Chapter 24 - Nadia
I knew I should feel more relieved that I didn’t get punished for failing. But being back felt more like a punishment than a cause for celebrations. I thought I would recover once back home, but it was harder now. Watching my cousins joking and being happy made me feel sick.
They were drinking beer and had offered me some three times now. Vadik bought some crispy chicken at some place around the corner. The entire kitchen reeked of old oil. My stomach turned, and I felt nauseated. Getting up to leave, Vadik yelled at me. “Where are you going?”
Glancing over my shoulder, I felt everything pushing up. “The bathroom,” I replied shortly. Moving forward, I felt it coming. Placing my hands over my mouth, I rushed to the bathroom. I made it just in time. I threw up as I went down on my knees next to the toilet.
I only had one piece of chicken and some old fruit juice. But it all came out. Pushing my legs out from under me, I sat on the cold bathroom floor, holding my hair back. After a couple of minutes, I felt sure it was over. Rinsing my face, I wondered if it was the chicken, or maybe the juice.
My face was white as a sheet. I might need to lie down for a while. Opening the bathroom door, I leaned against it. I felt dizzy and weak. I held onto the wall as I moved down the short passage to my room at the back of the house.
I closed the door behind me and sat on the edge of the bed. Something was wrong. My stomach cramped as I pulled my pillow down and lay on my side. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. I tried to relax but couldn’t as I felt my insides churning.
There was more; I hadn’t eaten that much, I thought as I rushed back to the bathroom. Flopping down on my knees, I vomited again. My head felt like it was pounding with every gag. Once nothing more came out, I stood and rinsed my face again.
I also had to brush my teeth as the taste was enough to make me sick again. I didn’t want to vomit again. I hated the feeling and felt even more tired. Looking at my white face, I hoped it wasn’t food poisoning.
After brushing my teeth again, I went back to my room. Getting back on the bed, I decided to try laying flat on my stomach. It felt slightly better for a couple of seconds. My stomach took a big turn, and I felt it pushing up again.
When I got to the bathroom this time, it felt like my world was turning upside down. Everything was pushing in all directions. Grabbing the bucket in the corner, I held it between my knees as I sat down. I surely had food poisoning, I thought as everything came out.
Feeling a tad better, I moved back to my room. I couldn’t stay there as we only had one bathroom. It would be weird if one of my cousins wanted to use it. Feeling sweat breaking out on my face, I thought it could be a cold.
Yet, I rarely got sick. But there was that one time at Abram’s place. Remembering that only made me feel worse. He wasn’t here to take care of me, and my cousins wouldn’t even notice.
Laying back down on my bed, I realized I needed help. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I dialed the doctor. I was relieved when they informed me they had an opening for later the day. It wasn’t far away so I could walk there.
I didn’t want to ask my cousins as it would turn into a whole thing. They would take me, but only after teasing me. I didn’t want their attention. I changed into something more comfortable and sneaked out.
The doctor’s office was quiet when I arrived. I was glad as I didn’t want people to know. There was a lady with her son sitting in one corner. He appeared to have a cold as he was coughing and sweating. He also looked a little pale.
Yes, I thought as I sat in the other corner. I also have a cold. Yet, I wasn’t a doctor; maybe the boy had something else. Maybe I caught something somewhere when I ran away from Abram. There were too many possibilities for me to know.
A young blond woman in a white dress came out of a door on the side. She smiled as she was nearing me. “Nadia?” she asked, stopping a couple of feet from me.
“Yes,” I replied.
“Come with me, please. The doctor will see you now,” she said, turning and walking back.
Standing quickly, I felt my head spinning. I stood for a moment before following her to the back. As we went through the door, she turned back to me. I need to draw some blood, and the doctor asked if you would give me a urine sample.
Nodding, I followed as she took me to a room further down the hall. Entering a small cubicle, she pointed to a chair. I sat down and gave her my arm. Once she had drawn my blood, she handed me a small container. She pointed at a door across from the cubicle as she spoke. “The bathroom is in there.”
I took the container and went to the bathroom. As I came out, she was waiting for me. “Thank you,” she said, taking it from me. “You can wait here for the doctor,” she added, opening another door.
Entering the room, I knew it was the doctor's office. There was a desk and chair in one corner, a couple of counters, cupboards, and a bed. Sitting down on the bed, I wondered why she wanted a urine test. I wasn’t sure what they tested with it except for pregnancy. But that couldn’t be it, I assured myself.
Looking around, I felt a tad scared. I was so alone. I had no one in my life. The one person who cared for me, well, who I thought cared for me, didn’t. My eyes stung as tears accumulated in them.
I wiped at them as the door suddenly opened. “Good afternoon, Nadia,” Doctor Colesen said as she walked in and closed the door behind her. Before I could respond, she continued. “I see nothing to worry about in your blood or urine samples.”
She placed the file she was carrying on her desk, speaking as she came closer. “I would just like to check your blood pressure and vitals quickly.”
I waited for her to finish before speaking. “So, is there something wrong with me? I’ve been throwing up. I have severe stomach cramps, and I feel dizzy at times.”
