I scanned the room and spotted Heidi holding court with a group of photographers that I swore she’d hired herself. I was shocked that she was actually able to stand independently. You’d never have known it from the way she’d draped herself all over James. After a while I’d had to stop watching them together, because it felt like my heart was being torn to shreds, over and over again.
That quicksand sensation I thought I’d left behind forever threatened to pull me under any time I thought about Heidi and James together. I was hollowed out, like all of the sweetness of the past few months with him had been siphoned from me.
Heidi had called James her boyfriend, and he’d gone along with it. And kissed her! Had they been secretly dating the whole time? I remembered how stupid, how small I’d felt when I found out that Dylan had moved on to someone new immediately after things ended with me. I’d suspected all along that he’d been cheating on me, but I hadn’t known for sure.
This felt so much worse. Not only because he was cheating right in front of my face, in this horrifically public venue. But because…because it was James. Because I’d thought we were building something special. Because I’d thought it might really be love—had finally started to believe that was something I could have—only for it to turn out to be an illusion after all.
God, I should have known better.
Once it was obvious that the night was finally winding down, I said my goodbyes and headed for the main doors solo. I had no desire to confront James tonight. I was too tired and raw to say everything he deserved to hear. My only comfort was that the show had been a success. Maybe that would be enough to keep my mind occupied until I managed to fall asleep? Steph had already texted me a half dozen times since seeing everyone posting about it on Snug, offering to hire a hit man for James, Heidi, or both of them. I’d warned her that I was coming home but in no mood to talk, and she’d texted back a photo of five bottles of red wine.
I threaded through the crowd with my head down, trying not to attract the attention of the party stragglers. Someone grabbed my hand from behind as I was about to make my getaway.
“Hey, where are you going?” James asked, concern creasing his brow. “What’s up?”
I jerked my hand away, then looked around to make sure no one had seen. “I’m leaving,” I hissed at him. “I figured Heidi would keep you busy tonight.”
His expression showed nothing but confusion. “Why on earth—Oh, come on. You didn’t think that was real , did you?”
“It…it wasn’t?” I asked, my battered heart clenching a little with hope so sharp, it hurt.
“C’mere.” He grabbed my hand again and dragged me down the hallway to a hidden utility room. He shut the door behind him and turned to face me. “I promise you I am not involved with Heidi. I have no interest in her whatsoever.”
“So you…you haven’t been secretly dating her all this time? You weren’t the one to give her the dress and plan for her to make that over-the-top entrance?”
“Absolutely not!” he insisted. “Couldn’t you tell how fucking furious I was when she showed up? And no way would I have sabotaged the fashion show by screwing up the finale like that. Did you really think I would?”
A wave of relief washed over me, so deep and profound that I swayed a little, unsteady in my high heels. “No, that doesn’t sound like you at all,” I admitted. “But with that show the two of you put on…”
“Well, once she called me out like that, my only options were to play along or let it turn into a big, public fight that would ruin the whole night.”
“Okay,” I said, my shoulders dropping as the tension in them released. With my hurt and anger no longer running the show, my logical brain took over and I slipped into assistant mode. “So Heidi had her fun and got her night of fame out of her stunt, but now that it’s over, you can cut her loose again. I’ll set aside a block of time for you tomorrow to talk with Calliope so the two of you can start working out how to get the announcement out there that you and Heidi really aren’t together again.”
“What? No,” James said.
“You don’t want to wait until tomorrow?” I guessed. “Okay, I think Calliope’s been going light on the drinks—you could probably talk to her tonight.”
“No, I mean, why would I have to make an announcement about Heidi and me?”
“Because you’re not actually together?” I said.
“Yeah, but the public doesn’t know that,” he pointed out. “Have you looked at your socials lately? Because the response to Heidi showing up has been incredibly positive. It’s pushing the show at the same time, so I call that a win-win.”
I’d been too nervous to pull my phone out of my purse and check to see what people thought about my work. Plus, I wasn’t in the mood to see photos of James kissing Heidi splashed everywhere, with the speculative headlines about their relationship status.
I felt even more nervous now, because it sounded like James was saying…
“Honestly, it’s probably a good idea for me to keep up this charade with Heidi. We’ve got great momentum, and right now Branson needs all the attention we can get.”
That. It sounded like he was saying that. All the relief I’d felt before vanished, drained out of me in an instant. All I felt now was sick.
“You want to fake date Heidi ?” I demanded. “And I’m supposed to just go along with it?”
“It doesn’t have to change anything between us,” he insisted.
“But it does . It changes everything.” How did he not get this? “You think I’m going to be with a man who’s publicly dating someone else? After what I went through with Dylan, you really think I’d do that?”
“It wouldn’t be real,” he argued. “Just a show for the press.”
“Not real?” I shot back. “Like us, at Bernie’s party? You said that wasn’t real. We were just a fake couple, right? Will you and Heidi be a fake couple like that?”
That, at least, seemed to leave him at a loss for words—for all of a minute or so. But then he straightened up, a stubborn scowl on his face. “You know it’s different. You’re just being stubborn.”
