31. Lev
LEV
Adrik sat back in the big leather chair behind the desk. Slanting with his elbow on the armrest, his chin in hand, eyes narrowed with that pensive smirk, he looked like a carbon copy of Uncle Dmitri.
I zoned out as Maksim went on about the maps and input from the spies.
Seeing my oldest cousin seated there like that, probably unaware that he had the same mannerisms as his father, I breathed through a bit of heartache.
Sometimes, it was easy with the chaos and commotion of being an enforcer for the family to “forget” that Uncle Dmitri wasn’t the Pakhan anymore.
When I let myself get hooked on the idea of making Mila mine, the fantasies about her overtook the memories that I’d always hold dear in my heart.
All the times he’d laughed. The sound of his stern voice, so full of logic and wisdom and authority when he had handled meetings just like this one we were doing now.
The sincere control and concern that emanated from him no matter how low or high the stakes were.
He’d be gone soon.
He already was gone in a functional sense.
And I was damned that I could still cling to him and not want to let him go.
Would we always make him proud?
Would he be confident in all the decisions we’d make?
Would he forever trust in us to follow the expectations he’d set forth as our leader?
Would he… miss us too?
I hadn’t struggled with any of those worries or intrusive thoughts when Gregori “died”.
He’d turned traitor in the worst way possible, and there was no morsel of my soul that would be convinced of his worthiness for redemption.
He was irredeemable through and through, but it was at moments like this where I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
In this limbo of painfully saying goodbye to the man I’d always seen as my true father and the scornful greeting of his brother who wanted to usurp the wealth and power we’d maintained in his absence.
Mila slipped her hand into mine. I almost flinched, not expecting to be touched while we all listened to Maksim laying out the timeline of Yusef Antonov’s supposed movements.
With that simple gesture, of her leaning in slightly to take my hand, she jarred me out of my despairing and depressing thoughts.
She knows.
She was that connected, that aware. Already, she had my tells down, and I had not a single doubt in my head that she was always tracking how I was doing—just as I did with her.
Because she cares.
She’s getting there.
She’s submitting and she’s getting to the understanding that she’s mine.
That we were one.
I squeezed her hand, grateful that I had her to complete me. To know me. And to want to comfort me and help me however she could.
“I don’t know…” Adrik shook his head, uncomfortable with the precise plans we were laying out.
“You don’t know what?” Alexei asked.
“I’m not sure about this so far,” Adrik said.
“To take action?” Alexei scoffed. “You want to sit and twiddle your thumbs a little more and wait for Gregori to strike out at us again?”
Carina rolled her eyes. “Do you have to turn every question into something antagonistic? He’s not saying he doesn’t want to act. He’s not sure about what we’re saying so far about how to act.”
“I didn’t ask you,” Alexei drawled.
Carina smirked right back at him. Maksim shot Carina a look like asking for patience, but he didn’t rush to defend her. She didn’t need him to. She was sassy and opinionated but not for the theatrics of it.
“What aren’t you sure about?” Maksim asked him. He was the one to drive into the conflict, to the specific cog in the machine that needed attention in a plan.
“I’d rather not waste the resources to hunt down Yusef Antonov,” Adrik said plainly. “I’d rather go for Gregori.”
I nodded. “Yes. We have to approach this strike—any strike we make—from the top down.”
“Then how do we do that, Lev?” Viktor challenged with a point at the screen that showed the last image of where Yusef might have been found on a grainy surveillance feed near the ocean, at a dock warehouse.
“We have some leads to tracking him, thanks to you.” He looked at Mila.
“But we have no leads on finding Gregori.”
“That doesn’t mean we can’t find any,” I argued, wishing we could do as Adrik seemed to want, to direct resources toward hunting down Gregori himself.
“It would take time and effort we might not be able to spend now,” Nikolai said.
“And taking out Gregori might just mean that Yusef Antonov will step into his place.” Alexei shrugged. “A power vacuum, and he’s poised as the next in charge.”
“Have there been rumors or speculation about a planned coup like that happening?” Elena asked timidly. “Anything to suggest that Yusef Antonov might be planning to get Gregori out of the way because he wants to be in charge?”
Adrik sighed heavily and shook his head. “No. I know what you’re thinking. That if we let Yusef Antonov take out Gregori, that’s one problem handled for us.”
She nodded, skeptical, but that wasn’t anything new. She didn’t like knowing many details. I wondered when she’d realize she was basically the queen of this family now and she did know all the details.
“And if that were possible, we’d still be back to the same problem of needing Yusef Antonov gone.” Alexei held his hands up in a truce.
“Fuck it.” Adrik rubbed his face. “We’ll go after him. We’ll set up a task force to eliminate him.”
