Epilogue
For the Love of Luke Shaw
Two Years Later
“Merry Christmas! ”
Opening the front door for the hundredth time tonight to let in another guest, it takes me a minute to recognize the two people standing on the stoop and why it’s unusual to see them there. Marcus and Tiff are here. In New York City. I blink with confusion.
“Wha…?” I frown, my brain short-circuiting.
Marcus grins at me while commenting to his wife, “See? I told you he’d be shocked.”
“What are you guys doing here?” I frown, still not processing the significance. It’s Christmas Eve, which means that if they’re here, they’re missing Christmas with their kids…
Tiff squeals, jumping up and down with glee as she crosses the threshold and wraps her arms around my neck. “It’s just too exciting! We didn’t miss it, did we?”
Understanding finally clicks, and I shake my head, smiling sheepishly. “You guys skipped out on your family to come watch me make a fool of myself?” I chuckle.
Marcus hugs me next, squeezing me so tightly that he nearly lifts me off the ground. “It’s not every day your boy asks the love of his life to marry him.”
“Shhhh,” I hiss quietly, my cheeks flushing crimson. Panic rears its head in my chest, and I glance over my shoulder to make sure Luke isn’t lurking somewhere within earshot. There are so many people here right now, and I don’t know who might be listening.
Marcus grins guiltily, but I can’t blame him for the enthusiasm. He’s known I’ve wanted to ask Luke to marry me for a while now.
After everything that happened at the beginning of Luke’s and my relationship, I was determined to let us settle into the new house and experience what it was like living together before rushing to the next big thing.
Emotionally, I was ready to take that leap almost immediately, but we needed time to get to know each other more fully without all that undue stress hanging over us. I’m glad we took it.
I relished learning all his little quirks—discovering what made him tick.
I charted an atlas of all his likes and dislikes, etching them into my bones like a cartographer.
Some of my favorite things about Luke I’d learned only after I’d already fallen so deeply for him, I didn’t think anything could make me love him more.
Like how he’ll go feral for any dessert with strawberries but won’t touch broccoli no matter how it’s presented to him.
Or how he can spend hours in a makeup store testing products but hates grocery shopping with a fiery passion.
My understanding of his dreams and aspirations grew stronger.
Like how he’s always wanted kids but felt it wasn’t in the cards for him, and that he secretly aspires to achieve EGOT status before he’s fifty.
Or why he loves being the center of attention, but has a hard time being genuine and open with his feelings…
something he’s getting better at being with me.
Our time together hasn’t always been perfect—we’ve had our share of fights, too—but even that has been deeply rewarding after coming out on the other side of disagreements.
We laughed together while working through our traumas and cried together as we faced the unfathomable 2024 election circuit, and the country’s uncertain future.
I held him when he shook with fear as he and his friends were once again politically targeted just for their differences and for loving the ‘wrong’ kind of person.
This time, it felt more personal for me, too.
I got serious about popping the question over the last few months—going ring shopping with Dmitry, Star, and Rei, letting the rest of our friends and family know what I intended to do…
The only problem was deciding how to do it.
I pushed down every proposal idea that came into my head for one reason or another; I couldn’t pull it off properly, Luke wouldn’t like doing it there, it wouldn’t be romantic enough, original enough…
Nothing ever felt right. Right for us, anyway.
This Christmas party was Luke’s idea—a networking event for him as much as a joyous gathering for everyone else—but it presented an opportunity for me, one that every person I’ve talked to has encouraged me to take, despite the anxiety it produced.
I don’t disagree with them… After all, what’s more romantic than a proposal at Christmas?
Oh, god. I might puke.
“Is Ryder here yet?” Marcus asks, shrugging out of his coat, and I can’t help but smile while I hang it in the closet. Wasn’t here five minutes before he just couldn’t help himself.
“He and Justin have been here since noon,” I chuckle.
After graduating from high school earlier this year, Ryder forged his way to New York City to pursue acting on the stage, just like he’d always dreamed of.
