Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
Secrets and Lies
Luke suggests we have brunch before heading home, and he finds a place a few blocks from the hotel called the Olin Bar & Kitchen, one he says he absolutely must try while we’re in the city.
It has good reviews, with a social media presence nearly as active as Luke’s, and even I have to admit, the pictures of their food are enough to make me drool.
The restaurant’s décor is hip and stylish, nothing short of my expectations now that I understand Luke’s taste in the finer things.
The menu is just as remarkable, with so many delicious options that I have difficulty deciding what to order.
But then, something catches my eye, and I’m instantly a goner.
Avocado toast. Lord knows I’m a sucker for it, and their version sounds more intriguing than anything I could make at home.
Luke sips on a mimosa, and I enjoy the house-made bloody mary, not even caring that it’s before noon.
So many things on this date have fallen outside my regular routines that nothing surprises me anymore.
I sit in our booth by the window and watch every time Luke’s smile blooms when he gets a new notification from Instagram.
When he turns the phone to me, I see that my photo has surpassed a couple thousand likes in the few hours it’s been up, with comments in the hundreds.
“See! People love your art,” Luke says, staring at the photo before turning the screen off and putting the phone face down on the table, bringing him fully into the present.
“The picture’s okay.” I reach for his hand, tracing his delicate wrist, the soft skin beneath my fingers bringing up a rush of memory from last night. I can’t help but smile. “But I think what they really love is you. You’re the art.”
Luke’s bright blue eyes sparkle behind his glasses as his lips curl into that adorable half-smile, and a twinge of pink flushes across his cheeks as he turns to look at the street outside.
We sit together in comfortable silence when I’m suddenly hit with a strange feeling of déjà vu, like I’ve been here before.
The sensation is enough to make me release a whole body shiver as I take in every detail in front of me, from the way Luke’s profile glows in the sunlight to the smallest nick in the table.
It’s like I’m remembering this instead of living it for the first time.
Intellectually, I know it’s simply the brain doing weird things with storing memory when this feeling comes up.
But I’ve always secretly wondered if that was only our current understanding of the phenomenon or if it was a sign of something more.
I would never admit this out loud and sound like an idiot, but when I was a kid, I had this idea that experiencing déjà vu was like hitting a checkpoint in time.
Like, in a world of possibilities and probable outcomes, it was a threshold crossed, firmly dictating the trajectory down a specific path, closing down the branches of the paths before it.
A point of no return—good, bad, or indifferent.
I haven’t experienced it in a few years, but having that sensation show up now with Luke feels significant. If it is a sign of what I think it is, I don’t mind what it suggests—an opening of new paths and possibilities just from making it here. It’s both exhilarating and terrifying.
Luke looks back at me and cocks his head to the side, his brow furrowing. “Are you okay? You look lost.”
I shake my head quickly, smiling. “Just thinking.”
“About what?”
“How I couldn’t have imagined myself here a few weeks ago, but now I can’t imagine being anywhere else.”
Luke’s eyes widen in surprise, but his smile glows brighter than the sun. “I know what you mean. A couple of months ago, I thought I’d be in New York for the rest of my life, but somehow, I found my way back here—with a boyfriend, no less. Definitely was not expecting that.”
His words are light and jovial, but my brain gets hung up on the phrasing of the first half of his statement, ‘for the rest of my life.’ Instinctively, I know the answer before I even voice the question, but I still need to hear him say it. Because I guess I enjoy torturing myself.
“You ever think of going back?”
I hope it sounded as casual as I meant it to and not like I’m hanging on the edge of my seat for his answer. Like my whole world might implode with the wrong one.
Luke's expression softens slightly, and he squeezes my hand, then his eyes flick down to the table as he furrows his brows.
“I don’t know.” He sighs, and it sounds heavy.
“Nothing’s going the way I planned it in my head.
I wasn’t expecting to be here this long as it is, but shit got complicated.
And then it got even more complicated.” He taps a finger on my palm, and I take it to mean I’m part of that complication.
