Chapter 22 – cat
CAT
Pippa
Got any plans for Thanksgiving?
Mom and my stepdad are jetting to Bali, if you wanna come over.
We can order take-out and watch something stupid on Sequel.
Iglance at Pippa’s texts as I walk back to my apartment. Normally, I’d be thrilled at her offer to save my Thanksgiving. But right now, I can’t shake the irrational suspicion that she doesn’t really want me there.
I’ve been feeling off ever since I met Nate’s mom. Eleanor didn’t just get me to doubt our relationship. She has me doubting myself. Suddenly, I’m asking myself if I’m good enough for anyone’s affection.
All through my shift at the shelter today, that doubt hung over me.
Every smile from the residents left me with the nagging feeling that they were just being polite.
When Minnie gave me a bear hug and thanked me for all my hard work, I wanted to dissolve into a puddle on the floor.
Doesn’t she know I don’t deserve her praise?
If she knew the things I said to my Dad, would she even be able to look at me the same way?
I pull my coat tighter around myself and walk faster. I need to get home. After a long hot shower, I’ll curl up under the covers and go to sleep early. If I’m lucky, I won’t even dream.
Luckily, I’ve been able to avoid Nate since our canceled date. He’s texted me a number of times, but I haven’t even read them. I don’t know what would be worse—if he was angry at me for blowing him off, or kind and concerned.
I almost wish he’d be angry. That would make it easier for me to forget how good it felt when he took care of me. How he helped me get out of my head.
Technically, I don’t have to read his messages, even for work.
UPS gave its employees a few days off for Thanksgiving, and the timing couldn’t be better.
There’s always an uptick of hungry people at the shelter this time of year, and I was happy to go in and help prep for the holiday dinner.
It’s a better distraction than moping in my apartment.
I turn onto my block, digging in my purse for my keys. The company that bought my building gave me a new set of keys for the brand-new industrial strength locks. It’s nice to be able to open my own door without having to jiggle the handle just right.
When I flip on the lights, I’m hit with a wave of pink.
My apartment has been taken over by flowers. Vases of pink peony tulips are crammed into every spare corner. I can barely get the door open, thanks to the ridiculous amount of flowers. It’s like some crazy fairy waved her wand and peony-fied my whole place.
“What the hell?” I yelp.
Just then, my phone rings. I pick up immediately, hoping someone’s calling with an explanation.
“Hello, this is Sylvia from Sommers Property Management. Have I reached Caitlin Daniels?”
“Yeah, hi, that’s me.” I drop my purse on the ground, carefully avoiding the peony tulips at my feet.
“I’m calling to let you know that your building super let a delivery person into your apartment.”
I look around at my personal greenhouse. “You don’t say.”
“Sorry about that. The delivery was too large, and would have blocked off the hallway otherwise.”
“It’s fine. Thanks for letting me know.”
I’m not thrilled that my super let himself into my place, but what can I do? I’m almost positive who the flowers are from, and if Nate didn’t get my super to let him in, he would have found another way. Probably sent in a team of expert flower delivery ninjas or something.
I have no idea how Nate knew these ones were my favorite. I threw out the flowers I brought him a few blocks from the building. If I were still speaking to him, I’d call him a stalker.
There’s a narrow path from the door to the kitchen table. I take a seat, careful not to knock over any of the flowers. There’s a note waiting there for me, in the same spiky handwriting.
I’m sorry. Can we try again? Thanksgiving dinner at my place? I’ll take care of everything. All you need to do is be there. -Nate
Hope blooms in my chest. Even after I blew him off without an explanation, he’s still trying.
I wonder if his mother mentioned our conversation. Maybe he has no idea that she verbally eviscerated me at his apartment.
Either way, that doesn’t make the things she said about me not true.
If it gets out that Nate’s screwing his assistant, one who is totally unqualified for the job, it’ll make him look terrible.
Nobody will care that he offered me the job out of kindness, or that I worked hard as hell to deserve it.
It’ll just look like I seduced him into a tawdry affair.
I know how important UPS is to him. I can’t let him put his business in danger like that just for me.
