32. Rose
ROSE
"What?"
Take care of everything?
What does that even mean?
I gaze up into Kon's gorgeous dark eyes, and my heart breaks from the pain and restraint I see in them.
He's holding himself back, that much is clear, but despite every piece of him that I've chipped away with my truth, he still holds me with care and kisses me with affection.
I don't deserve it. Not after everything I've done.
"Kon, what do you mean?"
Kon stares down at me for a long second, then he twists himself and glances back at Calvin. "Calvin, can you finish the soup? I was making it for Beatie and Rose. I do not know if it will help but I thought it would be a start."
Calvin's brow twists with a look of confusion that matches the weight growing in my chest. Then he speaks. "Sure. I can do that."
"Thank you." Kon turns back to me and once again, fleetingly kisses my forehead. Then he's gone and I'm left with the air around me still warm from his presence.
My eyes lock with Calvin's. "What does he mean?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. "Take care of everything? What does he mean?" The pressure in my chest rises and I'm rooted to the spot, unsure if the weight behind my eyes will turn into laughter or sobbing.
"I don't know," Calvin admits. "I've… never seen him like that before." He lifts one hand and rubs at his jaw. "I thought he was going to explode. I honestly thought he was going to kill someone but he…" Calvin frowns deeply. "Why didn't you tell him about the baby?"
My lips part but words don't come. All I can do is stare at him.
I look down as both hands rest against my abdomen.
"I wanted to. I did. But I got so scared that he would tell me to get rid of it out of anger, or he would be accepting and only put up with me because of it.
When he stood there and asked me if it was real, it felt like I would be tricking him if I told him I was pregnant. "
"But it's the truth." Calvin starts forward toward me. "Rose, you are pregnant."
"I know. And it's something he wants. Can you honestly tell me…
" I lift my gaze to meet his as he stops in front of me.
"If you were in his position and I just told you that the start of our relationship was a ploy to harm and dethrone you, would you truly believe I loved you if I then threw at you the one thing that you quietly desired? "
"Yes," Calvin replies immediately but then he sucks in air through his teeth and sighs. "No. I don't know. I can't fathom how I would act because this is… insane."
"Exactly," I whisper. "And I don't want him to feel like I'm tricking him again.
If he was going to hate me, I wanted him to show it.
I wanted him to be free to tell me how much I've hurt him without worrying about a baby but then he just…
" I turn and stare at the empty doorway. "Why was he so calm?"
"I don't think he was calm." Calvin sighs deeply. "I think he was… contained. Kon is calculated, you know that. When it comes to people he cares about, he deals very swiftly with those who have hurt or threatened them. Look at the Italians. He killed them because their leader threatened you."
I glance back at him. "What? I didn't know that?"
"Ethan told me. That's why their deal didn't even happen. Kon was going to milk them dry, but they threatened you and so he killed them. Of course, then he got the call that you'd been attacked and…" Calvin puffs his cheeks. "Fuck. Everything is so fucked up."
I nod slowly. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know how I got here."
"Not my choice," Calvin murmurs. "I need to call Ethan. And make soup."
"It's okay, I'm not hungry."
Calvin catches my elbow before I have a chance to move away. "You need to eat. If not for you, then for the baby."
"If I say no?"
Calvin winces. "Please don't make me feel like I'm forcing you into something," he murmurs. "Not after…"
"Not after what those brothers did?" I sigh weakly and move to one of the chairs near the island counter, perching myself while Calvin returns to the soup.
"I meant what I said. It was horrible but being with Kon?
Around him and with him? It made me feel so safe.
The only nights I dreamed about them were the nights he wasn't there.
I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me because of how unaffected I felt.
Then I realized it was Kon. He made me feel safe deep in my soul and I didn't realize it. "
"There is nothing wrong with you," Calvin assures me.
"How you were dealing—or not dealing—with what they put you through?
Everyone is different. And I'm no psychologist, but your fight or flight has surely been running at high speed ever since you were snatched.
Your trauma response might come later when things calm down. "
The knot in my gut tightens. "You think we'll be okay? That Kon won't cast me out?"
Calvin shrugs with a sad smile. "I don't know. But I do know that what happened between the two of you was real for him. You just have to persuade him that it was real for you too. I don't think he can see that right now."
I can only nod as a deep wave of exhaustion crashes over me.
Twenty minutes later, I'm almost asleep in my bowl of soup.
Calvin stays with me until I can't keep my eyes open, then he escorts me to bed, where exhaustion thankfully knocks me out.
The next morning, Beatie finally wakes up.
I fly to her side the moment the news reaches me, barely able to even get dressed in my desperation to see my sister.