“What about it is different?” I pressed. “I was useful to you, I was good for Branson Designs, so I got a fake relationship out of it. Now Heidi is useful, she’s getting you the publicity you need, so she gets a fake relationship too. I believe that you don’t really care about her.” After the things I’d heard him say, I didn’t really have any doubt about that. “But what about me? Why am I different? Why is what we have different?”
Because I love you.
That was all he had to say. Or maybe It was never fake with you at all—I was just too scared to admit it. If he’d only say that, everything could be okay again. All I needed was to know that he truly cared about me—that what we had was real. If he could assure me of that, then I’d do whatever it took to get us through this. I just had to know that I mattered to him, that I was more than a useful employee, a fun sparring partner, a good fuck.
The silence stretched out endlessly…and then his phone rang. He jumped to grab it from the breast pocket of his blazer, and my stomach dropped. Apparently, I was taking second place even in a moment like this.
I guessed that was my answer.
“It’s Christopher,” James said with a frown. “He watched the livestream and he probably has feedback, but can’t it wait?”
“You would think…” I began but realized that James had already answered.
“Hey, Christopher, what’s up?”
I couldn’t even muster any surprise or outrage. I felt all tapped out. Utterly empty. It was as if this proof that my feelings didn’t matter to James at all made them all go away. All that was left was cool logic.
James didn’t love me. I would always be an afterthought. And that meant…it was time for me to leave.
“Okay, that’s it.” I put my hand on the doorknob and James finally looked at me. “I’m leaving. Whatever we had—real, fake—it’s over .”
“Natalie, hold on?—”
But it was too late. In every way that mattered, I was already gone.
James
“What did you say, Christopher?” I asked my brother. I was having trouble concentrating on anything but the way Natalie had looked when she left. I wanted desperately to run after her…but hadn’t I spent all evening telling myself that I couldn’t give in to my impulses when it came to her? Family and the business came first, always. That was the rule I had made for myself. And that meant this call with Christopher took priority. “You’re too quiet, I can barely hear you. Is this about the show?”
He’d been mumbling and at first I assumed that he was just overwhelmed by the show, but the more he talked the more obvious it became that something strange was going on with him.
“Amanda…” he slurred.
“Amanda what ? Speak up!” I was frustrated by his timing and bizarre behavior. But maybe if we could wrap this up quickly, I could still get to Natalie before she got too far away. Surely all we needed was a few more minutes to talk and we could work this out. Surely she didn’t really mean it was over.
“Amanda is…engaged. And pregnant .”
It came out in a sob, and I suddenly realized what was happening. His ex, the woman who told him after they were married that she never wanted children, was going to have a baby with another man.
“Oh, bud, I’m so sorry.” I sighed. “That’s rough. You want me to come over?”
Christopher made a noncommittal noise.
“Hey, talk to me.”
I heard a lot of rustling.
“I’m just so tired,” he slurred. “I need to sleep now, m’kay? Good night and goodbye, brother.”
Then it hit me. His speech and weepiness felt familiar. “Did you take something? Christopher?”
“Huh? Take what, James? You mean pills?” A sniffle. “Yesh…I took a couple. But I sorta lost track of how many.”
Fuck ! My brother had overdosed again and he was alone at home!
“Hey, keep talking to me,” I demanded. “What did you have for dinner?”
I jogged out of the storage closet and ran right into Rhea, who was mercifully alone. Despite her tendency to gossip, I knew I could trust her if I swore her to secrecy.
“Congrats to us,” she sang, waving her hands over her head. “What a wonderful night!”
I held out my hand.
“Rhea, I need your phone, now. Family emergency.”
Her smile faded when she saw my expression, and she sifted through her purse. “Of course, here.”
I handed her my phone so she could try to keep Christopher engaged and conscious while I called for help. “Christopher isn’t doing well. I can’t get into details but just keep him talking to you while I call 911.”
Her face went white as she held the phone to her ear, but her voice rang out with her usual cheer. “Christopher, my love, it’s Rhea! Hi there, you. Let’s gossip about the show, honey. You saw it right? Wasn’t it incredible?”
She listened for a moment then nodded at me, and I walked a few paces away to call the ambulance and gave them instructions on how to get to my brother. Thankfully, no one was around to witness the latest challenge in this topsy-turvy mess of a night. I walked over to where Rhea was perched on a couch.
“Did you like that part, honey?” Rhea said into the phone, staring blankly ahead of her. “When Skyler Honeywell came out in the ripped-up version of your first ever design? Everyone went crazy!” She listened for a few seconds. “Uh-huh, I know! You were a newbie back then. But you had so much talent. Everyone saw it. Your grandmother always said that there’s no one better.” Rhea forced out a laugh. “I know! We can’t tell anyone. It’ll be our secret, okay? I’m going to give you back to James now. You take care, okay?”
Her eyes were round when she handed the phone back to me. “He sounds really bad,” she whispered.
I nodded and pressed the mute key, worried about what Christopher might do if he overheard. “The ambulance is on the way and I’m going to meet them there. I appreciate your help. As always, this is a family matter. Don’t breathe a word about this to anyone. We don’t need negative attention competing with the show.”
“Of course,” she said as she stood up slowly. Rhea pulled me into her arms for a quick hug, catching me off guard. “It’s going to be okay, don’t worry.”
I gave her a cursory pat on the back and stormed off into the night, hoping that she was right.