“Yes,” she said, moving to her desk and sitting down. “Please come sit here,” she added, pointing to the chair across from her. She sounded cheerily as she continued. “I must congratulate you, though.”
Looking at her, I felt confused. “Congratulate me on what, doctor?” I asked.
Her brows rose as she replied. “Oh, you didn’t know? You’re pregnant, Nadia, and I see you are about eight weeks along.”
My heart stopped as her words rang through my mind. “This can’t be,” I mumbled as I felt the tears starting to roll down my cheeks.
“Excuse me?” she asked, looking concerned at me. “Have you been eating and getting enough sleep?”
Shaking my head, I stood up quickly. “Thank you, but I have to go,” I huffed as I turned and ran from her office. Once outside, I found a large tree that I could lean against. I was heaving as I tried to catch my breath, but my chest felt like it had collapsed.
My tears were now flowing freely as I cried. Going down on my knees next to the tree, I rested my head against it. I didn’t know what to do. I was all alone, and now this. After a while, I managed to calm myself down. I stopped crying and got up.
The night was slowly nearing, and I had to get home. Returning home, I heard them still celebrating for no reason. With them all in the kitchen, I would be able to sneak back in. I didn’t want them to see my puffy red eyes.
I had just entered and closed the door behind me when Makari, my middle cousin, stepped out of the kitchen. “Hey, there you are. Come back and join us. We were just wondering where you went?” he huffed. I could smell the beer on his breath and had to close my nose.
Looking at him, I wondered if I would make it sitting by them in the stench. “I’m actually tired; I think I’m going to bed,” I said as I tried to pass him.
‘Nonsense,” he proclaimed loudly as he grabbed my arm and pulled me back into the kitchen. “You’re home, and we’re celebrating.”
Taking shallow breaths, I sat down. I didn’t feel like fighting or explaining things. The three men were chattering about some new mission they had received. I kept my head down, and my mouth shut, hoping I would be able to sneak out and go to bed.
Before I could make a move, Vadik slammed his fist on the table as he spoke. “What’s wrong with you? You look worried or sick. Are you sick? Have you brought a virus back with you?”
Glaring at him, I wished I had. But there was no virus, only a baby. “I’m fine; there’s nothing to worry about,” I replied. “I went to see the doctor. I have a slight cold. I just need some rest. So, if you don’t mind, I would like to go lay down.”
Vadik looked over his shoulder at the other two before nodding. Getting up, I grabbed a glass of water, and I left the kitchen quickly before they changed their minds. Sitting down on the side of my bed by the window, I took a sip of water before placing the glass on the nightstand.
I stared out at the sky as the stars started appearing. I sat there a long time trying to focus. My mind was a mess. I had no idea what I was going to do. Hugging my pillow, I fell to my side as tears still came pouring out.
At some point, I closed them as they burned. I wanted to forget everything. I wanted my life to disappear. I couldn’t tell my cousins. They would not understand. In the early morning, sleep finally found me.
I didn’t know how long I had slept when I was rudely woken by Vadik screaming at me. Sitting up in shock, I rubbed my eyes. “What the hell?” I asked, trying to focus on him. “I’m ready; what must I do?” I was still in a daze and must have been dreaming.
Shaking my head, I felt sick again. As Vadik continued screaming at me, my head started aching again. “What were you thinking? You had one job. One job only! What did you do?”
I couldn’t grasp what was going on as Pavel added his voice to the seemingly screaming match. “What the hell were you thinking? Why didn’t you tell us? You should be ashamed of yourself!”
Getting up, I turned to face them. Lifting my hands, I tried to find some understanding as I spoke. “What did I do?” I swallowed hard, hoping it didn’t have anything to do with my failed mission.”
“Are you not pregnant with that bastard’s child?” Makari chipped in.
I felt my face turning white. Looking down at the floor, I wondered how they had found out. “Sorry,” I mumbled, moving forward. “I need the bathroom. It’s too early for this. Can we talk about it later?”
“No!” Vadik spat, grabbing my arm. “Is it true?”
“It’s no big deal,” I replied softly.
“No big deal?” he huffed turning me to face him as he shook me by my shoulders. “No fucking big deal? It is a huge deal, Nadia! You are not keeping that thing.”
Feeling my tears building up again and my eyes stinging, I pulled back, turning to get out of his grasp. “This is my choice. It’s my body, not yours,” I shot back at him. My anger rose as I tried pushing through the three of them. “I need to get to the bathroom unless you want to bring in the mop!” I added, shoving them out of the way.
Vadik walked close on my heels as I moved to the bathroom. Stepping in, I turned and shut the door on his face. Locking it, I leaned back as the first tears dropped.
“You will not keep it! Do you hear me?” he shouted, slamming on the door. “You will get an abortion today. I have already scheduled the appointment. We will not raise another bastard child!”
Stepping away from the door, I turned and stared at it. What did he mean? Was there another reason for them hating me? Sitting on the toilet, I tried to wrap my mind around everything that had been said.
