13. Tyler
THIRTEEN
TYLER
I shouldn’t be even mildly surprised that Xander would break up with a woman on Christmas Eve. Through text . Yet here I am, stumbling down the hall in shock, carrying a T-shirt and the smallest pair of sweats I could find.
He broke up with Ava.
Ava’s single.
Neither of those facts should cause this kind of tightening in my chest. Her relationship status has no bearing on my life. She has no bearing on my life.
Except she’s Josie’s favorite person, and my kids’ happiness is all that matters to me.
The three of them are the center of my universe.
That truth is why I’m in a rush to get back to her.
“Where are you going?” Brayden calls from his bedroom at the top of the stairs.
I stop in my tracks and peer over my shoulder.
For a breath or two, I consider concocting some story, playing off why Ava is here.
But I quickly think better of it. The first night Brayden’s mom chose a bar over coming home, I promised him the truth.
Swore he could trust me to tell him where she was, where I was.
Guaranteed that he could trust my word. That I wouldn’t sugarcoat the difficult stuff.
So I turn on my heel, clothes still in my hand, and stop in his doorway.
“Xander left without telling Ava while she was tucking Josie in. I’m not really sure what’s going on with them, but I told her she could stay tonight, so I’m bringing her clothes.”
“Dick,” Bray mutters, his focus split between me and his phone, where he’s been watching game highlights all night.
I glare at him. “Language.”
“You know you’re thinking the same thing.”
It takes more strength than I’d like to admit to fight back a smile and force seriousness into my tone. “You okay with her joining us for Christmas morning?”
Lowering his focus to his phone completely, he shrugs. “It’s your house. Invite whoever you want.”
“It’s your house too.” I step into the room and duck, forcing him to look at me. “This will always be your room. I will always be here for you, and I’ll always take your feelings into consideration. So if you’re uncomfortable with something, tell me.”
Bray runs his tongue over his lips, his eyes fixed on the wall behind me. There are a few Bolts posters on it and a jersey from last season signed by all the players. It was his birthday present. I’ve never seen the kid so excited.
It’s the opposite of how he’s trying to appear right now. Though I know it’s all an act. “Cool,” he says simply.
I raise a brow and tilt my head so I’m in his field of vision. “So? Is it okay if she stays?”
Going for nonchalant but not quite hitting the mark, he replies, “Yeah, she’s nice. And she makes Josie happy.”
I hook him around the neck and pull him into my chest, not letting go until he wraps his arms around me and gives me a real hug. “You’re a good big brother.”
When he pulls back, his lips are lifted in a genuine smile. Like me, Bray fell hard for Josie. It’s impossible not to love that little girl. Just like it’s impossible not to love this kid. “Thanks, Tyler.”
I squeeze his shoulder and back toward the doorway. “Always. Get some sleep. Tomorrow’s gonna be a busy day, and the girls will have us up early, I’m sure.”
With a laugh, he shakes his head. “Yeah, don’t stay up too late with your pretty friend.”
I roll my eyes. “She’s not my friend.”
“Yeah, yeah. We all know you love collecting strays. Someone left her behind, so you’ll find a place for her. You always do.”
A little stunned by his assessment, I head down the steps.
Collecting strays? Is that what he thinks? Is that really what I do?
Downstairs, Ava is sitting on the hearth, inspecting the Christmas tree.
She glows in the light of the fire, her hair looking almost golden.
For a second, I study her, take her in as she is, rather than as the woman I call Vicious .
Rather than the quiet woman she has the world believing she is.
In this moment, I think I’m seeing the real her for the first time since the day I found her dancing in the studio off the gym.
I’m getting a glimpse of the warmth. The depth.
Even as she smiles while perusing the ornaments, she emanates sadness.
And fuck if I don’t ache to know what’s caused it.
Not because I want to use it against her.
But because I hate seeing her struggle.
And because I recognize that bone-deep sadness that comes from loneliness after loss.
Clutching the pile of clothes to my chest, I shake the ridiculous thoughts from my mind. She’s not a stray. She doesn’t need my help. She doesn’t need fixing.
Tomorrow she’ll go back to her life, and the girls will circle her like they always do. They’ll lift her up, and eventually, she’ll find a man worthy of her. Xander definitely wasn’t, and I’m not foolish enough to believe I ever could be.