He’d applied to multiple schools across the city, hoping to get into Juilliard and follow in Luke’s footsteps, but when that failed, he picked NYU Tisch, his second top school.
He’s been living in the city on his own for about five months now and doing the long-distance thing with Justin, who’s going to school back at MSU for elementary education.
He only lives a few subway stops away from us, so we see Ryder somewhat frequently.
He’s kind of like a lost puppy that way, showing up at our doorstep unannounced, making himself at home even if we’re away.
We find him on our couch or in our kitchen, especially when he knows I have something delicious on the menu.
It’s adorable. And honestly, Luke’s been enjoying having him around.
He likes being someone Ryder looks up to.
Marcus calls me almost once a week to check in.
He tries to hide it, but I can tell he’s still nervous about Ryder living so far from home.
I know he had a difficult time watching his oldest son launch from the nest, but rather than pester Ryder with his worries, he asks me to make sure he’s doing okay, eating well, making friends—the total package.
I don’t mind assuaging my best friend’s fears.
Lord knows how much I owe the man after what he’s put up with from me.
But Ryder’s a good kid with a good head on his shoulders.
He’s taken to this city like a champ—better and faster than I did when we moved here that first Christmas two years ago.
I chuckle thinking about how many times I got lost roaming the streets, or swindled like a tourist. Luke still laughs at me about it sometimes, but only if he’s in the mood to get a good spanking.
“There are a lot of people here,” Tiff marvels as we head upstairs to a spare room where they can store their luggage. Thankfully, we always keep them ready for unexpected visitors.
“There are so many people here,” I echo with a nervous laugh, my anxiety spiking again. Then I catch the wary look Tiff and Marcus share, and I get the sense they’re second-guessing my ability to stand up in front of this crowd to spill my heart out. It does wonders for my confidence.
“Do you know them all?” Marcus asks.
“I know about half of the people who are already here, but there’s supposed to be more coming by 10 o’clock.”
“Damn, y’all party late.” Tiff laughs.
“It’s the city that never sleeps.”
That was an adjustment for me. Partying is more Luke’s thing than mine, and it’s taken time to get used to going out with him on a somewhat regular basis when all I’d ever done for the last couple of decades was stay inside like a perfect little hermit.
Luke’s good at putting me at ease whenever he can tell I’m overwhelmed, but I don’t like him focusing too much on me and missing out on the fun.
And I can’t say it’s all bad. I’ve grown to enjoy some parts of it over the past couple of years—more than I ever thought I would.
It helps that I’m usually not the only introvert who retreats to a quiet corner to relax when it gets too noisy.
That’s how I met Charise.
Her girlfriend, Val, was hosting a wrap party for a show that one of Luke’s good friends played in about a year ago.
While the rest of the gang got drunk and loud and had a merry old time together, I found Charise in a den, curled up in an armchair with a book and a cup of tea.
She could see that I was a bit drained, and offered me another chair, telling me to stay as long as I wanted.
I picked up a book I’d never heard of from her shelf and started reading with her.
We barely talked the whole evening, but it was lovely. Calm. Relaxing.
Afterward, she and I stayed in touch. Now, we get together at least once a week for coffee, making our own little silent book club out of it.
It’s a nice change of pace from the boisterous, lively party scene Luke prefers—something I’m more comfortable with.
Luke’s also ecstatic I made a friend on my own.
She’ll be here tonight with her girlfriend, but I wouldn’t be shocked to find her tucked up in the library at some point instead of dealing with this crowd. Fuck. I might have to join her.
“Well, the house looks great,” Tiff exclaims as we pass through it in search of Luke.
It really does. Luke and I spent a solid week preparing for this Christmas party, filling the house with so many decorations that it looks like it was taken right off the set of a Hallmark holiday film.
It’s extravagant, glittery, and incredibly romantic, the whole place brimming with Christmas cheer—the perfect setting for a proposal. (If I manage to pull it off.)