Chapter 2
Gavin
COMA—CAUSED BY PENIS
PRESENT
“…Happy birthday dear Lily, happy birthday to you.”
Lily leans forward, her face glowing with excitement as she blows out all seven candles in one determined breath.
Seven.
My daughter is seven.
Where the hell did the time go?
It feels like yesterday she fit in my arms like a loaf of bread—small, fragile, and somehow powerful enough to scare the shit out of me.
If I’m honest, that fear never really left. I’ve just gotten better at living with it.
“Dad!” Lily shouts while wielding a cake knife through the air. “Chocolate or vanilla?”
I stand and approach the table, tossing my daughter a knowing look.
“Is that even a question? Chocolate, obviously.”
She smiles, a toothy grin that looks especially goofy with her two front bottom teeth missing. Using the finesse only a seven-year-old could manage, she serves me up. My sister Ariana is supervising, making sure Lily doesn't slice a finger off.
“Here you go.” She hands me a plate with two heaping slices and before I can pick up my fork, she’s sucking the chocolate frosting off her finger with a loud pop while droplets of water fall from the tips of her braided pigtails.
She’s soaked from head to toe, having spent most of the party in the pool.
“Bear, why don’t you let your aunt finish up slicing the cake? The birthday girl should not be doing manual labor at her own party.”
Though what I’m saying is true, I’m mostly trying to keep germy kid spit and dirty chlorine water from contaminating the cake.
Lily looks deep in thought for a moment before dropping everything with a loud clatter to the table. “You’re right!” She tosses a braid over her shoulder. “I shouldn’t be doing any of this. I need to mingle with my guests. It’s not good hosting etiquette!”
She hops away, arms swinging as she strides over to her friends, who look like they’re about to attack the unicorn bounce house.
“You sure she’s not turning seventy? Where the hell did she even hear the word etiquette?” Ariana laughs, looking baffled.
“It’s her ballet teacher. She’s been teaching the kids ‘proper etiquette,’” I make air quotes before taking a bite.
I’d much rather Lily be out playing in dirt piles and running around in the yard.
I’m trying to let her stay a free-spirited kid for as long as possible.
But along with being an absolute wild child, she also loves to dance.
And with Red Mountain having limited options, I’m stuck dealing with the stuffy teacher.
Speaking of the stuffy teacher, she appears before me—as if I summoned her with nothing more than a thought.
“Gavin,” Kathleen starts, enunciating my name in an accent I still can’t place—sometimes vaguely British, sometimes Boston. Either way, I’m ninety percent sure it’s fake, given she’s from Red Mountain. “Do you need help with anything? I’m happy to lend a hand. I’m great with my hands.” She winks.
Ariana snorts while I plaster on a grin, trying to not come off as rude.
Kathleen has always been very friendly. I can handle friendly. I prefer friendly. Unfortunately, friendly soon turned into overly friendly, which turned into flirting. I don’t do flirting—especially not with someone who has a relationship with my daughter.
“We’ve got plenty of hands, but thank you.” I step back a half-pace to put air between us. “Please—enjoy the party.”
Her smile wavers slightly before she conjures it back up. “Alright then, but if you need anything, come find me.”
Instead of leaving immediately, like I hoped she would, she lingers—staring at me with an odd expression before lifting her pointy, manicured fingers to brush her hand over my chest.
“You have some crumbs.”
Somehow, I doubt that.
Resisting the instant recoil she caused, I clear my throat, stepping away another few inches. “I think I heard Lily calling me.” My voice pitches high and panicked, but I can’t find it in myself to care. “Be right back!”
I swear Ariana cackles as I dart away.
Usually, if I play dumb long enough, most women give up. But not Kathleen—it’s getting harder and harder to keep up the oblivious act. I could be honest, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Or worse—hurt her feelings and have Lily pay the price.
This is exactly why I have a firm rule against dating or getting involved with local women. You never know what someone’s capable of—how low they’ll stoop to hurt you, even if it means using a child to do it.
So I do what I have to. Play the part. Be the nice guy. The reliable one. The responsible eldest son. Dutiful dad. The PTA room parent coordinator. Whatever protects the life I’ve built for Lily—even if it means putting my own needs last.
And right now, that means avoiding Kathleen before I say something I can’t take back. I bypass the bounce house where Lily is (and where she definitely didn’t just call out for me) and head for the deck, where my brothers are gathered and I can stay out of sight.