I didn’t know what Vadik meant by his last statement. But I knew I wasn’t a bastard child. He was just full of shit. It dawned on me that I would never have any form of life if I stayed. My cousins didn’t respect me and never would. They didn’t care, and neither did Abram.
I cried until I had no more tears. I had to get out. If I wanted my child to have a life, I had to leave. I washed and collected my things from the bathroom. Sneaking back to my room, I locked the door. Grabbing my suitcase, I packed only the bare necessities. I only took what I couldn’t live without.
The less I carried, the faster I could move, and I knew I had to hurry. I needed to find my own feet and become who I wanted to be. Not who I was told to be. This was my baby. My choice, and I wanted to keep the child. I wasn’t doing it just to spite them. The child was a part of me.
Opening the window softly, I dropped my bag and climbed out. It was time to cut all ties to this horrible family. I moved slowly towards the corner of the house. Peeking around it, I heard them in the kitchen. They were most likely drinking again and trying to decide what to do with me next.
I climbed over the corner of the fence. I wasn’t going to go out the front and take a chance of them seeing or hearing me. As I ran up the street, I looked back a couple of times just to be sure they weren’t coming after me.
Heaving and out of breath, I reached the bus stop as the bus pulled in. Getting on, the driver looked at me. “You in a hurry, hun?” he asked in a deep voice.
“I was scared I wouldn’t make it,” I replied, smiling at him.
He nodded as I dropped my coins into the slot and moved to the back. The bus was still very empty. But it was early, and this stop was one of the first ones this bus made. According to the schedule on the bus stand.
It would take me two towns over if I stayed all the way. Taking a seat near the back, I was sure two towns would be space enough. The driver stopped at a filling station about halfway to where I was heading. I got off and grabbed something to eat. As I got back on, he grinned at me. “Ya runnin?” he asked in the same deep tone.
“Kind of,” I replied, moving back to my seat. By the time we neared the small little town where he stopped for the last time, I had moved to the front of the now-empty bus.
“Well then, child,” he said, pulling into the last stop. “Ya be safe, ya hear.”
“Thank you,” I replied, nodding at him before stepping off. The drive was long and gave me too much time to think. My mind kept wandering off to what Abram was doing. It made me sad and happy at the same time. I wanted to let him know but felt unsure. The way I left, the things he said. It was all too much.
Looking around, I noticed a diner on the next corner. My stomach growled as I headed towards it. The pack of chips I bought on the way wasn’t enough. I entered, looking around. The place wasn’t very big but then it was a small town. There was an elderly lady behind the long counter.
Smiling at me she waved as she spoke. “Hi, ya, comin in?”
Her dialect was very similar to the bus driver, and I wondered if he lived around here. As I sat down, she poured me a steaming cup of coffee. “Ya, new,” she said, placing the coffee pot down.
“Thank you,” I replied, taking a sip. “Yes, I’m actually looking for work and a place to stay if you may know where I could look.”
“Oh, ma soul,” she said, placing her hands over her mouth. “I need un, if ya interested.”
“You mean you have work?” I questioned, finding it strange that I could simply walk into such luck.
She nodded profusely as she handed me a muffin from a round display bowl on the counter's edge. “Have ya etin?” she questioned. “Have un.”
“Thank you so much,” I said, taking it from her.
“Out back is smul room, if ya wan,” she added beaming.
I sighed as she handed me a key. It felt like I had entered another world. “Nadia,” I said, holding out my hand. As she took my hand into both of hers, I thought back to my mother. I wondered if she would have accumulated wrinkles like these soft hands had.
“Emma,” the old lady responded as she went to the kitchen. Returning, she brought me a plate of food.
“Oh, no, I can’t,” I said, shaking my hands.
She placed it down before me and folded her arms. “Eat,” she huffed, grinning. This was the way my mother acted if I didn’t want to eat. Smiling at Emma, I felt at home suddenly.
My stomach growled again. I decided I would have to, seeing that I was now not only feeding myself. Once I was done, Emma took me out to the back and showed me the room. Stepping inside, I couldn’t believe it. She grinned, closed the door, and left.
I placed my bag on the floor and sat down on the bed. “There is hope for me and you,” I said out loud as I rubbed my stomach. I was sad that I had to leave Abram. I could see spending my life with him. However, I didn’t know if we would ever get past the betrayal.
There was a lot of manipulation as well, but I was positive I had seen glimpses of the real him now and then. There was a decent, loving man beneath all the bullshit. Thinking of all the good times and how he pulled me through some rough patches, I couldn’t believe he felt nothing.
I would hold onto those fond memories; they would become my safe haven. Looking as night seemed to appear out of nowhere, I smiled. The scenery from my window only included trees but it was enough. I was free to live my life as I wanted. No judgment, no orders, just me.
Looking down, I placed my hand on my belly again. “Just you and me, little one,” I whispered. “I promise I will keep you safe from the world out there no matter what happens, you will be loved.”
After unpacking my few belongings, I went to bed. It was a little bumpy. But it was the best sleep I have had in a long time. I rose early and joined Emma in the diner where I now worked.