“Yusef?” Maksim asked.
Adrik nodded and looked at me. “Who are you thinking of taking?” I’d be expected to hit up the team.
Before I could speak, Mila cleared her throat. “Me?”
I furrowed my brow, whipping around to face her. “You’re still recovering from the last—”
She shook her head, determination too bright in her eyes to dismiss it. “I’m fine.”
“Are you?” Adrik asked, looking at me after he studied her. “Because if you are able to handle this—”
“Hold on. No.” I shook my head. “She’s not handling this. She’s not an assassin.”
“I can go with you, then,” she said simply, like it made all the sense in the world.
“You could, but—”
“No, I’m with her on this,” Adrik said. “She’s made it abundantly clear that she’s highly skilled at getting up close to the target.” He lifted his hand dismissively. “While the last mission didn’t end well, it started with perfection. She’s trained for this, Lev.”
She had been trained—through the sheer will of surviving as a slave for the Cartels and then through the dedicated regimen she went through under my and Roman’s supervision at the training facility and gym.
“But it’s too soon. For her. She was just captured.”
“And she’s been given the all-clear by the doctor, right?” Carina asked, raising one brow at me before looking at her. “You said the doctor told you that you’re good now?”
Mila nodded. “Yes. I have been given the all-clear.”
Goddammit.
Physically, she was healed. She had rested and she was able to endure the exertion of working out again. That didn’t mean that she’d gotten the all-clear in any other way, like the mental duress I’d suffered when she went silent on that last mission at the compound at the base of the mountains.
I wasn’t ready yet. I wasn’t eager to expose her to any circumstances of danger again.
But I had to.
Unless I could take the final step of telling her that she was mine, to love and cherish and fuck and protect, that label of her serving us and working for us would remain.
Until I ripped up that contract, like Maksim suggested, they would all see her as my assistant and helper.
“I can do this, Lev,” she said, squeezing my hand. The grip in her strength suggested that she felt like she had to do this. “I can’t take him out, but I can go in first, scope the area and be a scout. I can help.”
“I… know.” I heaved out a deep breath, hating to agree. But to argue with her on that point, I would be diminishing her worth and skills. Of course, she could be fast and sneaky to get a team into any dockside warehouse so one of us could kill Yusef Antonov.
I wanted to be greedy, though. To shelter her and protect her—at least for a little while longer since the last ordeal she’d survived.
“I can help you, Lev.” She bored me with her blue gaze, like begging me to search her face and find a reason she shouldn’t.
As I watched her, admiring her beauty and drive, I wondered if she was jumping at the chance to volunteer because she felt like she had to. That she “should” be put to use in the field, or if she wanted to.
If she was getting antsy for a purpose and something to do, I could respect that. I felt like that too if there were a challenge teasing me and I were held back with the order to be inactive.
I’d never want to hold her back from this desire to contribute and help. Yet, at the same time, it peeved me and worried me that she’d be so stuck in this cycle of feeling like she had to bend over backward.
Just to get our acceptance.
All to get my love.
She had it. She already had my love. If the last few days had proved anything to me, it was that she fully had me, heart, mind, body, and soul.
She didn’t need to risk anything to prove her worth.
In this room, though, I knew I was outnumbered by my brother and cousins who seemed to see her as an ace to utilize. Because she was new to the scene. Because she was so damn fast and sneaky, no matter the setting or exercise.
Even Elena and Carina seemed to support Mila accompanying the team I arranged to eliminate Yusef Antonov.
Damn. It.
I nodded, looking at Adrik, then the others. Lastly, I stared at her. “Fine. But you’re with me. If you’re going in, I’m not letting you go while I linger in the background.”
“If you didn’t go with her, one of the other assassins would,” Maksim said.
“I will be going in with her,” I stated, not leaving it up for discussion. Adrik was the interim boss, and I would always follow his lead, but on this, I wasn’t budging. I couldn’t endure the hell of knowing Mila was in danger while I lurked out of bounds.
“Fine.” Adrik shrugged. “Decide on who you want to delegate this to. Arrange a team and move on the plan as soon as you can.” He leaned back in the chair, looking far more stressed than ever.
“Mila is a good choice, though. With her, we can get in close. She can gather more intel and expose more secrets to this fucking network. Yusek Antonov is Gregori’s second-in-command and he’ll have to have something useful on him in terms of intel.
” He sat forward, rocking the big chair as he exhaled a long, harsh breath of exasperation.
“And we need all the intel we can get to be one step ahead of the ‘mastermind’ trying to toy with us.”
I turned to face Mila, appeased with that same glint of determination in her gaze.
She was ready.
I only had to get up to speed and be okay with her going back out into dangerous territory.
It will work.
We’ll be together.
As we should be.