34
Kai hadn’t spoken for ten minutes since I’d been in this tub. He was behind me, hyper-focused on lathering my hair and gently scrubbing the blood off my skin.
“Kai, talk to me.”
His fingers stopped working through my scalp, and I felt his lips on my shoulder. Closing my eyes out of instinct, I leaned back and waited for him to break his silence. But he didn’t. He rinsed out the shampoo and towel-dried my hair. He was so sweet and attentive that I didn’t have the heart to tell him I needed to apply conditioner. I let him lift me out of the water, and he continued to dry me off. His touch was soft and cautious as he worked his way down. I noticed his gaze would stray to the sorest spots on my body, where bruising had already begun. But even then, he refused to meet my eyes.
“Hey,” I tried again, to no avail.
The same tension he wore while he finished off Rocco’s men was still creasing his beautiful features. As he dabbed water droplets from my shoulders, he reached up to feather his thumb against a sensitive area on my neck. Kai’s breathing suddenly accelerated, and his hand rolled into a fist. But I couldn’t take any more of his silent rage. Ripping the towel from his hand, I tossed it.
“That’s enough. Look at me. I’m fine,” I assured him assertively, my hands framing his face.
His stormy eyes finally found mine, and he shook his head. “Fine? You have bruises everywhere. And have you seen your face?” I actually hadn’t, but now I was curious. “Your neck— Amalia, he almost killed you. Do you know what that would have done to me? If I’d walked in and found you...”
“Kai, I’ve almost been killed more times than I could count. But I’m fine. Don’t make me have to keep repeating myself, because I’m already getting aggravated.”
Kai held my wrists and tenderly lowered them from his face. Taking a step back, he tugged off his shirt, then slid out of his pants, leaving just his black boxer briefs. He held my hand, led me to the bed, and motioned for me to climb onto the mattress. I obliged, and he slipped in after me and pulled me close until his chin rested on my head.
“I would have never forgiven myself had something happened while I was gone. I should have been home. I would have been home, but I stopped to buy you those damn roses.”
“They’re beautiful.”
He sighed loudly. “Amalia, stop. Stop waving this off like it wasn’t a big deal. Could you just accept that someone else gives a damn about you? That I give a damn. I don’t know how else to tell you. I’m not here just because of a contract. I’m here because I want to be here. And you matter to me so fucking much.”
My stomach flipped upside down, and I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply.
“Kai…are you happy here? With me?”
His hold on me tightened, but his touch was still gentle, conscious of the bruises. “I’ve always tried to put on the facade of the guy people could count on—of being happy and using humor to get by. But the truth is, I’ve always felt out of step, like something was missing. Even surrounded by the people who meant everything in the world to me, there was a hole inside me that maybe I wasn’t aware of.”
I touched his face, anticipating words I didn’t know I needed to hear. “And now?”
He kissed my palm, his eyes burning through mine. “For the first time in my life, I’m home.”
My breath hitched, and a smile stretched across my face as I leaned in and brushed my lips against his.
“I like you, Kai Cain. And I was planning on keeping you anyway.”
He laughed and rolled us over, his large frame over mine. I’d never felt so safe and so…loved.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered, his thumb smoothing back and forth along the bridge of my nose.
I held him at the nape with both hands and pulled him in for a kiss, my legs spreading to allow him room to settle between them.
“No, baby. You’re hurt.”
“Hurt me more,” I begged, arching against him. “Make me forget, Kai. Make me yours.”
He shook his head slowly. “That’s a done deal. You’re already fucking mine.”
I’d never been run over by a bus, but I was pretty sure the way I was feeling and how every muscle in my body was aching was damn near the equivalent. I pushed into a sitting position and propped myself against the pillows. The breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast Kai had made and insisted on having me stay and eat in bed still lay untouched beside me. My appetite was non-existent. I had too much on my mind, but at the same time, nothing at all. Mostly because I pushed away thoughts of Rocco. There was far too much pain associated with the memory of everything that had transpired last night and over these last few weeks.
