Chapter Five
Elena
I stretch languidly on Lucian’s chest, feeling happy and energized despite the vigorous sexual activity. Settling back in the cocoon of his arms, I stare down at him, unable to hide my blissful smile. Satisfaction sings in my veins at seeing his arctic blue eyes light with warmth, compared to the cold and shuttered expression he usually wears. Still inside me, he’s lying his back, my body covering his and my breasts cushioned on his hard chest.
His semi-hard cock shifts inside me, sending currents of desire down my spine. I suck in a sharp breath at the sensation, my sex aching at the feeling of his manhood moving inside me.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were a virgin?” Lucian asks, his rich, deep voice vibrating against my chest.
I push my head up and rest my chin on my overlapped hands arranged on his chest, holding his enquiring gaze. “I don’t know,” I admit. “I guess because of the heat of the moment. I didn’t think about telling you until we were already…” I blush and give a shy shrug, then smile softly as I gently add, “It turned out well, didn’t it?”
He grunts, holding my stare with his heavy-lidded eyes. My breath comes out in soft pants as heat blooms inside me again under his intense gaze. “You’re irrevocably mine now, love,” he declares with a soft growl that makes my smile widen and my heart skip a beat.
Once my amusement fades, the reality of my life sets in. I suddenly realize that ever since I’ve been with Lucian, I have felt steady, anchored. The fact that I can’t remember the last week or so is a bit less scary now that I’m making new memories with him. I don’t even have an inkling of how I appeared at the auction house, but when I’m with Lucian, I somehow feel like this is where I’m meant to be.
“What’s wrong, love?” he asks, drawing me out of my thoughts. He raises his hand to my face, gently smoothing out the creases on my forehead. “You’re frowning so hard.”
I blink slowly, taking in his concerned gaze and heaving a soft sigh. “I’m just worried about the loss of my memories. There’s just a blank space in my memory before the auction house. The doctor said I have a head injury, but I don’t even remember how I got injured in the first place. It’s funny—even though I know who I am, losing a few recent memories has got me feeling so worried, like there’s something important I’m missing.” I hold his gaze. “I just wish I could remember.”
Lucian slips his fingers into my hair and tugs my head back. “Regaining memories is not as easy as it seems, love. Try to let go of the compulsion to remember and allow them to come back to you as naturally as possible. I’m certain your memories will come back to you,” he states.
“I know, but I just feel…helpless. What about you?” I ask. “I want to know more about you. Since we met at the auction house, I’m sure you can tell me a bit about the place, and maybe it will bring back my memories of how I got there.” I smile hopefully, anticipation surging inside me.
But Lucian’s gaze shutters, and he doesn’t say anything for a while. Just when I’m about to probe again, he tugs me closer until his warm breath slides deliciously over my face.
“Why would I want to talk about that despicable place when I could be kissing you instead?” he murmurs, a teasing lilt to his voice. Then his mouth suddenly claims mine, ridding me of all rational thoughts.
I moan into him, sensation dancing on my skin as he slowly explores the confines of my mouth. Pleasure ignites in my veins and I gyrate slowly on him as he moves his hard shaft gently inside me.
Right now, I don’t care if I forget my own name. I never want to forget this feeling…the feeling of having him buried so deeply inside of me.
Lucian lets go of my lips. “Ride me,” he commands in a guttural tone.
With his hands bracketing my waist, I slowly straighten, feeling his hard cock in every part of me. My sex clenches convulsively around him as he surges deeper inside me from below, eliciting a loud cry from my lips.
Blood rushing in my veins, I place my hands on his chest, using the momentum to push off his cock, and then I slide back down to the hilt. My sex floods at the sensation and a loud mewl leaves my lips.
My eyes stay glued to Lucian’s as he drives into me and I grind hard on his thick shaft. The connection between us grows unbelievably stronger as need heightens inside me. Urgency rides at me, and I match his movements stroke for stroke. With every thrust, his cock grazes the sensitive nerves along my walls, adding to the growing ache in my core.
I bend forward and clutch his shoulders, lost in the throes of the sizzling heat rendering me mindless. He leans forward to suck my nipple into his mouth, the heat and coarseness of his tongue pushing me deeper until my nails are digging into his shoulders.
Shudders wrack my body as he slams into me from below, hitting my G-spot. An unimaginable feeling envelops me and a wordless cry leaves my lips. I throw my head back in ecstasy, my knees pressing hard against his sides as I let go. My sex floods and clamps hard around his shaft, and a loud groan of pleasure falls from his lips.
“ Fuck !” He jerks repeatedly as he comes, grunting and shooting deep inside me.
I sigh and slump onto his chest, breathing hard. His arms wrap around my body, caressing my back until the aftershocks subside and I finally come back to the present. After a few seconds of rest, my stomach growls loudly between us.
