Chapter Six #3
I open the passenger door of my SUV, and the memory of her wedding dress taking up the whole backseat hits us both.
A look of discomfort flashes over her expression as she climbs in and glances to the back seat as if she remembers the moment too.
The smell of her perfume lingered in my car for at least a week, and every time I got in, I'd get an endorphin hit and then check my backseat as if she might still be there. Of course, she wasn't.
The drive starts quiet, but it's not uncomfortable. She gives me directions to her condo downtown, and I try not to focus on how close she is in the enclosed space. Or how my jacket looks wrapped around her shoulders. Or how easy it would be to reach over and drape my hand over her thigh.
"You're different from what most of your fans would expect," she says suddenly.
I glance at her. "That's because they don't know me."
"That's true, I guess." She turns slightly in her seat to face me. "They only see you on the ice. Everyone talks about your service in the military and how intense you are as a player. How focused you are all the time. And the tattoos…"
"What about the tattoos?" I ask.
"They just give you that hard edge," she quickly tries to cover it up as if she just insulted me, which she didn't. "I mean, they're sexy as hell but—"
"Sexy as hell?" I ask. Fuck yeah…now we're getting somewhere. "Do you find them sexy, Vivi Ann?"
"Hey…how do you know my full name? I only ever go by Vivi."
"It's in your CEO profile on Newport Staffing's website," I say, knowing I just gave myself away that I stalked her online. "I might have looked you up once." Or twice.
"Oh really?" A mischievous smile flashes across her face.
I just shrug. "Maybe. But let's get back to the part where you called me edgy, mean, and sexy."
She laughs. "You weren't going to let me sidestep that, were you?"
"Nope." I say simply.
"I was just saying that people think they know who you are when they watch you on the ice, but with Adeline …" She trails off, studying my profile.
"But with Adeline…?" I prompt.
"You're gentle. Patient." Her voice softens. "It's a nice surprise."
The words hit something deep in my chest. "I'm trying. Most days I have no idea what the hell I'm doing."
"I think that's normal for any parent."
"I'm not her parent though." The admission is still painful to think about.
Tommy and his wife should be responsible for how she is brought up…
not me. With the years I had put into the service, I never had a serious girlfriend.
Before Adeline came around, I thought that there was a good possibility that I would never have kids of my own.
The fear of raising kids the way that my parents raised us…
that was enough to make me believe that me not being a father was a good thing.
But now that I have Adeline, I'm having a harder time understanding how my parents could have treated us the way that they did.
"I'm just the uncle who got custody because there was no one else. "
"You're more than that." Her hand touches my arm briefly, and warmth spreads from the point of contact. "I've seen you with her. You're exactly what she needs."
We pull up to her building, and I kill the engine. The silence stretches between us, charged with something that feels like it's been there since the first time we met—at least from my side of things.
"I'll walk you up," I say, already opening my door.
She doesn't argue, just leads the way to her front steps.
The security light casts shadows across her face as she turns to face me.
I don't like that she doesn't have a door man or a barbed wire fence with a moat filled with sharks with lasers on their heads, but those aren't the decisions I get to make.
I'm not on her security team … though I sure as shit should be.
"Thank you for the ride." She starts to shrug off my jacket.
"Keep it," I say, because the idea of her handing it back to me feels wrong. "It's cold."
She pulls it tighter around herself instead, and the sight of her wrapped in my clothes does something primal to my system. Like I'd give her everything I own in this world if she simply asked me for it.
"Trey…" she starts, then stops.
I step closer, unable to help myself. She tilts her face up to mine, and for one single moment, I let myself imagine closing that distance.
Pulling her into me to taste those perfect lips that I've been craving for eight months.
Pushing her up against her front door, wrapping her legs around my waist, and grinding into her to show her exactly what she does to me.
How fucking bad I want her, in every way that I know will only leave her with regrets when one day she wakes up and realizes that she settled for me.
That she could have had better. She could have had someone with a pedigree like Jameson Holiday.
She inputs the code on the side of the door, and as soon as the lock disengages, I lean forward and grip the door handle to open it for her.
But then, without warning, Vivi's lips plaster against mine, her fingers sliding up to my hair and tangling in them.
Pulling me closer to her. I go willingly like a sheep to slaughter.
Letting her have whatever she wants of me.
