FAE
“Ididn’t think you were going to come,” I whisper, leaning into Fiona’s hug.
She presses a quick kiss to my cheek before pulling back as she looks toward Roman. Guilt twists in my stomach and I force it down again.
I feel on edge.
Sitting through that four-four split nearly broke me.
I had already started preparing myself for it to fall apart and for everything we had set in motion to collapse before it even had a chance to work.
When she walked through that door though, I couldn’t hold it in.
The relief of her arrival hit me hard. Thankfully, when the room saw my shaking hands, they thought it was fear, which ironically worked in our favour.
“I told you I would,” Fiona replies quietly.
I nod faintly, stepping back into place beside her.
From the outside, it looks like a normal greeting.
Nothing more. But beneath it, it’s anything but.
Today was the start of our plan and there’s no stopping it now.
I exhale slowly, as relief washes through me at the thought that we’re nearly finished.
My eyes flick to Roman. He’s watching us and his whole body is rigid with tension. There’s that same unsettled look he’s carried for weeks now. It’s why I’m doing this in the first place. Goose pimples rise over my skin at the thought of how angry he would be with us if he knew.
He can’t know.
If he does, he’ll take it on himself. He’ll carry every part of it because he believes that’s what he’s meant to do.
He’ll control it, commandeer it, and then it will destroy something inside of him that he won’t be able to bring back.
Roman thinks he’s ready for this, but the truth is he isn’t.
I see the reality of what this has done to him when he thinks no one is watching and I refuse to let my life be the reason he breaks for good.
Roman might want to end this cycle we’ve found ourselves in, but that honour is mine and mine alone.
“Did you see Harding?” I whisper, squeezing her arm as she looks over and smiles at me.
“You owe me ￡100,” she raises her eyebrows and I bark out a laugh.
“I feel like you tricked me, Fi,” I roll my eyes and she chuckles.
“Who, me?” She fakes a gasp. “I would do no such thing, young lady.”
“Yeah, yeah. He was always so put together when he was around my dad. How was I to know he would actually have a tantrum?”
“Ah, sweet girl, this is a good life lesson.” She stops and turns to me, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind my ear. “All men who overestimate their power will have a tantrum when they are outmanoeuvred by a stronger female.”
“And you’re the strongest female I know,” I grin at her as we turn back toward the cars.
“No, I’m not,” she smiles back. “You are.”
I roll my eyes.
She’s been saying that a lot recently. I argued it at first, but you don’t win against Fiona, so now I just let her believe it.
The truth is I’m not strong. I’m ignorant.
Not in the world-view sense, but in the way I choose what to see.
I know exactly what we’ve been through. I’ve seen what it’s done to Robyn, how it’s hollowed her out because she feels all of it, all the time.
Me? I take it, shut it away, and carry on. I put it in a box and keep moving.
Like I said…Ignorant.
Maybe that makes me the weakest of them all.
“I can’t believe it worked,” I whisper.
“I can,” Fiona says, squeezing my arm as we reach the car.
I turn slightly and catch sight of Roman still a little way back, so I take the opportunity, shifting closer to Fiona.
“Have you heard from him?” I ask.
“No,” she replies, shaking her head. “Not yet. But the seed has been planted and, as soon as I do, I’ll let you know and we can move in.”
I nod before pulling her into a hug. Her hugs are always so warm and steady. It’s the kind of comfort that makes everything feel quieter. I smile against her shoulder.
“I’m taking Robyn and Felix home,” she murmurs near my ear. “She wants to come with me.”
Robyn goes to Fiona so easily now. She settles with her in a way she doesn’t with anyone else.
Even me. The thought stings more than it should, but I push it down just as fast. This isn’t about me.
It never has been. Robyn needs her. She needs that steadiness and understanding that I can’t always give, and I would never take that away from either of them.
I tighten my hold on Fiona slightly before pulling back, forcing a small smile as I nod.
“Okay,” I say quietly.
Roman appears beside us just as I step back from Fiona. I can always feel his presence before I see him. He’s just so solid in a grounding way that I didn’t realise how much I needed until I had it. His hand finds the small of my back.
“Mum,” he nods, bending to press a kiss to her cheek.
“Roman,” she smiles up at him. “Or should I call you Mr Longstaff now you’re the boss?”
