Chapter 12 – cat
CAT
“That man is staring at you,” Alice says.
One of the shelter’s frequent residents, Alice, tends to be a little paranoid. But this time when I look up, I see she’s pointing at the security guard standing at the door. He’s absolutely staring me down. It’s unnerving.
“I’m sure he’s not staring at me specifically, Alice.”
“Yes, he is. He hasn’t looked away for over a minute. I timed it.”
I stifle my annoyed groan. I’m starting to suspect that when Nate assigned the security team here, he told them to keep a special eye out for me.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure he’s just staring off into space or something,” I reassure her. “Do you have anything you need me to put in the laundry?”
She shakes her head, her eyes still fixed on the security guard.
Even if Alice isn’t a fan of the new security, the guys are a hit with everybody else at the shelter.
They greet all the residents with friendly professionalism, which is a big deal for people who are so often met with derision.
I even spotted one of the guards playing cards with Rupert after his shift.
It makes my chest feel like it’s full of sunshine.
I grab the hamper full of dirty sheets and carry it over to our tiny laundry room. Instead of our old, shitty washers from the 80s, I find myself faced with a wall of brand-new Whirlpool appliances shining under the fluorescent lights.
Minnie, the shelter’s manager and head of fundraising, is already folding clean sheets. She grins when she sees me, making her lip piercing glint.
“Can you believe the new machines? They’re like, twenty times faster than the old ones. You really came through with the Nate Walsh donation.”
“It was nothing.” I toss the dirty sheets in an empty washer. “Just mentioned the need to my new boss.”
“About that…I have to ask you something, and I hope it’s not awkward.”
My chest gets tight. I have no idea what she’s going to say, but it doesn’t sound good. “What’s up?”
Minne looks down at the sheet she’s folding. “This donation…it was really big. And we’re grateful for the new funding, really. I just want to make sure that he gave us the money for the right reasons.”
“What do you mean, the right reasons?”
“You know, did he have any ulterior motivation to donate, other than out of his own generosity?”
It feels harder to breathe. I can read between the lines—she’s worried that I got the donation by sleeping with Nate. That might not be true, but there’s definite sexual energy between us. If it’s that obvious to Minnie—who’s never even met Nate—what must everyone else think?
I smile as brightly as I can, hoping I look confident. “You don’t have to worry. I’m Nate’s assistant, nothing else. He has more money than he’ll ever need. He was just being generous.”
Minne runs a hand through her cropped hair.
“Good. Look, I’m sorry that I said anything.
I just need to look out for the shelter, and if there’s any scandal tied to us, that’ll make it harder for us to get other funding.
I just need to make sure that whatever you did to get the donation, it won’t get out.
Because if it does, we might not be able to let you work here anymore. ”
It feels like I’ve just swallowed a pitcher of ice water. There’s nothing in my life more important than this shelter. I’ve put my heart and soul and countless hours into making it better. I love the people here—my best friends, after Pippa.
“How is the new job, by the way?” Her tone is deliberately casual. She’s trying to smooth things over after what she just asked me.
“Uh, the job’s good.”
Which is a vague answer, but it’s better than elaborating on how confused my boss has me.
I’ve learned that everyone in the office is terrified of him. A single scowl will send them into a frenzy, trying to figure out what displeased him. Which is tough, considering that Nate has resting frown face.
He’s demanding, and especially merciless if he finds a mistake and nobody owns up to it. I saw the President of Mergers and Acquisitions leave Nate’s office in tears when he tried to hide that he forgot to run background checks on key employees.
I’ve also learned that Nate is brilliant, especially when it comes to negotiations.
I took notes on enough calls to see firsthand how hard he pushes to make sure United Protection Services gets the better end of the deal.
He’s not above going over the numbers with a fine-toothed comb or arguing endlessly with executives to get his way—which he always does.
Heavy footsteps break through my thoughts.
The security guard who was staring at me earlier strolls past the door.
It’s like he’s checking in on me, making sure I’m not endangered by fabric softener or something.
I roll my eyes. If he keeps this up, I’m going have to have a talk with Nate.
It’s enough that he upgraded our security cameras.
I don’t actually need a personal bodyguard.