Right when I’ve made up my mind to decline his invitation, my phone dings. I swear, it’s like Nate has a chip implanted in my brain that tells him when I’m thinking about him.
Nate
No pressure.
If it were anyone else spending thousands of dollars on flowers for me, there would be pressure. But for Nate, the cost is nothing. He didn’t send so many bouquets to overwhelm me or bribe me. He did it to show me how serious he is. By now, I know he’s not a man of words—he’s a man of action.
Groaning, I lay my head in my hands on the table.
My elbow bumps into a vase, almost knocking them over.
I should probably throw them all out, but some part of me just can’t bear to.
It’s the closest thing I’ve gotten to a declaration of his feelings that I’ve gotten from Nate.
With the flowers, he extended a hand and left himself vulnerable.
Picking up my phone, I dial the number before I can talk myself out of it. After a few rings, Pippa picks up.
“Hey, Cat! Did you get my text about Thanksgiving?”
I lean back on the couch. “I did, but I got another invitation, and I’m not sure if I should take it.”
“Oh, yeah? Are you thinking about going to your Mom’s this year?” I can tell how careful her tone is. We both have complicated relationships with our mothers, and it can be hard not to project our own feelings.
“She asked me, but no. It’s something else. Nate actually invited me on a date.”
She’s silent for a moment. “I can’t say I’m completely surprised. He’s been circling you for a while now. So, what are you going to say?”
“I don’t know, Pippa. I like him. Too much. But our relationship couldn’t go anywhere.”
“Why not?”
“He’s my boss. And we just wouldn’t be good for each other.”
She sighs. “Look, I know I told you to look out for him because he’s not into commitment. But from everything you’ve told me, he hasn’t acted like that with you. I mean, he torpedoed that huge deal just because some CEO was a jackass to you. That’s something I would do.”
I grin. “You probably would have punched the guy, too. Nate has a little more self-restraint.”
“Obviously, I’d fully approve of this crush if he decked the guy,” Pippa says, making my cheeks heat.
I haven’t told her yet about things getting physical with Nate, just about the business trip, the dinner at the office, and my stupid fight with Eleanor.
It’s not that I want to hide it from her—it’s just easier to downplay my feelings if she only knows half the story.
“I thought you hated Nate,” I say.
“I didn’t hate him. I just didn’t trust him. And now that I’ve seen how he’s treated you…I don’t know, Cat. Maybe he actually has good intentions.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about,” I admit. “We’re from such different worlds. He has all this money and access that I don’t know the first thing about. I’m scared that I’ll embarrass him, and maybe…maybe I’m not good enough for him.”
“Stop that,” Pippa says fiercely. “He’d be lucky to have you. You’re gorgeous, sweet, and funny. You make everything better with your crazy optimism. The only thing he has that you don’t is money, and money doesn’t make anyone a better person. Just look at my stepdad and Ryan.”
The brewing anxiety that’s been whirling around my head starts to slow. If only I could see myself the way Pippa sees me, I’d probably be a lot happier. “So you think I should go for it with Nate?”
“You’re the only person who can decide that. All I’m saying is, you doubting yourself isn’t a good enough reason not to date him. Because he would be lucky to have you, and I’m pretty sure he knows it.”
“Thanks.” My voice comes out thick with emotion. “I needed that.”
“I’m still stabbing him in the eyes with a spork if he hurts you.”
“I’ll hold you to that.”
Pippa and I chat a little more about how her job at the magazine is going, and when I hang up, I know what I have to do.
There’s no guarantee things with Nate will work out. But I’m going to regret it if I stop myself from trying. I shoot him a text.
Cat
Are you sure this is a good idea?
He answers immediately.
Nate
No.
I laugh. When you get to know him, Nate reveals this dry sense of humor I can’t get enough of.
Cat
That’s reassuring.
Nate
Say you’ll come.
I can picture his gray eyes, fixed on his own phone, hoping I’ll say yes. Suddenly, I can’t bear the idea of letting him down.
Cat
Okay. I will.
I stare at the screen, watching while dots appear and disappear on Nate’s end. Finally, they stop altogether. Whatever Nate was about to say, he obviously thought better of it.