17. Rose #2
They end up clattering to the floor as I seek for a grip on anything and everything, eventually settling on grasping one shelf with one hand and just clinging on for the ride.
My orgasm tears through me like a crashing wave, pulsing with such force that my legs stiffen and then tremble through every aftershock.
Kon continues to kiss and lick me through it all until I'm gasping and moaning openly, then he kisses my mound and carefully moves back to his feet.
Our mouths collide once more and he presses himself against me, a hot line of thick, hard muscle and a throbbing cock against my hip.
He catches my wrists in his hand and pins them above my head and then—
Something switches.
Suddenly, it's not Kon's mouth against mine but Mathew’s and no matter which way I turn my head, I can't escape him.
The grip on my wrists isn't warm and firm, but cold and punishing as the small bones beneath the skin creak and shift in pain.
I know what's coming, what's always coming, and I can't ever escape him.
I gasp and the flashback ends. Kon's face melts back in front of me and I drag in a deep breath, then move forward to kiss him once more.
I have to keep going.
Nothing is more important than completing this.
But Kon moves backward, and our lips don't meet. Gone is the lustful sparkle in his eyes.
It's been replaced by something else, something warm and subtle like concern.
"Rose," Kon says and my name curls from his tongue like a prayer. "What is wrong?"
"What? Nothing. Nothing is wrong. Come on, don't stop now." I try to kiss him again, but Kon refuses to meet me and his grip on my wrists grows soft.
His hands slide down my forearms and then he's stepping away from me and unbuttoning his shirt.
I expect him to throw himself back at me but all he does is remove his shirt and then drape it over my bare shoulders.
"What are you doing?"
"You changed," Kon replies and his voice remains gentle. "You went somewhere. I felt it. The tension in you…" Kon pulls his shirt closed over my shoulders and the lingering warmth is welcome against the chill that forms in my chest. "It is okay."
"No it's not. Come on, I want you to fuck me! I'm okay!" I was so close. So fucking close and I had to go and fuck it all up because my stupid brain can't tell the difference between reality and a memory.
I reach for his wrist to try and drag him back but Kon twists his hand and catches my fingers instead.
Palm to palm, he leads me away from the bookshelves and toward the deep red velvet couches near the quiet, unlit fireplace.
"Do you want to fuck on the couch?" I ask as he sits. "Because we can."
"Rose. You do not need to hide it. Believe me, I meant what I said about being addicted to you but I felt you change. I will not push you into anything you are not comfortable or ready for."
"But—"
"Look me in the eye." He tugs me down to sit next to him, warm in his shirt. "Tell me what changed? If I moved too fast or did something you did not like then you must tell me."
"I—"
A deep sigh rises up in my chest and I grimace.
As much as I try to hide it, Kon morphing briefly into Mathew has my gut in knots. I can't lie to him while looking him in the eye.
But I can't tell him the truth either.
So I improvise.
"It's just… a lot of pressure, I guess."
Kon's brows knit together and both his hands close over one of mine. "Pressure?"
"Yeah, I mean… we've been together over a month, and we've tried a lot, but I'm not pregnant yet.
I can't help but feel like I'm letting you and everyone else down.
It's the one thing I'm supposed to do for this and it hasn't happened yet, so I guess the pressure got to me a little… but that's all."
Kon's eyes widen slightly and he nods along as I speak. "Rose, darling. You do not need to worry about any of that. I do not care about an heir and your ability to give me one does not dictate your worth in the slightest."
A knot of confusion twists in my chest. "What? But… isn't that part of the deal?"
"Yes, but in the fine print because it does not really matter to me."
That knot begins to grow in my chest. "How can it not matter? Isn't that what this entire deal is all about?"
"No. The deal was for a wife. The heir is included in the fine print to keep those generals happy, but it is not a goal or an expectation of mine," Kon explains.
"You see, I am infertile. The chances of me having a child are extremely slim.
It is why I have no children from my first marriage and why I work so hard to prove my value in other ways.
So you see, my dear, it is not your fault that you are not pregnant, and you should not put that kind of pressure on yourself because it is something out of your control. And mine, to an extent."
Infertile.
Kon is infertile.
It hits like a physical blow to the chest and I stare at him while the knot in my chest tightens further as if it's tangling around all of my organs.
Infertile.
Oh no.
I've been staring at him in silence for far too long after such a personal reveal, so I suddenly lean forward and cup his face with a bright smile. "That doesn't matter. Luckily, it's very fun to try, don't you think?" I kiss him softly and Kon slides an arm around my waist.
"You are far too sweet for your own good," he replies. "I am sorry I did not tell you. I did not wish to put any undue pressure on you, and I see now that I am the cause of it. Please, do not stress about it. It is not an expectation I carry at all."
I remain in a daze as I kiss him back and then allow him to scoop me up and carry me out of the library.
It's a mystery to me how we get from there to our bedroom, because I swear I blink and suddenly he's tucking me up in bed, then retreating to the shower.
Infertile.
The word weaves around my mind like a fever.
This is… horrifying news.
It could take months and months for us to have a baby.
Some people try for years before turning to artificial means, but Kon doesn't strike me as someone intent on getting IVF. He seems settled in his situation.
But if I can't get pregnant, then how the fuck am I going to save my family?
Another slow blink and Kon is kissing me, then settling down to sleep.
I don't sleep.
Even with his arms around me and the warm scent of his soap soothing my senses, I can't sleep.
Everything about my position here and the safety of my family rides on my ability to get pregnant so the Vasiliev brothers can use that child to control and enact revenge on Kon. In return, my family goes free.
It was supposed to be simple.
I remain numb throughout the night but at some point, sleep does draw me under.
I'm woken the next morning by the buzz of my phone on the bedside table.
Kon is gone but a mug of tea rests next to my phone on a small heating plate to keep it warm.
It's sweet, until the reality of last evening clashes back to the forefront of my mind.
Fighting a yawn, I grab my phone and my stomach plummets out my ass at the message on my screen.
[Mathew] I'm done waiting. You have two weeks.