“Can you believe we get to throw out these sheets next week?” Minnie says. “They won’t even fit the new mattresses.”
“When did we decide to buy new mattresses?”
“We didn’t. Your company is sending them over as a donation, along with a bunch of new pillows. Plus, I was able to make enough toiletry packages and buy winter clothing to last us until next Christmas.”
My mouth drops open. “Seriously?”
“Yup. My budget spreadsheets have finally stopped yelling at me every time I open them. It’s like we’re a whole new shelter, Cat.”
I have to bite my lip to hold back my smile. I don’t want Minnie getting any more ideas about how grateful I feel to Nate.
But maybe I won’t hound Nate about the security following me after all. If that’s the price of all these upgrades, it’s beyond worth it. I can’t wait to see how the shelter looks when everything is updated. It’ll probably all be done by the time I get back from New York.
Ugh, how the hell am I going to survive New York?
I’m beyond the point of pretending I’m not attracted to Nate.
Seriously, every day feels like a new form of torture.
Whenever he leans over my desk, I can smell his spicy cologne.
Every time he passes me paperwork, his hand brushes mine, sending sparks under my skin.
Something tells me it’s not just me, either.
If he has a chance to put his hand on my arm or my lower back to guide me, he takes it.
Every touch lingers just a second longer than it has to.
All it takes is a single glance from Nate to make heat gather low in my stomach. I can’t count how many times I’ve rubbed my thighs together, trying to feed my craving for him.
My body feels like a thread stretched too thin. Any second, the tension dripping between us is going to make it snap.
Worst of all, I can’t stop thinking about our kiss. I remembered stripping down and kissing him—but I also remember him pressing me against the wall. The swell of his erection pressing against my core. Maybe he wanted it, too.
If he hadn’t stopped things, what would have happened?
I know I would have pulled him back toward the bed so I could feel the weight of his body on top of mine.
I’m desperate to know how it’d feel to have our bare chests pressed together, our legs tangling.
I’d drag my nails down his back and feel his hard muscles.
Maybe he would have kissed my neck, then gone lower, and—
Stop it, Cat.
You’re only tormenting yourself with these fantasies.
At the end of the day, Nate did stop the kiss. Maybe he hasn’t even thought about it since. God, I wonder if he has any idea what he’s doing to me.
It’s better if he hasn’t. After Minnie’s warning, the last thing I need is for this relationship to get any more complicated than it already is.
Minnie groans. “Oh frick, it’s six already. I was supposed to go help serve dinner.”
“I got it if you want to finish up with the laundry,” I offer.
“You’re a lifesaver! Just yell for me if they need someone extra to put on a hairnet.”
The security guard walks a few yards behind me while I head down to the cafeteria. He’s given up trying to be subtle, I guess.
Grabbing a pair of gloves and a hairnet, I suit up and join my friends, Nikita and Alex, at the food counter.
Tonight, we’ve got roasted chicken with mashed potatoes, steamed green beans, and bread.
Even the food looks like it’s gotten an upgrade—I can tell the veggies are fresh, not frozen, and we’ve got crusty bakery rolls instead of sliced white bread.
As I spoon out mashed potatoes, I wonder if my Dad is staying in a place like this, maybe in Vancouver or Edmonton. If he was still in Toronto, I would have heard about him or run into him by now, with all the time I spend around the homeless population. He must have relocated. Unless, maybe he’s…
I shake my head. I won’t let myself think about it. Dad has to be alive out there, somewhere. If he’s alive, then maybe he can get well enough to come home. I have to believe there’s a way I can apologize for those awful things I said before he left.
Dad’s alive, I think to myself. He has a bed and enough to eat. He’s finding a way to heal himself so he can come back.
It’s the affirmation I always turn too when it feels too real that he could be gone for good, and I repeat it in my head until I can believe it myself.
“What about this one?” Pippa asks, holding up an ivory blazer.
I shake my head and point to the sleeve. “Stained. Looks like red marker.”
She shudders. “God, I hope it’s red marker.”
“What about this?” I show her a long-sleeved burgundy turtleneck dress. “It’s a little big, but I think I could make it work.”
She bites her lip, considering. “It’s cute, but they’re getting a heat wave in New York this week. You’re going to be boiling.”
