26. Mila
MILA
Don’t panic.
I kept my eyes closed and could only obey that mantra in my head for one reason.
You will survive.
I’d willed it before, but now I knew that I could.
So long as Lev held me in his arms, I would survive and get through this pain from the beating.
New scars would cover my skin. Bruises would linger and remind me of how treacherous it was to be caught in that camp of misfits.
Grounding myself on the security of him holding me, I would get through this.
I focused on the hard press of his strong body against mine, the bulges of his muscles bracketing me. The crispness of his shirt as I laid my cheek against his chest. The slippery softness of the leather seat that my hand dropped against. The rough friction of his beard catching on my hair.
Then the smoothing, comforting stroke of his callused hand over my arm as he clutched me.
I will survive this.
I had gotten out. He’d come to find me, to rescue me, and even though I kept my eyes closed with how sleepy and sluggish I was from fighting to stay strong, I knew that he was taking me away from danger once again.
The rev of the engine rumbled, proving to my ears that I was in the car as it swayed and sped, the momentum rocking me as I sat on Lev’s lap.
The sound of him speaking to Alexei droned on, letting me know that it wasn’t just Lev risking himself to extract me from that spying mission that had ended so suddenly. His brother was here, Nikolai, too, and other Bratva men.
But it wasn’t until I was carried out from the car that I realized I was lagging to keep up with the activity. He’d brought me out of the car and into a building. Then the sounds of a doctor and nurse asking me questions.
The smell of antiseptic and then soap as I was taken into a shower and cleaned off. Lev stood with me and held me up under the water’s spray. Back to the nurses and doctors, checking me over while Lev sat with me.
Hours passed in such a dizzying blur, but as I finally came to more consciousness and woken up fully, I realized one thing remained true.
I had survived.
I was alive.
And Lev was with me.
He sat on the side of a large bed. Not the one I’d been sleeping in at the safe house, but a bigger, softer one, placed in the center of a dark-hued suite. Rich brown accents dominated the masculine space, and I knew without any delay that I was in his bed.
In his room.
In his house.
It risked the trick of assuming that I could really be in his life to this intimate degree.
Selma entered as I woke up more, but she narrowed her one eye at me and shushed me as she brought a tray toward me. “Let him rest.”
I swallowed hard and zeroed in on the water she was bringing.
I was parched, but I did as she told me to.
I didn’t jostle the bed. Disturbing Lev as he sat there with his head slumped down would be a crime.
He’d dozed off, clearly, and I didn’t want to be greedy to pull him out of resting when it seemed like that was all I’d been doing for a month.
Sluggish yet, I didn’t balk when Selma held the glass to my lips. I drank and cleared my throat, and again, she gave me a scolding look not to wake Lev.
“He hasn’t left your side,” she muttered quietly.
I didn’t know what to say to that.
“It’s about time you just stay here, anyway.” She harrumphed, almost as though she was amused, before leaving. The click of the door from her closing it was all it took to make Lev stir. He flinched, jarred out of his rest, and blinked his eyes open.
He turned, seeking me out. The worry on his face faded as he took in the sight of me awake, straining to sit up.
“Easy. Take it easy,” he urged.
“What… what happened?” I asked. I knew from the flashes of nightmares that accosted my mind, but I needed to hear how bad it was. I felt like I’d been destroyed physically, struck and then run over again. My muscles ached. My skin stung. Breathing deeply had me wincing more.
“They found you and—”
I shook my head. “I didn’t tell them anything. I didn’t.”
He urged me to lie back, smoothing my hair from my face as he lowered with me to lie on his side and face me. “I know.”
I furrowed my brow. “How?”
“Because that’s who you are.”
It sounded like praise, but after the mess I’d gone through, I didn’t know if I could trust what he said. Was he implying that he could count on the same loyalty from me that he got from his brother and cousins?
“They ambushed me in that last office,” I said, suddenly pushed to tell him all that I could remember. “I was tackled so hard that my hat and the camera fell. The comms unit was knocked out of my ear.”
He listened, stroking my hair back from my face. If I could lower my guard, I’d be duped into thinking he needed the contact to reassure himself that I was here with him and that we weren’t separated.
I told him the figments of what I could recall.
That the comms unit was stepped on and smashed.
That I had no chance to defend myself or escape.
And that when they hit me, I didn’t speak once.
They wouldn’t have ever gotten a single word from me, my only power and leverage to keep my words to myself.
“We saw the feed go out. Then your tracker cut out. We knew something was wrong, and I ordered the men to go in and get you out of there.”
“I’m sorry.”
He narrowed his eyes, cupping my head. “No. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“But I failed—”
“You succeeded. You got images of so many things the men are searching through. Do you not remember grabbing that USB drive?”
I frowned, lowering my gaze to zone out at the thick lines of black forming the tattoo on his chest, the complicated design that often peeked out from his collar.
“I… don’t remember. I fell and tried to catch myself on the edge of a desk, and I think something knocked against my hand, but I don’t…
” I frowned at him. “I don’t remember. I couldn’t think straight. ”
He kissed my brow. “Don’t force it. Don’t put yourself in those memories.
” He kissed me again, and I sighed at the pressure of his warm lips on my forehead.
The gesture of fondness. It wasn’t sexual, but affectionate.
“You must have slipped it up into your sleeve. Autopilot, maybe. But you had that drive and we have a team going through the maps and information on it.”
“So I didn’t fail.”
He smoothed my hair back again, gazing at me with so much emotion that it threatened to overwhelm me.
Pampered and safe in his bed, under his attention, I felt treasured.
Secure. Wanted and worthy. I had never experienced care like this, and I weakened under the intensity of how freeing and how purifying it could be on my dark soul.