“Ugh,” he says, pulling back with a mock shiver. “I’m too young for that. Didn’t you hear? I’m just a child.” He smirks, and his mum flicks her gaze to me, giving a quick wink.
“Oh, I heard,” she chuckles. “I’ll have to speak to the Prime Minister. Having these twenty-something children running around voting and drinking is a disgrace to the country.”
“Hmm, well I better whisk Fae away now before you revoke my driving licence.”
I shake my head, smiling at them both. I love watching Roman with Fiona.
There’s a freedom in him when he’s with her.
It’s in the way he carries himself and the way he laughs or jokes.
He gets this twinkle in his eye every time she is around.
Roman smiles down at her as he leans in again, pressing another kiss to her cheek before guiding me toward the car.
“Drive safe,” she calls lightly.
“You too,” we answer at the same time, and we both glance at each other. I narrow my eyes, and he mirrors it instantly before a smirk pulls at his mouth. I shake my head as a soft laugh slips out.
A few more quick goodbyes pass between everyone as they begin to split off. Movement picks up around us, but I barely register any of it. My attention stays fixed on him.
“Get in, Tink,” he murmurs, guiding me gently toward the passenger door before opening it.
I slide into the seat and he leans in, reaching across to fasten my seatbelt.
I breathe in the familiar scent of his jasmine and cashmere aftershave as he lingers before pulling back and closing the door.
Roman rounds the car and climbs in beside me, before starting the engine and pulling away from the car park leaving the others behind.
There’s a stillness to him that I don’t expect, and I feel myself relaxing into the seat.
Roman glances at me, something flickers in his eyes before his gaze softens, and he rests his hand on my small bump.
I snigger. He made it over an hour without touching it. That’s almost a record at this point.
“What are you chuckling at?” he fake frowns at me.
“You made it an hour without touching the peanut, I’m impressed!” Roman rolls his eyes before rubbing gentle circles on my stomach.
“Worst hour of my fucking life,” he grumbles and I giggle again as he glances at me. “Are you up for a drive?”
My giggle cuts off as I frown. He’s been wound tight for weeks.
Every decision has been calculated to the point of pain.
We literally had to plan for eight days before I was allowed to go to the hospital for our scan.
Any time I leave the house, I half expect Roman and Felix to have a coronary.
Between the two of them, my route and timing are mapped down to the second.
The thought of something spontaneous, something normal, settles into me and I turn, studying the sharp line of his profile.
“Yes, let’s do it,” I say as a smile breaks across my face and a flicker of excitement pushes through. “Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise,” he says, looking my way just long enough for me to catch the twinkle in his eyes.
I narrow my eyes at him but don’t push it.
Instead, I settle back into my seat as the car moves steadily through the back roads.
I’m surprised when I don’t hear the click of the radio.
He usually has something playing, but I don’t question it, letting myself sink into the quiet instead.
Tipping my head back against the headrest, I close my eyes as the exhaustion of the day catches up with me.
The blogs weren’t lying when they said the first trimester is tiring.
I get a few good hours and then I’m done, running on fumes for the rest of the day.
Still, my thoughts don’t quiet as easily.
They circle back to Fiona, to the plan, to everything we’ve set in motion behind his back.
My stomach tightens as my hand drifts to rest over his where it stays on my belly.
Will he forgive me? I know what this looks like from the outside.
I know how it feels to be shut out, to be the last one to know, and when this is over…
when he finds out…I don’t know if he’ll see it the way I do.
I must drift off because, when I blink my eyes open, the car is already slowing as we turn into a car park. My head lifts and I turn to him with a grin breaking across my face.
“The beach?” I breathe.
He glances at me, and there’s so much love in his eyes I have to swallow the emotion.
“Our beach,” he confirms, and something in the way he says it makes my chest tighten.
I let out a small squeal as he chuckles, his hand rubbing over my stomach one final time before he pulls it away to change gears. The car rolls into the car park as he brings us to a stop and even though I can’t see it yet, I know just beyond that field the sea stretches out ahead of us.
“Wait here,” he says, shooting me a sharp look.
I give him a two-finger salute. “Yes, sir.”
Roman growls low under his breath and I giggle. “We can go home and do other things if you’d prefer.”
“No!” I blurt, a little too quickly, even though I know he’s joking… or at least I hope he is.