His soft chuckle vibrates through my entire body, and my cheeks burn in embarrassment. I gently pinch his side, raising my head. “That’s not funny,” I mutter.
Lucian only chuckles harder, his eyes alight with humor. “You have to admit it’s a little funny,” he says.
My heart swells as I take in the mirth in his beautiful blue eyes and the amused smile playing on the corner of his lips. I can’t help but smile back. “Okay, I’ll give in this time,” I reply.
Knowing I’m the reason for the amusement in his eyes makes my heart warm. I don’t know how it happened, but I suddenly want to see him happy all the time—and I want to be the reason for it.
Oh God. I’m down bad…
“And that’s my cue to feed you,” he declares as he gently separates us. He pushes up and slides off the bed. “I’m sorry for neglecting your needs, angel,” he says, then presses a kiss to my temple and leads me to the bathroom. “Let’s wash up first.”
Thirty minutes later, I walk hand in hand with Lucian out of his suite, feeling excited and sated, memories of our shower lingering in my head. A dreamy smile graces my lips as I remember his long fingers gliding over my skin as he washed me. The way they stayed just a bit longer on my breasts, kneading and plucking them under the guise of cleaning them. And the way his hands then slid to my sex and gently stroked me to a trembling completion.
“Penny for your thoughts?” he asks, pulling me out of my daydream.
My heart skips, and my cheeks burn in embarrassment at the direction of my thoughts. I can’t believe that finally having sex has turned me into this wanton woman. I clear my throat, trying to pull myself together and ease the flutter in my gut. When I finally look up, I find his heated stare on me, and I know that I can’t fool him.
We’re so attuned to each other that it’s almost impossible to hide my feelings. With him, I’m an open book, and I don’t know if that’s something that I like. Especially knowing that it’s not mutual. Where I’m transparent, Lucian is the complete opposite. There’s no denying the shadows that surround him, and yet I can’t stop feeling drawn toward him.
“I have a feeling you know what I was thinking about,” I say finally as we start down the winding staircase.
He flashes me a quick, tender smile. “True. Your eyes are expressive. Still, I like that you tell me what you’re thinking rather than having to find out by myself.” His hand tightens around mine in comfort.
A thought appears in my mind. “Why don’t we strike a deal? You answer some of my questions and in turn I’ll tell you my thoughts.”
Lucian goes silent. “That’s not a fair trade, love,” he says with an arched brow and twitching lips. “What if I don’t have answers to your questions?”
“Then you don’t answer. No pressure,” I assure him.
His gaze narrows on mine. “Why do I feel like I’m getting the short end of the stick? I need more insurance from you,” he growls playfully.
Soft giggles leave my lips as we walk into the kitchen. “Alright. I’ll make my breakfast special as payment,” I say.
He eyes me, his gaze thoughtful as if he’s weighing his options. I can’t help but grin at his antics, glad to see a different and lighter side of him. “Alright, love. I’ll accept your payment. But I have a request and a question. After that, I’m all yours,” he says.
I stop and turn to face him fully. “Okay.”
“My request is simple. I know you can’t be comfortable wearing my clothes—after breakfast, I’d like to call in a shopper to bring you new clothes. Is that okay?” he asks.
I tug at the hem of his shirt, smiling at his thoughtfulness. “Yes, that would be great,” I answer, then I ask softly, “What’s the question?”
“I’m curious. What’s this special breakfast meal?” he asks, his gaze curious and searching.
I smile softly. “It’s just bacon, toast, and eggs. Nothing fancy, but you’ll love it.”
“Hmm. What’s the story behind this special meal?” he asks with a raised brow.
My smile turns wistful, my mind traveling to the cherished memories. “As a child, I used to help my mother cook in the kitchen. She used to call this meal special breakfast , but I think it was just a meal that was less stressful to whip up when she had a long day ahead.”
My mind wanders back to the present and I find myself gazing into Lucian’s tender eyes. “When I was looking for you earlier, I stumbled upon the kitchen and it reminded me of her. I guess I have you to thank for that,” I say, flashing him a bright smile.
“I’m sorry about your mother, Elena,” he says solemnly.
I wave him off, feeling a pang of pain at the old wound that suddenly feels fresh. “It’s fine. She’s been dead for a while. Car accident,” I explain before he can ask. “Cooking has become my way to get close to her and remember her. At the café where I work, they sometimes let me make suggestions for the menu and help with the baking, but what I really want is to own my own café.”
I’m not sure if I even have a job to go back to, after missing so many shifts, but I brush that thought aside for now, choosing to focus on the present with Lucian. I turn toward the refrigerator and open it, the gust of chilly air gliding over my exposed skin as I pull out strips of bacon. Under Lucian’s direction, I arrange the ingredients needed to make bacon and toast with scrambled eggs.
