Chapter Four #2
A laugh rings out from the stands—Vivi's laugh.
The sound wraps around me like a vice grip.
This attraction, this pull toward her … it's dangerous.
I'm barely holding it together between proving myself to the Hawkeyes, managing my injuries, and trying to raise a pre-teen who barely knew me when the courts handed her over.
I spent most of her life deployed, and the rest living with the guilt that I left Tommy with our parents.
He was sixteen when I walked away, choosing the Army over staying to protect him.
Despite that, he ended up becoming a NASA engineer.
His wife was a labor and delivery nurse.
They were giving Adeline everything I couldn't give Tommy—stability, safety, love—until a drunk driver ended both their lives in an instant.
Adeline was with a sitter that night… Thank God for small mercies.
The last thing Vivi needs is a broken ex-soldier who has to watch YouTube videos to figure out how to do a French braid and who's already dreading the eventual period talk and tampon purchases.
She deserves someone whole. Someone who can give her the life she was meant to have, not drag her down into my mess.
But when I look up again and catch her watching me, those dark eyes intense and curious, it takes everything I have to look away.
The way she bites her lower lip, leaving a perfect indent in the glossy pink…
Christ. I want to taste that lip, to feel it quiver with excitement against my tongue, feel her body melt into mine when I take her mouth.
"Hart!" Kaenan's sharp voice snaps me back. "You want to call that offside or what?"
Right. Coaching. Focus.
I blow my whistle and wave the kids back. "Reset at the blue line."
Adeline shoots me a look as she skates past. The same look Tommy used to give me when I was being an idiot. Which, these days, seems to be most of the time.
"You're distracted," she says during a water break, skating up to the boards where I'm standing. Her cheeks are flushed from exertion, hair escaping her low ponytail under her helmet.
"Am I that obvious?"
She grins, a smile that almost looks like Sarah's—her mother. "Only to everyone with eyes."
Sometimes I forget she's only nine. She's too perceptive for her own good.
"Watch your smart mouth," I say, but there's no heat in it. "How about you focus on your passing instead of my coaching?"
"How about you focus on coaching instead of staring at Vivi?"
Jesus. When did she get so bold? "That's enough out of you. Get back on the ice."
She shrugs, taking a long pull from her water bottle. "I still think I was right."
"Right about what?"
"What I told her in the car. After you picked me up from ballet." Her eyes sparkle with mischief. "About you two running away together."
A spark floods through my veins at the memory. Vivi in the back seat, that massive dress taking up half my SUV, looking at me like I was her salvation instead of just the sorry bastard who happened to be in the right place at the right time.
"You told her what?" My voice comes out rougher than intended.
"That you two should get married instead. That she could live in our new house with the pool, and Berkeley and I could be cousins." She says it like it's the most logical thing in the world. "She's pretty. And she makes you smile. Like, really smile."
The observation knocks the wind out of me. Sometimes I forget how much she sees, how much she understands.
"It's complicated, kiddo."
"Adults always say that when they're scared."
I stop, staring down at this tiny piece of Tommy who somehow got his wisdom along with his eyes. "When did you get so smart?"
"I've always been smart. You're just slow." She grins up at me. "Like how you didn't notice Vivi couldn't stop watching you during practice."
My heart stutters. "She was watching the kids."
"Sure she was." She skates backward, a smirk that almost looks like mine across her lips. Great, now she's picking up my mannerisms. "Can we get pizza after?"
The subject change gives me whiplash. "Don't push your luck."
But as she rejoins the scrimmage, her words echo in my head. Vivi is watching me. The thought sends heat crawling up my neck.
"Ten minutes," Kaenan calls out. "Let's finish strong."
I focus on the kids, on correcting form and calling plays. Anything to keep my eyes from drifting back to the stands. But I feel her presence like a physical pull, drawing my attention no matter how hard I fight it.
When I finally give in and look up again, her seat is empty.
The sight shouldn't hit me as hard as it does. What was I expecting? That she'd wait around after practice? That she'd want to talk to the guy who couldn't even check on her after rescuing her from her own wedding?
"She had some kind of emergency," Kaenan says, reading my expression. "Apparently, running from your wedding creates some PR headaches."