“Got clothes for you.”
She swivels, slapping a hand to her chest, as if I’ve startled her.
I hold the clothes out, rooted to the spot, chastising myself for the thoughts I allowed to float through my mind. For pretending I have any clue who this woman really is.
She lets out a slow breath and a quiet “thank you,” but makes no move to stand. Instead, she straightens, her body stiffening and her eyes roving the room, like maybe she doesn’t know what to do with me here. Like maybe she’s uncomfortable.
Why wouldn’t she be? I have done everything in my power for the last two years to make her life miserable. Showing up late, ignoring her, taunting her.
Since I’m to blame for her discomfort, I make the first move. “You up for a drink before bed?”
“Um.” She remains focused on her hands in her lap for a moment, but when she lifts her head, she gives it a nod. “Yeah, I could have a drink.”
“Wine?”
“You got any good bourbon?”
I bite back a grin. It’s not the first time she’s surprised me tonight. I’m about to make a list of all the things I’ve gotten wrong. “Yeah, I think I’ve got something you’ll like.”
In my office, I set the sweats and T-shirt on my desk, then pick up two tumblers and the bottle of James Whiskey I picked up the day I came across this house.
I put an offer in on a whim after I discovered it on my way home from one of Bray’s hockey games.
It was dark, and I got lost in the area.
Or maybe I was found. Though I’m not sure I believe in that shit.
Either way, I ended up in front of this house, and the moment I saw the for-sale sign, I knew it would be where I could give Brayden and Josie a better life.
Maybe make a better life for myself too.
And god did I want that.
I went to the liquor store, bought this bottle, and told myself I could open it once the house was officially mine.
That’s the only time I’ve had a drink from it. But tonight feels like the right time to have another. And no, I don’t want to dig into the reason behind it or why I’m sharing it with Ava.
I settle on the bricks beside her and hold out the glasses for her to take. Once I’ve poured two fingers into each, I set the bottle on the floor and take one glass from her. “Merry Christmas.”
With a coy smile, she taps her glass to mine. “Merry Christmas.”
I watch her take a small sip, expecting her to cough. Instead, she hums appreciatively. Damn. That small sound only adds to the many layers of Ava.
“Can I ask you something?”
I nod.
“What made you want to adopt Josie?”
I rough a hand over my face. “How could I not want to? She deserves the world. How her mother could walk away, her foster parents too, blows my mind. It hurts, knowing they did it, but honestly?” I worry she’ll use this next part against me if I don’t get the wording right, but I go for it anyway.
“I’m not even angry that they abandoned her. ”
Like I expected, she scoffs, but I don’t let her get a word in before I continue.
“You know why? Because she deserves better than anyone who would leave. But I do feel bad for them. They’re missing out on one hell of a little girl.
” I look around the room, cataloging all the shit I never had as a kid.
“And I have the resources to take care of her. What’s the point of having all this, of working so hard, if I can’t use what I’ve got to help other people?
If I don’t have someone to share it all with?
” With my forearms on my thighs, I swirl my glass between my knees.
“Maybe it’s not enough, but I love her. So yeah, maybe it’s selfish, but I want to adopt her because I want to be the one who does it all for her. I want to be her dad.”
When I finally turn to look at her, I’m not sure what I expect, but it’s not this.
In the light of the Christmas tree, her green eyes are deep and full of understanding.
She takes another sip of her drink as if she’s really considering my words, then gives me a soft smile.
“That’s a really good answer.” She shakes her head, and then her eyes seem to dance around the living room again.
“And you’re giving her all of it. I’ve got to admit, I couldn’t wrap my head around you being the one to adopt her. ”
I smirk. “Admit it, you still can’t.”
She giggles as she brings her lowball glass to her lips.
After another long sip, she lets out a slow breath.
“Only because I wish it could be me.” The admission is so quiet I almost miss it, and a heartbeat later, she blinks away the look of longing that’s come over her.
“Sorry, I think the alcohol is going to my head.”
“Don’t do that.” I straighten. “I like when you’re honest with me. When you’re a little vicious, even.”
Her smile grows. “I swear it only happens around you.”