“You did not fail. Even if you hadn’t gotten that drive, you did not fail. You couldn’t ever call yourself a failure because you show up determined to help the family. To serve me.”
I sniffled, burrowing my face into the pillow more.
Anything to reduce the intensity of him looking at me like that.
Like I could be right in this secret, stupid wish that he could see me as someone worthy and lovable, not a thing to work for him.
The pride, the gratitude, and the awe. They all registered in his face, threatening to overstimulate me.
“Rest,” he said, no doubt sensing how overwhelmed I was. “I’ve had your things moved over from the safehouse.”
I opened my eyes, stunned.
“Rest,” he repeated, probably counting on an argument from me.
I closed my eyes, though, still so tired, and did as he requested.
Between naps and lounging around, I rested.
I gave my body a chance to recover. Lev was never far, on his phone or laptop as he stayed in the room with me.
A doctor and nurse also came to check on me that first day afterward, and I was relieved that nothing had been broken or severely injured.
My ribs were bruised, but that would heal with time.
Another day passed with this expectation that I rest and not push myself to do anything strenuous, not even reaching for a glass of water as I shifted to sit up more.
Lev had stepped out of the room to get something from the kitchen, and without him in here to assist me with something as simple as picking up a glass of water from the nightstand, I tensed and freaked out at how much I was coming to depend on him.
It wasn’t easy for me to lose my independence. It was all I’d ever held on to as a ticket to my freedom. But wounded and weak like this, I couldn’t deny that my connection that linked me to Lev—as his responsibility, as his slave—made me worry when he wasn’t near.
I stretched my arm to get the glass of water, testing the limits of how much pain I could endure. My side ached. Pain radiated from the tenderness of where my ribs hurt most.
And I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t fend for myself, so tired and worn out and still recovering.
Dropping onto the bed and despising how out of breath I was, I cried out in frustration. Now my arm was sore as well, all those hits that rose up in protest of my moving that much.
“What’s wrong?”
Lev was there, rushing into the room.
I winced, shaking my head and trying to hide my face.
“Mila. What’s wrong?” He lowered to the side of the bed, brushing my hair back. “Tell me.”
I swallowed and refused to admit how scared I was of depending on him. Of how much I wanted to be free to depend on him and not panic that it was a trick.
“Are you…” He turned me to lie on my back, hovering over me with that deep concern blazing in his dark eyes. Lines bracketed his mouth and eyes, proving that he was truly worried. “Are you having flashbacks to it?”
I shook my head and kept my gaze lowered. He thought I was reliving my capture? No. That wasn’t it. I was trying to accept how much he mattered to me. How I couldn’t survive without him.
“That’s… that’s not it,” I admitted.
“Mila. Look at me.” He tipped my chin up so I’d meet his gaze. Searching my face, he frowned and rubbed his thumb along my cheek. “Tell me. What is upsetting you? What changed since I left the room?”
I sighed, wincing only a little when the deep inhale made my ribs and chest sore. “That.”
He raised his brows. “What?”
“That’s it.”
He watched me, and I couldn’t keep it in anymore. “That’s what happened. You left.”
Blinking twice, he seemed to struggle to process it. “I left to go to the kitchen. I told you where I was.”
I nodded slightly. “I know. But… you left. You weren’t here and I…” I licked my lips and tried to look down, but he tipped my chin up higher, forcing me to face him. “I’ve never been cared for like this. Never been someone worthy of being cared for. And it’s… it’s a lot to accept.”
He released a long, deep breath. “I’m here, Mila.” Lowering to kiss me, he sealed with a tender but needy seal of his mouth over mine. “I’m here.” He kissed me again, sparking an ember of that chemistry and attraction that never extinguished. “I will be here. And I do care.”
Oh, God.
I wanted to believe him. The thrill of opening up to believe him teased me. But instead of replying with any other words, I slid my fingers through his hair and kissed him back.
He growled into my mouth, parting my lips and sweeping his tongue for a dominating kiss.
I coiled my arms around his neck to keep him close, to banish everything from my mind. Kissing him this hungrily, I counted on him erasing the ugliness I’d experienced before.
As he deepened the kiss, I ached for him. Desire claimed me, and as I breathed faster, panting, he ripped his mouth away. Lust glittered in his eyes as I sucked in air.
But the stretch of my ribs had me wincing.
“Relax,” he urged. “I’m here.”
I nodded, pouting as he started to leave a trail of wet, hot kisses along my neck. Moving lower and lower, he kissed a path down my body, never flinching or hesitating at the scars on my skin, both old and new.
“I’m here, Mila. Here to care for you.” The promise of his words took a new meaning when he brought his hand between my legs and caressed me, smearing the arousal I’d already leaked from his addicting kiss.
“Lev—”
“Oh, fuck.” He growled as he tugged the shirt I was wearing up to reveal my breasts. It was all I had on, and with it bunched up by my neck, I was bare to him.
For him to suck on my breasts and lick my nipples.
For him to finger me and massage my pussy walls.
“I fucking love hearing you say my name like that,” he growled as he kissed his way lower.
I tensed again as I breathed in too deeply.
“Relax,” he urged me, pressing his hand on my stomach as he lowered further. Once he had my legs draped over his shoulders, spreading me wide open for him to bring his mouth to my cunt, he looked up at me and demanded it. “I want you to relax.”
“Easier said than—”
He kissed me, sucking on my clit and earning a sharp cry of need from me.
“I want you to relax and feel that I am here for you. To care for you. Even like this. However you want, Mila.” He laved his tongue over me, wiping the hot, soft texture of it as his beard brushed against my skin and tickled it.
“I see you, Mila.” His ravenous gaze on my pussy put a twist on those words. “And I care.”
For the next half hour, he proved it, sucking at me and touching me until I came apart with an intense orgasm that coaxed me to truly relax and fall right back asleep.