Right. Because Vivi isn't just some woman who climbed into my car. She's Vivi Newport, CEO of Newport Staffing Solutions. The woman who turned a college nanny service into a multimillion-dollar empire. Who was about to merge with Holiday Industries before she left their golden boy at the altar.
"She doesn't need my complications," I mutter, more to myself than him.
"Maybe you should let her decide that." He pauses, studying me. "But it might be just as well."
I toss a stray puck into the bucket. "What do you mean?"
"I heard Genevieve Holiday hasn't stopped calling. Neither has the head of her board of directors. I'm not so sure that the whole thing is as wrapped up as it appears."
"You think she's going back to him?" The words taste bitter.
He shrugs. "I was at the wedding, standing with the groomsmen.
When the planner raced up the aisle and told Mrs. Holiday that Vivi was gone.
She looked more pissed than heartbroken when she found out.
She told everyone it was postponed, not cancelled.
I guess that's to be expected with your marriage being arranged. "
Something cold settles in my gut. "What kind of arrangement are we talking about?"
"The kind where both parties have something to gain." He claps my shoulder. "Look, you're a good guy, Hart. A guy who gave up everything to serve his country. Who stepped up to raise his niece without hesitation. Who fought his way back onto the ice when everyone said he couldn't."
I look away, uncomfortable with the praise. "Anyone would have done that."
"But they didn't. You did." His voice softens. "Just something to think about."
Before I can respond, Adeline emerges from the locker room, her hockey bag dragging behind her. "Ready!"
The drive home is quiet, but my mind is racing. Vivi's empty seat haunts me, along with Kaenan's words about the Holidays. The thought of her going back to that carefully arranged life, to that polished bastard who probably never had to fight for anything in his life…
"You should text her," Adeline says suddenly.
"What?"
"Vivi. You should text her."
I grip the steering wheel tighter. "I don't have her number."
"Isla does."
"Drop it, Adeline."
She's quiet for a moment, then adds, "Dad would want you to be happy."
That gets my attention. Tommy always did know how to get through my defenses, and apparently his daughter inherited that talent.
"I am happy," I lie.
"No, you're surviving." She kicks her feet against the dashboard. "There's a difference."
Christ. I can’t believe this is what we’re talking about on the drive back from practice.
"Since when do you know so much about happiness?"
She shrugs. "Since I saw how Mom and Dad were together. How Isla and Kaenan are. That's what I want for you."
My throat tightens. "It's not that simple."
"Only because you make it complicated." She pulls out her phone—when did she get so tech-savvy? "I can ask Berkeley to ask her mom for Vivi's number."
"Adeline." My warning tone has zero effect.
"Or we could go to Berkeley's birthday party next weekend. Vivi will be there."
I forgot about the party. Shit. I almost forgot…again.
"You're worse than your father, you know that?"
She grins. "Thanks."
We pull into our driveway, but I sit there for a moment, engine idling.
The house looms before us---three bedrooms, two baths, and about a thousand reminders of how inadequate I am at this whole guardian thing.
I bought it last month to honor my brother's wishes in his trust that Adeline grow up in a house and not a broken down bus on the edge of town like we did.
And with it only being a few blocks from Kaenan's house, we've spent more and more time with them, giving Adeline some sense of family that I can't seem to give her myself.
But I didn’t use any of the life insurance money that Tommy had in place to buy a house for her to live in. I bought the house with my own money and put every penny of the funds Tommy left for Adeline into a trust that she can access when she’s thirty.
Providing for her isn’t a hardship—it’s a privilege. My brother and his wife picked me. There had to be a reason for that.
Besides, living in The Commons with all the other single players wasn't exactly the best place for her to grow up.
Parties all hours of the night, women coming and going.
She needs more of a "normal" life for a kid—aka, the gated suburbs that the Altman's call home and a lot of other retired Hawkeyes players that started families here.
"Uncle Trey?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for coaching my team."
A small smile stretches across my lips, and I nod.
"I'm glad we have something we can do together," I tell her. "Now get inside, squirt. Pizza, homework, shower, and then bed. We'll go get her a present after tomorrow’s morning skate."
She grabs the pizza and races to the house to dodge the rain and then inputs the key code and walks inside.
I hope that Tommy and Sarah are watching like I told her they are…and that they don't regret leaving me with the very best thing either of them ever made.