When I burst into the room, she flinches where she sits in the bed and blinks owlishly at me before her thin lips curve into a smile.
"Rose?"
"Beatie!" Hearing her voice after so long immediately triggers tears in my eyes, and they pour unhindered down my cheeks while I throw myself across the bed at her and wrap her in my arms. "Oh my god, you're okay! I was so worried, I was so fucking worried!"
The door is closed softly by Calvin who followed my race through the manor, and he lingers in the corner, trying to give us privacy.
"Rose!" Beatie's voice crumples slightly and she deflates into my grasp as my heart breaks.
She's thinner than I remember.
Her bony shoulders press into my chest, her arms don't carry the same warmth that they used to, and she feels smaller when she's tucked against me. But I don't care right now.
She's here.
She's alive.
That's all that matters.
"You're okay," I gasp, cradling the back of her head. "You're safe here, I promise."
"Everything hurts," she croaks.
"I know sweetie. I know. It'll get better. It will." Sniffling, I fight to stem my tears as I lean back and cradle her face. "You've no idea how good it is to see you."
Beatie sniffles and stares up at me with wide eyes. "Where am I?"
"You're in my home. This is where Konstantin and I live."
Her eyes widen further, so I continue on hastily.
"Don't worry. He's a nice man. I promise. He's done so much to take care of me."
"Is that him?" Beatie's eyes slide to Calvin.
"No, that's Calvin. He's my guard. Kon is…" Trailing off, I also face Calvin. "Where is he?"
"He's busy taking care of some things in the city," Calvin replies. "That's why the place may feel quieter."
By quieter, he means there are less guards around, which might actually help Beatie settle in.
"When he's home, I will introduce you," I say with a smile, wiping away a stray tear with the curl of my finger. "But Beatie… what happened?"
Confusion flashes in her eyes.
"You were supposed to be safe. You were all supposed to be safe while I was here. That was the deal. What happened?"
Beatie's face crumples in on itself and her chest jolts.
"It was awful as soon as you left," she whimpers.
"Daniil was so angry all of the time and one day, he didn't come back and then Lev was angry all of the time.
He kept hurting Mom, and I kept trying to protect her, and then Dad left one day, and he didn't come back.
" Beatie clutches at my hand. "He didn't come back!
He left us all alone. I thought I was going to die, Rose.
All I wanted was for us to be a family again but…
" She trails off and absently scratches at the needle marks on her arm. "Everyone left me. Everyone."
My heart twists in my chest and I reach for her hand.
"I'm here now, Beatie. I'm so sorry I left you.
I wouldn't if I'd had any sort of choice in the matter.
" There are too many questions to ask and not enough time.
Did the brothers hurt her the same way they hurt me?
What did she mean by Dad leaving? Is Mom okay?
Given the state of her, these questions won't do any good. Instead I tighten my grip on her hand. "Come on. Let's get you something to eat and drink, and then we can talk." I turn to Calvin. "Can we do that?"
"I'll check with the doctor," Calvin says and he slips out of the room to search for them.
"I am hungry," Beatie murmurs. She gives me the same look she used to give me when we were younger and she wanted the last of the exciting cereal, leaving me with whatever healthy wheatgrain was left.
"Okay. Come on. I'm sure it will be fine." Food can't do any harm, right? With Beatie's hand firmly in mine, I help her from the bed and we slip from the room, then I lead her through the manor and down to the kitchen where the remains of Kon's soup still rests on the stove.
"You live here?" Beatie asks softly.
"I do. This is Konstantin's home."
"It's beautiful." She hops up onto one of the stools. "So all of this time, you've been living here?"
"Mhm." Approaching the fridge, I haul open the door and study the contents for something soft and gentle.
"Konstantin lets you just walk around? You're not a prisoner?"
"I'm not. Like I said, he's much nicer than you would expect." Those words sting like a lie across my tongue, because Kon's actions yesterday and his absence today could mean anything. There's a heavy chance I'll never see him again after breaking his heart, but I can't put that on Beatie yet.
"It's so…" Beatie sighs. "It's so nice here. All this time."
Finding nothing in the fridge that feels suitable, I move to the stove and lift the lid on Kon's soup. Maybe a bowl of only broth will be gentle enough for Beatie?
"How about some soup? I had some last night and it was really…" My words trail off into nothing as I turn around and find Beatie standing a few feet away with a steak knife clutched between both her hands and tears shimmering in her red-rimmed eyes. "Beatie?"
"I'm s-sorry," Beatie gasps. "But the only way all of this will ever stop is if you die!"