I tried to convince myself that I’d seen his betrayal coming, building for years due to his obsession because Rocco was ruthless and cold-hearted, yet I was still blindsided. Maybe because while I knew he’d cut off the heads of his men for smaller transgressions, he was different with me…or at least that was what I’d been dumb enough to think.
“Can I come in?”
Gio poked his head through the partially opened door, a frail smile on his sweet face. “Of course,” I said, placing the food tray on my nightstand and patting the mattress beside me. I did my best to hide the pain by measuring my breath and focusing on returning his smile.
“Kai said to come up and keep you company while he talks to those men downstairs.”
The clean-up crew.
Initially, he’d instructed Milly to call our local agency, but he quickly changed his mind and called Ares to have his own trusted team take care of yesterday’s problem. We all hated that we’d had to sleep with the corpses of dead men outside our door, but on such short notice, the fastest they could arrive wasn’t until this morning.
“You’re the best company,” I said, tousling his hair like I used to when he was a kid. Only this time, he didn’t laugh or try to get me to stop. Instead, Gio remained silent and hung his head. “Hey, I’m so sorry you had to see that.”
A tear slid down his nose as his shoulders trembled subtly. “I’m sorry, too.” He reached for my hand and squeezed it. “I thought he was going to kill you.”
“He was,” I whispered, my voice on the verge of cracking. “But you saved my life. Again.”
Gio turned to me, his beautiful brown eyes blurred behind tears. “I don’t want you to die, Amalia. Let’s leave from here. Please,” he begged.
I cupped his face and kissed his forehead. “You know I can’t do that, even if I wanted to.”
Gio broke from my arms and stormed off the bed. “That’s bullshit! You’re the self-proclaimed queen, aren’t you? You make the rules, don’t you? So why not leave someone else in charge?”
“It’s not that simple,” I tried to explain, pushing to stand a little too fast. I wobbled, and I caught myself, but not before unwillingly showing how much pain I was in. Wearing just a cami and shorts, the extent of my bruising was on full display.
Gio shook his head in horror.
“What is it going to take, Amalia? You’re not immortal. You dole out punishment and death, and one day, the bill will be due.”
His words hit my core with the weight of a premonition. “Stop.” I reached for him, but he recoiled from my touch. “Maybe you should go.”
“Kai said—”
“No, I mean back home.”
He folded his arms with an indignant scowl. “You don’t want me here?”
“I love you, and I want you safe.”
He scoffed. “Oh, there’s a crazy concept.”
“Giovanni, I can’t guarantee your safety here.”
“Rocco’s dead.”
“That means nothing. Another Rocco will take his place soon enough. Wash, rinse, repeat.” Maybe I needed to hurt him to protect him. I hated the idea the moment it was born, but I knew it was the only way. “There’s a reason I had to marry Kai and take Tony’s place and not you.”
His eyes narrowed, body stiff as if anticipating the following words out of my mouth. I fought back tears and the emotions burning a hole in my throat and instead gave him the Amalia Montesinos that ate men for breakfast. “There’s a reason why you were lied to and kept in the dark all this time.” He inched back as I advanced on him. “Yesterday, you got lucky because we know you’re not cut out for this life, Giovanni. You’ll never be Tony…or Kai. And you’ll never be like me.”
Pain.
His shoulders deflated, and he crumpled in on himself as tears streamed down his face.
“G-good,” he stuttered, voice shaky. “Because I don’t want to be anything like you. I’m not a monster.”
He rushed for the door, bumping into Kai on his way out. Kai could have overheard everything I’d said to my baby brother, but I knew he wouldn’t judge me for it. He’d understand my reasons without having to ask. This man just had a way of reading my soul and knowing exactly what I needed. He scooped me up, sat at the edge of the bed, and held me in his lap as I cried.