Sighing, I put the dress back on the rack.
So far, I’ve gotten away with wearing the same black pair of trousers with three rotating blouses when I’m working in Nate’s office.
But for the New York trip, I’m going to need something nicer.
I managed to find a few hours in my schedule and dragged Pippa out to help me shop.
Laura’s Closet is my favorite thrift shop in the city.
Surprisingly, there’s no Laura here. It’s run by an old guy named Paul, who told me he thought people would rather buy clothes from someone named Laura than from him.
The racks fill a whole warehouse in a less fashionable corner of town.
There’s a lot of crap to sort through, but the prices are low, and it feels like I’m on a treasure hunt when I’m shopping.
Pippa reaches the end of her rack. “Nothing. I think we might be out of luck.”
“Don’t give up yet!” I plead. “There has to be something here! There always is, if I look hard enough. Let’s look through the bins.”
I head over to the giant bins of unsorted donations, which are so tall, they come up to my shoulders. I pull over one of the stepstools so I can get a better vantagepoint. Pippa just leans against the side of it, half-heartedly looking through discarded T-shirts.
“Are you sure this trip is a good idea?” she asks. “Isn’t the shelter going to miss you?”
“They can survive without me for a few days.” I don’t mention that Nate just made a huge donation. Pippa’s been suspicious about him from the beginning, and I’m sure she’d tell me he had an ulterior motive. I’m not looking to give her more reasons to distrust him.
“Isn’t it weird that he’s just bringing you? I mean, you just started working for him.”
“I’m his assistant. Who else would he bring? Besides, it’s not like he has to iron out legal details or anything. It’s really just a formality, signing the contract.”
She crosses her arms. “Then why does he need you at all? Does he need a babysitter to sign a paper?”
“Why are you so freaked out about this, Pips? It’s just a normal work trip.”
“Because you’re freaked out about it!” she cries. “You’ve spent three hours dragging me through every corner of this store looking for the perfect outfit. You’ve never cared this much about how you dress. Something’s up about it, I just want to know what.”
She’s right. Of course she is. Pippa always seems to know when something’s off with me. I haven’t told her about kissing Nate, or about the weird, lingering sexual tension between us. So she doesn’t know why I’m nervous.
I have to tell her the truth. Well, at least part of it.
“I’m new at this whole secretary thing. I’ve never had an office job, and I don’t want to do something wrong and make Nate and the company look bad.”
Her face softens. “I’m sure you wouldn’t do that. Yeah, you’ve never worked in an office. But you’ve been a waitress for years, and you know how to talk to customers. It can’t be that different.”
“I guess. I’d just feel more confident if I knew I was wearing the right thing. Something that makes me look professional. Something that’s not obviously secondhand.”
“Then we’ll find you an outfit. If it’s not here, then we’ll use my credit card and get you something new.” Pippa drags up a footstool for herself and grabs clothes out of the bin with new enthusiasm.
Ten minutes later, she gasps theatrically.
“I’ve found it,” she whispers, gently lifting a dress like it’s something fragile and priceless. It’s cornflower blue, with a knee-length skirt, a high square neckline, and thick straps. It’s obviously office-wear, but it doesn’t look stuffy or like it’s trying too hard.
“Let’s see if it fits,” I say cautiously. “It’s definitely a contender.”
“It’ll fit,” she gloats. “It’s perfect. You’re welcome in advance.”
“We’ll see.” I take the dress from her and head for the changing rooms.
Sliding the curtain closed behind me, I peel off my sweater and jeans.
I slip the dress over my head and examine myself in the mirror.
I look…different. More elegant than I usually do, in my practical secondhand outfits.
I pull my hair up, liking the way my face and neck look against the blue fabric.
I can’t help but wonder what Nate might think of it. He obviously puts a ton of thought into his clothes, with his elegant ties and shining watches. Is this the kind of dress he’d want to see me in?
“Well?” Pippa chirps from behind the curtain. “Was I right? Are you gorgeous?”
“Maybe I am,” I murmur, imagining Nate standing next to me, wearing a navy-blue suit and a matching cornflower blue tie.
I quickly reach back for the zipper. I can’t let my fantasies go beyond the sartorial, or I really am going to mess up this trip.