As I slide some bread into the toaster, I glance at Lucian. “My turn.”
“I’m ready. What do you want to know?” he asks, bracing himself.
I swallow a sigh at the flash of panic in his blue eyes before he slams down his shield. “What do you have against pictures? Your home is like a tomb. There are no personal photos of you and your family.”
At my words, his blue eyes grow colder until his gaze is impenetrable and there are no emotions in sight. My heart thumps hard in my chest as he transforms into the dangerous stranger I met at the auction house. Not a trace of the man who made love to me and showered me with warmth and tenderness.
“I have no need for photos, and I have no family,” he says stiffly.
“Why? Where is your family?” I ask softly, my voice barely above a whisper.
Those cold blue eyes meet mine. “You’re asking for too much, my love,” he drawls. He sounds detached, but I clearly hear the dangerous lilt in his tone.
I should be scared. Instead, I’m filled with an overwhelming need to ease the pain I know he’s masking beneath his shuttered gaze.
“It’s alright,” I say. I take a step toward him. My voice is soft, as if I’m soothing a wounded bear. “You don’t have to say anything more. Let’s just eat,” I assure him with a bright smile.
He stares at me in silence, and when I try to turn around, he says, “Wait.”
I pause mid-turn and look up at him questioningly. Deep beneath his gaze, I see his struggle to hold on to his impenetrable shield and restraint. After a few seconds, his lips pull up at the corners in the semblance of a smile.
“I’m a very dangerous man, Elena. You need to know that I’m not the angel you’ve painted me to be in your mind. Nor am I the angel you prayed would rescue you. I’m jaded. I’ve done despicable things, and I’ve witnessed even crueler things. This is me, love. You have to know what you’re getting into with me before I answer your question.”
My gaze grows softer with Lucian’s words, and I inhale steadily, pulling air into my stiff body. I always knew there was more to the enigmatic man before me. But my heart only swells with emotion at his self-deprecating words.
He wants to paint himself as lethal, but I won’t accept it. What he doesn’t understand is that no true villain accepts the darkness within them. Only someone who possesses an innate goodness would recognize their own darkness. But I doubt he wants to hear that now.
So I nod, taking another step toward him. “I know, Lucian. I understand.”
He stares at me in silence, and I wait. After a few minutes that seem like eternity, his rich, deep voice fills the kitchen.
“My father and I are estranged. My mom is dead…it was my fault. I should have listened to her back then, but I thought she was being hysterical. My father is a very powerful and cruel man. My mom and I didn’t know that side of him until it was too late. He fooled everyone.”
His gaze darkens with remorse. “One day, she witnessed my father murder a man at his office—a man who had stolen from him. She was spooked, so she drove straight to my school to pick me up, hoping to run away with me.”
I can’t move, not wanting to break the spell now that he’s finally opening up. So I hold still and I listen, my eyes meeting his as he dredges up the painful memory.
“She told me we had to leave. I remember her panicked expression and the urgency in her voice as she packed bags for us, but I slowed her down, and I kept begging to pack one last thing. So we stayed longer than we should have, and my father came home and found us. I didn’t know she was running from him . So when he told me to sleep over at my friend’s place, I didn’t think anything of it—until I got home the next day and he announced that she had died in her sleep. Though I had my suspicions, it wasn’t until years later that I learned of his shady dealings and his involvement in her death.”
His eyes are dark with hurt and pain. “So, when you ask me why I have no pictures or personal touches, it’s because I fucking hate my father, and photos of my mom will only bring back painful memories.”
I close the distance between us and slip my fingers between his, clasping hard. “How old were you when this happened?” I ask.
He exhales softly at my touch, and I watch his stiff body gradually soften. “Twelve.”
Tears well up in my eyes, and my heart aches for the young boy who lost his mother so cruelly. “You were just a boy. You couldn’t have known,” I whisper.
His blue eyes soften on mine. “I know that, and I’ve made peace with it, but I’ve never forgotten.”
I stare at him, wondering if his loss is the reason he hides his emotions so deep that they’ve hardened to jagged edges, or if he lived without love and warmth for so long that he became immune to it. No matter what it is, I’m going to make sure I shower him with as much warmth as I can until he starts to believe that he deserves love.
Love…
Maybe it’s his intense nature, or his quiet and unwavering shield. I don’t know when my gratitude for Lucian transformed into feelings, but I think I’m starting to fall in love with the beautiful, stoic man before me.
“If your old memories hurt you, let’s create new ones. Together. I could use some new memories too—to fill up the blank spots.” I smile warmly at him, then tug him toward the kitchen island. “Come, let’s make breakfast together, the first of many memories we’ll share.”
“Thank you, angel,” he says, and my heart sighs at the genuine smile that graces his face as he raises our joined hands to his lips.