Chapter Seven #2
Why did I think today would be different?
I can’t remember the last time any of us talked about her together or even lit a candle for her.
Without her, other than the blood running through our veins, we have nothing in common.
I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit making my peace with it.
“Ah, the prodigal son returns. How did you fuck up this time? Did you pull a gun out on Thayer?”
I clench my hands into fists and turn to face Mathew, who has an infuriating grin on his face. “Not today.”
Mathew moves closer to me. “You know, it’s good that Dad is finally realizing what a fuck up you are. I’ve been trying to tell him for years, so you’re doing me a favor.”
My eyes narrow into slits. “I suggest you shut the fuck up before I rip your tongue out.”
“What’s the matter, did your plaything realize she chose the wrong Payne brother? Don’t worry, I’ll show her what a real man is like.”
I slam him against the nearest wall and bare my teeth. “One of these days, you’re going to push too far.”
Mathew smiles. “It’s not far enough as far as I’m concerned. When the women in your life realize what they’re missing, they’ll come to me. Even your new little friend. I’ve heard Elise Thayer is a wild little thing.”
I grab Mathew by his neck and push my face against his. “Do you know what today is?”
Mathew trails off and raises an eyebrow. “Why the fuck should I care?”
I push myself off him. “Yeah, you’re right. Why should you care that it’s Mom’s birthday?”
Mathew’s expression changes. “Oh.”
I clear my throat. “Exactly. Today of all days, we shouldn’t be fighting.”
“Mom hated it when we fought. Remember that birthday when we were ten, Olivia was eight, and Oliver was five? When we tried to make her a cake?”
I pause. “I remember you almost setting the house on fire.”
Mathew snorts. “You remember wrong. I was putting out the fire. It was your idea not to grease the pan.”
“That’s not how I remember it,” I reply.
“You and I remember a lot of things differently.”
I open my mouth to protest and slam it shut again. Then I exhale. “Yeah, I guess we do.”
I don’t want to argue with Mathew during one of the rare moments when we’re not at each other’s throats.
This entire day feels wrong.
It’s not how we’re supposed to be honoring our mother, but short of dragging everyone into the same room, there’s nothing I can do.
Like every year, everyone will honor her in the way they see fit.
“I did copy you a lot when we were growing up,” Mathew murmurs. “I thought if I did, Mom would like me better.”
I give him an incredulous look. “What are you talking about? Mom loved all of us equally.”
Mathew makes a noncommittal sound in the back of his throat. “You were her favorite, but I was determined to take that away from you.”
I stare at Mathew as I figure out what to say.
It’s one of the few moments I feel he’s being honest.
Mathew retreated into himself after her death. When he finally re-emerged, he wasn’t the same.
For years, I’ve only ever seen him as cold, cruel, and calculating, but I’ve never given myself a chance to wonder why or how he got there.
You’re not the only one who had to change after Mom’s death. He loved her too, remember?
Suddenly, I’m not looking at the brother who’s been waiting on the sidelines to catch me screwing up.
I’m seeing the little brother who used to follow me around the house and stare at me with those big eyes.
“Mathew—”
“Anyway, there’s no point in getting emotional about it. It’s just another day.”
I frown. “You sound like Dad.”
“At least one of us does,” Mathew replies. “Someone has to protect the Payne family legacy. I bet it tears you up knowing it won’t be you. Enjoy it while you can, brother.”
Without waiting for a response, he turns and strides off.
I press two fingers to my temple and rub in slow, circular motions. I’m halfway to the stairs when I see Katia and Carlisle standing in a corner, gesturing wildly. As Katia hears me approach, she turns to face me.
Carlisle says something to her, and she looks away.
In the room, I retrieve a bottle of bourbon from the bottom drawer and pry it open.
When London emerges from the bathroom, I’m swigging straight from the bottle.
She finishes towel-drying her hair and pads over to me, barefoot and smelling like spring blossoms. Wordlessly, she takes my hand in hers and tugs me onto the bed.
I take another long swig of the drink and look away. “Did you find a security team you like?”
London sighs. “There are a few promising ones, but I have to check with my dad.”
I turn to her. “The less contact you have, the better.”
Her insistence frustrates me. “You’re not going to let that go, are you?”
“I won’t.”
I unlace our fingers and run them over my face. “I’ll get some burners. Have you spoken to your mom?”
“I haven’t been able to get a hold of her.”
My mouth tastes like ash when I swallow. “It’s probably just a coincidence.”
I know better than London does how efficient and expedient my enemies can be.
Now that they know how valuable London is, there’s no doubt in my mind that they’re hunting down her family.
If they haven’t found them already.
London reaches for my hand again and waits for me to look at her. “Are you okay?”
I blink. “Why?”
“You were muttering in your sleep last night…something about it being your mom’s birthday?” London inches closer and squeezes my hand. “I don’t know what you guys do to honor her—”
“We don’t do anything.” The words come out harsher than intended. “There’s no room for sentimentality in my world.”
London moves closer and presses a warm hand to my cheek. “Right now, it’s just the two of us. There’s no one else in the room.”
My stomach dips. “She would’ve hated this. What we’ve become.”
London presses her forehead to mine. “I’m sure she knows you’re doing what you have to do. At least you’re keeping Olivia and Oliver safe.”
I release a harsh breath. “Not if my dad has a say in it. He’s trying to force them both to come back, and knowing my dad, it’s going to take a hell of a lot to deter him.”
London climbs onto my lap and links her hands at the nape of my neck. “You’ll figure something out. You always do.”
I lean back to look at her, and my stomach stirs strangely when she lifts her eyes. “You sound surer than I feel.”
London beams at me. “I figure one of us has to be. We can take turns.”
I move her hands to my lips for a kiss. “Sounds reasonable.”
London looks into my eyes, and her expression turns serious. “From what you’ve told me, I can tell your mom was an amazing woman, and I know you want to honor your promises, but I’m sure she knew how hard some of them were going to be. She wouldn’t blame you for not being able to keep your word.”
I don’t say anything.
London’s expression is soft and open. “I don’t know what you’d like to do to honor her, but I can come with you.”
I scooch backward onto the bed, keeping an arm wrapped around her. Then I tuck her into my side and lie down. “This is fine.”
London drapes an arm over my stomach, and I can feel her eyes on me, wide and searching. “Do you want to tell me about her?”
I press a kiss to the side of London’s face. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Anywhere you like.”
Silence stretches between us.
London props herself up on her elbow. “What kind of food did she like?”
“Fried chicken.”
London smiles. “She had good taste.”
“I thought so, too. When we were younger, she used to insist that we have a ten-minute dance party every day before bed.”
London’s smile widens. “That sounds amazing.”
“It was, and every birthday, she’d make us a cake. Each year, she’d try to be more outrageous than the last…”
The words pour out of me in a rush.
Half an hour later, London’s eyes are growing heavy. I wait until her eyes drift shut before I pull the covers up to her chin. Then, I kiss her forehead and sneak out of the room.
Katia is waiting for me outside the study.
She follows me inside and shuts the door behind her. “We’re no closer to finding out who orchestrated the car crash.”
I stare daggers at her. “That’s disappointing. Maybe I should look into finding a new assassin.”
Katia stiffens. “I know I showed a lapse in judgment, but I figured she’d be safer if I were with her.”
“You almost got her killed.”
A muscle works in Katia’s jaw. “I know.”
“Find out who was behind the attack. I want them bound, gagged, and in front of me.”
Katia presses her lips together and nods.
I step behind my desk and wave her away. “I have work to do. Next time, you’d better have good news for me.”