Sweet, soft—she's every fucking thing I knew she would be.
Did she misread me reaching for the door? I don't give a shit right now because this woman just made my dreams come true.
I hook my free hand around her waist and pull her against me. A small moan passes through her lips, and then she releases my mouth and looks up at me with sex drunken eyes…up until she glances over and sees my hand on the doorknob.
"Oh no," she says instantly, covering her face, but I don't let go. I keep her pulled against my chest. "You were only opening the door. Oh my God, I read that wrong. I'm so embarrassed."
If I had known she would have thought I didn't want to kiss her, I would have let go of that damn doorknob. How does she not know that she just made my night with that kiss?
Scratch that, correction. She made my fucking life.
"Jesus, no… Vivi," I say, releasing the doorknob to pull her hand from her face. "I wasn't going to make an assumption that I could kiss you. But trust me, if I thought I had an opening tonight, fuck, Vivi… I'd…" I stop, I shouldn't go there, especially with the fucking engagement ring mocking me.
"You'd what?" she asks, her eyes pinging between mine, searching for something. "You'd do what, Trey?"
"We'd already be halfway to your bedroom, and you'd already be naked."
She takes in a sharp breath, her eyes dilating. Yeah, baby, you like that, don't you?
"What's stopping you?" she asks.
Besides the fact that you're not the kind of woman I can do a one-night stand with and the fact that I don't want to be the man you regret years down the line when you realize that a lifetime of childhood abandonment and trauma, mixed with fifteen years in the service seeing things that you can never imagine, means that I have a gaping hole missing from the man I should be.
The fact that I'm not a whole person like Jameson Holiday.
And if she has any shot left to salvage a relationship with the billionaire, I'll never live with myself if I stand between them.
"You’re wearing his ring again," I say, straight to the point.
Reality crashes back in. I step back, releasing the rest of my grip around her, creating distance between us.
“This isn’t what it looks like. Genevieve Holiday asked me to wear it out in public. There’s so much you don’t know.”
"Even still. Sleeping with me would be a mistake. One that I won't let you make."
"You're not a mistake, Trey."
But I know better than she does. I would be, and that's not something I can live with. Not with her. "Goodnight, Vivi."
I turn to leave, already berating myself for letting this go too far. For wanting something I can't have.
"Wait!" she calls after me.
I pause at the bottom of her steps, not turning around. I can't look at her right now or I'll do something stupid like kiss her anyway. Like pick her up and find the nearest surface to show her how easily I could make her come for me.
"I could help," she says quickly. "With Adeline."
That makes me turn. "What?"
"I mean, I'm technically between jobs right now. And Adeline already knows me …" She's rambling slightly, which is oddly endearing. "I could fill in until you find someone permanent."
I stare at her, wrapped in my jacket, trying to process what she's offering. "You want to be Adeline's nanny?"
"Is that crazy?"
Yes. Absolutely insane. Having her around constantly, in my house, with Adeline … it would be torture.
"You're overqualified," I say instead.
"Maybe." She takes a step toward me, stopping at the edge of her steps.
"But I'm also available. And I care about Adeline, which I know is one of your biggest concerns.
I can do overnights and long hours and away games.
I can make sure she makes it to hockey practice and ballet class and piano lessons.
And…" she hesitates. And then I realize that Vivi knows Adeline almost better than anyone I could hope to care for her.
"Maybe we both need a distraction right now. "
A distraction. Right. Because in less than two months, she has to make a decision that could cost her.
I should say no. I should walk away now before this gets complicated. Before I agree to something just to selfishly keep her close.
Instead, I hear myself say, "When can you start?"
Her smile is like sunshine breaking through clouds. "Tomorrow?"
I nod once, sharply. "I'll text you my address."
"You don't have my number."
"Right." I pull out my phone, trying to ignore how having Vivi's phone number gives me access to calling her, texting her. All things I should stay away from. From here on out, I need to keep it as professional as possible…for Adeline's sake—for Vivi's sake—and fuck, for my mental sanity too.
She puts her number in and hands it back. Our fingers brush slightly. Every touch with her makes me want more.
"Goodnight, Trey," she says softly.
I watch her disappear inside, still wearing my jacket. Then I lean against my SUV, letting out a long breath.
What the hell have I just agreed to?