Chapter 14 #2
To my shock, a wave of warmth reaches me through the bond—comfort she sends directly from her heart to mine. I briefly rest my forehead against hers as I consider her words. She has made a good point, because in the end, not even Commander Ashvale guessed what his brother would do.
“The war will be over soon,” I eventually say, straightening to stare down at her.
“A year at most. There aren’t many human and orc villages and cities left to conquer.
” I tell her this because I want her to realize the fighting won’t continue forever.
She has a gentle heart, and I know the bloodshed bothers her.
She tenses. “Must your people conquer every human and orc community?”
“It is not that we first set out to conquer the entire realm,” I say, “but rather we set out to protect our people, the regular faefolk who are leaving the four fae courts as they follow the spread of ussha. Whenever soldiers from a human or orc settlement attack my people, we have little choice but to conquer them. Blood for blood. It is our way. And now that our priestesses are becoming more insistent about the new age that is upon us—an age of total fae rule—I suspect no corner of the realm will remain unconquered by my people, whether by the Winter, Autumn, Spring, or Summer court armies.”
She falls silent, and I sense she’s absorbing all I’ve just revealed.
I also sense that though she doesn’t like it, she understands that the regular faefolk possess little magic and struggle to protect themselves.
She understands that is why the four fae armies are on the march, constantly patrolling and attacking any human or orc communities that prove a threat to the faefolk.
“An age of total fae rule,” she says slowly. “Do you think the realm will ever know peace? I mean… after all the human and orc settlements are conquered by your people, will you leave us alone? Or will you continue to torment us, demand tributes, take slaves, and…”
“I do not know,” I admit. My jaw tightens slightly.
“Many fae soldiers, particularly the highborn ones, will continue to enforce control even after the last formal battle has been fought. And of course, the human and orc communities will continue to live under the rule of a fae warden. Some wardens are more merciful than others.”
“What about Warden Harann, the new warden of Braemar?” she says. “How do you think he will treat the people of my home city?”
When I sense her thoughts drift to her family, along with a spasm of worry, I immediately send her a wave of warmth through the bond. Some of the tension leaves her body, but not all of it, and suddenly I feel like the worst kind of bastard.
All this time, she’s been missing her family, and she’s been worried about them.
Yet I was so seized by my possessiveness of her, my obsessive need to keep her, that I haven’t even offered to allow her to write to them.
A strange, heavy sensation falls on my chest, and it takes me a few moments to name it—guilt.
Still cupping the side of her face, I move my thumb in a slow circle over her cheek. I stare into her soulful eyes as I consider how I might best answer her question but also rectify the mistakes I’ve made.
I clear my throat, then draw in a long breath.
“Warden Harann is a fierce, highborn soldier. He likes order, and I doubt he will tolerate any rebellion from the humans of Braemar. That being said, he is not prone to unnecessary cruelty. His father is from the Spring Court, while his mother is from the Winter Court, which means he possesses some Seelie blood, in case that brings you comfort. Given what I know about him and what I’ve witnessed during my time serving with him in the Winter Court army, I believe that the regular, law-abiding citizens of Braemar likely have nothing to fear. ”
“I see.” She chews her lower lip for a moment. “Well, that is a relief, I suppose, though I wish… I wish I could verify that my family is doing all right. I wish I could—”
“Write to them,” I say, interrupting her.
“Yes, my dearest, you may write letters to your family whenever you wish. Forgive me for not making the offer sooner. When you have a letter ready, perhaps this bird can deliver it for you,” I say with a gesture at the sleeping bird, “and it will be delivered to them quickly.”
Her eyes light up. “You will permit me to write to them? Truly?”
“Truly.” I tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Though depending on where we are, it might be difficult for them to write back, since humans can’t summon messenger birds and glamour them in the way my people can. But you can at least write and let them know you are alive and well.”
“Thank you, Merak. I will write a letter soon.” She glances at the sleeping bird. “But I feel terribly guilty at the prospect of using this wee creature to deliver my letter. Surely it’s suffered enough, having to fly all this way in a blizzard.”
My heart warms at her sweetness, at the thoughtfulness she is showing to a mere bird, an animal whose wellbeing I would not have taken into consideration just a few days ago.
“When the blizzard stops, we will set this bird free, and then I will summon a different bird to deliver your letter. And I will need to summon two additional birds, since I must write to King Theron and Commander Ashvale.”
She nods before smiling down at the sleeping bird. “Do you hear that, little birdie? You won’t be forced to fly halfway across the realm through terrible weather again. You will soon be free, and you can go home to your family and…” Her eyes abruptly widen and her voice trails off.
But the words she just spoke hover between us, a reminder of all that she’s lost, a reminder of all my people have taken from her, and a reminder that I am keeping her from her loved ones too.
On the very first day we met, she pleaded for freedom, saying she only wanted to go home to her family. I harshly told her that I would never let her go and not to ask again.
If I want her to agree to the mating bond, if I want her to feel true affection for me, I must give her some of the freedoms she desires. Like the ability to not only write to her family, but also to visit them. I can’t just keep her all to myself, my forever captive.
When I feel her mind brushing against mine, softly, tentatively, I know she just heard my most recent thoughts.
Gods.
What do I tell her?
What if I agree to take her to visit her family, and then she tries to stay in Braemar?
The idea of losing her tears my guts out. It makes me want to lock her in a cage, then erect a series of wards around it, making escape utterly impossible.
And yet… if I kept her from her family, the family she clearly loves, it would break her heart.
“Gwen, I think you know what I am about to say.” I gentle my expression as I consider our future, a future in which she is my willing mate.
“Say it,” she says softly. “Please. Say it out loud. Make me another promise.”
“I promise I will take you to visit your family. I will not keep you from them. Not only that, but I will make sure they have all they need. Money… food… supplies.”
Her eyes widen. Then she throws her arms around me and pulls me close.
She presses a kiss to my lips, and I savor the warmth that suddenly floods the bond.
Feeling her happiness, her true joy, is a shock to my system.
I am not accustomed to such intense, bright emotions, and yet it pleases me that she is experiencing them.
I am honored that she is sharing that part of herself with me.
“Thank you, Merak. I had hoped you would allow me to write to them, and I was planning to ask you eventually, but knowing I will get to see them again is a great comfort.” She leans her head on my chest and hugs me tight.
I run my fingers through her freshly washed hair, still relishing the joy and the warmth that’s saturating the bond.
To think that I, the Lord of Nothing, a highborn fae male whose ancestors all hailed from the Winter Court, could enjoy such positive emotions and want to show my mate compassion and kindness is a shocking development indeed.
Yet I find I do not wish to change my circumstances.
I do not regret that my mate is a human female.
Gwen is mine. Forever.
From the depths of my soul, I adore her.
All at once, the wind ceases howling, and the snow stops pelting the windows.
A sudden silence falls over the suite, broken only by the steady crackling of the fire.
We both glance toward the mountains. The sky is clearing, the storm finally letting up after battering Ellonnar for three days straight.
I look at the bird, and Gwen follows my gaze.
“We can free him soon,” she says with a wistful expression.
“Yes,” I agree. “Once he’s finished resting, we will set him free.”