“I haven’t really had time to think about it with everything going on. ”
When he looks up again, I catch a glimpse of unspeakable sadness and anguish before it quickly vanishes, replaced with a bright smile, and I almost wonder if my mind is playing tricks on me. I’ve never seen Luke look so forlorn, and the image pulls at my chest.
“Is it something I can help you with?” I ask.
“No,” Luke answers almost too quickly. “No. It’s nothing you need to worry about.”
“Maybe if you’d just tell me—”
“Ethan,” Luke says firmly, almost painfully. “I appreciate that you want to help me. I really do. But I have to deal with it on my own, okay? I don’t want you getting involved.”
He gives me a pleading look, begging me to leave the conversation there, and in the end, all I can do is nod my head in understanding and drop it.
The fact that he’s hiding something worries me. Part of me feels a prickle of annoyance that he still doesn’t trust me enough with what’s bothering him. But a larger part is too focused on the real possibility I hadn’t considered until now. That this relationship has an end date.
“I don’t blame you for wanting to go back,” I state softly, though my heart starts racing at the thought of him leaving. I clamp it down and smile, brushing my thumb over his.
Luke’s eyes jump across mine for a second before he nods. “I do want to, but I don’t know what the future holds. I can’t think that far ahead right now.”
I nod, but I can feel my heart cracking around the edges.
Just this morning, I imagined I could live like this with Luke forever, but suddenly, that thought feels unsteady—fragile.
Realistically, we only met because Luke found his way back to Michigan, and the timing was right, but that doesn’t automatically mean we’ll keep heading in the same direction.
The fact that our paths crossed at all is something of a miracle.
There’s no reality outside this one where I would have had the chance to meet Luke and form this kind of relationship with him.
We come from two entirely different worlds.
How could I expect us to grow together when it’s more likely that we’ll grow apart? It’s the most logical outcome.
I feel so foolish. Luke and I haven’t been dating long enough to be imagining forever. Getting distraught about him wanting to move back to the only place he really called home is a bit much this early on. Even if I’ve never felt this way about a relationship before now.
“Here you go, boys,” our waitress, Ellie, says, interrupting my spiraling thoughts as she materializes out of thin air with our food.
Luke and I let go of each other and sit back to make way for the plates she sets on the table, and the space between us suddenly feels like a canyon.
The lack of his touch is sharp and poignant.
I turn to the waitress and smile politely, but it feels strained.
I’m acutely aware that Luke’s eyes never leave my face.
“Do you need anything else?” Ellie asks, beaming as she looks between us, oblivious to the sudden turmoil at her table. “More coffee? Another mimosa?”
“No, thank you,” Luke says stiffly. When I look back at him, he's still watching me. The intensity of his gaze throws me off.
“All right, then you boys enjoy!” Ellie bounces away, leaving us to our meal. The food looks delicious, but I’m suddenly not hungry. My stomach is in knots.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Luke says softly.
I shake my head and try to smile. “Nothing important,” I reply, cursing myself for not being better at hiding emotion from my face.
“Are you worried because I want to go back to New York?”
“Worried might be too strong a word,” I mutter. “It’s not like I didn’t know you’d prefer to be there, but I guess I never really thought about what that might look like. Of course, you have to do what’s best for you, and I wouldn’t blame you. I just don’t know where that leaves me.”
“You could always come with me.” Luke chuckles, half-joking, half-serious by the gleam of hope in his eyes.
“Me? In New York?” I laugh, but my heart jolts at the thought, my anxiety spiking. “I don’t think I’d survive there. That city is massive.”
“But you seem fine here.” Luke gestures to the street outside the restaurant. “New York isn’t that different.”
“It’s ten times bigger and much more crowded than Detroit. We barely bumped into anyone walking down the street here. Can you say that about New York?”
Luke frowns, looking away. He knows I’m right.
Yes, moving to New York would be the most logical progression if that’s where Luke winds up going and I want us to stay together.
Apart from my friends, I have nothing tying me to this place, demanding I stay.
My mom’s in Florida, I have no other family here, and money would never be an issue.
But if I panic at the mere thought of moving to the city, how the hell could I ever expect myself to live there?
I’m on the verge of a panic attack as it is just thinking about how all this might end before it ever really began.