“What’s with you?” Shane asks, smirking like the little shit he is. My youngest brother—with his mess of hair and inked-up arms—is clearly enjoying that, for once, it’s not his disaster we’re dealing with.
“Kathleen.” No further explanation is required. Both Shane and Ethan are well aware of her.
Shane laughs. “Just fuck her already. She’s hot. I don’t get what the big deal is. Maybe if you don’t give her your A-game, she’ll move on.”
“Is that your current strategy? Leaving women unsatisfied?”
Shane scoffs looking almost offended as he swipes my flimsy plate of cake away for himself. I let it go without a fight, my appetite diminished.
“Fuck no. I’ve got a reputation to uphold.”
Ethan’s face scrunches, clearly disgusted by Shane. “Tell her you’re not interested. She’ll get over it.”
Ethan is very matter-of-fact—he’s pragmatic.
It’s one of the reasons he’s the CEO of our family’s winery instead of me.
Turning down the role I was essentially born to take on after our dad announced his sudden retirement is the first and only time I’ve ever pushed back against my family’s expectations.
I didn’t like doing that—doing that to Ethan, who stepped up instead—but Lily is more important than any unspoken obligation.
I knew I couldn’t be the dad she deserves with a demanding job.
So I said no, and though I’m happy with my decision, the guilt still weighs on me.
Rather than answer either of them, I scrub a hand down my face and give a noncommittal shrug, dropping the subject.
“Where’s Marisa?” I ask Ethan, since the two are rarely seen apart these days.
He smiles a smile I wouldn’t have recognized a year ago. “Inside, filling the pinata with candy.”
“I told her she didn’t have to get one.”
His head tilts, glancing at Marisa through the glass French doors before turning to face me. “She insisted. Said it’s going to be a new family tradition.”
“Well, if it’s our new tradition, then by all means.” I grin at Ethan, shaking my head at the difference Marisa’s made in him. He’s still a grumpy ass, but now he’s a happy one. He shrugs and turns his attention back to her, like he can’t help but stare.
I study Ethan for a moment, his usual hardened expression nowhere in sight as he gazes at his girlfriend.
I can’t help but wonder what that’s like—to love someone with such intensity that you’re constantly searching for them when they’re not near.
I’ve had my fair share of relationships.
I’ve even been in love—or at least, what felt like love at the time—but I’ve never felt that kind of pull with someone who felt it back.
I’d like to believe it’s still in the cards for me, but with each passing year, and my ongoing reluctance to truly put myself out there, that hope feels more like a delusion—a reality that simply isn’t meant for me.
I don’t think there’s a woman out there who’d fit seamlessly with me and Lily.
And if there is, she’s already off-limits.
In my experience, most women like the idea of a single dad—as if it somehow proves he’s caring and nurturing—but the reality is, most don’t have any real interest in my daughter or the day-to-day of our lives.
The grind of parenthood is far from a fairytale.
And the truth is, I can’t give a woman a hundred percent of myself.
What woman wants a man who can give her barely half his attention on a good day—and even less once harvest begins?
My thoughts are broken up as the doors slide open, and Marisa walks through, holding a giant unicorn head pinata by a string.
She aims her focus on me. “Since you’re the tallest, and father of the birthday girl, you have the honor of hanging this thing up.” She lifts it for emphasis, giving it a jiggle, where it sounds like hundreds of mini candy rustle against each other.
The pinata ends up requiring me and Ethan and Shane, with Marisa and Elyse barking out directions, but eventually we get it up and ready to take a beating.
And a beating it takes.
Ultimately though, it’s Lily who cracks it open with more force than I thought she was capable of, and a herd of kids all dash at once, filling their baggies with candy.
As the party winds down, Allison’s parents catch my attention with a wave.
They’ve never missed any of Lily’s birthdays or big events, all thanks to us working through the awkwardness of our situation.
If there is an afterlife, I’d like to think Allison is proud of the relationship we managed to forge.
“We’re going to head out,” Wayne, Allison’s dad, says.
I could’ve sworn he told me he and Shannon were staying one more night. He must take note of my confused expression, because he huffs a laugh.
“The kennel called, said Percy keeps crying so we’re going to go rescue him before they give him the boot.”
“I told you he’s always welcome. The pool house is big enough.”