Chapter 17 #2
“On the day I was born in the province of Vaelnor, a strange black frost swept across the land, and in the days that followed, the faefolk started getting sick. The faefolk of Vaelnor blamed me, saying my birth was a bad omen, and they soon fled the province. The lands never recovered, so my parents eventually built a manor on a mountain overlooking Vaelnor, in a place that was still green and teeming with ussha… at the time.”
His story, I realize. He’s telling me his story. Not just the reason he often feels lonely, but the reason he often seeks solitude. And somehow, this cave is connected to it. Or maybe it’s the contents of the cave. I remain silent as I hold his hand, patiently waiting for him to continue.
“The Lord of Nothing,” he says with a bitter laugh. “That is what my people used to call me, what they used to whisper behind my back after I joined the Winter Court army just over four hundred years ago.”
The Lord of Nothing.
My heart squeezes.
Gods, what a cruel nickname.
I don’t have to ask him to explain it. The province that was his birthright as a highborn lord faded to ruin on the very day he was born, and so, there was nothing left for him to inherit.
No faefolk, and no lands.
“Oh, Merak,” I breathe. But I don’t say anything else.
He has more to say, and I am eager to hear it. I won’t rush him though. I resolve that I will give him all the time he needs to explain his past. The gods know how patient he’s been with me. He deserves some of that patience in return.
“About a year ago, I received a missive from a neighboring province, telling me that my parents had died during a blood ritual gone wrong. Apparently, they’d sought the help of a dark mage to bring Vaelnor back to life, a foolish plan given that ussha was already starting to leave fae lands by then, but the ritual demanded more than a few drops of blood.
It consumed them, leaving naught but bones on the ground.
A servant that witnessed the scene ran to the nearest province for help, but it was already too late. ”
“Oh gods, Merak. I’m so sorry. Truly, I am.” Moving closer, I place a hand on his arm, continually sending him surges of warmth and understanding through the bond.
“I took a brief leave of absence from the army so I could bury my parents and salvage what I could from their manor, but I needed somewhere to put everything—a place in the human or orc lands.” He glances around the cavern at the wooden boxes.
“I did not know if I would ever settle down, so I brought everything here for safekeeping.”
My breath catches, and I feel a pang of sorrow on Merak’s behalf.
The boxes contain his memories, pieces of his old life.
He clears his throat. “I brought you here because we needed a safe place to spend the night. But I suppose it also serves the purpose of finally revealing the truth to you—my people believe I am cursed.”
Before I can respond, before I can refute his assertion that he is cursed, he grips my upper arms and pulls me closer. He emits a soft growl and leans down, resting his forehead against mine.
Then he sends me a series of images, thoughts, and memories.
It’s a replay of his life. The most important things he can recall.
The moments that shaped him. He doesn’t hold back.
He shows me everything, even the violence.
His worst deeds. Like the faefolk he killed for taunting him, and all the human and orc soldiers he ruthlessly slaughtered during battle.
I even see a memory of him placing a young fae soldier’s head on a spike. Gods.
Then come the dreams. The dreams that haunt him. Black frost and a shadow figure he can never quite see when he turns his head. He reveals his worries that the dreams might mean something, but also his hope that the dreams are harmless, nothing beyond simple nightmares.
My knees start to buckle, and he immediately sweeps me into his arms. He carries me to the cold firepit and places me down on the bedroll. He retrieves the torch from the wall just long enough to light the firepit, then he settles next to me on the bedroll.
I am not sure what to think.
Merak has more darkness in him than I would have ever imagined.
Yet he showed it to me. All of it. All his secrets.
“Why?” I whisper, my voice coming out hoarse. I become aware of the tears coating my face, tears I don’t recall shedding. “Why did you show me all that? Why did you tell me…” My voice trails off.
He cups my face, brushing my tears away with his thumbs.
Knowing what he has done, every sordid deed, I should pull away from him.
But I don’t.
The truth is, despite everything, despite what he’s done and all he’s shown me, I don’t want to run from him. I don’t even want to evade his touch.
“Because we are mates, Gwen.”
That is all he says. A simple explanation, but I suppose it works.
He thinks that if he keeps parts of himself from me, surely I would discover who he really is after we consummated our union and the mating bond deepened.
He feared I would learn these things later and feel betrayed. He feared I would look at him differently. He even feared I would run.
Slowly, I lift my hand and place it over his heart.
“I don’t think you’re cursed, Merak. And I don’t think the gods made a mistake when…
when they chose to bind us as fated mates.
You are still mine, and I am yours. I will not run, and I will not push you away.
I want to keep seeing all of you, just as… I want you to see all of me.”
Through the bond, I feel his relief and his surprise.
“Gwen,” he says. “My dearest.”
He peers at me as though he’s seeing me for the first time… with the same intensity as when our eyes locked as I stood on the auction platform. That was the moment he realized I was his mate.
A warmth unlike anything I’ve felt before surges through the bond. He gathers me into his arms, holding me close, as the fire crackles quietly in the pit and the wind howls outside the cave.
Later, Merak cooks a simple meal over the fire while I sit wrapped in furs and watch him.
We eat together beside the flames, and afterward he shows me a bathing alcove tucked deeper inside the cavern, along with a proper washroom that he constructed himself.
He admits he built it for convenience in case he ever stayed here for a while.
.. but also because he needed something to occupy his mind and keep his hands busy after losing his parents.
Once we are ready for bed, Merak takes me to the bedroll and pulls me against his chest beneath the fur blankets, wrapping his arms tightly around me.
He doesn’t try to claim me tonight, nor does he initiate any intimacies beyond a quick but soft kiss on my lips as he wishes me pleasant dreams. At first, I’m disappointed by what seems like distance… but then I catch the glimmers of his thoughts that reveal his true intentions.
He doesn’t want to claim me until after King Theron has issued the decree that I am no longer a slave. He wants to give me the dignity of freedom, if only the notion of it, before he fully claims me as his and seals the bond between us forever.
My throat burns at the realization, and I snuggle deeper into his arms. For the first time since leaving Ellonnar, I feel as though I truly understand him, just as he understands me.
And as sleep finally claims me, tucked safely in my mate’s arms, I realize I’m no longer afraid of what tomorrow might bring.